writingstuffs

[taintedsoulstuffs]

[taintedsoulstuffs]

[taintedsoulstuffs]

[taintedsoulstuffs]

Even in the deep sea of sadness, I'm somewhat afloat

Alone but warm atleast

Even inside the darkest caves, I'm breathing

Hope, the light to my darkness

Though not moving forward,

I'm still

Even though it's raining, I know the sun is there somewhere

Waiting for the clouds to move

And though there aren't rainbows

The dusky skies are serene still

And even though I'm in agony

I'm somewhat smiling still

[undisputedkingshit]

Because you were right.

It’s always weird to answer someone when they ask you how you’re feeling.

Especially after a heartbreak.

Because you want to say that you’re feeling good.

That you’re no longer hurting.

But at the same time, you’re still picking up the pieces.

And those pieces?

They feel like glass.

And when you drop glass;

it shatters.

You can look anywhere,

and everywhere

and eventually, you think you’ve found all the pieces.

But then one day, all of a sudden,

the bottom of your foot starts to bleed.

And the next thing you know,

you’re pulling out a piece that you missed.

And it hurts.

It really fucking hurts.

And that pain will continue.

Not every day. Or every month.

Not even every year.

But once and a while, you’ll step on another piece.

And another.

And another.

And then eventually,

you go numb.

And I guess that’s the scary thing about a broken heart.

The numbness.

The inability to no longer feel the pain that once haunted you for so long.

So when you told me you were gonna love me forever,

and then you left,

You dropped me.

Just like that glass.

Shattered me.

But I should’ve known.

Because you told me you were a great liar.

And I should’ve believed you.

Because you were right.

[taintedsoulstuffs]

The irony of pain is you want to be comforted by the person who hurt you

[taintedsoulstuffs]

I think my smile is fading

Please, come back...

[11m5t-deactivated20210111]

[taintedsoulstuffs]

I am still

Even in the deep sea of sadness, I'm somewhat afloat

Alone but warm atleast

Though it's a dark cave, I'm breathing

Hope, the light to my darkness

Though I'm not moving forward,

I'm still

Even though it's raining, I know the sun is there somewhere

Waiting for the clouds to move

And though there aren't rainbows

The dusky skies are serene

And even though I'm in agony

I'm somewhat smiling still.

[apoemaday]

The Woman Who Could Not Live with Her Faulty Heart

by Margaret Atwood

I do not mean the symbol of love, a candy shape to decorate cakes with, the heart that is supposed to belong or break; I mean this lump of muscle that contracts like a flayed biceps, purple-blue, with its skin of suet, its skin of gristle, this isolate, this caved hermit, unshelled turtle, this one lungful of blood, no happy plateful. All hearts float in their own deep oceans of no light, wetblack and glimmering, their four mouths gulping like fish. Hearts are said to pound: this is to be expected, the heart’s regular struggle against being drowned. But most hearts say, I want, I want, I want, I want.  My heart is more duplicitous, though no twin as I once thought. It says, I want, I don’t want, I want, and then a pause. It forces me to listen, and at night it is the infra-red third eye that remains open while the other two are sleeping but refuses to say what it has seen. It is a constant pestering in my ears, a caught moth, limping drum, a child’s fist beating itself against the bedsprings: I want, I don’t want. How can one live with such a heart? Long ago I gave up singing to it, it will never be satisfied or lulled. One night I will say to it: Heart, be still, and it will.

[taintedsoulstuffs]

Without you, my light burns a little low

I just wanted to let you know

I am lone in this lifeboat,

Drained and can't row

Just a little matchstick in this heap of snow

Just a firefly without the glow

Just a lifeless candle ready to blow.

[taintedsoulstuffs]

We are not together anymore

But you know I still love you right?

And you probably feel the same too

Well love's not adhesive enough is it?

Time's not on our side of the court I guess

Or is it me who you're running from?

I felt like you were that missing piece in my masterpiece that I didn't even have to search for

I guess I was in luck

I think it was my day

But everyday is not Sunday is it?

I sense this comfortable vibe when I'm around u

And u seem to be shy but u open up around me too

Your smile widens up clearing the fog that's been on my mind

I can see clearly through the eyes of my heart

Cheesy isn't it? But u have no clue how hard I fall for that beautiful smile of yours

And how I've been missing that piece again

Knowing you're smiling

But I'm not the reason behind it

Had I not glued it strong enough

Had I not pour every little drop of fevicol I could afford

Just to tape that one piece

But,

Now it's gone

And the dried up glue skins to the incomplete puzzle

Reminding me everytime

About my incompetence

But u say it's not me

But how can I be so assured

What if you move on

I'd still be stuck with the dried remains on my hand

Looking at my incomplete masterpiece not knowing what to do

You say i deserve better

But you are the best

Shouldn't I deserve that?

You look happy

I pretend to be

Well sometimes I am

But this thought of you

Crosses my mind and then I m stuck

Like the second hand of the old mounted clock

And then I can't think further

My whole body recalls u

Our moments together

Your hugs and kisses

I try to clear it out of my mind

The clock makes a 180 degree

Signalling your arms

That once wrapped me to home

I m broken ofc

I sometimes feel like crying

Sometimes i don't feel anything

I don't know which ones better

Being able to feel and then crying over it

Or just being numb

Im numb most of the time

I don't feel like talking to anyone

Im smiling and laughing

But it doesn't penetrate me

Im scared sometimes

That i m so broken

That no one can fix it

No superglue will be able to hold on to the pieces of my heart

And I guess I don't want it to

Guess my heart's just waiting for you to kiss me in all those places

Where im broken

But should I wait

I don't want you to get hurt but

Would u come walking towards me

And tell me how your day has been

I don't even need those kisses

I just need u to smile at me

With the same love you left with

And hold my cold dry hand

And make it warm

So that your loves penetrates

Completing my masterpiece

And maybe a kiss

Wouldn't hurt I guess

[taintedsoulstuffs]

The room's dim, darkness on it's way

Downpour of dreams, the nights at bay

Sipping in whisky, here I sink

Afloat on flashbacks

Blinking, trying to think

Why does the moon break my heart?

I am in dismay

Am I not good of a person

My minds a cache

I am scared

to fall and never get up

Blown away like those paper cups,

Blown away by you

Standing but my knees are weak

My body is drenched

With every step, I creak

I am in drought

Drowning in my own fate

Then again I see around and wonder

Is it too late?

One more night, I count

The days just passes by

With the empty glass in my hand

One more day, I try

[taintedsoulstuffs]

Losing hope in those colorless mornings

City sound shrilling in baking up my tinkerbell

Different than what I am used to

Your voice

I felt at home when you talked

About the simple things

Whispers and screams

It was always the little things

Falling right under you

Just like a goodnight sleep

You felt like home

Now in this brushed up town

Nearing it's darkest dawn

I am homesick.

[taintedsoulstuffs]

Ahh such a beauty, this cane field

Moments of sundown, lushy green

Painting a soothing picture

oh but the beauty was concealed.

Near the sugary field, a bitter horror hissed

Her heart was a two ton brick in her fist

Rested upon a serene natural view

just a ground away from where she may have grew

It was the exact spot on the ground where he wanted her to be

pinned down strangled enough to see

Sinless age of 13

but those 20 minutes must have felt like an eternity,

clinging to her sanity.

The cruel eyes of the man must have smiled

a little pure angel defiled

sucking on the bones of her rotting body

Not even a shred of humanity

A monster of wilderness and insanity.

Her soul ripped up and thrown away

into the puddles with the drop of his pants

her screams sewed up with threads of his horror acts

Bodies pressed up, two lungs

pressed against the cage

that seconds ago kept her soul contained

her soul dripping in mud

her body weeping in blood.

the ground, weary and burned

dew on the grass dropped from her eyes

Her body melting into the cold land

the puddles witnessing her calling cries.

She was just a child, what was her mistake?

Was it the pink ribbon or her denim dungaree

Skinned knees, was is that alluring?

the calm innocent eyes that he went on to ruin

Another perfect angel

stripped of its wings

The cold land lies still

Covered in the cries and wrath

Unable to move she counts her seconds

Before she runs out of the blood now impure

Her fate rewritten by a demonic beast

Her life nearing its end

She uses her last molecule of energy to blink

And look up to the clouds and summon

To the angels to end her misery.

[taintedsoulstuffs]

It takes seconds for things to change

For life to form and lives to end

A moment to pass, bonds to break

But

It takes an eternity for galaxies to form

For a tree to grow and for emotions to drown

For cracks in your wall to heal,

We all want to change, love for real

Misery to end and hearts to mend

But

we think too much

Never ending battle between our heart and mind

You know the sun doesn't want to leave the earth

But the earth's round

And it can't warm us all

At once

[taintedsoulstuffs]

To my only one...

You're so serene

So beautiful

The lines that your eyes sketch when you laugh

The way your skin glows when you smile

like the Moon's an inch away

But there's no moon nor is there a sun

It's that lucid soul of yours

I bet your heart's full of candles

Lighting kindness, beauty and love

I bet when God created you, he looked at the angels and grinned

And said "God damn I am good"

Some people have gorgeous face,

A radiant smile that can light even the darkest caves

and eyes so deep

It can unravel meanings, meanings which one can't find inside any dictionary

Eyes so deep

It can hide emotions while revealing it at the same time

And some have the kindest heart

pumping faith and love into the world

Giving hope to the ones in need

Their soul so pure

Even the fiercest demon turn divine

And

then there's you.