Why it is so hard? So hard to let go. You see, turning the page can take courage and determination. It is never easy. I been trying to let you go for long time now. But even thought, I have seen every act to show me that me leaving is the right decision, I stay still waiting for one that tells me to stay. But yesterday, I noticed. You not only said thank you, you acknowledge her because you wanted the world to see how special she is with you. Her presence is all around the house. There is not a room that you can walk in without something of hers being there. You said she is the one that has to understand that you guys are only friends, but I think it is the other way around. It is you who has to understand that. I am giving you everything I have, and even though this is what you want, you don't want it with me, you want it with her. So, the million question is; why am I here? I am not been negative, believe me. It is just that the truth just hit me. You say you like me, that you are attracted to me, that you are happy, that your life has purpose now; but I believe everything is a lie. You only are saying this because you are afraid of the truth, you want to look strong but you are crumbling inside. The problem is, that you are taking me with you. When you ask me if I am happy, I always say yes. I know happiness is moments, seconds or minutes of the day. And I kind of do. But, at the same time I am not. I am not happy at all, I am not even content with this situation. I am sad all the time, I don't sleep at night, I am miserable next to you. You are the reason I cry all the time, because of you and your actions I haven't enjoy which what it is supposed to be the most beautiful time of my life. I been trying to enjoy it, but you make it difficult. I hate myself because I can't ignore you and just let you go. I want to be happy, but you are on my way. Now I have to make a decision. And I don't know what to say. Everyone that knows about it, tells me to stay put. But then, deep inside something whispers; go for it. So, what do I do? Do I do it, or I don't? I have only couple days to decided if I move in with you. And so far the answer is no. I honestly just want to pick my stuff from your place and turn the page. I am tired. I won't fight for attention, I won't force myself to you. I know the way I act will seems like I need you. But I don't. You may act the same way with her. After all I have seen the pictures, your smile when she is around, everything. Why should I put myself through it. I guess everyone is right; moving in with you will be my death sentence. You see I had a relationship, so I know what I want and what I don't want. And what I want is someone I can talk to without feeling judge, someone who I know I can depend on, someone that it is there when I raise my red flag, someone who laughs with me, who is my best friend, who can't wait to show me the world and show me to the world. I want the romantic details, the unexpected actions of love and care. I want it all, because I am willing to give it all. But, I even thought I saw my future in seconds next to you; at the end of the day you may not be the one. So, what should I do? My clock is about to run out of time. Tell me, what can I do?
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