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@talesfromtheenchantedforest
Finally getting around to reading the vulgate (second attempt) and uh. I see where Lancelot gets it from.
damn elaine of benoic really has it rough. like, Ban's body is not even cold when the Lady scoops up Lancelot and kidnaps him via perfectly-executed olympic dive into the lake
Magnum Opus.
Gay bribery
Context: Taj and his friend 'Aziz are trying to get a booth at the market so they can be silk merchants, so they can acquire hot goss related to the princess that Taj wants to marry, on the advice of Taj's father's vizier.
So they go and talk to the superintendent of the market, saying,
"I have now arrived at this town of yours, and as I have chosen to stay here, I want you to provide me with a fine booth in a good situation where I can set them down to trade and to inspect the city, while adapting themselves to the manners of its people, and learning how to buy and sell, give and take." "There is no problem with that," said the superintendent, as he had been glad to see the two young men, for whom he felt a surge of love, he being someone who was passionately fond of murderous glances and who preferred the love of boys to that of girls, inclining to the sour rather than the sweet. To himself, he said: "This is a fine catch — praise be to Him who created and fashioned them from vile sperm!"
So he gives them a booth, and follows them to the bathhouse, and they invite him to come with them:
[Taj] and 'Aziz then bent over the man's hand and kissed it, after which they walked in front of him to the booth as a token of respect and reverence, since he was the leader of the merchants and the superintendent of the market, and he had already done them a favor by giving them the booth. When he saw their buttocks swaying, his passion increased; he snorted his excitement and was unable to restrain himself, but staring fixedly at them, he recited these lines: The heart studies the chapter devoted to him, Reading nothing that covers partnership with others. It is not surprising that weight causes him to sway; How many movements are there in the revolving sphere? He also recited: My eye saw the two of them walking on the earth, And I wished they had been walking on my eye. When they heard what he said, they insisted that he go a second time with them to the baths. Scarcely able to believe this, he hurried back and they went in with him.
— Tales of 1,001 Nights, Nights 131-132, trans. Malcolm C Lyons
And so they all bathe each other and recite sexy poetry, and there's no actual sex but I'm pretty sure everyone got at least 90% of what they wanted.
Further iconic behavior from our queer-coded villain Dhat al-Dawahi:
When the damned woman had finished with the calamity that she had brought about and the shameful acts for which she was responsible, she took an inkstand together with paper and wrote: "From Dhat al-Dawahi of the evil eye to the Muslims: know that I entered your lands, using my dishonor to deceive your honor. First I killed your king, 'Umar ibm al-Nu'man, in his own palace. Then, in the battle of the ravine and the cave, I killed many men, while the last of my victims were Sharkan, together with all his servants. If Time aids me and the devil obeys me, I shall certainly kill your king together with the vizier Dandan. It was I who came to you disguised as an ascetic, when I worked my tricks and my wiles on you. If you want to be safe now, leave at once, but if you want to bring destruction on yourselves, stay here, and even if you stay for years, you will get nothing from us that you want. Farewell."
— Tales of 1,001 Nights, trans. Malcolm C. Lyons, Night 105
"That is not a good plan"
The infidels had thought that no one could free Dau' al-Makan, his brother and their companions, and that it was impossible for them to escape. When they all had managed to do this and were at a safe distance from the enemy, Sharkan rejoined his men and found them waiting for him in a fever of anxiety and full of concern. He turned to them and said: "Have no fear, for God has sheltered us. I have a plan which may work." When they asked what it was, he said: "I want you to climb to the mountain top and then every one of you is to shout out all together: "Allahu akbar!" Then call out: "The armies of Islam have come!" This will make the infidels disperse; they will not be able to think what to do on the spur of the moment, as they are drunk and will imagine that the Muslim army have surrounded them on all sides and have got in among them. As a result, they will start fighting one another, bemused by drink and sleep, and we can cut them down and put them to the sword until morning." "That is not a good plan," said Dau' al-Makan. "What we should do is go off to our own army without saying a word, for if we cry "Allahu akbar!", this will alert the infidels. They will catch up with us and none of us will escape."
— Tales of 1,001 Nights, Night 99, trans. Malcolm C Lyons
Sorry I don't normally dm but hello??that post?? With Lancelot reading his name off his own grave? That's so badass and if you have a link or a text title that'd be sick I need to read so bad please and thank you. It's like three years old you might not remember but I just found it (Gothest in Logres) and like I've been in Arthuriana as a casual but prose merlin has put me in like a full on spin and I think I'm doing chaucer next semester so it would be super cool to do some reading around before too
Hi! This is from the Lancelot-Grail, also known as the Arthurian Vulgate, which is chock full of insane Lancelot anecdotes. There's only one translation in English that I'm aware of, a huge project with many translators edited by Norris Lacy. This bit specifically is from Lancelot Part I, where his initial coming-of-age adventures do indeed involve learning his own name off of his gravestone. I hope the Chaucer turns out to be fun!
Wait. Did the siege perilous stick around after Galahad's death and the fall of the round table? Did constantine just inherit a bunch of furniture that was completely unusable because the only person who could sit there without burning up in holy flames had been raptured? Did he have a yard sale?
For sale: evil chair, gently used.
Some cross-cultural misunderstandings that made me laugh out loud:
As for Afridun, the emperor of Constantinople, along with the king of Rum and his mother, Dhat al-Dawahi, they collected the army commanders and said: "We would have achieved our goal and satisfied our desires, but we failed because we were relying on our greater numbers." Dhat al-Dawahi said: "The only thing that will be of use to you is to seek favour from the Messiah and to hold fast to the true faith. By the truth of the Messiah, the one thing that strengthened the Muslim army today was that devil, Sultan Sharkan." The emperor then said: "Tomorrow, I intend to draw up the army and then send out against the Muslims the famous knight Luqa ibn Shamlut. If he meets Sharkan in single combat, he will kill him and he will then kill the other Muslim champions until not one of them is left. I intend tonight to consecrate you with the finest incense of all." When his men heard this, they kissed the ground, for by the incense he meant the excrement of the Patriarch, the denier and rejecter of the truth. The Christians used to compete with each other for this because of the value they placed on its foulness, and the great Rumi priests would send it through their empire wrapped in pieces of silk and mixed with musk and ambergris. When kings heart of it, they would buy a dirham's weight of it for a thousand dinars and they would send to ask for it to use as incense at weddings, while other priests would mix it with their own excrement, as that of the Patriarch was not enough for ten provinces. The principal kings would mix a little of it with the kohl they used as eye ointment, and they employed this in their treatment of the sick and those suffering from stomach pains.
— Tales of 1,001 Nights, Night 89, trans. Malcolm C. Lyons
Queer-coded villains of the Abbasid era
This damned woman [Dhat al-Dawahi] was a sorceress, skilled in magic and in lies, unchaste, wily, debauched and treacherous, with foul breath, red eyelids, sallow cheeks in a dark face, bleary eyes, and a body covered with scabs. Her hair was grey; she was hunchbacked; her complexion was pallid and her nose streamed with mucus. She had, however, read Islamic texts and travelled to the Haram of Mecca — all this in order to study religions and to become acquainted with the verses of the Quran. For two years she had claimed to follow Judaism in Jerusalem in order to posses herself of all the wiles of men and jinn. She was a disaster and an affliction, with no sound faith and no adherence to any religion. It was because of his virgin slave girls that she spent most of the time with her son Hardub, king of Rum, for she was a passionate lesbian, and if deprived of her pleasure for long, she would wilt away. If any slave girl pleased her, she would teach her this art, crush saffron over her, and fall into a lengthy faint on top of her as a result of the pleasure she received. Those who obeyed her she treated treated well and commended to her son, but she schemed to destroy any who did not.
— Tales of 1,001 Nights, Night 93, trans. Malcom C. Lyons
I say "coded" like she isn't having gay sex right there on the page
some of my favorite animal miniatures from nypl spencer coll. pers. ms. 49, a 16th century copy of zakariya al-qazwini's 13th century the wonders of creatures and the marvels of creation.
1300-1400 clothing of Lower Empire
The Byzantine Empire, that is.
Oh FUCK
My eyes have just fallen out of my head because of this gorgeous fabric.
Because one can never get enough visuals of medieval clothing …
You can really hear the Main Character Theme swelling in the background:
Suddenly, a fine rider cut a path through the infidels and circled around, cutting and thrusting. He filled the ground with heads and bodies; the infidels shrank from encountering him and their necks reeled from under his thrusts and blows. He had two swords, his sabre and his lances, and carried two lances, his spear and his erect frame, while his long hair served him in place of numbers of men; as the poet has said: Long hair is of no use when is streams out On both sides of the head on the day of battle, Belonging to a young hero with a straight lance, That drinks the blood of the moustachioed enemy
— 1001 Nights, Night 92, trans. Malcolm C. Lyons
Born to be the cool wine aunt, forced to be the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork
Le Morte d'Arthur is an incredibly long book with the FASTEST PACE IMAGINABLE. I really thought we'd be taking our time here, but here's a real excerpt.
For she was a passing fair lady, therefore the King cast great love unto her, and desired to lie by her; so they were agreed, and he beget upon her Mordred, and she was his sister, on his mother's side, Igraine.
Then we just MOVE ON. And this was on PAGE THIRTY-FIVE. Sir Thomas SLOW DOWN. We have 900 pages to go.
must feel good as fuck to curse a prince for being rude to you while you were larping as an old woman for no reason
Ammoknight
