“Hey go steal some flowers” “okay”
“Did you just sing ‘fuck all of you’ in a really happy tone?” “Yeah” “wonderful you will be my second in command when I take over the world”
“FIFTEEN DOGS ONLY” “FUCK YOU”
*biting the head off a gingerbread man* “Hey, look, it’s Marie-Antoinette”
*seeing two decapitated polar bear cookies* “oh look, I found her family”
“COSETTE” “what?” “You’re doing amazing sweetie”
*hiding in the corner eating cake*
“Wow I love your name” “thanks it’s French”
*trying to get a cake out of the case* “how the fuck did they get it in there?!”
*bringing out the giant ass knife we have* “time to die, bitches” “finally” “NO”
“What’s that?” “Bleach” “the forbidden drink” “it’s only forbidden if you’re a coward” *from across the room*: “DO NOT”
“Can I get a pina colada but like with rat poison” “idk maybe”
“You can’t say that, I’m a minor!”
“Bosses Cookies, Do Not Touch (by Fall Out Boy)” “ah, so you’ve chosen the quick death” “duh”
“don’t try me, bitch” *pulls out a switchblade* “begone, thot”
“Eh, if she’s got big tits it’s fine” “THERESA!”
“Hey can I go steal some shit?” “I don’t care”
“Wait is this actually stealing?” “No, store employees can take food for breaks”
“Is that Santa?” “It’s an ornament!” “How did you get Santa?”
“Can I get this written in red?” *looks at the inch of red frosting left* “sure”
“Oh I know this one, his name is Dave” “....it’s a cake...?” “Yeah, I know, but I watched it get made, so I get naming rights because Brooke didn’t do it fast enough”
*cookie breaks* “...eh, nobody saw it” *pakages it anyways*
“I have the best ass!” “No I do!” “Okay yeah, but consider...Cosette’s ass” *cue them staring at my ass while I’m writing on a cake* “wait can we do that, she’s like 16”
“I’m baby, you can’t make me”
“YOU’RE THE YOUNGEST ONE HERE!” “YEAH WELL AT LEAST I HAVE BOOBS” *offended silence*
*Jake talking about gigabytes, megabytes, terabytes, etc* “okay, say that again, but list them in order of largest to smallest”
“Whenever you talk to me, act like I’m three and I understand nothing that comes out of your mouth”
“I bought a soda to keep me awake” “did it work” “no”
“I’m tired” “hi tired, I’m Amanda” *loud thud followed by an “ow” from Amanda* “Brittany no murdering. At least not with witnesses around”
“Go get a body bag” “you know, that really makes us sound like serial killers”
“Does it have any writing?” “It should have something with 69 on it” *cue unrestrained giggling from me while inside the cooler for like 20 seconds*
*writing “If any of you remove this from my locker, I will liquidize your elbows”* “you scare me” “good”
“Gasp, you got sprite in a water only cup?” “Yeah” “what’re they gonna do, check it?”
“Are we supposed to be doing this” “no but I don’t care”
“I hope you know, if any of this is illegal, I’m throwing all of you under the bus”
“I hate you” “...what..?” “No wait sweetie I’m sorry please”
“How many girls have you dated?” “Zero because nobody loves me” *cue me getting yelled at by Amanda for a full 20 minutes*
“Damn, I was about to ask for some of that cookie dough” *gives me a single chocolate chip that fell out, which I eat* “what? I’m not going to waste it! Plus, there’s the bonus of me getting salmonella and dying” *jake hitting himself on the forehead with a clipboard while I laugh*
*my boss sighing heavily with disappointment*
*driving away* “FUCK YOU ALICE”
