⚠️ TW! This moon contains: depressive thoughts , panic attacks, trauma mention.
The Cold leafbare air cut through the camp, winding around the sharp barricades they had created, over the trench, and straight into the unfinished leader den. Rainbowber-..Rainbowstar knew he would have to curl into a different position to be less cold. But his paws refused to move, and his mind seemed to be a slow trickle river. No need for anything anymore.
The camp had taken a few days to properly organize, what goes where. Wigglestrike had found that something, or someone had blocked the dried river going into camp before they arrived. As a precaution if the water ever returned. Rainbowstar had, rather morbidly, placed the leader den right at the head of the river as it went under the bridge, so if it ever did return he.. would die first.
The ceremonies were the hardest for him. He didn’t know what to say, how to say it. The clan had barely believed he was now their leader until Cloudtuft had shown the leader mark- on the back of the medicine cats head. Almost burned in, like an omen. Rainbow had stumbled through the new medicine cat ceremony, and the funeral for the cats they had lost.
He could see it on the clans faces. They didn’t know what to do any more than him. Heck, maybe they hated him, saw him as inadequate. Rainbowstar scratched his claws across the dirt, eyes red from crying his heart out as he blinked away oncoming weeps. He couldn’t do this, he didn’t want to do this, he didn’t-
The spiral stopped. Slowly, the orange and white cat lifted his head and looked back over his shoulder. Cloudtuft, his new deputy stared down at him. Her fur seemed cleaned, but her paws still carried the work of the day. He didn’t answer, simply stared at his old friend. “The..the clan wants to make Orchidpaw a warrior now.” She murmured. That got his attention. He rose to his paws.
“Orchid? No no he’s- he’s still only 10 moons right?” Rainbow stammered, his confidence was extremely low for a leader, which almost made him cackle. Here he was, squeaking like a kit to his own deputy and elder. Pathetic.
“Yes. He is. I don’t like the idea that much but..” She sighed, and padded closer, gazing over his form with slight concern. Scrawny and unkept. “..have you left this den today, or yesterday for that matter?” The tom Averted his gaze, and simply switched the conversation back. “He’s too young, Riverstar would wait until they were 12 moons or, at least fully trained.. What has his mentor said?”
A sigh. “Nightrose said he is ready, and you know how hard she is on any trainee…I think it’s also because of..how his apprenticeship started. He had to fight tooth and nail at all times, his family died and yet he persevered.” Cloudtuft spoke, voice saddened but also amazed. “he’s become a fine warrior-“
Rainbowstar cut her off, voice bitter. “If trauma makes a great warrior, maybe nobody should be a warrior.” His claws dug into the dirt, looking away. A soft form leaned against him, and he looked to Cloudtuft. She didn’t seem to be looking at him, hiding her face purposefully. “…you’re right. That’s a terrible thing for a kit, for Anyone to go through. All the apprentices had to grow up too fast.”
The wind blew, a haunting whistle through the coldness of the camp. A soft sigh, rainbow rose to his paws. “Gather the clan please I’ll..I’ll do the ceremony.” He started past Cloudtuft, but was halted by a paw. “..you have to train your apprentice rainbow.” Ah. Of course it wasn’t just about a warrior ceremony. He grimaced, face falling a bit.
Despite everything, sootkit was made his apprentice a moon ago. He protested, oh he protested. But no matter what he said, having the leader as a mentor was a great honor and he “shouldn’t take that from soot”. The only issue? Rainbow used to be a medicine cat. He barley knew anything about fighting, a little on borders and hunting but that was it. “..can’t you mentor him?” His voice came out weak again.
“…I’ll help with the usual fight training. But please, try and just spend time with him? He looks up to you.” Cloudtuft purred, cleaning the top of his head. Rainbowstar couldn’t help but be calm, she had been a warrior when he was a kit, always seeing her as a motherly figure. It seemed she always had the right thing to say, the right plan of action. Made him wonder why Starclan didn’t choose her instead.
“..I’ll try.” He finally sighed. With that, he stood up and speed walked out of his den, climbing ontop of the rocks. Cloudtuft followed and yowled, most of the camp skittering from their dens. Orchidpaw shuffled to the front of the crowd, almost expectantly. Rainbowstar sat up straight, trembling in every limb. He could do this! He’d listened to ceremonies a lot! Right?
“….” A heartbeat.. And another. You could hear a whisker drop from the silence. Finally, his tongue unstuck from the back of his mouth, words tumbling out like a landslide. “I-I name you orchidcurl for your perseverance. May star- starclan look down upon you in honor of your training.” And with that, he stumbled down the rock, and pressed his nose into the apprentices a tad too hard. Orchid flinched, but grinned wide, eyes open with excitement.
“ORCHIDCURL!” Nightrose cheered, her usual grave expression breaking for a smile. “ORCHIDCURL, WOO!” PuffPurr echoed, and more cheers joined in. Even little Stormkit, who was simply doing it for the fun of it. Orchidcurl bounded away, being followed by Wigglestrike who mewed about his vigil. Rainbowstar sighed, giving a weak look to Cloudtuft. She gave a weak smile, a shoo gesture.
“Sootpaw. C'mon we’re..going out.” The apprentice looked up, distracted from pawing at the melting snow. He nodded quietly, trotting after the leader. Rainbowstar walked through the tunnel, unblocking it and letting the smaller cat walk through. “C-CLOSE!” He yelled, shuffling after sootpaw. One of the warriors shuffled into the tunnel, rolling the large gray twoleg object back into place, closing them from the camp.
The two traveled, walking to the right and to the large bridge. He looked up at it, and then to Sootpaw. “Can you climb?” The black and gray cat nodded, scrambling up the rock clumsily, sliding down a bit. Rainbow sighed, nudging their back legs up with his head as he climbed. Eventually his claws hit the top, and he threw himself over onto the wooden and metal rails.
Sootpaw stared, nervously stepping onto wood. The wind whistled ahead, flowing through the short grass. With a beckon of his tail, Rainbowstar placed his paw near the metal part. “Don’t touch this, it won’t kill you but it stings. Make sure to walk on the rocks or wood if you’re up here.” His apprentice simply nodded, putting his front paws on the wall to look over.
At this height, they could see well behind the camp. Even to the barricade of rocks near the river, broken twoleg trash, and new growth peaking from the cold soil. Rainbowstar stared down at the height, claws digging into the rock. Something in his head screamed at him to do..anything. It made his stomach sick, like the world was tilting. If he fell from this would-
The leader's head jerked up, the cloud of misery over his vision disappearing as he looked to his apprentice in awe. It was the first time he had spoken to anyone in a moon. Sootpaw fidgeted, looking back down the tracks. “How..how do we know that the..the thing is not gonna come and gallop over us? It’s safe?”
The tom sighed, and sat down next to the small apprentice, gazing down the tracks with him. “You’ll feel it before you see or hear it. First, it’ll be like a rumble under your paws, the first warning.” He recounted, remembering the knowledge he gained from a friendly loner on the way here.
“Then, it will sound like a shrill bird's cry. That's the second warning to get off quickly. And finally, you’ll see it. It’s bigger and longer than any monster, we call it the Golliath.” Sootpaw seemed worried, little ears pinned back. Rainbowstar leaned against them, soothing them with his warmth. “Don’t worry. It only gallops once a moon past here. And it only does it every half moon. Whenever that happens, we make sure everyone’s not on it.”
A flick of his limb, sootpaw batted at the rails. A soft squeak as he jerked his paw away, shocked by it. RainbowStar couldn’t stifle a snicker at the sight, making the apprentice surprisingly laugh too. He smiled, bounding down the tracks. Rainbowstar trotted after him, calling. “We can walk for a little, but not all the way down. Don’t want to get lost.”
For once, it didn’t feel so cold.
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Cloudtuft sat next to the medicine den, claws idly tugging at the grass. Around her, some warriors went to and fro, moving rocks and shrubs. Wigglestrike stayed near the nursery, making extra sure nothing was too sharp or too “delicious looking” for a kit. PuffPurr returned, bounding through the tunnel with some prey that he nudged to some hungry apprentices. But Cloud? Cloudtuft was..stuck.
She didn’t have a problem being deputy, she was glad Rainbowstar trusted her enough for that. She didn’t have a problem being someone everyone looked up to. What she did have was..why she was in the first place. Why everyone was here, and not near the river teaching new kits to swim, or educating apprentices on how to hunt trout, or even recalling stories from elders about beautiful twoleg objects found near the shore.
The sky was clear, only a few snowflakes fluttering down and dotting the landscape. One fell onto cloudtufts pelt. She shook herself off, and stared up at the sky. Why had starclan allowed this? Allowed the flood, allowed the fighting, allowed the sickness! And especially allowed rainbow to become leader. She still remembered holding the tom mumbling words of comfort as he yowled in sobs, trying to claw the leadermark in his head out.
Everyone was miserable. Surviving, but not living.
A flicker of brown caught her attention. She looked over, seeing Warmdust trotting out with some moss. A grin on her muzzle as she saw the deputy. “Hullo’ Cloudtuft! Mind helping me fix up this moss? I wanted to make patient nests..” The gray molly nodded, and they shuffled to the side of the den, where a pile of more moss laid.
Claws working together, interlocking it into the stick frames. Warmdust was ever so kind but also so isolated. She had very few friends, much less family members. The only reason anyone knew her, was because her late mother was the old medicine cat, and her being born was seen as a “taboo” by the other clans. Despite this, she had grown into a kind warrior. But with Rainbowstar removed from his position as medicine cat, Warmdust had stepped up with her mother’s knowledge of herbs to heal the clan.
Cloudtuft tugged at the sticks, muzzle creased in concentration. If she pulls too hard, they may snap and splinter into the soft moss, rendering the nest forfeit. Warmdust smiled softly, albeit anxiously. “So how have you been? Settled in nice?” Cloudtuft looked at their words. She had to lie, and couldn't bring up her anxiety now when she’s trying to help. This is work, not therapy time. “I’m alright. Den’s fine.” Cloudtuft mumbled curtly, moss sticking to her claws.
A thought hit her about what she had been brainstorming earlier. Her head tilted up. “Warmdust, you’ve always had a connection to Starclan right?” The brown molly nodded, weaving the moss effortlessly into the seams of the sticks, already a nest was forming. “Yes, why do you ask?” She chirped, voice meek.
Cloudtuft kept her voice low, not wishing to draw attention. “I..wanted to know. Did starclan say anything, anything about this. The disease, the flood, about our lost kin-“ Her tone started hushed, but slowly grew nervous and frantic. Warmdust shrugged a little, grabbing another stick. “Not exactly…no omens have come. Maybe we just need to wait?” That answer didn’t satisfy the deputy, her hold on the sticks tightening.
“But- you understand them right? Why would they allow this to happen? The- that kittypet must have been sent by them to help right? Why would they let them drown, much LESS send that storm! It almost killed more cats than the sickness!” Cloudtuft stammered, ears pinned. The medicine cat next to her let her jaw fall open to respond, but cloud continued, voice increasing in volume.
“Why would they allow that second disease- to take our leader and deputy like that- to leave us without a home! To do that to Rainbowberry!” Claws dug into sticks as visions of the burned corpse in that pit flashed in her mind. The images of her drowned or sick clanmates, madly calling to her from the water to come in, to sink, to see the beauty of the cold, cold depths. The kits dragged by their parents, mates maimed by their loved ones, the young and old vomiting water- it was too much.
“DOES STARCLAN NOT LOVE US ANYMORE?!” Cloudtuft wailed, eyes brimming with tears as she stood, fur puffed up. A crack sounded out as she broke some of the sticks. A few eyes were turning to the medicine den, which Warmdust shot nervous glares back at them, then back to Cloudtuft who was breathing heavily between tears. She stood, and leaned her pelt against the trembling deputy.
“Cloud..I know they do. Despite..despite what the elders say, Starclan can’t control everything.” The brown Molly mumbled, tongue rasping over Cloudtuft’s fur to smooth it down. The deputy sat slowly, tears dribbling down her face. “If Starclan truly wanted us gone, they would have ensured none of us were here to tell the tale.”
A sigh, she brushed away the broken pieces of sticks from the moss. Cloudtuft looked apologetic. Warmdust continued, voice soft. “I know you’re scared. I am too. But, we cannot lose hope. They sent us that vision to come to this place , so we would be safe. We have the herbs if anyone gets sick like that again. And even if Starclan turns their back on us…your clan wouldn’t turn their backs on you.” She leaned her head against their fur, a soft purr.
Cloudtuft sniffled, nodding. Her form trembled as she leaned against the medicine cat, blinking away tears. “You’re right. I apologize for the..outburst. My nerves have been high..” Warmdust shook her head as she sat up, trotting near the entrance to her den. “It’s shock, you’re alright. I have thyme if you need?” Nervously, Cloudtuft nodded and followed her.
Warmdust smiled, walking in. She just didn’t have the heart or nerve to say the truth. That the dream she and Rainbowstar got, was not from starclan. It was from the kittypet, Oracle. Not with Cloudtuft in such a vulnerable state, needing the “truth” from a source she believed in. So she told a little white lie mixed with truth. At least it had ended well.
One day, she would admit she stopped getting visions from starclan 10 moons ago. But until then, she would heal her clan.
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