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This is the Lucky Ace. Reblog to recieve a wad of cash that is oddly specific to your current needs.
I reblogged this shit two days ago y’all… what kinda sorcery is this. Oddly specific too …. I’ll take it tho 🤯
I think I did it wrong
This might be…interesting. though, you gotta admit, the card looks kinda cool.
Hey I’m broke as a joke.and I need like…10 dollars
i’m this close to a breakdown
John Mulaney, a true ADHD icon
I love how he gave this bit at an autism benefit because it is also a heavy Autism Mood™
This is the most relatable thing I’ve ever seen.
TRANSCRIPT:
JOHN MULANEY: I normally don’t notice people. I zone out constantly. Have you ever zoned out for a few minutes? I’ve been zoned out since 2014.
AUDEINCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I just - all day long, I wander into traffic walking like Charlie Chaplin, listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I can zone out anywhere - I was at the doctor’s office, he was reading me the results of a blood test, it was important I listened, and I zoned out! I was like, “nah, I’m gonna stare at the wall and think my thoughts”.
AUDIENCE MEMBER WHOOPS
MULANEY: I was like, “huh. None of the Beatles had moustaches… but then one day, all of them had moustaches.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “That’s weird, I can’t think of a time a group has done that”. Some people in my life don’t want me to zone out as much - they want me to focus, and they want me to be in the moment, and they want me to do this by meditating. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried meditating, but I’ve been trying it. This is how you meditate, okay? You sit on the floor with your back perfectly straight, which I hate more than ISIS -
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight! Alright?! It’s never gonna happen! If meditating was sitting hunched over on the toilet with your elbow on your knee while kind of looking at your phone, I’d be the Dalai Lama.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight. So you sit up straight, and you breathe, and this helps you stay in the moment. Don’t bother! The moment is mediocre at best!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I mean, it’s fine. Let’s all try right now - let’s all be in the moment, in silence, right now. [A HALF-SECOND PAUSE] Sucked, right? Not fun at all!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: That was boring! You gotta zone out! You have an imagination! You have a movie theatre in your brain that plays fake arguments that you win.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: Have you ever just been sitting there thinking about something for twenty, twenty-five minutes, and all of a sudden you’re like “oh my god, I’m driving!” and you remember? You’re like -
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “I’m going seventy-five miles an hour! I have been for a while! I could’ve changed so many lives!” Sometimes, my wife - I have this wife - she’ll be like, “are you watching the road?” and I’m always like, “I am looking through the windshield.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “And I’m not gonna hit anyone, but no. I’m thinking about the Beatles.”
in my head theres a little mouse wearing a little apron and she makes all my emotions
she needs to read a fuckin recipe this bitch is just making a MESS
shes doing her best… maybe shed do better if you were nicer to her
making serotonin is the cooking equivalent to scrambling an egg and she can’t even do that right smh
Hi I’m Catifex and I want you to make your mouse’s work easier!
- This is a step by step on getting a therapist
- Need to find a therapist by location? Psychologytoday lets you search by city or zip code in the USA, Canada, or UK.
- Can’t afford therapy? No insurance? Need low cost options? Here is a great list of ways to get help when money or insurance is an issue..
Reblogging this in the hopes that the image of a sweet little mouse doing her best to make my emotions will help me remember to be kinder to myself.
Definitely reblogging for the much more helpful concept of a helpful mouse doing her best for the sake of people who regularly hate on their brain then wonder why that’s not working so well.
This just shocked me so much I started crying. As soon as you put it like that I realize how often I talk so horribly to myself. I’m sorry mouse lady we can do better.
getting a note on a super old post
early game be like
yesterday i read this article and it just made me so happy
I particularly loved this quote:
“We are sure they would be good parents because they were so nice to their stone.”
I reblog this every time I see it, because it’s one of life’s hardest lessons.
To celebrate the release of Jurassic World, Bucky’s Bomb Yard is hosting a Dinosaur Egg Bath Bomb give-a-way! Our Dino Egg Bombs come in two colors(Blue and Green), are scented with peppermint and eucalyptus, and have toy dinosaurs inside! What you’ll get in this give-a-way:
- Three Dinosaur Egg bombs of various sizes! Pictured in the top image, you’ll get a large Dino Egg Bomb, a medium Dino Egg Bomb and a small Dino Egg Bomb!
This giveaway will run through Sunday June 14th, to be shipping out on Monday, to anyone in the United States(sorry to my followers overseas, shipping kicks my butt but I will be hosting worldwide give-a-ways in the near future!). To be eligible you must reblog this post and be following this tumblr account! I’ll contact the winner Sunday evening to get your address.
If you’d like to purchase your own Dino Egg Bombs, click HERE! Thanks and good luck everyone!
Don’t forget to check out the Dino Egg giveaway!
Don’t be late for work, but also get outta here cos I wanna pretend i’m a starfish and I need the whole bed to do that
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this is the money dog, repost in the next 24 hours and money will come your way!!
#this is a win-win situation#on one hand i can get money#on the other hand there is a tiny dog surrounded by money on my blog
You have been visited by the Chan of wealth, reblog this and you will have money come to you!
I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY AND LIKE 2 HOURS LATER THE WALLET I HAD LOST 6 HOURS AWAY FROM HOME THAT HAD MY DEBIT CARD AND LIKE 80 DOLLARS IN CASH WAS DELIVERED TO MY HOUSE WITH NO RETURN ADDRESS I CANT HELP BUT THINK IT WAS JACKIE CHAN WHO SENT IT GOD BLESS YOU JACKIE CHAN
Last time I did this it was payday so duh. Let’s see what you’ve got this time, Chan.
Er, actually, about a minute after I hit reblog I got some very important (and positive) money-related news out of the blue. The system works, guys.
Why
This is demonstrating why you absolutely do not pour water on a grease fire.
holy shit
Okaaaay. If any of you actually have a grease fire in the kitchen put the lid on the pan. It will suffocate the flames. Don’t pour water on it, and don’t freak out. Cook safely!
Or throw flour on it to smother it.
/quick safety announcement
NO, DO NOT USE FLOUR, DO NOT USE FLOUR TO SMOTHER A FIRE.
YOU HAVE TO USE BAKING SODA.
Throwing flour into a fire can cause it to combust and make the fire worse because FLOUR/SUGAR IS FLAMMABLE. One cup of flour into a grease fire can have the explosive force of dynamite.
The reason you use baking soda is that it releases carbon dioxide when heated, and CO2 is a fire suppressant.
REBLOGGING FOR LAST COMMENT TO SAVE LIVES