Tarot-py

Like therapy, but with tarot cards

[tarotpy]

CotD - Nov 21, 2018

Deck: The Faeries’ Oracle (artist Brian Froud)

Card: 64 - Gawtcha

Keywords: Surprise, trepidation, denial, shaken awake, the unexpected

It has been over two YEARS since I updated this blog with a Card of the Day. And dude, SO MUCH has happened since then. I began seminary shortly after the last Card of the Day entry, and since then I’ve been studying to become a Unitarian Universalist minister. One of my mentors is a minister and also a priestess in Stone Circle Wicca, and I’ve learned I want to go a similar route and take up the double mantle of minister and initiated priestess as well (although to what extent that was a choice, I still wonder). In the wider world, we in the US affirmed our worst authoritarian and fascistic tendencies by electing a grossly incompetent, sexist, racist, vile faux-strongman of a President, and coming into my own as a progressive faith leader has all been done with that as the backdrop. This whole time I haven’t stopped working with the cards (many decks worth) for personal use, but I’ve been offering readings more as impromptu gifts to others than for personal illumination, because we’ve all got to keep going somehow.

Just recently, however, I had a health crisis: a routine laparoscopic gallbladder removal surgery turned into something far more complicated that resulted in a second full open surgery within the week. All told, I spent 12 days in the hospital and I’m still recovering, which means I will have missed out on an entire month of work at my parish internship. But the important thing is, I’m here and I’m alive and my whole experience was a physical ordeal that I’ve been interpreting as a kind of uninvited initiation. Shortly after the big surgery, I had dreams about discovering my “essential Fae nature” and wondered a lot about what that might mean, and my mentor suggested I work a bit with this deck. My husband luckily had it on hand because we’re big Froud fans in this house, and Alan’s relationship with the Good Neighbors is far more explicit than my own; I respect them, but I’ve been reluctant to work with them because I prefer my spirit experiences to be at least *slightly* more predictable and interpretable. But I guess I’m being asked to cultivate comfort with the chaos and the mess of working with the Fae, so… here we are. As I get to know the Faeries’ Oracle, and as I get back into the practice of writing post-surgery, I’m hoping to do a card-a-day thing with them. So here we go. Expect these readings to be less systematic and more freewheeling and intuitive than traditional tarot, because that’s the nature of this deck.

An androgynous, humanoid faerie sits in a closed posture with legs crossed and drawn up to their chest; their three-fingered hands obscure their face, and one penetrating eye peeps between the fingers directly at the viewer. They have small wings on their back, unengaged. Their hair is tangled and short, bare branches stick out the top; their ears are pointed and also stick out of their mane of hair.

On its own, this card is hard to interpret. The instructions for the Faeries’ Oracle suggest “finding one’s own meanings” before looking to the book for interpretation. The first thing I see in this card is hiding and surprise; the name “Gawtcha” suggests catching someone out. I can see that this faerie is a truth-seer from the direct gaze of that one visible eye, but doesn’t want to be seen themself. I don’t think he’s confrontational per se (he’s suggesting I use “he” pronouns), but he’s a revealer of truth while also revealing little of himself. The masked identity is important to him, more a tool to reveal other people’s Stuff than something that says something about himself. There’s a playfulness to the card, like a child playing peek-a-boo; there’s no malice here, just the spirit of joking that happens when someone behaves according to their old, destructive or unhealthy patterns and someone’s like “you know you’re doing that THING, right?”

Well, yup. Of course. Now that you’ve SAID it, I can’t pretend it’s not a thing.

In ministry training, we do this thing called CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education), and it usually involves going into a setting like a hospital, nursing home, or prison to learn how to do chaplaincy. We have a supervisor and a student cohort, and a huge part of CPE is noticing—and calling out—one another’s shit. So is Gawtcha here basically the CPE faerie? God, I hope not. I like to think he’d be a bit more fair than my supervisor was sometimes. So where, I guess, do I need to get shaken out of my patterns?

During my training, one of my big areas of interest has been the Enneagram of Personality. My mentor’s done some study on it and it was she who pointed me at my correct type (Type 1, which I had previously convinced myself I couldn’t possibly be, because I’m not THAT uptight and inflexible and perfectionistic and rules-abiding, am I?). The Enneagram materials talk a lot about being “entranced” by the personality rather than having an attitude of openness and fluidity that allows for growth and development to a healthy direction. The time I spent in the hospital really made me double down on the more unhealthy parts of the 1 type, and on the behaviors associated with my stress direction as well. Ideally, when I’m developing healthily, I’m supposed to become more open to spontaneity, joy, and the fun side of life, and there hasn’t been a lot of opportunity for that.

The book’s interpretation isn’t too far off from my own here; there’s an emphasis on random happenstance and unexpected shocks, with the reminder that sometimes shit just happens, but when it does and it shakes you up entirely, there’s little sense in trying to cram the busted pieces back where they were; instead, you might use the opportunity to figure out where to grow and how. It’s very much reminding me of being shaken out of the “personality trance.” Now that I’ve had this experience, and now that I’m trying to understand whatever an “essential Fae nature” is (let alone MY essential Fae nature), what growth might facilitate that kind of discovery?

[hillbillyoracle]

May Tarot Challenge - Self Awareness

I wanted to develop a challenge that helps diviners develop core skills that sustain long term practice. Or in less clinical terms, there’s a ton of stuff for newbie card readers but you, my friend, are in this for the long haul. You’re gonna need a strong foundation for when you’re reading cards ten, twenty years from now.  This month we focus on self awareness.  I have trouble putting into words just how important this skill is. Knowing how your perception is colored and limited is key to giving good readings. A reader needs to have a sense of when their personal bias is creeping into a reading. Just went through a break up? You need to know when you’re projecting that unhappiness onto other readings. Just got a new job? You need to know when you’re feeling unreasonably optimistic given the cards in front of you.  For this challenge, you’ll pull two cards. One you select and one you shuffle/draw at random. The goal is to see how closely your perspective of yourself aligns with your deck, to give your deck a chance to check you. Feel to start this challenge whenever you feel like it, well after May even. If you post this somewhere else, please credit me and link to my tumblr if you can. Use the tag “#hillbillyoracle may tarot challenge” for posts so we can all support each other.

1 T – What is your current situation?  2 W – Who are you in your situation? 3 T – What happened leading up to this situation? 4 F – What will happen in the immediate future? 5 S – What is the root of the situation?  6 S – What advice are you getting from gods/spirits/the Universe? 7 M – What talents do you bring to the situation? 8 T – How do the people around you see the situation? 9 W – What are your hopes? 10 T – What are your fears? 11 F – What have you been ignoring lately? 12 S – What should your next action be? 13 S – What lesson are you learning from your situation? 14 M – Who in your life should you make amends with? 15 T – How should you make amends with them? 16 W – What’s the state of your friendships? 17 T – How can you improve them? 18 F – What’s the state of your relationships with family? 19 S – How can you improve them? 20 S – What’s the state of your romantic life? 21 M – How can you improve it? 22 T – What’s the state of your relationship with yourself? 23 W – How can you improve it? 24 T – What’s the state of your relationship with the world around you? 25 F – How can you improve it? 26 S – What the state of your relationship with spirits/gods/The Universe? 27 S – How can you improve it? 28 M – What is holding you back in your spiritual path? 29 T – How can you break free? 30 W – What has changed over the last month? 31 T – What lessons did you take away from the challenge? 

[unmaskingthedivine]

I am so here for this.

[thecrossstitchwitch]

🌟THE GOLDEN THREAD TAROT🌟

I’ve only just been able to tear myself away from these beautiful cards in order to make this post. They arrived this morning and ever since, I’ve just been handling them and taking endless photos. I swear, it’s impossible to take a bad picture of this deck! 

Some thoughts and first impressions bellow the cut! 

Keep reading

[harvest-moon-mystic]

Harvest Moon Mystic’s Sacred Sabbat Tarot Spreads

Samhain: The witches’ new year, when the veil between the living and the dead is the thinnest, a time to explore our connection to our spirit and the spirits of others passed and living.  A spread to access messages from the covert spirit. 1. Death: What I am refusing to acknowledge 2. Rising Spirit: What is becoming stronger within my subconscious 3. Life: How these spiritual messages will manifest themselves to me 4. Mirror Shadow: How I will know when my spirit is speaking 5. The Light: How I can carry its messages with me

Yule: A time to celebrate closeness and family, generosity, the sharing of hope and faith in the return of the light.  A spread to gain insights to family life 1. The Hearth: What unites my family 2. Yule Log: A source of happiness and warmth within my home 3. Evergreen: How I can remain in good spirits through family strife 4. The Candle: What unique traits I bring to my home and family 5. The Gift: How I can share my warmth with my family

Imbolc: Hope in the coming spring, subtlety and rebirth, the first warmth and blossom, reassurance in the promise of better things coming, the return of the light, birth and youthful regeneration.  A spread to reveal hidden potential. 1. The seed beneath the snow: My potential 2. February frost: What covers that potential 3. The blessed besom: How to sweep away the doubt surrounding my potential 4. First bloom: When my full potential will become manifested 5. Saint Brighid: What will guide me on my path to realization  

Ostara: A time to rejoice in new life and fresh beginnings, the start of a new warm season, creative potential, courtship and innocent love, sunrise, a brand new endeavor.  A spread to aid in the actualization of dreams and ideas. 1. The egg: How I should pursue this new idea 2. Balefire: How to keep the inspiration alive 3. The March hare: How to keep from running in circles 4. Hot cross bun: What will be a source of joy 5. The equinox: How my plan will manifest in the future

Beltane: A celebration of fertility and the heat of summer, the union of community, a festival for lovers, purification, bonding, music, dance, immersion in carnal revelry.  A spread for budding romance. 1. Fires of Bel: How I can make my intentions clear to the person I admire 2. Dance of the maypole: How we will work together in a romantic relationship 3. The horned deer: How pure of heart is the person I admire 4. Oats and honey: What gifts we each contribute; what we each have to offer 5. The Great Rite: How compatible we are sexually 

Litha: Midsummer, a period of suspension, the longest day of the year, celebration of the sun and its lasting light, virility, a time of growth and patience.  A spread for periods of waiting. 1. The pregnant goddess: What I have been waiting for 2. Sun wheel: What direction I should take 3. Oaken Fae: What will guide me to the end of this time 4. Lasting light: Why I have been waiting this long 5. Sunflower: What will give me hope to continue

Lammas: The first harvest, waning, festival of the harvest, acknowledgement of labor fruits, preparation, resting after reaping what has been sown, welcoming the coming winter with knowledge that preparations have been made to withstand the cold.  A spread to guide in making a difficult decision. 1. Broken bread: Why this choice is so difficult 2. The waning light: Signs I have been blind to 3. Corn dolly: What will guide me in the decision-making process 4. Wheat sheaves: How this decision will affect my future 5. The scythe: The repercussions of this decision

Mabon: The honoring and acceptance of change, a period of reflection and learning, celebrating the bounty of the harvest, thanksgiving for the earth’s provision, equality and distribution, balance, earned rest.  A spread for times of change. 1. Moon cider: What is brewing beneath the surface 2. The pomegranate: How I will grow from this change 3. The turned leaf: What is to come of this change 4. Cornucopia: How this change will affect others 5. The feast: What part do I play in this situation

(Original tarot spread by harvest-moon-mystic, available soon on etsy)

[tarotpy]

CotD - May 25, 2016

Deck: Cosmic Tarot (artist Norbert Lösche) Card: XIII - Death Keywords: Transition, ending, shedding excess, inevitability

A skeleton clad in a decaying black robe holds a gleaming scythe and a black bird. It stands on a stone floor that appears tiled; around the skeleton are fallen, crumbling headstones, a broken sword, a crown in pieces, columns, a large clock, and skulls, one of which is wearing a soldier's helmet. Far in the distance, the tiles recede into sand, and an illuminated ocean lies beyond. A golden sun rises behind the skeleton; the sky seems full of planetoids and stars.

The Death card is one of the more confrontational images, especially its stark no-nonsense portrayal in the Cosmic deck. While the Fool represents the beginning of a cycle, Death represents the end: the close of one chapter and the opening of another. This Death in particular serves to underscore the futility of human endeavors: the rulers are dust under its feet as much as warriors are. The folk song "O Death" has a line that goes "The old, the young, the rich or poor, all alike to me you know". Change, like death, happens to us all, and like death, it's disturbing. This card suggests to us that the pursuit of power and wealth in this world is perhaps less important than we're led to believe; in the face of this kind of change, our priorities come into focus.

I've been waiting for my little skeletal buddy to show up, to the extent that it actually hijacked part of yesterday's Card of the Day entry. Yesterday and today, I've really been feeling what this card is about. A lot of my time has been taken up with paperwork and the other administrative stuff that's going to prepare me for school in the fall, including an hour-long phone conversation with my faculty advisor, and a flurry of emails sent out afterwards to different people. There are a lot of ducks I need to get in a row, and I'm feeling kind of swept up in it. If I'm being honest (and I try to be, for the purposes of journaling in this blog), I'm scared. I'm worried about my own adequacy; I'm worried about student loan repayment and making this work for the next three years; I keep wondering if it's too late to chicken out. I'm still excited, but the size of the commitment is already daunting- how am I going to be able to stick it out when it gets harder? How am I going to be good enough to deal with all this stuff?

It's unknown. The answer to all these questions is unknowable and I keep feeling like this decision, probably more than anything else I've done before, is a real leap of faith. When I decided to quit my job and go freelance with art, there was risk I'd fail (and hey! Look at that- I did, for the most part!), but art is a skill I knew I had. I've done some ministry-related stuff before as part of the work I've been doing with the church, but it's nothing like the amount of practice I got making art before going to school. I never really thought I'd fail at art. This, though? This I really worry about. And the scariest part is that I can't really envision what's on the other end of this passage. I don't know how I'm going to be changed by the process, or even what my end goal for “my ministry” is. Picturing myself in a stole and a clerical collar is admittedly kind of fun, but being able to wear those symbols indicates a certain amount of training and practice that I take very seriously and still don't know if I'll be able to withstand.

I could really use some comfort right about now.

[tarotpy]

CotD - May 24, 2016

Deck: Cosmic Tarot (artist Norbert Lösche) Card: IV - The Emperor Keywords: Rule of law, control, order, establishment

A bearded man in rich robes and extravagant jewelry sits on a throne, decorated with the heads of two rams. Before him is a silver plate bearing a gold scepter and a glass globis cruciger. Behind him stands a sturdy stone wall and tower with a pyramid in the distance, and tropical plants bloom behind the throne. As pointed out on tarotforum.net, the composition is inspired by the Bust of Charlemagne kept in the Aachen Cathedral Treasury. Fun fact: Norbert Lösche, the artist of the deck, is from Aachen himself, which would explain the familiar influence.

The impression here feels staid and inorganic, like a Byzantine mosaic or a Russian icon. Compared to the Empress, who's all sensuous curves, this person appears stiff, almost locked into his position. It's interesting that he wears the same animal-skin stole that she does, denoting their status as a royal pair, but while they both represent power, they're emblematic of very different types of power. In some circles, the Empress and Emperor are thought of as the "mom and dad" of the tarot, but again, I like to interpret their qualities without bringing unnecessary gendered constructs into it. The Empress represents the abundant and dangerous natural world, whereas the Emperor is all about the constructions of humanity: law, authority, hierarchy and order. The symbolism in this card draws on Christian imagery, emblems of sovereignty, and monuments of the ancient world (the wall, tower and pyramids).

I feel like there's something to be said for the fact that I seem to keep drawing cards from the Major Arcana lately. Pretty much the entire last month, I've only drawn Minors a few times, which is overwhelmingly unlikely in terms of chance: out of 78 cards, only 22 are Majors. When I draw a lot of Major Arcana cards in succession, I often feel like I'm being instructed to pay attention, because this WILL be on the quiz later. I'm going through a big transition right now: preparing to go back to being a student, of something totally different than my current area of expertise, at a school that's far away from home. Seminary is supposed to be a big, transformative experience for a lot of people who go, so I'm trying to get ready for that. I'm having trouble seeing how the Emperor is really relevant to me right now; if anything, what I'm feeling corresponds much closer with Death. In fact, today I actually got really sad thinking about leaving this chapter of my life behind and facing something so big and kind of scary. Interestingly, I threw a full Celtic Cross spread for myself today, and the theme of change and adapting to something new dominated the whole reading (and surprise- our buddy the Death card showed up in one of the "you right now" positions!).

Today was mostly spent trying to wrangle student loan stuff, and it was stressful and confusing and overwhelming, as student loans are wont to be. You could say I was butting heads with the orderly institutions represented by the Emperor. He's a bit of an uneasy card for me. He's also often characterized as a "daddy issues" card, which seems reductive and too incomplete an understanding for me; however, my antipathy toward the Emperor is very likely based in my distrust of "the establishment" in whatever form it might take (ironic, I know, for someone looking to join the clergy; fwiw, I consider religious authority to be represented by a different card, and my feelings toward that card have changed quite a lot over time; my feelings toward the Emperor have yet to do so). Getting to where I want to go academically and vocationally is going to take a lot of getting along with this kind of institution, so I'd better get over the antipathy quick.

A lens that's helpful to me in terms of looking at the Emperor in a more positive light, is that of personal sovereignty. Sure, he's about making rules and strictly enforcing them, but he's also about healthy boundaries, being in a position of strength, and bringing security. If I try to ignore all the divine-right-of-kings stuff that surrounds his symbolism, I might be able to make peace with the concept. Structure, I'm finding, is not entirely a bad thing for me to have.

[tarotpy]

CotD - May 23, 2016

Deck: Cosmic Tarot (artist Norbert Lösche) Card: I - The Magician Keywords: Concentration, potential, force of will, conscious intent

In the lower half of the card, a table with a bright yellow cloth holds four objects: a wand, a sword, a cup and a pentacle. In the left corner is a blooming rose; in the right, a white lily flowering tulip. Over the table looms a spectral head with intense eyes, full lips, a mustache and goatee. They wear a golden circlet with an infinity symbol over their forehead; a golden triangle connects the "third eye" on the forehead with the two physical ones, and beams of light project from the person's eyes. Behind them is a field of stars.

The card gives a sense overall of great magical potential. The items on the table, aside from being emblematic of the four suits in the tarot, are tools of ceremonial magic, and also represent the four classical elements of earth, air, fire and water. In the RWS deck, the figure of the Magician is actually visible; here, they appear spectral, almost as if their force of will has allowed them to transcend physicality and achieve a cosmic consciousness. Traditionally, the Magician is thought of as a masculine card, but here the figure appears androgynous. The traditional cards of the tarot can read as highly gendered and I often try not to bring preconceived notions of gender into my readings (unless, as with the court cards, the figure's gender is explicitly stated), but here the ambiguity of the figure seems important: transcending notions of binary gender and sex is part of the intent and will of the Magician. This person is capable of being and doing whatever they wish, and they've achieved it through both intent and practice. The eye beams indicate that they can see all things, aided by the psychic force that emanates from the infinite.

I rarely draw the Magician card, and for that reason I tend to give it little thought. The idea of "manifesting something out of pure force of will" sounds great, but it's never been a prominent theme in my life, nor something I'm particularly adept at. Today is one of those days that I'm a little stumped as to why this card felt it had to make itself known. Not much has happened: Alan is laid up with crazy allergies for the second day in a row; I've been trying to finish up some long-neglected art projects; I had a church Board meeting tonight that was a bit of a marathon session. It's been more of a frustrating, slightly boring day than anything else. Considerably less grace-filled than yesterday. I did get my first email from my faculty advisor at school and a course listing (although registration isn't for a few months), so there's some positive movement on that front, but otherwise… meh. The Magician energy is feeling a bit alien to me tonight. I think what's really drawing me in this card is the sense of transcendence- it's a theme I haven't picked up in previous readings, but tonight it's so clear as to almost be yelling. Transcending physicality, transcending the constructed boundaries of gender, of blending the two opposite symbols of the flowers, of creating an alchemy of these disparate earthly elements. Today has largely been characterized by grinding mundanity; most of the time, life isn't constructed entirely out of serendipitous moments, as much as I might want it to be. Maybe the real power of the Magician is centered in creating the magical out of the mundane: the melding of base elements to create something of the spirit.

[tarotpy]

CotD - May 22, 2016

Deck: Cosmic Tarot (artist Norbert Lösche) Card: XX - Judgement Keywords: Vocation, rebirth, reassessment, absolution

A golden sunburst haloed in orange, pink and purple rises over a desert landscape. Three curved horns descend from the sky, and three figures rise from the rocky soil. One has uplifted arms; one looks up at the horns as if curious and pleased; the third revels in being freed from the ground, underscored by a decaying chain falling from their wrist.

Judgement in this deck is a very bare-bones card. It contains the "risen dead" imagery from RWS, and the horns immediately bring to mind the trumpets of Judgement Day in Biblical iconography, but otherwise this card is noteworthy for its starkness in a deck of such lush detail. Absent is the judging angel of RWS; while the religious symbols are present here, an overt scene of a biblical God is eschewed. More than RWS, the Cosmic deck's image evokes a rebirth theme: finding hope in a barren place; being awakened to a higher purpose; sensing liberation and approaching a new situation with optimistic curiosity.

A lot has happened since the last time I updated here. I honestly needed to give the blog a rest for a bit because I suddenly, unexpectedly, had a lot on my plate I wanted to get done after coming back from Chicago. I continued to draw daily cards while I was on my trip (even on the train overnight!), and let me tell you, some of those cards were laughably on the nose to what I was experiencing emotionally at the time. Like, so on the nose that if this had been written into a movie, I would've been like "pshh. That wouldn't ever happen that way." It was so ridiculous that I almost wrote about it, but I just had so much else to process and suddenly do that I decided it would be healthier for me to give it a rest. I trusted myself enough to pick it up again when the time was right.

The people who know me outside of this blog might already know the deal: I did in fact apply at the divinity school I toured. After I came home I immediately started on the application, in spite of the fact that it was long and scary and involved a lot of moving parts that required me stepping out of my comfort zone. Writing to professors from almost a decade ago and asking for a recommendation letter? Filling out the FAFSA? Writing multiple essays? Yes, yes, and more yes. I did all of it without hesitation or delay because it was just… something that had to get done. I wanted this, folks. I really wanted it. And so I actually did what was necessary to obtain it, because I was (am) convinced that this "call to ministry" thing? It's real. It's ridiculously, almost palpably real, and I honestly feel a little stupid for not figuring it out sooner, because while writing one of those essays, it became clear that the signs for this have been staring me in the face for a while. It just took me some time to actually look up at them.

On Friday, I got my acceptance letter. I'm starting this fall as a Unitarian Universalist seminarian, everyone!! This is HUGE for me, because as I've written about before, the last time I had a true career aspiration was back when I was in high school, a bratty teenager totally convinced of my Great Purpose. This feels different, because I'm coming at it with no illusions of my own importance or my clarity of vision or the purity of my intent. This desire is born out of a need to serve, to self-direct, to express, to learn, to listen and to be present with others. There are a million reasons I feel like this makes sense, but I won't go into all of it here (for perspective: one of my admissions essays needed to be 1000 words or less; I gave them over 4000 and had to cut 75% of it). Today I actually was able to share the news with my home church. My minister already knew because she'd written me one of those recommendation letters, but to most of the others, it was news.

As luck would have it, today was also the day of the ordination of the intern minister who did work at my church the first year I started going. She was an absolutely stellar person, and I had planned to drive the couple hours to go see her ordination ceremony when it happened. The ceremony was lovely, and it was great to be there representing her teaching congregation. But of course, even though I went there for her, I couldn't help but think a little about possibly being in that position one day. In a certain sense, I feel like by publicly acknowledging my call, today was almost a "beginning" for me; by seeing someone who was once an intern make it to her ordination, it was like witnessing an end to the educational process I'm excited to start. It was inspiring, not gonna lie. It was like "Hey look! Brand-new student! This is where you'll end up in a few years if you play your cards right!" And it made sense.

While I was watching her, after many years of education and interning, finally getting where she'd been going this whole time-- and hearing everyone speaking about the journey and where she started and musing about the call-- I had this distinct sense that this was indeed possible for me. Not just possible, but something I wanted. Doubt is a thing that most would-be clergy consider a necessary part of the process, but for some reason I haven't quite accepted that doubts are normal and to be expected, and aren't necessarily some kind of sign that no, this isn't a good idea. In the best moments, synchronicity conspires to make things make sense, and this was definitely one of those times. It was hard not to think of the Judgement card’s fingerprints in all of this: in the sense of the end and the beginning (and the beginning at the end), and in hearing the call that wakes you up, in making a definite decision, and in feeling released in the grace of the moment.

And for sure, it's also good to be back writing again. It had become almost a devotional practice, so it’s best not to keep neglecting it. :)

[siren-doll]

New tarot card / crystal necklaces up!

Shop | Reviews

[thebewitchingoracle]

I was trying to make a romance spread about finding love.  But the Universe pulled me into making a Self-love spread instead.  As always, I tested the spread. It was a lovely change and the first time I used the Romantic Tarot. Happy belated Valentine’s Day.

First positive trait about you: Reverse 7 of Swords- Most people think I’m lying or not being true to them.  Which isn’t the case at all. I’m a very honest person. Everything I say is just as I am. My good trait is my honesty.

Second positive trait about you: 5 of cups- I regret some of my life choices because of their outcome. Not how I felt at the moment.  But this just means I’m living my life. And I’m reflecting on my actions so I’m always learning about myself and how to live my ideal life.

Third positive trait about you: Page of Pentacle- I’m always looking an opportunity for better myself. Quoting from Hamilton “I’m not throwing away my shot”

Forgive yourself on this issue: 6 of cups- Nostalgia is my issues.  Sometimes, I romanticized the past at times.  However, you can’t repeat the past and it’s nice to look back. I just have to remember to keep moving forward

First step on practicing self-care: Reverse of Lovers- There is no going back to my past lovers.  I’ve changed and they’ve changed.  It’s time to take the lessons I learned from them. And just remember it when I start dating again.

Second step on practicing self-care: 4 of Pentacle- Shopping therapy is not going to help solve my problem. So I just have to be mindful not to spend my money thinking it would fill a void

Third step on practicing self-care: 7 of wands- I have to trust myself. I know when the right one will walk into my life.  I just have to trust the risk is worth the possible fall.

[tarotpy]

Teeny hiatus

I'm going on my trip! Hopefully I will learn All The Things. I've been getting ready, hence the lack of updates; I should be back up and operating within a week. <3

[tarotpy]

CotD - April 9, 2016

Deck: Cosmic Tarot (artist Norbert Lösche) Card: X - Wheel of Fortune Keywords: Destiny, cosmic motion, cycles, new developments

Of all the cards in the Major Arcana, the Wheel of Fortune (sometimes just called The Wheel, which I appreciate because it avoids evoking the image of Vanna White spinning a big game-show wheel) is the card that I have the most trouble understanding. There's a certain randomness to it implied by the name, and so when it comes up in a tarot reading I frequently find it about as frustrating as the "Ask Again Later" side on the floating die inside a Magic 8 Ball. Art-wise, I find the illustration difficult to describe (as it leans very heavily on Kabbalah and alchemical symbols, which aren't systems I use or have a lot of familiarity with) and hard to connect with; for the most part, the strength of this deck is in how eloquently it communicates a lot of ideas, and while I get the sense that ideas are attempting to come through here, it's all a little esoteric and over my head in the specifics. However, as I'm an admitted symmetry junkie, it is a really beautiful illustration; when I draw my daily card in the morning, I usually take a picture and put it on my phone's lock screen, and this one makes a fabulous wallpaper. It really does.

I'll try to describe it as best I can. At the center of the card, we have the symbol for the Sun, which appears to be at the center of a six-petaled pink flower. At the end of each petal, counterclockwise from the bottom, we see the symbols for the Moon, Mercury, Mars, Saturn, Jupiter and Venus (the symbols for all the planets in the solar system, as well as Pluto, are all present, but these are just the ones in the center). The symbols are contained by equilateral triangles, which form two overlapping six-pointed stars, and they're connected by a circle. Framing the symbols and star is a golden circle with the signs of the zodiac; framing that circle is a golden square. Just above the zodiac ring are the symbols of Neptune and Uranus. Directly above the square is the symbol of Pluto, in its own gold circle and topped with the Hebrew word Keter, meaning "crown". Directly opposed, on the opposite side of the square, is the symbol of the Earth in a gold circle, with the Hebrew word Malkuth, meaning "kingdom". All the planetary symbols are connected by lines, taking the places of the Sephirot in the Kabbalah Tree of Life diagram. All these complex interconnected symbols in the illustration seem to exist inside a great system of gears; we see two orbs, possibly symbolizing heavenly bodies, turning around inside the wheel. The alchemical symbols of water, air, fire and earth are also visible at various points. The background is a sky full of stars.

Phew. What really sticks out to me about this artwork is the sheer number of different systems it draws from with which humans have tried to make sense of the world. From Kabbalah to Western astrology to alchemy, all of these are complex systems of symbols that denote different principles, personality traits, materials, events, archetypal concepts. In this card, we have a sense of the ways in which people want to see and feel and track the movement of the universe and the idea that it affects us even in small form. Astrology is all about this: the idea that the movement of the planets through sections of the sky affects events on Earth and in our lives. I could get all philosophical here about free will and destiny and how much control we really have if indeed the universe is subject to these cycles (or indeed, any quantifiable system, however complex), but I honestly don't know what I believe on that front, so I'll judiciously refrain from weighing in (full disclosure, I know a rather large amount about astrology, but it's mostly in a "this is an interesting thought experiment" kind of way. I am, however, an avowed believer in at least the first Saturn Return, being just on the tail end of a very bad one that did indeed ruin everything and shake everything up, at the exact time it was "intended" to, according to the charts. Whether it's actually caused by a planet or by a simple quarter-life crisis is yet to be determined).

Lots of words about this today. Not a lot to update; I did not end up arguing with anyone yet about taking the (accursed) pair of headphones back, because I just didn't have a good feeling about how it would go, and I couldn't deal with being pointlessly incensed again today. My husband is convinced that I have a very good case, but I was just like "dude, no, I literally can't even think about it today. Maybe in a few days." Instead, I spent my day trying to get back in excited mode for my trip. Not gonna lie, I'm still nervous, but I'm feeling just a little better about going away now than I have been for the last couple days. This card, however, is making me leery, just because it's literally a big shrug on the part of my deck. This could end up in any number of ways. Everything I'm doing could end up in any number of ways, and I'm just going to have to try to stack events in my favor, but there's only so much I can control.

It's kind of funny- I was actually talking to Alan (the husband, for those of you who are new or don't remember) this morning about how much I truthfully don't like traveling, UNLESS I can control every aspect of it myself. If I'm just packing a bag for a week, getting in my own car, and driving somewhere, I love everything about it. I can stop when I need to, eat when I want, sleep when I get tired, and I don't have to deal with anyone else's itinerary or missing connections or getting patted down by the TSA. If, on the other hand, I'm just booking space on a vehicle which I'm neither driving nor in charge of when it comes and goes, all the joy in travel is totally squeegeed right out, because you're paying a ton of money to relinquish all control over… everything, really. The noise, the smells, the amount of time it takes to get from place to place. And yet, I don't like to admit that I don't enjoy travel. I feel like there's a certain amount of assumptions that come when someone says they're not a fan: that they're a homebody, essentially a real-life hobbit that never wants to leave their own hometown because they're afraid of the big wide world or new foods or people who don't speak their language. Honestly, nothing could be further from the truth; I want to go literally anywhere I can possibly manage to go, but I need to be able to avoid as many of the annoyances and stresses of commercial travel as I can manage. This is definitely going to be a trip where I'm at the mercy of many factors that I have no control over. I really don't want to be reminded that this may not go according to plan, but I have been nevertheless. Thanks but no thanks, Wheel of Fortune. Fortunately, I do see a certain amount of serendipity and synchronicity in this card as well, so I’m hoping the fact that I can foresee a potential good outcome might actually help to make the outcome good. But really, who knows? Ask again later.

[tarotpy]

CotD - April 8, 2016

Deck: Cosmic Tarot (artist Norbert Lösche) Card: Nine of Swords Keywords: Disordered thinking, anxieties, catastrophizing, instability

Annnd I'm back. I hope. I've been skipping more days than I want to with these, mostly in the interest of maintaining a reasonable bedtime, but unfortunately I think the lack of the routine and writing things out has been taking a toll (let's just say I'm really feeling this unpleasant card today; yesterday was only slightly less upsetting, and I even would have had a lot to say about it except that I got too distracted and tired). For my first entry on the Nine of Swords, see this post.

Last time I got this card I felt it mostly pertained to my husband's situation, but today I'm feeling more empathy for the little person on there than is healthy. It's no secret that I've been getting antsy about my trip coming up, and I was really feeling that today. I'm irrationally worried that I'll run out of money in the middle of it (logically, I doubt this, but irrational worries are irrational!), or that I'll forget something important at home or leave something there, or that some leg of travel is going to take way too long and I'm going to miss the entire conference, or that I'll go and it won't go well and I'll end up even more confused about what I want to do than I am now. I can tell myself forever that worrying about it this much isn't good, and it isn't helpful, and if anything's going to make it turn out worse than it would have normally, it's me worrying about it… but then I just worry more about how much I'm worrying. I'm trying really hard to jam a stick in the spokes of those wheels, but I'm feeling a little bit at the end of my reserves.

Also, as an annoying and petty note, here's a story about trying to do something that I thought would be fairly simple that instead became hard and expensive and upsetting. It's really more of a rant, so buckle yourself in, or feel free to just skip to the end if you don't want to read it. I’ll put it behind a cut so it’s not taking up a ton of room on anyone’s dash. 

I really need to replace my headphones (not earbuds- I have weird-shaped earholes that make earbuds super uncomfortable, so I have to use over-the-ear ones) because the ones I have are ancient and literally held together with masking tape and good intentions, so I bought a pair today at a store that's locally owned but which has a lot of locations, so it's a good deal bigger than a mom and pop outfit. I brought them home and tried them on only to find out they were uncomfortably tight and emphasized the bass way more than I like, so that the mid and treble sounded far away and muddy. This was not a thing I could possibly have known about without opening the package and trying them out first; every review I'd read had indicated that the fit was very comfortable and the sound was balanced enough for everyday listening, but I didn't find that to be the case on either count.

So I buy a different model, which they didn’t have at the store, at around the same price point on Amazon, and figure I can just return the ones I bought in person, after using them for less than five minutes total and putting them back in the package exactly as I found them. I didn't imagine that it would be a problem at all, because you can return clothes that don't fit even if you've tried them on, and pretty much every major electronics store doesn't have problems with people returning opened over-the-ear headphones as long as it's got a receipt and the packaging still exists and it's within a certain time period. I figured a same-day return would cause no problems whatsoever. For some background here: I try very, very hard not to be a problem customer, like EVER. Because I know retail and CS people have really demanding, difficult jobs and the less crappy I can be to them, the better. I know returns are a pain in the butt, and I try to keep them to an absolute minimum; if these headphones had been less expensive, I'd have been okay eating the cost just to avoid bothering people. The whole way back to the store, I was (irrationally) worried that they just wouldn't take them back, but I dismissed it because it seemed like a completely ridiculous scenario, and convinced myself that in the worst case situation, I'd at least get store credit, which I would definitely use because I shop at this place all the time.

Lo and behold, their return policy doesn't allow returns of audio or gaming accessories unless they have a defect because it's "unsanitary" to resell them, so I was just stuck with this pair of headphones I couldn't use, and was now out the cost of them, in addition to the other pair I bought, which is not really tenable for me financially (these were the most expensive ones I could comfortably afford, and I was really counting on that eventual refund, or at least store credit). I honestly thought I was crazy for thinking it would be easy and uncontroversial to return these, and I felt stupid to have missed this obvious caveat to the return policy, until I had my husband go back in and double-check to make sure the in-store placard about the return policy doesn’t actually mention any excluded categories. I even checked their website FAQs about this, and they never plainly state anywhere that sales of accessories are final. If I had known that before I paid for them, if it had been publicly noted anywhere, I wouldn't have bought them there, and would instead have opted for Target, or Best Buy, or even Wal-Mart, even though as a rule I prefer to shop at local stores, because those big-box stores all allow returns on open pairs of headphones (I know because I've literally done it before when I had to return a pair that had the wrong jack, after opening the package), and "trying" consumer-grade headphones before you buy them is literally not an option anywhere in my area.

Long story long, it was SO HARD for me to go back in a second time and argue (politely, I hope) with them about this, because I totally felt like an idiot and a jerk and I was having serious anxiety that was making me shake and tear up and it probably looked like I was being super melodramatic and I felt SO self-conscious about it. I know employees don't determine store policy and they have to abide by it, but they just kept explaining several times why they couldn't take it back (which I can understand, even if literally no other store I've ever been to draws that particular line on over-the-ear headphones so I had no reason to see it coming), but I was totally ignored when I pointed out that the real issue should have been "why am I only finding out that sales on these are final after I have a problem with them, and how do I get compensated for spending money I wouldn't have spent in the first place if you were better at disclosing that policy?" Even with the most airtight, sensible reason in the world for not accepting returns on certain things, most stores make a point of letting you know what specific categories of item you can and can't expect to be able to return. It just makes it seem like they're trying to hide what their return policy doesn't cover. I love this store and want to keep shopping there, and I tried really hard not to be rude or nasty or unreasonable, but I felt like I wasn't being heard, or that nobody was understanding why needing to know, BEFORE YOU BUY A THING, whether or not you can return it, was a perfectly reasonable thing to expect. I'm really mad and irritated about it, and I'm afraid that I made the person at the counter upset because I literally talked to them more than once about it just to make sure I was getting all the salient points right, because them dismissing my complaint and refusing to offer any kind of compensation just made absolutely no sense to me and was totally unlike any experience I've ever had either with that store or… shopping in general, really. And again, I hate, hate, HATE being a "problem" customer. I hate the "customer is always right" mentality, because it leads to serious abuses of retail and service workers on the part of customers, enabled by management. I get anxious about sending food back at a restaurant even when it's wrong. Hell, I don't even like to ask for refills on my drinks because I'm afraid I'd be putting someone out. It's incredibly stressful for me and puts me in a position where I feel like I'm being demanding or high-maintenance or actively making someone's day worse, and that's a thing I endeavor never to do. In short, I try to do this kind of "consumer complaint" thing as seldom as possible, but this instance seemed particularly head-scratching to me, and I'm actually planning to take it up with a manager tomorrow per the cashiers' suggestion, if only so I can get this damn pair of headphones out of my house. Even if they're not willing to refund me or concede that they can and should be clearer in stating their return policy, I'll at least have tried. Here's hoping I can actually get myself to do it when it's not the end of the day and I'm less predisposed to crankiness.

But yeah, no, I'm having a hard time overstating how upsetting this actually was for me. And that in and of itself leads to its own catastrophizing, because what a stupid problem to have. OH NOES, sad white lady can't return something, THE WORLD IS ENDING, right? But I'm an anxious mess already for other reasons, and this just made everything panic-level worse for me and I've been perseverating about it for hours now and wondering how I'm going to pull it together so I can leave on Tuesday and not mess everything up and get stranded in a city I've only been to once before. I'd love to wrap up this entry with some good perspective on how ~this too shall pass~, but I'm not really far enough removed. At another time I might have been able to take this in stride and get past it more quickly, but right now I feel like the things I've been worrying about are coming home to roost and really taking up space in my mental landscape. This just happened to be the straw that gave the camel a panic attack, but it's not the source of my current problems so much as just a small trigger to exacerbate them. When I drew the Nine of Swords this morning, my first thought was "hmm. That certainly reflects my mood right now, but maybe it'll be like last time and it'll be a pretty good day anyway." Nah. This was inescapably a Nine of Swords day characterized by worry and being mean to myself and being sort of afraid of everything. But I'll admit, writing it out has helped. Not keeping up with this blog has probably been contributing to my worries, because when I backslide on something that's a routine for me, it's often a sign that things are about to get bad for me again mood-wise. The fact that I actually made myself do it tonight, in spite of being worried that it's too ranty and personal, is probably good and will help keep me on the ground over the next couple days.

[a-lavender-moon]

Happy spring! This tarot spread is designed to help you see what areas of your life have fallen by the wayside, why, and what to do about it. For more info and an example interpretation, check out my blog post! ♥

[tarotpy]

CotD - April 5, 2016

Deck: Cosmic Tarot (artist Norbert Lösche) Card: Five of Swords Keywords: Estrangement, mistakes, isolation, self-evaluation

An unusually red Swords card, the Five features a person lying on the ground, arms and legs outstretched. Underneath the person is a red drawing of a boxed-in pentagram, and their arms and legs line up with the four lower points of the star. They wear utilitarian clothes: a sleeveless tee, rolled-up jeans, and no shoes. The ground around them is cracked and dry. No grass is growing, but we see dry twigs and rocks scattered about. At seemingly random places on the arid ground (one lies at the figure's right hand within the pentagram drawing, two above their head, and two along their left side), five roses surrounded by clusters of green leaves are pierced by swords that pin them like butterflies on a display board. Two dried-up, leafless trees lie beyond the prone figure, and one branchless stump also protrudes from the soil. Far in the distance, we see an ocean.

This is a card that's working with some complex and subtle symbolism, and for the longest time I've had a lot of trouble getting it to speak to me. Other Fives in the deck are frequently indicative of some kind of loss or upset; this one is far less blatant than, say, the mourner on the Five of Cups or the Five of Wands's street brawl scene. The kind of problem espoused by the Five of Swords is a problem that you don't really notice until you can feel for this person (for me, it takes remembering what this feels like). They're in a prone state, not rising for anything; the pentagram and swords resemble a trap and prison bars. This is a self-imposed isolation, a thought prison. They're ignoring the world around them; the landscape is barren and empty and harsh. The swords represent ideas; the roses represent emotion or spirituality; the ocean of emotion is far off and this person isn't able to access it from their current position. All these elements speak to me of wrongheadedness, ideological missteps, the kind of trap we set for ourselves with opinions and ideas based in something wrong, pinioning our emotions. The problem described in the Five of Swords isn't a blow that comes out of nowhere; it's a problem that gets piled up with many actions, many thoughts, and many mistakes. This is the card that comes into play when you speak without listening and cause offense; when you fall back on assumptions that aren't based in fact; or even when your high-mindedness isolates you from those around you. This is a time to reflect and think: what have I been missing or ignoring? What's worth holding onto and what no longer belongs in my worldview?

Today has been the sort of day that makes you want to go home and eat a cupcake. Or perhaps knock back a drink, if you're the drinking type (I am not). It hasn't been a bad day exactly? But it has been a tiring one. I'm just a little mentally exhausted at the moment because I'm freaking out a little about my trip coming up next week. As much as I try to tell myself it's totally something I can handle, and the things I'm worried about (like forgetting both my phone and my charger at home and being stuck on a monster train trip without ebooks or music or games) are both irrational and not actual worst-case scenarios even if they DO happen, my therapist at least assures me that it's perfectly normal and okay for even people who love travel to get a little keyed-up before a trip, because it always by necessity requires you to leave your comfort zone. I do not like leaving my comfort zone. Add onto that the fact that I feel sort of guilty for not blogging last night (I wrote half an entry on the Card of the Day- the Empress again- but didn't finish because it got late and I got tired), and an interminable committee meeting, and that constitutes a day that demands a cupcake.

All the while, I kept thinking about this card (I draw it in the morning, take a picture and put the picture on my phone's lock screen so it's never too far out of mind, and then write in the evening): what am I missing? What am I ignoring? What's the nature of the prison that's involved here? Today was rough, but it wasn't an unhealthy kind of rough. This was just a run-of-the-mill frustrating day kind of rough. So I don't think the prison is related to me throwing up obstacles connected with my anxiety or my depression. The solitude experienced by the person on the card doesn't exactly look fun (in fact, it looks quite boring), so I know you're not exactly supposed to put a happy spin on their estrangement from the world around them… but I'm not gonna lie, solitude- albeit a more peaceable and tranquil version- really has sounded appealing today. Aloneness isn't something I really get to experience frequently, because my husband and I both work at home; when I go out, it's mostly to meetings and other social things that can chafe my introversion a little bit. I really feel like I need some time to myself- nervousness is making me really critical of other people right now. I'm trying to draw on those patience reserves, but I'm afraid I'm all out right this second. I'm hoping it'll be back tomorrow…

[tarotpy]

CotD - April 3, 2016

Deck: Cosmic Tarot (artist Norbert Lösche) Card: King of Cups Keywords: Peacemaking, emotional intelligence, tolerance, wisdom

I'm pretty sure most readers who do a daily card draw or a lot of personal readings will relate to cards sort of following them around. Lately, this King of Cups dude is just lurking about everywhere. I'm trying to figure out what I should get out of him. My first post on this card, where I describe the illustration, is here.

Historically, I haven't had that much to say about this card. It always seems to come up on days when I'm drained by some outside circumstance: the first time, I was still overtired from the DST changeover; the second time, I was in the middle of a terrible cold; today, I've been having random anxiety spikes for no apparent reason. Given that, of COURSE I haven't had much to say about it. Pair that with the fact that it's frequently difficult to write about court cards outside of my own impressions of them, and you get a recipe for a card I never have much to say about. But given that he's the first card to come up thrice within the span of a month, I wonder if he might be worth some more thought. Whenever I draw this card, I have trouble figuring out how to make it resonate with what I'm experiencing; there seems to be a message that's not being heard.

So what do I really think of this character? What message SHOULD I be getting? When I drew him out of the deck this morning for the third time in less than a month, I immediately thought "Oh, come on, not YOU again, I don't want to have to write about you." And I nearly skipped writing tonight because I just didn't want to go back to my superficial understanding of this card. But I remembered writing last night about the King of Pentacles, which I really think helped me intuit more about the card and feel a little differently about it; maybe something similar is due with this one.

Of all the suits, Cups are most associated with emotion, spirituality, intuition, diplomacy, and tolerance. They're a very gentle suit and rarely deal in hard truths (exceptions being the Five and Eight, which indicate grief and regret, respectively). In theory, the King is the mature, fully-developed expression of these qualities. He displays patience with others, tolerance for alternative viewpoints, a caring and nurturing personality, and wisdom born of experience delving into the emotional world. He's easily social and connects well with others on a genuine level (rather than dazzling them with natural magnetism). He's sensitive, polite and makes others comfortable. All of these are good qualities. I have no negative associations with them… but I'll be the first to tell you that I actually HAVE very few of those good qualities. I'm trying to learn them not just because they're inextricably tied to ~possible future lines of work~ for me, but because I honestly think that being more in touch with my emotions, and with those of others, can make me a better person. This is not a process that comes naturally for me; I'm a thinker far more than a feeler, and one of the bigger doubts I have about pursuing ministry is the fact that my natural instincts surrounding comforting others amount to a robotic pat on the shoulder and a monotone "there, there". When what I want to do in the world has so much to do with other people and their feelings, writing off this card as being "Eh, too touchy-feely for me", I feel like I might be dismissing important perspective.

By getting this card so frequently, I feel like it's reinforcing the idea that right now, paying attention to these aspects of myself is important in my development, both personally and professionally. And the fact that it keeps coming up when I'm stressed out or tired or sick and most apt to feel a little selfish and uncharitable with others probably means something too. This card actually came to mind earlier today when I was having an anxiety attack. I was able to detach, take a very short (and very uncomfortably cold) walk, and stop it from spiraling further; therefore, I actually exhibited some form of emotional intelligence, which means it's already becoming more of A Thing than it would have otherwise been without any conscious focus from me. It's not this card's nature to demand, but I'm feeling as though its themes might be gently prodding and prompting from time to time, and occasionally I need to be reminded that even though I'm in the midst of some intense self-work right now, a goal of that self-work is to get me back in touch with others. Even when I'm feeling most in need of self-care, other people do still exist, and part of my self-care is to figure out how what I do for myself can be done for others.

[tarotpy]

CotD - April 2, 2016

Deck: Cosmic Tarot (artist Norbert Lösche) Card: King of Pentacles Keywords: Stability, philanthropy, practicality, dependability

The King of Pentacles is seen sitting in an ornate throne at a desk. His eyes don't meet the viewer's directly, and his gaze is at something out of frame to the viewer's left. Regardless, he's smiling; the wrinkles around his mouth and under his eyes indicate that it's a genuine smile, rather than a perfunctory one. He has styled and trimmed facial hair, and wears a puffy crown, a coat with embroidered trim, and a multi-tiered cravat with the symbol of a ram's horn or cornucopia on it. On his chest is pinned a medal; each of his hands holds a golden pentacle disc, and he appears to either have just unwrapped them from a yellow cloth or is about to wrap them up in it. Behind him, there are high brick arches in the window, and beyond them, a goat stands on a rocky cliff with its head lowered as if about to butt a rival. Pine trees, tall and jagged mountains, and a building (perhaps a granary or storehouse?) are visible in the background as well.

Kings very seldom point to negative traits associated with their suit; the idea of the Queen and King cards is that they're more mature, evolved versions of the young people depicted in the Princess and Prince (or Page and Knight, if you're using RWS) cards; people who have learned to enhance their positive traits, in other words. From the King of Pentacles, I get a definite sense of gregariousness from the facial expression, and generosity from the way he handles the two discs in his hands. He appears very well-appointed; unlike some of the other Kings, this one is comfortable with luxury and wealth that comes from industry, indicated by the visible masonry in the window arches. I get the impression that he may be akin to an angel investor, a fiduciary, or a patron of artisans, helping others to expand their own financial gain and business ventures. The goat signals that he's a surefooted decision maker and knows how to keep his stability; the medal suggests he can be relied upon in a crisis.

And sure, these are all positive attributes. And yet, I find myself thinking that the strength of this archetype is very much grounded in a capitalist world, where ease with money is seen as a sign of favor and responsibility. Put simply, this is not my favorite King in the deck; while he seems like he'd be great to have as a friend in real life, some of the qualities he represents are ones that make me think "I hate money and pretty much everything to do with it; why should I feel required to seek out these traits?" In spite of being one of the most "comfortable" suits, I actually have a certain amount of trouble with Pentacles in general, because the qualities of the material world, finance, the realities of work… these are by far my least favorite parts of life, and by far the energies I have the most difficulty tapping into. You could say that the Pentacles are the suit I associate most with “adulting”: paying rent, maintaining health, having a stable job and home and life. I'm much more comfortable in the realm of the theoretical and high-minded Swords, for example, or even the creative, passionate Wands. The less I'm dealing with the real world, the better (and note that Pentacles have been showing up very seldom for me lately!).

But then we've got the appearance of this King, who represents all the good things the material world has to offer: comfort, security, the ability to pay your bills, which are all things I have to admit are necessary, even while I'm wishing otherwise. It's entirely possible that this wee Pentacles nudge is just here today to remind me that yes, I do have a deadline coming up that I need to work toward; yes, I do have certain responsibilities in the physical world that I have to live up to. And maybe the next time someone comes along offering me advice on How To Money And Adult, I should possibly listen instead of being a big ol' Young Person about it.