i've been writing on ao3 for years and finally want to make a tumblr for writing too. so welcome! i would ideally enjoy writing reactions/headcannons/imagines for mystic messenger, obey me! shall we date?, attack on titan, and genshin impact.
my requests/askbox are open! though i know i may not recieve anything as i've just began, so i will be posting my own works until people ask for specific pieces. if i get a chance to write out some simple rules, i'll post them later! for now just basic criteria stands, no incest, noncon, proships, racism, etc.
Solomon, protector of humanity, supports Palestine
Do you? 🍉🇵🇸🇵🇸
Here are some people that are in need of help, please donate what you can (small amounts matter too) and if you can't make sure to reblog and spread word!
Check their accounts!
• @palestinianhadeel
• @karamalmadhoun0
• @ahmed79ss
These are the people that messaged me, but I'm sure there are more so feel free to reblog adding more people
this is not my normal content or writing content but .! i've been going a little cuckoo clock with the new photobooth in game and trying to create fun poses out of the given dynamic ones. i just wanted to share my favorites :3
photos under the cut ! <3
im obsessed with rafayel + the abysswalker outfits so of course i took a billion of him, though i think my top pick of these four is actually the sylus one because of the lighting + camera angle. ok thats all bai
unfortunately my flavor of autism is music and association to it. every song i listen to has to have a connection for me personally to a time, place, person, etc. fortunately though that gives me endless creative writing ideas :D since beginning nightbringer, a lot has screamed solomon at me. i wanted to share the songs so *drops this on your doorstep and runs
warnings: me being an autistic fuck and over analyzing a fictional otome game character like babe get a life its been five years
word count: 937
immortal human; solomon, the wise
- nova amor; state lines
"are you sure, did you call? did we ever really talk, i don't know." / "i've been awake in every state line, dying to make this last us a lifetime. trying to shake that its all on an incline."
i can't really rationalize my solomon association with this one, listen to it on your own and see for yourself if you feel as i do. as an accidentally immortal being, solomon has been everywhere and all at once. he knows pasts, presents, even futures that have not a thing to do with him. he hasn't yearned to lose his immortality once until meeting you, desperate to hold onto you forever.
- lana del rey ft father john misty; let the light in
"cuz i love to love to love to love you, i hate to hate to hate to hate you." / "i need to need to need to need you."
this one is less of a lyrical association and more of a feeling. something about the chords and melody line make me think of the sorcerer. especially the minor harmony in the chorus, and over all the post production of the vocals as well. the reverb has got to be either long hall or church, the way it rings in your ears unlike studio does. yes i'm insane
- wolf larsen; if i be wrong
"what if i'm wrong, what if i've lied? what if i've dragged you here, to my own dark night?" / "ten thousand cars, ten thousand trains. there are ten thousand roads to run away. but i am not lost, i am not found. i am not dylan's wife, not cohen's hound." / "if there is a will, there is a way. i will escape for sure, i am david blaine."
there is something so carnally nb!solomon about the lyrics of this song, which is why i quoted so many of them. to me, nb!solomon is terrified he has made a wrong decision in following you to the past. it terrifies him that he so quickly chose to break time just for you, no matter the consequences. no matter if he loses his immortality, becomes stuck, passes on. he has lived so many lives and yet the only one that matters anymore is the one he wants with you. goodness me solomon.
- hozier; unknown/nth
"do you know i could break beneath the weight, of the goodness love i still carry for you? that i'd walk so far just to take, the injury of finally knowing you." / "you know it's more than being unknown. and there are some people love who are better unknown."
i don't think this one requires me to add any notes :3
- adrianne lenker; anything
"i don't want to be the owner of your fantasy, i just want to be a part of your family. and i don't wanna talk about anything, i don't wanna talk about anything." / "weren't we the stars in heaven? weren't we the salt in the sea?" / "dragon in the new warm mountain, didn't you believe in me?"
a gentle reminder that solomon is still at core a human. he has human emotions, feelings, yearnings. something about this song is so domestic and nostalgic to me, like how i imagine flicking through the pages of solomon's life would feel. its a bittersweet hug wrapped in acoustic notes.
- ethel cain; sun bleached flies
"god loves you, but not enough to save you. so i said fine, cause thats how my daddy raised me." / if they strike once, then you just hit them twice as hard. but in the end, if i bend under the weight that they gave me, then this heart would break and fall as twice as far." / "i forgive it all as it comes back to me."
thinking a lot about solomon before he became a sorcerer. thinking about his family, where he came from, how long gone that all is now. barbatos taking him in and raising him not out of love yet also not out of spite. i wonder a lot if he still remembers what it was like to be just human. perhaps he has forgotten by now, and time is the only one to blame. he just takes the punches with a smile and runs on.
-nicole dollanganger; angels of porn II
"my hair is falling out again and i don't really care, i try to stir my conscience it was never really there." / everything is fine in heaven, but i'll never get to know." / "soak all my clothes in holy water, and drown them like a crying son."
okay please hear me out on this one i know this song is a bit out there but its always on repeat for me. please there is something solomon in this song to me. don't crucify me i know i'm onto something here
- trixie mattel; the well
"loving's just a name for saving face, and running's just the way i won the race." / "no i won't come running at the ringing of the bell, no you don't throw wishes to the well." / beneath the neon moon, i'm in the light. tell me, do i ever cross your mind?"
swear this one isn't solomon associated just because it talks about running more than once. to me it reads like solomon speaking to mc, and feeling like he is always second to the demon brothers. he wants to be the one by your side before anyone else gets there, but he is always too late. so he just keeps running, from witches, from his past, from you.
-
that would be all for now :3 i love recommending music to my loved ones and crafting personalized playlists based off lyricism and overall vibes. i have a handful of songs that i associate with each demon brother as well and will probably end up yapping on my page about them sometime in the future. thanks for reading !! feel free to pretty please send me your solomon songs, or just obey me songs in general. <3 -tete
this part covers lesson 1-1 through 1-12. spoiler warnings for anything included in that span.
woooo tete actually finished a piece! and then everyone clapped. if you aren't aware, this piece is part of an ongoing series of me rewriting and expanding on scenes from nightbringer that i think lack emotional depth/just need more. explanation + masterlist!
warnings: no big ones here, just angst and emotional turmoil, i hate capital letters so, mc is gender neutral, no beta we die like my love for omswd after they added ten million chapters and dipped
word count: 4323
just a moment ago, your phone was in hand, text thread with a friend staring back at you. now, you lay haphazardly on some kind of uncomfortable wooden ground as vague and distant voices reach your ears.
as you blink away blurry hues of sleep, lord diavolo stands over your form. it takes a moment to adjust to your surroundings, quickly taking note that the lord is in his demon form. something must have happened- this is not an every day sight. shuffling to pull your tired body off the ground, you meet his gaze. "thank goodness," he speaks with a small smile. "you're awake."
as you open your mouth to speak, the lord cuts you off. 'you've been out cold this entire time. we were really beginning to worry." his words send a strange feeling up your spine, head turning past his wings to notice the brothers also in full demon form are here as well. lucifer looks displeased with whatever this situation is, mammon and leviathan both look you up and down, asmodeus just looks like…well, asmodeus, and the twins are stood together seeming uninterested. it does not go unmissed that satan appears to be not present. words are falling from mammon's lips, but you do not hear. your eyes continuously scan the room, scrambling to remember anything about how you got here and were knocked out.
"wait, mammon. they don't seem to know where they are." a gloved hand is placed against mammons tanned chest, stopping his approach. you know that's lucifer speaking, so why doesn't it sound like him? something is laced within his words that you don't think has ever made an appearance. the group seems to fall into rapidfire questions and concerns, belphegor asking if you're lost.
"lost?" you finally find your voice, though it is smaller than ever. "they smell good for a lost demon, i wonder if they are hiding some good food." beelzebub's voice is deeper. the look in his eyes as you meet them with your own hungrier than you've known.
"i-" "this facility is currently under construction, and under the direct authority of the demon king. what are your intentions of being here?" the lord has an authoritative twinge to his voice. this must be some kind of fucked up dream- or maybe solomon managed to poison you all once more with some stupid enchanted muffins. regardless, you struggle to find words as the seven demons all stare down at you. a beat of silence passes before your phone dings in your pocket, the sound nearly causing you to jump. instinctively it is pulled out, and an unregistered contact pops up to greet you.
'pleased to see you. shall i take you someplace you will be happy? somewhere that will bring you more joy than any other. a world you desire and where you will be desired.'
a short text is typed in response, demanding to know who they are. and as quickly as you had replied, more texts fly onto your screen.
'i clearly have you worried, don't i? well, there's no need to be. nothing remains hidden from me. i see everything. nevertheless, we shouldn't keep them waiting. you have received a second chance at a fated meeting. do you understand?'
a picture is sent at the end of the influx of messages, your beloved seven staring at you from the screen. your eyes look up from the image to them standing in front of you, then back down. 'i don't understand.'
'let me rephrase then. the people you meet here, you are fated to form a deep bond with. i shant tell you my name. just know that you will be entering your own past. or the time of someone you don't know. but never fear, they will always be there waiting for you.'
no more messages come in. as you look up from your phone once more, you meet the lord's eyes and feel yourself freeze up. "i apologize my lord, my friend sent me an address to meet them but it appears i got it wrong." as strongly as you try to mask your fear in a bold face lie, it wafts off you in every direction. the lord seems to ponder your words before nodding slowly, his arms falling to his sides. "i don't believe we have ever met before, which is strange as i know every demon in the devildom- nevertheless, i am diavolo, the next in line to rule the devildom…" he goes off into an all too familiar tangent of each demon brother and their respective sin. "there is one more brother, but he isn't-" a loud noise cuts his speech off, startling you. it seems to have come from the halls leading to this room, which you are now beginning to recognize as the council room of RAD. "speak of the devil…" as bewildering as this whole exchange is, you have to stifle a laugh at belphegor's joke.
satan himself bursts forward into the bones of a room, a look of true rage on his face. a heavy sigh falls from lucifers lips at this. "asmodeus, you did make sure those chains were tight enough, didn't you?" at his words a scowl crosses your features. "why would he be chained up?" its a quiet comment to yourself more than anything else, but diavolo hears.
"that demon is satan, child. the avatar of wrath himself. when i stated that lucifer had another brother, he is who i was referencing." he pauses, turning to glance at satan as if waiting for him to pounce before turning back. "they have all just arrived to the devildom." you nod as if any of his words even make sense. it really is starting to feel like some fucked up nightmare of being thrown into the past, right when the brothers lost the great celestial war and fell. something about this dream just feels so real. "avatar of wrath. i understand." your head is still nodding, eyes trained on satan behind diavolo as lucifer and mammon attempt to wrangle him into submission. this moment is so personal, so raw, that you consider looking away. as if this isn't something satan would want you to see.
with you lost in thought, satan manages to escape his older brothers grips and launches at belphegor. beelzebub is body blocking him in an instant, shielding the youngest. "thanks, beel." belphegor grunts out a praise to his twin while catching his breath. the force had nearly knocked you to the ground just from the sheer mass right next to you, beelzebub turning to you now. "are you okay too? sorry about that." rapidly your head nods with wide eyes. the tall demon sighs in relief, a smile on his face. "i'm glad. can't have a random demon pulled into our mess of a family."
his words were out of kindness- yet the effect was opposite. 'random demon' pulls at your heart. after all, you are anything but random to this group. you'll wake up eventually though, that thought comforting you. maybe you and the brothers will all laugh about this when you tell them.
"i've just about had it with all of you, this world, everything." satans low growl of a voice bounces off all the scaffolding. his hands raise from his sides as he thrashes free from lucifer's hold, eyes glowing a bright emerald. "i, avatar of wrath, will obliterate every last one of you." a breath hitches in your throat. you've seen satans outbursts, his daily battle with containing the wrath that lives in him. you know he is more than his anger, and that at the end of the day- he didn't ask for any of this. subconsciously you step forward, at the same time that he does. "oh man, we're all dead now!"
your chest suddenly heaves forward, a warm and bright feeling overtaking your entire body. the view from your eyes begins to sharpen, getting clearer and clearer as your eyes meet those dark emerald ones. a single word falls from your lips like instinct. "stay."
the hairs on your neck stand on edge, skin tingling and bubbling with something trying to break out. as if someone inside of you were thrashing about, throwing themselves at your bones to break free. until this moment, you have never felt controlled by your power rather than the other way around. in one single blink, not only is satan dropped from your view and against the floor, but so are all six other brothers. a soft whimper falls into the air as you come down, the faint taste of iron on your tongue. "sorry, so sorry." you stumble over an apology looking at the sight in front of you, mammon beginning to go off on what you've done.
the lord laughing silences him immediately.
"is this- this is funny to you, lord?" lucifer pushes up off the ground, turning to glare at you with his arms crossed roughly. "you. what the hell have you done?" your mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water. because truly, you don't know what just happened. maybe the dream version of you has incredulous power in this way? diavolo's laughter dies down as he speaks. "well (your name), i sure have never met a demon like you. honestly, that was quite the riot."
"yo, what was so funny about that?" mammon grunts through his words as he rises too, one hand rubbing at his cheek from the impact. an apologetic smile is sent in his direction, but he does not seem to accept it.
"something about this meeting feels fated. after all, i myself can't personally watch over you lot." diavolo turns in a circle, surveying the battered up bunch standing around. his eyes turn back to you. "do you think you can handle them the way you just did, for a longer period of time?"
your head tilts to the side. "you mean, babysit them for you…?" the room fills with diavolo's laughter once more. he is nearly folded over into himself, amused greatly at your words. "these demons are new, as you know already. they fought in the great celestial war, and ended up here. things have become very…chaotic, because of this, and i need eyes on them at all times."
the lords speech ends, as if you are supposed to understand what he is insinuating. you don't.
"let me try that again," his arms cross against his chest with a smile. "until things settle down in the devildom, i'd like to ask you to attend to them. become their servant, show them around, the works." belphegor makes some offhanded comment in the back about how they don't need a 'babysitter with freakish powers', which the lord ignores as he bores holes into you with his gaze. waiting for your reply, knowing the answer is already yes. after all, he is the lord of the devildom at the moment. "diavolo, we not need for an attendant. just because we used to be angels doesn't mean you must treat us like children." lucifer all but pleads with him, to no avail. he doesn't break his gaze from you for even a second, not even blinking as he waits.
"i accept."
that would be how you find yourself holding up satan's feet as beelzebub carries him, the rest of the brothers and the lord all in tow behind. after all the commotion and complaints had died down, diavolo insisted you walk with them to the brother's new living situation. you'll need to be familiar with it of course for the job, but you also already know it like the back of your hand. these weird dream versions of the demons don't need to know that. the group makes it back in due time, satan still absolutely out cold from whatever insane magic burst from you earlier. the lord has all of you exchange contact information at the gates of the house of lamentation, giving you all the proper applications and such to reach him directly.
mammon falters at the gates, an expression you know as fear on his face. "hey, its not that bad." you give him a small shrug, his head turning to look at you. diavolo also turns to look at you, confusion on his features before you realize your mistake and rush to correct it. " i mean, looking at it from here, it doesn't look all too bad." he seems to take this answer and move on, you two standing as mammon finally makes his way inside and up towards the house. "you won't be staying with them, (your name)." you stand up a bit straighter at this, mind filling with worry on where the hell to go if not here. 'i, um. don't really have anywhere…"
the lord clasps a hand on your shoulder, leaning down closer to your height with his head tilted. "you don't have a place? no friends you stay with?" he sighs, shaking his head. "i won't pry. you seem young, and when i was younger i used to find myself in runaway situations too. but either way, the house of lamentation is the one place they will have all to themselves so i apologize."
your head nods as he speaks softly, feeling comfortable finally in his presence. "i arranged accommodations for you already, so you musn't worry child."
before you can reply, an all too familiar voice calls out from behind you two. "my goodness. there you are, (your name). i was wondering where you disappeared off to. i was worried, you know!" in tandem, you and the lord both whip around to see solomon walking up with a pained smile on his lips. there also appears to be sweat on his brow- as if he had been running around like crazy. "that was fast, solomon. i wasn't expecting you here yet." the lord's warm hand slides off your shoulder, as he extends it to the sorcerer with a shake. "and you mean to tell me you already know (your name)?"
seeing solomon sends a wave of relief over your entire body. sometime over a year ago now, you two had fiddled around with some dream spells to be able to link up and dream together. so any time you see his face in your dreams- he actually is there. it reassures you in this instance to know he is experiencing this nightmare too, but also that out of anyone in the world he is the one who can force wake you.
"i know them very well, actually. it just so happens that they are my apprentice." the tall sorcerer speaks with a smile, one hand to his chin. your eyes haven't left him since he appeared, though in contrast he has yet to look at you. "isn't that right?" he speaks to you. while still looking at diavolo.
"yes," the words finally find you. "its true, my lord." diavolo is shocked at this revelation, but accepts it as fact with a nod of his head before turning back to solomon. his hands wave in the air for a moment.
"i know you are quite accustomed to outlandish things but…a demon as an apprentice, that is a new for even you." solomon gives a soft laugh at this, slender pale hands moving to rest on his hips. "they're my top student, actually…" you tune out the conversation as they go on and on. staring straight holes through solomon, trying to will him to look at you. to acknowledge how crazy all of this is. to tell you to wake up. you're brought back down into your body when diavolo touches your shoulder once more, bidding you a farewell so he may return to the castle. "i'll be seeing you soon, and i cannot thank you enough for taking on the task at hand." with that, he is gone. you and the tall sorcerer are left in a heavy silence.
he breaks the tension first. "...i'm guessing you have quite the list of questions?"
"you're solomon." you state it as a fact, and his body finally turns so he can meet your eyes. a nod, and then, "yes, i am. and you're (your name), my human friend. not my demon apprentice." he pauses, a hand coming up to reach for your own. though you take a step back out of his grasp before he can touch you, a strange emotion flashing on his face. "i don't like this dream. can you wake me up?"
his hand hangs in the air for a moment, before falling along with his expression.
"no, no i can't." the smile on his face is full of pity, and a deep sense of dread builds up in your core. "this one isn't a dream, i'm afraid. can i walk you home…? and then explain it all, of course." you feet feel as if they were floating above the ground, your body just a ghost stood here. this has to be a dream, but...you know that if solomon is here and can't wake you…
no words come out of your mouth. instead you nod robotically, making no move to walk. solomon sighs and drops his head, hiding his face before reaching forward to grab your arm. the sorcerer practically walks you like a child all the way through the devildom to the housing arrangements, your form rigid and silent. a single puff of wind from his lips could knock you over.
"we're here," his voice is soft and careful as he leads you up and into the building. your eyes gloss over a plaque stating it as 'cocytus hall', but you show no emotion at this. he all but sets you down onto an awkwardly large bed before his hands are off of you. standing back now, he sighs again and shakes his head. "i'm so…sorry, (your name). let me explain." he kneels down in front of you on the bed edge, gently taking your hands in his.
there wasn't really an explanation you had thought of that matched any of what he tells you. not even in your wildest dreams had you ever imagined a scenario like this, yet here you are. the beloved human jewel of the devildom, sent back hundreds of years in the past for God knows why. you learn how solomon followed you here, chasing you through time to cushion the fall and see you make it out alive. there is a pause hanging in the air as he dares to ask how you feel. truthfully, you don't know how you feel. its difficult enough to wrap your head around your time in the devildom as is- but this? this...absolute nightmare hand crafted specifically for you? a warm slice of anger burns your chest, but that feeling begins to evolve into pure rage as he keeps careful watch of your trembling form. "i'm angry," you tell him. "i'm quite angry."
solomon tells you how barbatos helped him dive head first into this concrete slab of a past. "it wasn't easy," he notes with a tut, "though i knew more than anyone that it could only be me following you." the lord of time, essentially father time himself, sent solomon into a potential death trap after you. instead of maybe…pulling you from the past? doing anything at all to get you back? "i don't think i understand, there was nothing more to be done?" your empty eyes look up to his, a matching look in them. the gentle hold of your hands tightens slightly as solomon holds himself at bay.
"any of the brothers from your time coming here would spell trouble, paradoxically so. believe me, all of them would have jumped to follow you if it weren't there own past." his voice is soft, though his words are firm. this is fact to him, and you are to be convinced. you still have yet to be as a retort quickly flies from your lips. "is this not your past as well?"
the sorcerer chooses silence. you take that as answer enough.
"...regardless," you begin again with a sigh, "can't i just get myself out of here? i still have the ring of light." one hand snakes out of solomons hold to reach into your pant pocket, producing the small heirloom item. it is twirled between your fingers for a moment. "this has got to be helpful in some way, right?" your hand extends to hold the ring infront of solomons face. he ponders this for a while, seemingly deep in thought. his head quirks to the side, brow furrowed. "if you remember, you were given this ring to better control and contain your power." his fingers reach up, plucking the ring from you to examine it for damage. "as we are in the long gone past now, your power...well, lets just say it is a lot weaker. your pacts don't exist here, at least not for hundreds of years." these words are what finally knock the harsh truth of it all into you. this isn't just the past, it is someone elses past. you do not exist, not even the concept of you. you are a mere speck of dust floating by in the wind.
you have never felt so small. so insignificant and worth absolutely nothing. your mind begins to buzz and jump from thought to thought of how your beloved demons don't care for you. you're nothing but an afterthought for them to send solomon after when you get too out of control.
"no," you speak outloud to yourself, shaking the thoughts away physically. a painful chill runs up your neck. "explain the power thing to me."
without missing a beat, solomon gives you a slow and thorough explanation of your power. reminding you of how it was in your actual time, and explaining why it is lesser here. there is obviously still a very fine line connecting you to them, shown earlier when you were able to command all seven brothers with one word. thinking back on it, a grimace crosses your face as you realize it could've been avoided had you only added the name 'satan' in front.
"so...do i understand correctly that i have to reforge- is that even the right word? since this is the past-" you stop yourself with a sigh, head dropping. "i have to reforge all of my pacts to even have a sliver of a chance at getting home?" his face is mostly blank as you scan it, trying to get a read on how he really feels about all of this. then, he nods and his lips part to speak.
"great." your own voice cuts him off. before solomon has a chance to react, you're crying. there is a strange empty look on your face, yet tears run harsh trails down your cheeks.
"hey, hey- i'm sorry," solomon slides the ring back into your pocket, snaking his hands up your arms to rub soft circles on the exposed skin. "i'm so sorry." pulling you closer, one hand rubs soothingly at your hair whilst the other keeps you firm against his chest. it scares solomon how emotionless you look, how dull your usually sparkling eyes seem. especially with the added contrast of tears and reddened skin.
there was of course a lot of talk before he was sent here about how you might react to all of this. lucifer was beside himself imagining how vulnerable you would be without their care. mammon felt like his world was ending thinking about you being alone, and unable to call him for help. there was simply no protecting you with this. leviathan and asmodeus had actually shared similar mindsets, just hoping you wouldn't be so frightened or worse- hurt, by their past selves. beelzebub for once in his entire existence wasn't hungry. his stomach hurt too bad thinking about you never returning. and the youngest, belphegor, hadn't expressed concerns at least outwardly. he waited until the moment him and solomon were alone, all but threatening the sorcerer to bring you back unharmed. promising a war against humanity that could rival the great celestial one if anything irreversible happened to you.
solomon had just not expected the strong and brave human he grew so fond of to cry.
still he holds you, even long after you calm down. your face is against his chest, one of his hands soothing your hair as the other holds you around your waist tightly. "i' want to go home." your voice is barely a whisper, muffled against his cape. he hears it anyways, hushing you softly. "i know, (your name). but," he unravels from around you, the loss of warmth causing a sadness in you as he tilts your chin up to meet his eyes. "i'm in this, too. and i wouldn't have come unprepared."
"i don't know how i can face them everyday and not falter. i mean, they just fell." he frowns lightly as you talk, thumb absentmindedly rubbing against your chin. "you will falter, i can't lie and say you will be fine. but as i said, i'm right here with you. okay?"
his words should be comforting, yet they rather make you more angry and emotional. solomon shouldn't have been dragged into this, given the role of saving you. there had to have been other things to do before it got to this point. but nevertheless, he is here now and it has already happened. you tell yourself that you should be thankful even a single person cared enough to break time just for the idea of your safety. with a small forced smile, you nod at him. "thank you for following me, solomon. if anyone can get out of this shit, its you." it doesn't go unnoticed the way his own smile falters for a moment.
have you found yourself confused with nightbringer? annoyed at the whole 'you don't remember anything except yes as the player you do'? unhappy with the plot and or unsatisfied with how mc reacts to everything? have you ever wished mc were more emotionally open with how truly trying this experience would be?
well i have. lolol. so i've made it my lifes mission to rewrite and expand on multiple scenes of the game. essentially all the way up to ch11 because lets be honest i'm in my mammon era and broke.
before i explain further let me just- *flashes credentials
to keep this short and sweet, i'm finally giving nightbringer a try after getting over the devs no longer caring for swd like...a year too late. and well! i've just really not liked how nonchalant mc is in game with the whole 'oh no whoopsie you're in the past now and everyone hates you' thing. lord the way i would've asked diavolo to kill me on the spot in the construction of RAD. so i've been writing out more detailed fully-fledged versions of certain lessons. and of course i want to unleash that pain upon tumblr. guess i'm back for good now until i burn out of nightbringer due to how hard it is to get grimm :DD
i'll begin publishing them as i finish them, and will attach them to this original post to serve as a masterlist of sorts. though i'm not covering every single lesson, so if anyone comes across this and has a request feel free to let me know!! inbetween rekindling my love for animating in-game cards (mamzgf on tiktok!) and writing think pieces on nightbringer, my creative passion has returned.
final notes: i will be including some of my own personal headcanons for the story in here. a few off the top of my head, just in case they aren't your cup of tea: mc does remember everything when they are sent to the past. mc's powers being in a weakened state exhaust them to use, sometimes causing physical harm from the pulling of magic they do not own. solomon can freely go back to the present with barbatos' help, and does so from time to time to update the demon brothers on the situation. and a silly one, but the brothers find random historical photos of the devildom sometimes with an all too familiar looking figure in the back of them all :)
so you want to know what this fic is? funny story i dont fucking know ... i just started writing with one single line of dialogue in mind and then suddenly it was 5 am and not midnight anymore. if there are any errors...no there aren't
warnings: angsty as fuck. what is wrong with me. implied death, swearing, vague gore descriptions, God is like. evil AND a they/them user so if ur a christian maybe skip this one HAH
word count: 9.2k
brief synopsis before you begin, you are lucifer's lover (not a important plot point so replace the name with another demon if you wish!) and a low level demon has been given a task to capture you and bring you somewhere. to where? well, to God. and God is not like the stories you've heard.
-
life in the devildom was suspiciously good. as in, the kind of good where there just absolutely has to be a catch.
all seven demon brothers adored you. at this point in time, you shared a pact with each of them. they treated you as if you were real family, not just found family.
as did the lovely angels, simeon and luke. they both loved you to the ends of the world and back, especially luke. he really needed a mature and older person in his life that wasn't an angel. teach him how the world really works, all that beautiful coming of age stuff.
solomon was just, well, solomon. you two were very tight knit as friends, allies, humans trying to survive the devildom. he was only two or three years older than you, yet he treated you equally. your relationship was as close to being real brother and sister as it could be.
but alas, you had been on edge lately. something was coming. none of the demon brothers agreed or understood what you meant. the only explanation you could give is that, as a human from the human realm, you are taught from a very young age how to use your senses. your parents engrave safety and 'stranger danger' in you as a child, and solidify those ideals as you grow. humans are by nurture and nature trained to become afraid of everything they don't know.
when walking home from rad, you always had at least one of the brothers wait on you so you could walk home safely. and on one instance walking home with lucifer, you sensed the low level demon approaching before he did. not only did that shock lucifer, but it worried him. maybe you were being truthful when you spoke of how extreme humans senses to danger are.
nonetheless you made it home safe that day. and the next day, with mammon. and the next day, with satan. now it was thursday, and there was to be a rad council meeting. since it was a specific meeting to discuss how the humans are progressing in studies, you and solomon were to just go home. diavolo wanted to ask the brothers when you two were not present, which was understandable.
solomon had to leave school early regardless, so that just meant you were to walk home.
alone, that is.
lucifer was especially wary of this after the whole exchange he experienced with you knowing danger was present before he did. but diavolo managed to reassure him you were safe, that no one would dare to lay a finger on you. with or without the brothers by your side, everyone in the entire realm knew you were off limits, punishable by death.
some demons just aren't afraid of death, i guess.
you stood at the gated entrance to the house of lamentation, d.d.d in hand to text the group chat saying you were home safe.
to the brothers surprise though- whence they arrived home you were in fact not there. but your d.d.d was. and in that exact moment, lucifer felt even greater fear then when he fell.
immediately half of them are back at the lords castle, the other half at home searching and calling for you everywhere.
diavolo is of course distraught by this news, but keeps his cool. if he is to step up and announce your missing status with a grimm reward if found, someones going to end up turning him or herself in for the money.
but then a day goes by.
and there is simply no you.
diavolo widens the search, to essentially the entirety of the devildom. nearly every demon and succubi ever is out during day and night, searching for you. lucifer had even brought out cerberus at one point, having him sniff your items with all three heads. that strange mangle of a dog sure did adore you, so he could find you no matter where you had gone.
on day three...lets just say hope wasn't lost, but diminishing. there was only around a 5% chance you were still alive, considering humans are so fragile when it comes to food, water, pain tolerance.
and yes, of course everyone practically begged barbatos to look into the timeline and try to spot where you were now, but there was a large blank space from the time you texted the boys to the time they arrived home. someone had been very clean and meticulous in taking you, now it was just a race against time to catch them. and hopefully, bring you home alive.
meanwhile, as brothers and demons alike are tearing the city apart, your eyes blink open.
it is incredibly bright. it stings like when you sit in a dentists chair and accidentally look directly into the overhead light without glasses on.
"ah, you're awake my child. good afternoon."
someone is speaking. the words are hitting your ears but you are getting confused and disoriented more and more by the light.
a large, warm hand comes down over your eyes, and you go to fight the person but instead feel instant calm and peace upon their skin touching yours.
"i do apologize for this being how we first meet, but nonetheless i am pleasured to meet you mc."
"who...? who are you?"
finally, you can get the words out. this demon must be extremely powerful, with how quickly they calmed you with their magic.
"aha," the person laughs, frightening you for a second. "my apologies again, this time for reading your thoughts. it is a bad habit i need to break from- and i am not a demon."
mind reading. are we sure right now that barbatos isn't behind this that confusion aside, you ask for a name, making sure to sound polite. you've watched so much true crime, you know that you can definitely stockholm syndrome your way out of here if needed.
"my name? michael."
a soft 'ahhh' leaves your lips. "like the archangel."
michael does not respond. instead, he moves his hand from your face and moves you to be sitting up.
"darling, i am the archangel. again, pleased to meet you."
almost immediately you blink around in the brightness, sitting up farther. confusion scribbled across your features.
"why am i in heaven? did i die? i kind of always thought i was enough of a hardcore sinner to go to hell, you know."
you joke in the awkwardness and surprisingly the jokes land. michael laughs again, deep and rich. he walks from behind you, coming into full view now. he is beautiful, his tanned skin glowing and shining, his wings- his wings are the most beautiful pair you have ever seen besides lucifers.
"you are not dead, no. you are just on a little field trip at the moment."
it seems there really isn't a time right now where you don't look confused, because michael speaks again.
"you were summoned. by God themself, amen."
it takes every ounce of strength in your body to not start cursing out the literal archangel michael. why the hell did...GOD kidnap you? this must just be a really weird fever dream, you did feel a little sick when you had gotten back to the house-
wait. wait wait, you never made it inside. now you can remember it clear as day; you walked home alone, the boys all stayed for a meeting. you had a pleasant walk, enjoying the breeze. once at the gates you sent a quick group chat text that you were home. you can still clearly see the cheering emoji lucifer sent back, it being the first time he used an emoji in front of everyone to you. but then as you opened the tall gate, you stumbled. a wave of sickness overtook you, and you fell to your knees in pain. glancing down at your legs, you finally notice you are no longer in your school uniform and that your knees are bandaged. after you had fallen...you don't remember much else. but you were so sure you had gotten home that day. so what the hell happened to bring you to heaven?
"i don't think i understand, michael. why do they want me here? the demon brothers must be worried sick about me right now."
at this michael shows an expression you hadn't seen on him yet- annoyance. oh, yea. you had kind of forgotten the whole demon brothers were once angels blah blah. michael can be as petty as he wants, you have your mind set on going home.
"i think i should really go back home. i can just, reschedule. yea?" michael does not seem to like these words either.
"i wish this were under different circumstances, but i must keep you here. i apologize, yet again. they shall arrive soon."
soon? how soon is soon. you don't even know how long you've been here, but michael quickly interrupts your thoughts to tell you you've been here three days. you don't even process the number because all you can think is that he is invading your privacy after having just kidnapped you and expects you to be respectful. and just casually say hi to God.
it isn't long after, maybe only a few minutes, that michael tells you they are here. they, being God.
another overwhelming lapse of brightness covers you, almost burning your bare arms with its intensity.
"hello, my dear child. michael, i will take things from here."
without a word, michael is gone. he just...vanishes into the light.
"so why am i here? wait. is that impolite to ask you?"
the being's presence is overwhelming. they are tall, maybe even taller than beelzebub. their skin is lightly tanned, and their hair is tied back gracefully. somehow, their eyes seem to flash every eye color at differing angles.
"i have called upon you to ask a favor, child. one that only you can succeed at in all the realms."
"cool. thanks for thinking so highly of me, but i really do need to go soon. what is it i have to do?"
there is a pause. the silence is chilling, as God themself stares into your tired eyes.
"you must do what an angel cannot- devastate and destroy. but do not fear, you will be secured a place in heaven upon your passing in life. this will not be written off as a sin, i assure that to you. think of it as a favor, and ill return it when you pass."
man, everything in heaven is just so confusing. why can't anyone talk like a normal person. you shut off your brain quickly though- if michael can read minds whos to say God can't, and you really don't want to be on this being's bad side right now.
"can you explain that in a way i would understand?" a beat of silence. "...please? sorry, this is new to me." God does not laugh like michael had. they continue to bore holes through your eyes with their own before speaking again.
"you must tear those demon brothers apart. you must be the one to devastate them. only you, are capable of this."
"no, i'm so sorry your honor, i don't think i can actually do that. besides- they would kill me if i even tried. no can do, God."
they finally change expression- an annoyed look, akin to the one michael wore when you mentioned the brothers to him as well. you just want to leave already, this being could erase your entire existence without even lifting a finger. and you kinda are starting to like the whole 'existing' thing.
"i must be going, my child. if for any reason you are not to complete this task, i will have michael do it himself. though that is a last resort, and you are well capable of this. goodbye."
"wait what? wait God no i don't get it-"
and they are gone. yay. now you sit alone in the blank white scenery, not sure how you are supposed to leave. why couldn't literal God have told you where the exit was at least.
but as you unfold your legs and begin to step off the platform you were upon, you fall through. the white light surrounding you was not actual light, but a mere illusion made by the clouds. you should have realized- you had been to the angels realm once with simeon and luke, and it wasn't just blank colors. that place you are now free falling from must have been just a temporary place, keeping you hidden from the brothers. no wonder they hadn't found you yet- none of them would think to search that high.
falling fast and heavy, you try to adjust your eyes to the blurry surroundings around you. its slightly purple, and dark. so you conclude you must be falling into the devildom. is this what it felt like when..?
before you can finish that thought, somebody is yelling, and you are unconscious.
the next time you wake, you jolt up and search the room panicked. lucifer stands up from beside your bed, trying to calm you. it takes a little while for you to adjust and ground yourself that you aren't back in heaven having a chit chat with God.
"mc, where were you? were you hurt?"
the words take a bit to find you, but as you are about to speak you realize the gravity of the situation. you were just ordered by God, your beloved demon's father, to destroy them. and you can't exactly just tell them about that. so, for the first time ever, you lie right to lucifer's face.
"i don't know. what do you mean where was i? did something happen?" perfect execution, pretend to be confused and unaware. lucifer and satan at least should know what amnesia is, and they will write it off as that.
"your outfit, do you know anything about this?"
it was then you realized that even in that weird heaven chamber you hadn't noted what you were actually wearing. you were just aware it wasn't your rad uniform. looking down at it now, you didn't even bother faking confusion because it was real.
you were no longer wearing a grey skirt, but rather a pair of silk white shorts. your top half was no longer adorning that awful green button up and jacket, but rather a plain white tank top. seeing how pristine and clean you appeared, you wondered for a moment if they had done anything to you and that was the reason to redress. you almost go to run your hands along your back, feeling for any scars, but are abruptly reminded lucifer is right in front of you.
"i haven't seen clothes like this in the devildom before. of course i don't know all about fashion, asmodeus can probably trace this garment to somewhere. that isn't the issue here," he pauses and takes a deep breath, in and out. "what the hell happened?"
your eyes fill with tears before you can even try to push them away, and lucifer is immediately hugging you to his chest as you cry out. he may think you are stressed, confused, upset. but you mustn't tell him that you are crying because you are scared. terrified, even. God themself has given you a task you don't know how to complete, and ordered that if you wont then michael will step in. what does that mean? is michael going to hurt you?
you cry out against lucifer's warm chest, getting your tears all over his shirt. neither of you care. he is just so thankful to hold you again, and feel your heartbeat. when you can finally calm down, he pulls away and puts a hand to your face. his thumb wipes away stray tears, and his eyes just look so tired. you can assume you look worse for wear as well, but you have never seen the hard working demon so drained.
"can you bring satan in, please? and maybe asmodeus too?"
lucifer slowly rises, hand coming to sit atop your messy head of hair. "i will go get them, i promise on my life i will be quick. you won't even know i've left."
and boy was lucifer telling the truth, because he was only gone from your room for what seemed like ten seconds.
he reenters, satan and asmodeus shuffling inside after. then, the door is closed. satan looks incredibly frustrated, asmodeus like he's been crying for three straight days. you almost laugh to yourself before you finally understand God's words.
'if for any reason you are not to complete this task, i will have michael do it himself. though that is a last resort, and you are well capable of this. goodbye.'
before you can even register what satan is saying you are back to crying. hysterical this time- you finally understand. and now you know you really cannot do what God is asking of you.
my dear reader, the brothers have been a mess for five whole days because of your absence, and the two days where you did not wake.
beelzebub actually managed to lose weight from not eating. asmodeus hadn't washed his hair in five days. leviathan was having panic attacks every day. mammon went out and spent all his savings on private investigators, and people who could track you down. belphegor didn't leave his room for even a second the entire time. satan was lashing out at every demon he saw looking suspicious. and lucifer, well. lucifer cried. for nearly two days, whenever he would go back to his room for the night, he would sob.
God wanted you to destroy all seven brothers? well congratulations, now you know how.
lucifer is quick to have you back in his arms again, holding your head. it should be comforting but it only makes you cry harder knowing the brothers will probably suffer greatly if michael steps in and does the job. but you doing it, isn't an option either. at least, right now it feels like a nightmare.
satan and asmodeus say they can come back later, when you are more rested- you all but scream out for them to please stay. so they come and sit on the bed with you and lucifer.
"satan," you manage through cries. "can i ask you a weird favor please?" immediately he says he will do anything. "is there a way you can see if there is any magic on me? like if someone cast a spell on me, i don't know."
the three demons seem to sit up a bit straighter as you ask this. of course they are practically dying to know what happened, you asking such a big question just threw them off. they must be thinking that some extremely powerful demon who hides from everyone had taken you.
satan scoots closer, and asks if you can stand up. lucifer and asmodeus go to stand behind him, as you stand on your fuzzy rug. and then, he begins chanting something softly, all while circling your body. you can see trails of gold and white starting to wrap around your arms, your chest, your legs. as satan sees them, he gets louder. angrier, even. lucifer just looks pale, like he has become ill.
with his palms facing upwards, satan slowly moves his hands into the air in an attempt to pull the magic binding you off. he quickly stops when they don't budge, and you wince in pain. if looks could break spells just like that, you're sure satans death stare would be enough.
but alas, the magic binding you is something they cannot touch without hurting you. whoever has done this has practically engraved each word of the spell into your skin, and you may be at risk of actually dying if they try to remove it right now.
"asmodeus, please go get the others. and tell the boys at purgatory hall. all three of them, especially those damned angels."
his words are scary, filled with a rage you had never experienced from him before. satan lets go of his hold on the bindings, and watches as they slowly sink back into your skin.
"what was that?"
of course you understand. but you can't let them know that you do.
"i would like to discuss it with everyone here, i'm sorry my love. just wait a little bit longer." lucifer answers you before satan can, and they both usher you to sit back in bed. lucifer brings your head into his lap, as satan sits with a hand on your leg. you know they are trying to console you and keep you safe, but the pure rage coming off of their auras is almost choking you.
you are on the very verge of sleep when asmodeus comes back with everyone in tow. you sit up a little too quickly after seeing everyone, and wince at the pain in your head. lucifer is quick to bring your head back down, telling you to just rest. you can hug and greet everyone when you're feeling better.
"so boys, we have a very large problem."
lucifer's voice is stern, commanding. his sin is definitely controlling at least half of him right now.
"and by very large, i mean otherworldly, simeon. luke."
the angels move from by the door to come closer to the bed, and see you. simeon goes such a shade of white you think he might be the one needing to lay down right now. luke just tilts his head. "huh? why is mc wearing that garment?"
lucifer snaps back at the poor child with a "you know damn well, don't you?"
you are quick to shut down the possible fight though, knowing already luke and simeon have nothing to do with this. its just a matter of how long you can hide who is responsible.
"lucifer, he's a child. please don't accuse them of what ever i just went through."
he looks down at you for a second, stares into your eyes, and then sighs. he knows you are right, but there has to be an explanation for this and it is strange the angels wouldn't know of it.
"mc, would you mind standing up again? i need the others to see it as well, yes?" you nod from his lap, his arms reaching down to straighten your body out. and then, you are standing on the rug as satan begins circling you again.
the demons, angels, and the sorcerer watch in disbelief as once again the gold and white lines begin tracing your body, as if veins suddenly coming to the surface. satan stops for a moment, turns to solomon. he is holding the bindings in place, not too tight and not too loose to hurt you again.
"what do you know of this? because to me, it looks like an ancient binding spell made to capture the angels that turned on Them."
satan doesn't even need to say their name, everyone knows who he means. luke gasps, finally putting it all together in his little brain.
"i'm...not so sure. it does appear that way, yes, but only beings like archangels or Them can control it to this extent, let alone cast it. do we know where mc was?"
"see, thats the thing," lucifer begins, the rage bubbling up again. "mc doesn't remember a thing. and we tore apart the entire realm. does it not make sense they were taken to the celestial realm? and that is why we could not pinpoint them?"
you start to feel guilty for hiding all the actual truth, so you let just a tiny bit out. "actually," everyone turns to you, startled to hear you speak after so long. "i remember clouds. i thought it was a white room, but when i stepped to the floor- i fell."
solomon seems to know exactly what you are speaking of, as does simeon. they both move closer to your body, circling around it themselves while satan still holds the bindings up. its beginning to sting just a little, but you want to appear strong. you can't let them know anything actually relevant to your kidnapping.
"that to me sounds like a heaven chamber, something i've been summoned to multiple times before." simeon speaks gently, worry and concern written all over his features. "i'm of course no archangel, just plainly an angelic being. so while i cannot create one myself, i can be summoned to them if something is urgent and we have no time to meet in the celestial realm."
all of the boys seem to just be repeating everything simeon said to themselves. solomon reaches out a steady hand and traces one of the lines with his finger. "satan, let them go." in an instant satan drops the bindings, and looks to see if you are okay. you put up a smile on your face, but all the boys watch as the golden lines disappear, leaving red burns in their place.
"shit, damn it," satan curses to himself in frustration, and quickly attempts to put a healing spell over you. solomon is quick to cut him off yet again. "depending on how strong this seems to be attatched , if we are to add any more spells on top it will just soak them up like a sponge. it will steal the power, and we will be doing nothing but making it worse."
even with the forced smile across your face, everyone seems to see how afraid you truly are. so deciding its no longer worth it to act strong- you let yourself go. right as your body is about to hit the floor beelzebub is catching you in his arms, cradling your head as if a child.
"they feel really hot, mc, are you sick? why didn't you tell us?"
as beelzebub speaks all of the others come closer, lucifer crouching down to feel your forehead. he concludes you do in fact have a fever, and orders everyone out, except satan- who will be bringing back medicine and some food.
"how…" lucifer begins. "how did i let them get you…?" the usually prideful and stern demon has a look in his eyes you can only describe as deep worry.
"i'll be alright, i know i will be. this isn't the end of me, you do realize right? we can fix this!"
another smile forces its way onto your face, but your lover sees straight through it. he knows you are strong, he knows how tough of a fighter you are. but some battles just aren't in your favor, and you both have become aware of that now.
you lay with him, head on his chest and arm around you tracing shapes on your shoulder. satan comes in every now and then to either bring medicine, bring or take food, and talk quietly with lucifer. its funny, in a completely unfunny way, that this is the first time you've seen them talk for so long without fighting. maybe God was right, that you are the only one in all three realms with the power to make or destroy them.
but you would rather not think of that right now. so you fall asleep in your lovers arms, praying to anyone but God that you wake up alive the next morning.
<3 drink water checkpoint <3
lucifer paces back and forth in diavolos office.
you had been brought to the lord's castle to see if barbatos has any way of treating you, and diavolo was contacting sorcerers from all around the realms. he was nearly as frantic as lucifer in the race to get this thing off of you.
back in a private guest room, barbatos has tried at least four different ways to break the binds. but each time he tries, it only causes you pain.
"i am so sorry dear, i think i must try something that isn't magic related. just a moment," he turns his back to you, lifting a book into the air with a finger and turning pages with his head turning. its fascinating to watch such a powerful demon in action, but you must not forget the reason you are here. tired and hungry, you decide to start listing off your own ideas.
"barbatos, sir-" "no need for honorifics dear, i am but a servant to the lord." you would laugh if this situation was anything but what it is now. "what if...what if i died? no don't look at me like that, i mean," you pause for a second. "remember when you sent me into another timeline to deal with the belphegor issues? and i died, but since you had sent me me into another timeline i could continue life?" barbatos shows no sign of emotion, but does nod his head along to what you are saying.
"but the thing is, if we do that, i don't want the brothers to know. so if you think my plan isn't batshit crazy and i've lost it, we can't tell anyone. we will just simply do it."
barbatos is silent still. yet his eyes seem to be thinking, processing the idea and perhaps even playing it out in a timeline in his mind.
"the issue is, dear, if i were to send you into another timeline, you would have to kill that version of yourself and then just stay in that timeline. and as you know," he approaches the bedside you sit upon, "timelines always have something slightly different about them. you could be walking into one where a different brother is in belphegor's situation, or one where you reside at purgatory hall, or worse, one where the exchange student is not you."
you mull it over for a few seconds. "wait, thats easy then, we just have to not go into a timeline where the exchange student at the house of lamentation isn't me! this could actually work, right?"
the tall man seems like he really wants to tell you that this isn't a smart idea, but sees the determination and excitement on your face. you think you've found your own way out, and must be so incredibly proud of yourself. so barbatos agrees.
"that will be risky. i cannot go with you, but the barbatos in the timeline you will enter should be able to see this coming and help you."
"great! oh lord, i can't wait to be rid of these awful bindings. couldn't they have at least been a cooler color?"
and he laughs. he laughs so hard he is nearly in tears, and suddenly the lord and lucifer have come in the room.
"what happened?" diavolo asks, almost on the verge of being out of breath.
"this dear human is just, well, so unique. i have no doubt that with their personality and soul they will get through this."
the two other demons look relieved, and lucifer's eyes meet yours.
"i'm going to be okay." you say.
"i know." he replies.
barbatos does not speak. for he knows you are both lying.
and that fact becomes apparent to the others when you get dizzy suddenly, hands on the bed to stabilize yourself. your chest burns, it almost feels like what you imagine being stabbed to feel like.
lucifer is at your side now, as is diavolo, but you can't make out faces or voices. everything is on fire, and as you shut your eyes, a scream leaves your lips.
the bindings begin to race around you once again, this time brighter somehow. tighter, more intense.
and apologies dear reader, but you have just passed out in front of not only your lover but the lord of hell.
<3 drink water checkpoint <3
you are getting really tired of waking up somewhere new.
its been a week and two days since your spontaneous kidnapping by God (which- in hindsight, you can't help but laugh randomly when you remember and it scares the brothers).
sorcerers have come and gone, witches have come and gone, even luke and simeon have tried their hands at removing the celestial bindings. of course, nothing works, and you are becoming increasingly more and more aware that there is only one true out of this situation.
another day that you had been with barbatos, you both discussed the possibility that even if you entered a new timeline, that doesn't mean this won't happen a second time. when beings like angels and demons have their eyes set on something, they will never let it go until it is theirs.
and you were getting weaker and weaker as time ticked by, slowly becoming afraid that the bindings could kill you. simeon and luke reassured you many a time that no celestial being would ever cast a spell that resulted in death. you had almost slipped up a few times out of anger, biting your tongue to not tell them their beloved God was who did this, and it was with intent to harm.
nonetheless, bindings aside, you knew what you had to do. it was just a matter of when at this point. you needed to be alone, yet discreetly say goodbye to everyone beforehand. you needed an execution plan, but couldn't settle on one because the thought of it made you feel physically ill.
there was too much going on. all you ever wanted was a little bit of everything all of time- but having your wish granted has made you go back on that ideal.
so you settled into bed, in your lover's arms, mentally planning. you decided to start right now.
"i love you," soft words barely above a whisper. he was most likely asleep by now, so at least that saved you from the embarrassment of saying it outloud to him.
lucifer was however not asleep, and a single tear of anger left his eye as you, his fragile beloved human, slept peacefully in his arms.
the next morning was beelzebub's turn. you got up extremely early to cook breakfast- for everyone, but mostly beelzebub. you arranged all his favorite breakfast foods, from devil pancakes to poison apple donuts. he was so thankful he looked like he wanted to cry as he hugged you.
"i'm just so glad you're back, i think your home cooking reminded me how hard it was without you." a sniffle. "sorry, i didn't realize how much you mean to me."
you wanted to cry with him. you did not.
leviathans room was your next destination, considering you were on house arrest with him watching over you until they could get the bindings off and find the culprit.
"levi-chan! can we play games together today? i'll do your school work for you too if you want, i kind of miss being at rad."
leviathan just about broke for three seconds there. he looked as if he was simultaneously pale as a ghost and red as a devil chili. and sure, he stuttered through his words telling you he would love to game, and that you don't have to do his work if you don't want to, but he got there eventually.
so you hugged him gently with a genuine smile- just not a happy smile. this was a goodbye smile, and thanks to leviathan's love of only happy anime, he had no idea this smile existed.
you spent nearly the entire day doing his work, playing games, cleaning up a bit, watching animes. exactly how you wanted this day to be.
when the other boys returned from rad, you had been in the kitchen preparing dinner. after being with leviathan earlier you had akuzon ordered some groceries and asked solomon to sneak back to the human world to grab your favorite books.
books in hand, you skipped up to meet satan as he came through the front door.
"satan! i'm so glad you're back, i ordered these for you."
he froze up, confusion on his features.
"it's just a few of my favorite books from the human world, i've always wanted to gift you some."
satan still had not moved. he didn't even flinch when mammon came running in the door, hitting his shoulder. when it was only you and him standing at the door still, he turned to shut it, then grabbed your wrist and pulled you into the music room.
"mc."
"please don't say you won't take them. i know you don't like gifts without reciprocating but these are just because i wanted to."
"mc."
"hm?"
"why does this feel like a goodbye."
his words were finite. it was not a question, it was a statement. it was a fact.
"why would you think that? i've still got like, six more months here."
satan saw right through your words. you couldn't risk anyone finding out your plan, especially not satan. it would only anger him, and he would of course tell lucifer. so you now had to do some serious damage control.
"if you don't take them i'm giving them to solomon."
quickly the books were snatched from your arms, and you laughed. it was a real laugh for once in a while, and satan knew that. so he kept this strange gift giving thing to himself, and went off to his room.
now it was time to go find the wild one, mammon. it had taken you a really long time to decide what to do for him, and him not freak out or hate it.
originally the idea was grimm- your savings from working at the devil library were quite large. but that wasn't meaningful enough, not for you. yes it was tangible, but it was also spendable. you had to find something for mammon that he wouldn't dare to ever sell or spend.
"mammon? you in there?"
you knocked softly on his closed door. your other hand behind your back held a dark velvet box.
after some shuffling from inside, the door was opened to reveal mammon. his hair was damp, as if he were just showering. "oh sorry, i can come back later." you were mistaken to believe him to be busy, as he pulled you inside his room and closed the door.
"so? whatcha doin in my room?"
you smiled up at him. beaming, actually.
"i got you something, um. here." you pulled the box from behind your back, mammon going slightly red seeing it. but he still took the box, and opened it.
"it's a locket," "no shit dumbass." mammon cut you off, laughter erupting from your body. lord, you really haven't laughed so much in one day for so long. these boys really did give you infinite reasons to smile.
"open it." mammon sets the box down to hold the small gold chain in front of his eyes, opening the small gold heart. inside was a picture of you two, dancing at diavolo's ball. asmodeus had taken a picture because of how sweet you two looked, like highschool sweethearts dancing together. he hadn't posted the image anywhere- keeping it to give to you for a moment just like this.
"i...jeez. wow. thank you, aha," mammon closest the locket, holding it tight in his fist. you skip over to his bed and order him to sit on the edge. carefully, you take the locket from his hand and clasp it around his neck.
"now even in six months, when i'm back in the human realm, you'll have me still here with you."
like hell you wanted to cry. you wanted to break down and have your first ever protector hold you, telling you everything will be alright. but then he may realize as satan did, that this is significant of an earlier than planned goodbye.
mammon's hand comes up to hold the locket, twiddling it with his fingers and thumb.
"you know, i actually thought i lost you. a second time."
he lifts his head to meet your eyes, your lips parted in an 'o'.
"and there was nothin' i could do about it. i just had to sit and wait for you to come back. alive."
you sit down on one of his thighs, stretching your arms around him. he hums in contentment, and you sigh into his shoulder.
"as long as you have this necklace mammon, you will have me. please don't ever lose it, okay?"
mammon nods against your neck.
so you chat for a bit longer, but leave right before the tears are actually about to fully spill out. you still have two more demons to speak with before the day ends, so you head to asmodeus room.
unfortunately for you, asmodeus has gone out for a modeling job. you will just have to catch him tomorrow morning.
now you head towards the twins room, the door being slightly open. you still knock, and wait for a response.
"mc? whats up, you in pain or something?"
belphegors words bring a true smile to your face. he is referring to how for the past week if you were in too much pain, he would lull you to sleep with his magic.
"no, i actually just want a good ol nap with my favorite pillow."
now its the demons time to smile, he really was like a pillow in the shape of a demon. silently he scoots over to the side of his bed, laying an arm out dramatically for you. happily you jump onto the bed, and into his arms. he holds you like he wants to keep you locked away and safe for the rest of your life, which now is funny to you considering what his ideals on humans used to be.
"ah, this is exactly what i needed."
belphegor agrees, pulling you closer. his body is so warm, just the right temperature to keep you from waking up cold.
"thank you for this. for everything."
"even for killing you once?" belphegor jokes.
"yea, actually." his arms go stiff for a moment. "i was reborn with a new understanding of life, demons, of you. and i'm so thankful that i got a second chance at being your friend."
belphegor lay speechless now, soaking in your words as if water when dehydrated. he may never be able to speak it outloud, but he adores and loves you the same way he loves beelzebub. the same way he loved lilith.
belphegor would be a lost mess without you in his life. but you aren't aware of that.
you end up waking up at dinner time, beelzebub coming to get you and belphegor. you had been on prep for dinner, so after you prepped it all- beelzebub was to cook it and put the dishes together. his food was always so amazing, you couldn't wait.
after dinner ended peacefully, you retreated to your own room this time to grab the box you had prepared for asmodeus. it had skin care, hair masks, some cute little hair clips, and a special note from you- for his eyes only.
he had texted the group chat at dinner that he wouldn't be home for a while, the shoot was taking longer than expected. that he would eat on set and to not wait up for him. signed off with a 'beauty sleep is important! <3'
so you went to his room, placed the box down carefully on his bed, and returned to your own.
tomorrow's the day, you tell yourself. its time to face this head on.
<3 drink water checkpoint <3
in preparation for this day, you had been looking for tickets to a live ruri-chan idol concert for leviathan. everyone else but him would be gone from the house for school, so you really needed him to go somewhere as well. it took at least 48 hours to find the tickets and them not be over a million grimm each. but you secured a front row one, center stage. and it was to happen today, so leviathan was sure to go even if last minute. i mean come on, thats his absolute idol.
lucifer really didn't like the idea of you getting leviathan tickets somewhere when he is supposed to be the one watching you at home, but gave in when he realized you weren't going to relent.
so with all the boys gone at school, leviathan off to a three hour concert, you began.
starting with the front door, all the way around the house you placed locking spells. you hadn't just straight up offered to do leviathan's homework for fun, you were doing it to gain access to his professor. you were secretly emailing him, posing as leviathan. asking him about certain spells, how to cast them, all of it.
and sure enough, it paid off. you even tried throwing a chair at one door at the back of the house, the chair breaking to pieces against the door. and not even a scratch was left behind. with somewhat of a sadistic smile across your face, you moved to the next step.
it was time to make the potion. one that wasn't instantly lethal, but would make your pain tolerance so incredibly high that even if you were hit by a bus you would feel nothing.
two parts ginger, one part fae wing, one part bats blood. mixed in with a bit of slime, and spit of a dragon. that last one took you at least three days to track down and order inconspicuously damn it.
while it boiled inside the pot, you began to cast a spell over it. this would not only enhance it, but hell it would taste better this way.
smelling it off the pot, it seemed as if it were becoming ready. so you set the stove to simmer, and went to change. you wanted to be comfortable, so you put on some sweatpants you had stolen from mammon months ago (take that, a notorious thief getting thief'ed) and a plain black hoodie from back home. you had washed it with your own detergent, your favorite one from the human realm. it smelled amazing, and was soft as a cat. maybe satan will want this when you're done it. eh, maybe not. considering your idiotic and crazy plan.
now comfortable, you waltzed back to the kitchen and put on some oven mitts to carefully pour the potion into a glass without it burning your skin. after enough was poured, you tossed out the pot to make sure no one else gets contaminated.
"woooh," you sighed deeply. it was time.
you blew on the dark red liquid a few times over, before lifting it to taste. it wasn't extremely hot, just the right amount of warmth. "it will be like drinking a nice tea. okay," you wiggled your legs and free arm around to shake off the nerves that were unfortunately getting to you.
without giving yourself another moment to second guess, you drank it. it tasted lightly of the ginger, but mainly like a blackberry due to the spell you cast on it. you were going for strawberry but hey, blackberry is okay too.
once that was empty you coughed with a quick shake of your head, before disposing of the contaminated glass as well. now you would have about 5 minutes to kill time while you wait for it to fully take effect.
into the music room you went, glossing your fingers along all the records on the shelf. seeing one familiar to you- it was a favorite song from the human world, lucifer had it brought here just for you, immediately you chose to play it. careful as ever you place it onto the player, and set down the head.
and for the next four minutes, you have your last dance alone in the music room to apocalypse by cigarettes after sex.
time seems like its slowed, as if barbatos has done that thing where he freezes time. it feels magical, like you are the last person on earth and never have to worry about worldly struggles again.
after that slowly comes to an end, you head back to the kitchen. once there, you see what you want. beelzebubs meat knife. its comically large, but looks so small when the giant man is the one holding it. you look it over for a moment before just going to your room already. there was no reason to stall for any longer, that would only bring about regret and resentment at yourself. and you make sure to put the same locking spell on your own door after you enter, just to be safe.
to test the potion just once, your finger gently slides along the sharp tip. and at first, you think you haven't actually cut yourself, until you see a small drop of blood. so this potion, however strong it is, is definitely blocking all your pain receptors.
you can't feel a single thing.
"okay, okay. woooooh." you try to stop mulling it over for maybe the fourth time. this is the only way, you remind yourself. there is genuinely no other way except for me to die, either by my own hands or michaels.
the knife is pointed at the middle of your stomach.
the knife is pressing against your skin, yet all you feel is just that. slight pressure.
with one final deep breath, as you breath out the knife makes a home inside of you. i mean, that thing is truly comically large yet you have somehow plunged more than half the blade through yourself and still don't feel a thing. even once you pull it out, and collapse to the floor, you don't feel any of it.
you do feel something though- fear. your d.d.d is ringing.
with hands covered in red you frantically reach around for your d.d.d, finally snagging it off the top of your bed. the caller id says 'catboy'. satan is calling you. and you fear both your choices here- if you don't pick up, he will know something is wrong and everyone will rush home. if you do pick up, you aren't sure how easily you can convince him you're okay right now.
eh, fuck it. you spell bound every door including your own. you watch as the call ends.
satan was rightful to call you, even if his timing was awful. all day he had this weird, sinking feeling in his stomach. he had felt it ever since you have him the 'not a goodbye' gift. so when you didn't pick up, he shot up and looked over to belphegor, who woke up all the way at once when he saw the look in satans eyes. without excusing themselves, they began to run. run straight into solomon actually, who immediately joined them once he felt the energy. it took no more than thirty seconds for satan to have all the brothers, solomon, and simeon rounded up. satan purposefully stopped luke from coming along- knowing there were so many things that could've gone wrong. for the first time ever, satan was protecting luke. you would have been so proud.
if you weren't sitting against your bed in a pool of your own blood, that is. as you lay, and your found family all but teleports home, something finally begins to hurt. eyes barely staying open, you look to the side at your right arm. those damned golden and white lines are beginning to trace you again, but way slower this time. and for some reason, the spell and potion you had aren't stopping this kind of pain. it burns, it itches like an ant bite, it feels like needles puncturing you over and over and over again. your entire body is starting to be traced now, and the lines dare to dance upon your face.
you scream. guttural, ear piercing.
and the now nine boys at the front door hear it. but they are too far and you are too tired to hear their screaming.
one binding line decides to draw itself straight across your left eye, another awful scream leaving your lips as it glides. you now only can see out of your right eye- if you can manage to keep that eye open. you try to rationalize in your mind that this is the spell breaking, thinking about how this is an amplified version of how it felt when satan tried to remove them by force.
and as if today couldn't get any worse, you forgot about the damn windows. you only remember you should've locked them when you hear a loud crash and someone yelling your name.
"hmm," you laugh to yourself. "my room doesn't have windows, jokes on you."
there are now seven (leviathan literally left the concert for you) demons attempting to unbind your door, while two angels chant prayer and healing through the wall. solomon you can't hear, because he isn't speaking. he is focusing everything he knows and has into disintegrating that damned door, a spell he has been working on for at least two years.
and today it seems is the day his hard work pays off.
"mc, PLEASE mc, why?" lucifer is the first one by your side, his gloved hands pressing down firmly on your stomach to hold back on bleeding. you wish you could tell him why- wait. you stop thinking for a moment and tune everyone out. you're bound to die anyways, right? so there's no more harm in telling them.
"I met God," you hiccup.
the entire room goes quiet, spare for satan gathering up medical equipment from your bathroom.
"They said I have to destroy you. all of you. and that," you pause again, this time to sigh. "if i didnt do it myself, michael would do it."
simeon doesn't even look like he wants to protest. when your single eye meets his, he knows shamefully you are telling the truth.
"the only way to destroy you all at once would be through me, my life. and i am not going to sit here waiting for some crazy archangel to decide its my time. my life, MY choice."
no one dares to speak. what would they even say? how do you tell someone who was told to die by God that you're sorry? you don't.
satan comes into view and begins working around lucifer's hands, but when satan's hand brushes against one of the binds he jumps back in pain.
lucifer, concerned, tells satan to come press down on your stomach so he can feel. so the gloves come off, and he touches your bare skin. he does not have the same exact reaction, but he does recoil his now burnt hand in confusion.
"why did you hide this? we could've helped you."
no, no you couldn't. you want to speak but your lips are so dry. they feel so stiff. so you just continue to blink with your only working eye left.
satan finishes wrapping you up, pouring a healing potion over your arms where they are burning.
it doesn't hurt that he is pouring something on you, but it does hurt that the binds seem to grow tighter, shrink up as he does.
when you begin to cough up what smells like your homeade potion mixed with blood, lucifer does not hesitate you pick you up and run for the door. his brothers and everyone are yelling, asking where the hell he is going, but they follow regardless.
lucifer takes flight, his four beautifully dark wings gliding the two of you through the windy sky. he does not speak a single word, only holds you like its the end of the world.
and for you, perhaps it is.
you aren't aware of how long it takes to get to the castle, everything just becomes a giant blur. you know you are now inside diavolo's office, his entire desk cleared off before you are set down on it. satan makes lucifer roll you on your side so you do not choke on your own blood.
"what in great hell happened? is this the work of the binding spell?" diavolo is engraged. furious that his program is going to fail, but more so that you, one of the brightest friends in his life, are bleeding out on his office table.
no one seems to want to answer diavolo, so you cough hard a few times before trying to speak again.
"its kind of a long story, God-" you are cut off by lucifer, who tells you to not speak and make yourself more ill. he then decides to explain all that you have told him to diavolo.
and diavolo looks as if he wants to go kill God himself.
you cough again, determined to still speak. "no one could have stopped this." but lucifer silences you again. it feels reminiscent of being a young child, trying to talk to adults and them telling you that 'the adults are speaking, go play'.
they continue talking on and on and you just start tuning out. focusing on your breathing, the way your chest rises and falls. every few seconds you can blurrily see what looks like satan applying more pressure to your stomach, or speaking another healing enchantment.
you want to reach out your hand and grab lucifer's, but you can't seem to get your arm high enough. it just keeps falling back down. and once you start to see the red of your own body had stained his pale hands, you give it up. you're already about to destroy them, exactly as God wanted. you will add no more fuel to the fire.
speaking of God-
"damn it," the smallest mumble leaves your lips, and everyone turns to you in shock that you are still coherent somehow. it has just now in your most likely last moments dawned on you that God is sending you to the celestial realm, and probably won't let you fall to the devildom. and it is very clear you are no simeon, no luke.
"i think i'll regret this."
_
[ ahahaah ... thoughts? (and prayers damn) i want to write a part two about the reader being in the celestial realm, how that would be, and their eventual escape from heaven to go back to hell. if you liked this i totally will so let me know! <3 ]
a 2:40 am satan piece inspired by the song neptune, by sleeping at last. this song has always resonated with me as satan's song. i do hope you enjoy, and maybe even feel a semblance of the connection between song and character as you read. ps- i know my writing style can border on hard to read sometimes and i apologize! this style is just the one i feel comes easiest, i hope it isn't too wonky here. <3
warnings: none really, reader is gender neutral. no beta we die like mc in chapter 16
word count: 3k
i'm only honest when it rains / if i time it right the thunder breaks when i open my mouth / i want to love you but i don't know how
he is sat in the windowsill.
dusted, weeping books lay a mess across the old wooden floor. they surround his figure, as if bowing to him; his power.
the door handle gives a slight rattle, however not due to the thunderstorm. green eyes glare into the door frame from across the room, challenging whoever may be intruding to show themself. it is you, the only one in this forsaken home he had sworn to never unleash his rage upon.
green eyes become soft upon your figure.
"you're still awake?" a gentle call, the words flying like butterflies to reach his ears. "i thought you would be asleep, i'm sorry."
you are still in the door frame, your silhouette illuminated with each strike of lightening from the window behind. just barely, satan can catch a glimpse of your face in these flashes.
"i was just returning the book you lent me, i'll place it back in the shelf," your body begins to slowly navigate through the darkness. most nights a scentless candle would lay at his bedside, though it had been snuffed early tonight. satan seems unmoving, only following your steps with his eyes.
the room is brought into light for a single moment, as you take advantage of the newfound light to grab the shelf. hand outstretched, your other lifts the book and carefully slots it back in.
"you shouldn't stay there too long, for your back will ache tomorrow. goodnight, satan."
turning your body in the direction from whence you came, you begin to take your leave. that is, until satan finally speaks with his mouth rather than eyes.
"mc, do you have a moment to spare?"
although a question- it resonates more with you as a statement. his words are fragile, and you must be careful to not crack them. so you turn yourself around, and begin to walk towards the window sill. not even a foot away, satan brings himself down. his hand finds its way under your knees, the other on your back. you are not given a second to process being in his arms for he quickly sets you into the sill, before lifting his own body up once more.
the sill is chilled, most likely from the cool rain against the window under the shadow of night. it feels more comforting than you would have assumed.
"so, what have you asked me my time for?" you do not mean to be harsh, or come across irritated. it was late into the night, a school night to be exact.
"why do you always appear at those times?"
satan was inexplicably referring to the way whenever a fight may break between him and lucifer, you would appear. you would interject, forcing yourself physically in between the two if needed. there was many a reason. you think for a bit how to answer the demon as delicately as possible, drumming fingers on your thighs. satan does not rush you, but his eyes stay where they had yet to leave; his eyes bore into your features.
"you may see me as crazy, but i've come to know you well enough now to sense your tension. mostly with lucifer," a thunderclap cuts you off. "the way your aura begins to shift. it transforms, grows into something anew. and i feel it." subconsciously your eyes had trailed down to your right arm, the dark green marking looking back at you.
"you are not crazy. that would be the pact we share, heightening your spiritual senses to my soul and his emotions." "his?" you hadn't meant to speak that outloud, though satan gives a reply to refine his words.
"i am referring to wrath, dear." it does make sense to a certain extent. you may never fully be able to grasp that satan's sin manifests itself as if an entire separate entity, something that has taken refuge inside satan's skin. though you may never grasp it, as long as you can feel it that will be enough. your soul being so closely and carefully intertwined with the demon that you may be able to feel his sin inside of him.
"then to step backwards to my previous words, i guess i appear out of the pulling from the pact. for reasons i do not know, the sin inside of you and you alone draws me in." satan nods, glancing out the window right as lightning brightens your vision.
without glancing back to you, "that clarifies it for me for the most part, remembering how i felt the pull as well mere seconds before you arrived."
now he is referencing the fallout with lucifer that had occurred in the evening. you had not stuck around long enough to find out the 'why's and 'what's of the moment, all you knew was that lucifer had not been kind with his words. "i'm sorry on lucifer's behalf for this evening, he may be the morning star-" hushed by a thunderclap.
"he may be the morning star, but he was out of line."
satan now looks back to your face, seeming to be examining your expression in the darkness.
"why would you feel the need to apologize for my creators words? i am stronger than you believe me to be, dear."
the very inside of your chest is squeezed dry as if a wine grape from hearing him call his brother as his creator. the words were not inexact, just unsettling to hear. the rift between the two may be more infected than you believed it to be. it is now your own turn to survey his expression, damning your own creator for giving humans such poor night vision.
"i can feel you as well, don't omit that part of our pact. wrath is loud and overwhelming, but i do hear a child. and he is afraid of thunderstorms."
satan feels a chill dance down his back as you speak, the storm outside swelling larger and angrier with your words. if he were not aware of your human soul, he would think you to be an omnipotent sorcerer akin to your exchange partner solomon.
the silence filling the air is not heavy. rather it feels sad, dampened. the window is shut tight and has yet to ever be opened in its long life, yet satan wonders if somehow the rain is coming inside. you sit for what feels like an entire decade of quiet. each time his eyes meet yours the conversation is continued, without words nor gestures. you are reading his aura like it be the most thrilling, enticing novel. satans eyes are disadvantaged, for he cannot read as fast as you. the pages are turning one by one as your chest rises and falls slowly.
"satan, you are afraid of thunderstorms."
and as once before, satan is left to question your soul when a particularly malicious boom of thunder hits his ears. his guard falters, only a moment. a moment is all you need, watching his shoulders shift upwards at the sound.
"it was a torrential downpour that i first blinked awake into. that wet day, when i first took form."
the memory will forever be burned into his mind, frame by frame. opening his eyes and knowing not who he was, where he was, why he was. for the only thing he felt was anger, not even having the knowledge of what that emotion was. watching as blurry white wisps of something grew farther, and two very cold arms held his body. in all of the decades satan has experienced, that moment was the first and last he had been held by lucifer.
"i apologize for bringing that up. i shouldn't always vocalize what i can see." "do not apologize, i find you do that too often." this time it is you that turns to look out the window. he may be harboring the most intense and chilling feelings within, but he was also the kindest and gentlest man you had ever come to know. a trail of goosbumps made itself known on your legs, as you brought your knees to your chest in a poor attempt to be warmer. satan, watchful as ever, stood to grab a blanket from the bed. your kind protests fell on deaf ears as he moved in silence, navigating scarily well in the dim room.
stood in front of your body in the sill, satan gently handed the blanket into your arms before getting back up. this time being different, one leg hung off the sill and the other bent against the window. his hand came out to you, as if beckoning you forwards.
there were no words exchanged as you moved. you now lay back against his warm chest, between his legs.
"you never come to stay this late, what has kept you with me so long?"
there were many answers you could give. having conversations with satan, no matter the time or setting, was always something to find delight in. there was a deeper meaning to each word spoken, your eyes reading them to yourself repeatedly when alone. satan was fascinating; you were infatuated with the language only you two could speak.
"you fascinate me, satan." your words mirrored your thoughts. "being able to converse with someone as intelligent as you is a gift."
to a bit of your own surprise, satan laughed. the rumble of his chest lightly hit against your back.
"i would have said the exact same of you, if asked." he pauses to bring an arm around you, settling on your clothed stomach.
"it is, dare i say- a blessing, to know you."
your head turns to the window, looking past his knee. the demon had a way with his words, always using the ones that were sure to make you blush. in his presence, you were a kid again. chasing after a playground crush; a high school sweet heart.
"satan, do tell. do you believe in soulmates?"
satan does give a quick answer, though you have to ask him to repeat due to the thunder covering up his words. his answer changes
"i am unsure. i believe they may for some people, but for someone like me- i do not think a being born out of wrath is assigned something like a soulmate." a hum leaves your lips, thinking over his words. it is a hard question to find an answer for, being if satan or someone akin him may have things such as soulmates. he speaks again. "do you? believe in soulmates, i mean."
unlike satan, you do not hesitate. "yes, i do."
his hand on your stomach traces soft shapes, almost as if spelling something foreign to you out on the cloth. "and so, have you found your soulmate?"
you hesitate. there is a deep want and need to scream that you have found this person, for he is the one sat with you in the sill. but doubt still lives in your consciousness. for years of your life had you chased down the ideal of a soulmate or twinflame, but never known how to truly tell if you have met them. you tell satan that you are unsure.
"it is a complicated thing, knowing if you have found them." the bridge of your nose scrunches, dissatisfied with your own doubt. satan is far too kind, consoling your worries without knowing the full extent.
"well, i do believe i have found something of a soulmate. i am just unsure if they feel it too."
from the angle you are sat against him, you cannot read his eyes any longer. it comes into your mind that he may have done this on purpose, hiding away his most worn pages. the pages you desperately wished to read, to comprehend.
"in your own words, what is it to have a soulmate?"
a perfectly posed question. he has always known how to set you up in a way that you may work through your thoughts, and put them into words.
you sigh, deeply. "a soulmate, is to be so deeply bonded with a person that you are nearly mirrors of each other. the level of understanding between, the affinity. it is all heightened." satan is nodding along behind you, encouraging you with a hum to continue.
"some people say a soulmate is the same as love, and they are wrong. one is a choice, the other is not."
these words cut deeply through satan, digging through his skin to the wall behind.
"mc, what do y-" the thunder does not want satan to verbalize his thoughts. when you ask him a second time this night to repeat his words, he again, changes them. if the storm does not wish him to be transparent, he will listen.
"if i may, what is your potential soulmate like?"
satan believes he is setting himself up to fall, hard. you would never let him. alas, he does not know that.
"hmm, theres quite a bit." another soft laugh radiates against your back. satan encourages you to speak your thoughts.
"he is kind. not just the trait of being kind, but his eyes. his hands, even in tough situations. the way his hair sits, how he holds himself. i can see and feel kindness in every feature he has, it is almost tangible to my fingers."
"and i may be assuming, but he is similar to you, yes?"
now you laugh lightly, because the answer is yes. he is a carbon copy of your own consciousness and soul in a differing shape.
"we share many an interest, be it large or minuscule. he is my soul reflected back to me. we may be fragmented grenade shells from our own traumas, but that needn't matter. he feels so familiar on account of that, as if i have met him in all my previous lives before this very one."
satan takes your silence after speaking as you thinking what else to say, and speaks himself.
"you share experiences, you can empathize, you feel a bond that is familiar yet it isn't in reality. this does sound like a soulmate, dear. what will you do about this?"
again satan realizes he is setting himself up, wounding himself further. your words, albeit beautiful, will only taunt him and his own confusing feelings.
"i do not know. all i know is that i am meant to know him, as he is meant to know me. as do i also love him."
the second those last few words come out of your mouth, your hand is covering it. trying to force the words back inside where they should have stayed. "if you are embarrassed, don't be. your thoughts are beautiful. in my personal opinion, you should vocalize them more. breathe them to life."
lightning illuminates your two bodies, snug against each other. in the window, for a brief second. you can see his eyes.
he turns his head just as fast as the lightning came and went. you lose the chance to read his eyes.
"satan," you start softly. he gives a response in the shape of a sound rather than words. "you haven't looked behind the curtain, have you?"
by phrase he knows you mean has he truly understood the weight of your words. abruptly, satan is stunned. for no, he has not been peeking behind the velvet curtain so carefully placed atop your sentences. as he replays the conversation before his eyes, searching, trying to read the way you so gracefully do, you take his silence as a no.
"don't tangle your mind over it, i can assure you it wasn't to that degree of importance."
"dear, every syllable you speak is precious to me."
and you find yourself asking him to say that again- yes the untimely thunder had silenced him, but you had actually heard this time. you were slyly asking for reassurance you had heard him correct.
satan does not repeat the barely distinguishable words that had previously fallen into your ears.
the thunderstorm is becoming stronger, louder. the downpour is as if the clouds had manifested anger into the form of water. for a second your tired mind imagines the man behind you trying to manifest his anger into water, seeing in your head an absolute tsunami coming out of his fingers. the lightest of smiles grace your features at the image.
you and satan sit in silence for a while again. it is just the same amount comforting as earlier, mayhaps even more. at an unknown point in the conversation his free arm had come to meet the one around you, both soft hands creating art upon your shirt now. your eyes stayed contently looking into the window, flashes of your reflection gracing it every now and then. when these flashes happen you do not try to see satan's eyes another time, thinking that you wish to leave his torn pages unread for a bit longer. he may claim to be strong, you will let that be. and when he comes to you with the ripped out pages in hand, only then will you allow yourself to learn.
the rain running down the window begins to slowly but surely tire you further. you wonder if now is a time to excuse yourself for the night, allowing both you and satan to rest. but he is so warm, his touch is so calming. through his fingers you vaguely feel his kindness, not a trace of wrath to be found. he is lulling you into sleep, melatonin in the form of his chest. the rise, the fall. his arms not tight around you, but yet stilling you. the lush blanket across your lower half. dare i say his scent, pulling you down inside of himself. your souls fraternizing, swirling each other like the hot and cold of a hurricane. this thought sends another smile onto your face, laying your head down onto satan's shoulder.
"tired, dove?" instead of a yes a small 'mm' sound emits itself, making you laugh. that was not what you were aiming for, but at least it carried the point across. "you can rest," the rest of his sentence falls on deaf ears as the storm interrupts him yet again. it perplexes you for just a single second that the storm is so untimely with satan speaking, but you let it go. and you do not ask him to tell you what the end of the sentence was.
just as you were not to read the end of his story yet, he hadn't been able to look behind your curtain.
and as you drift into a dream of your being with your soulmate, his melodically smooth voice warms your ears.
"goodnight, my love. dream of me just this once tonight."
i just wanted to say i absolutely adore your writing, i’ve immediately fallen in love with your style i think it’s really beautiful and eloquent, like seriously i’m in awe catching on every word. i look forward to reading more of it !!! i hope you have a good day/evening <3
my first ever 'ask' and omg anon ... i am in love w u hhnhgnhnhhgn u are so sweet!!!
thank u so much :( sending u so much love and light and wishing u a good day or evening as well <33
does anyone still call them the undateables anymore? am i that much of a vet omswd stan...my 'demon brother mitski songs' did well so i decided i wanted to write more! luke's of course will be platonic and about a sibling type bond, don't be wierd. this piece will not include barbatos, as even though i've played for over a year i do not fully understand his character and how to correctly portray him. my apologies!
warnings: fluff in all parts except diavolo. his is the only one with pure angst. no beta we die like chp16
word count: 5.2k
'demon brothers' here!
diavolo; last words of a shooting star
you learned from movies how love ought to be / and you'd say you love me and look in my eyes / but i know, through mine you were looking in yours
"my love, i am so sorry to have to cancel our date tonight. lucifer needs some assistance with paperwork regarding yours and solomons stay here."
for the third date night in a row, you have been put on the broken and tired back burner. for lucifer.
you can't fully bring yourself to blame your lover, he is the lord ruling hell after all. it wouldn't be fair to expect him to be yours all day every day. and when you really think on it, diavolo has not yet ever had a lover in his life. you are his first of everything in a romantic sense. so you've been telling yourself for months he is just not used to this, it is a craft he has yet to have tried his hand at. you just know he can be the perfect lover with a few housekeeping rules.
but it was starting to slowly, surely, chip away at your heart. and your heart was holding your love for diavolo inside, hanging on for dear life as the icepick swings.
with some semblance of confidence mixed with asmodeus hyping you up, you decide to go to castle and face him im person.
of course you put on your best outfit, do up your hair how you like, and spray on your favorite devildom scent.
its not too far of a walk, and you quite enjoy the cold breeze hitting your body. it gives you time to calm down, rationalize how you wish to speak with him. you could've easily asked one of the brothers to fly you over- but this was your task and yours alone. only you can walk through the glass barefoot while trying to sweep it.
entrance to the castle is easy, there aren't any security checkpoints or stops. just the large coded gate, and the glorious front entrance. getting inside takes no more than thirty seconds of your time.
time being wasted spent on a never present lover
barbatos greets you kindly in the foyer, apologizing on diavolos half for his buisness and lack of presence. but you stand your ground, a light smile gracing your wind beat cheeks.
he may be busy, but he can stop for a moment. just one single moment in which you can pretend everything is okay. and only then may he return to being distant.
it isn't as if you are unlovable, you know that much. your demon housemates had to shoo away multiple low level demons and succubi the first few weeks you had been here. it boosted your confidence in the beginning, but as that all stopped and you took real notice of diavolo- the confidence left.
so now here you stand, breathing in and out deeply at his office door. and you knock.
"come in," can be heard through the thick wooden door. so you enter, and are obviously not who he expected to walk in.
"mc? why have you come all the way here? did my text not send..." the man quickly brings out his d.d.d to genuinely check if his text sent. you make eye contact with lucifer, and just from the look in your eyes alone he says he will be excusing himself for a moment.
as he walks past you, your shoulders brush. and a whisper falls into your ear.
"make this worth it."
it boosts you further to know lucifer is supporting you in this. for a second you wonder if lucifer had ever scolded diavolo for how he treated you. but that is quickly brushed off as you approach his neatly tidied desk.
"i did, get your text that is. i came in person to give my reply."
diavolo laughs. he assumes you are joking around, you always were a little playful and he loved that about you.
well diavolo, you assumed wrongly.
"i don't think i can do this any longer."
he perches his head on the palm of his hand, looking up at you in confusion.
"diavolo, do you know what it means to be in love with someone?"
you do not speak harshly, even faced with the man who has all but abandoned you. he looks perplexed, seemingly thinking over your question. and he has a 'lightbulb' moment, eyes widening and looking into yours happily.
"love is to spend time with someone and never be tired of them!"
you want to say ding ding winner you got it right- but he doesn't see how contradicting what he thinks and what he does are.
"then do you love lucifer?"
diavolo lets out another classic one of his laughs, head thrown back against his chair. it was a serious question, but you know you can't be straightforward with his personality. he will always take it as a joke. hm, you pause in thought. maybe thats it, maybe he thinks this relationship is a joke.
"i do love lucifer yes, he is my right hand man. and so i end up spending a lot of time with him, by proxy of his job."
you find yourself nodding, it does make sense that he would connect his concept of love to lucifer always being there. but he still just doesn't understand the weight of this conversation.
"so then," you sigh, taking a step forward. "why have you chosen to date me? wouldn't you rather lucifer, going by your personal concept of love?"
diavolo hesitates.
and though this conversation will continue on, that was all the answer you needed.
"have i been an unsightly lover to you, dear?"
"yes."
diavolo goes silent again. it seems when he is right on the verge of understanding you, he takes four steps backwards.
"do you still love me then?"
you do not hesitate. "yes, i do."
diavolo purses his lips together, eyebrows knitted. once again he has the look of 'let me logically think this through' but the words that come out are rarely true logic.
"then we can continue, yes?"
"no," you whisper as you read that there truly is no sparkle in his eyes when they meet yours. lucifer walks back in from behind, and you see the sparkle appear as diavolo looks towards him with a smile.
"no, we cant."
simeon; your best american girl
you're the sun / you've never seen the night / but you hear its song from the morning birds / well i'm not the moon / i'm not even a star
sweet, loving, angelic simeon. the angel with dark hair and tanned skin. the least expected guess of who you would have fallen for.
the brothers are far too cocky, all betting on themselves.
but all it really took for you to fall was to see his smile once. and from that day forward, you would do anything to see it again. you are chasing happiness in the shape of an angel.
but you cannot have that happiness, as you do not deserve it. you are a sinner, and that is all simeon will ever see you as.
on one outing to the celestial realm, you had worn your prettiest outfit to hopefully get a compliment from your beloved angel. what you didn't expect was for simeon's angel friends to give you the exact opposite.
not only did they criticize your appearance, they attacked the ideals you hold. that demons can change, demons can be good. one in particular told you that you shant visit again because you have the scent of demons on you.
embarassed to hell and back (quite literally) you only stopped by where luke was playing with friends to tell him you had to go.
the boy was sad you couldn't stay and play, his small angel friends sad as well. they had been so excited to meet luke's cool big sibling! but you didn't want the older angels to scold the children for being around you- so you excused yourself and called diavolo.
you stand now in a beautiful field far from the center of the celestial realm, far from the angels all seeing eyes. but diavolo wasn't answering, meaning you probably couldn't come back for a bit longer. typically even someone like lucifer needed permission from diavolo to travel between realms. and if diavolo isn't picking up, then theres no point going to lucifer first.
so in a poor attempt to kill time, you begin to walk the field. beautiful vibrant flowers litter the grass, and you pick a few small ones you like to stick in your hair. when you look in the camera of your d.d.d you laugh out loud at how crazy you look.
a powerful pact holding human is in the celestial realm, sticking flowers in their hair. you never know what you're going to see when traveling realms.
bringing the phone up in front of you again, you begin to adjust the flowers so they go across the top of your head like a crown. like a halo
when you turn your head to the side is when you get the absolute jumpscare of your life behind you in the camera, nearly falling over. simeon had seen you from the castle as you walked out, and came to see why you hadn't stopped by yet.
"my dear, those flowers look lovely in your hair."
formal as ever. simeon always knows how to make you blush, like a school kid with a crush on their seatmate.
"its not a sin to pick celestial realm flowers, is it? maybe i should've checked beforehand."
you flash him a smile, gaining his laughter in return. "it is not a sin, as we are constantly giving back to the earth when we take."
his eloquence does not fall on deaf ears. you turn your head to hide the pink blossoming across your cheeks, and spot a beautiful group of blue flowers.
quickly you bend down, picking four or five before turning to simeon.
"my dearest simeon, care to match with me?"
simeon takes the small flowers from your outstretched hands, thanking you for them as if you grew them yourself. he attempts sticking them in his hair but they fall each time.
"ah, may i help..?" you started off confident, but the second those words left your lips you curled into yourself. thinking that you are dirty, you shouldn't touch him. you will taint his purity with even just the slightest of touch, that would prove how filthy you were.
"you do seem an expert, have a go at it."
his approval was all you needed to smile again, perpetually falling over and over everytime he speaks in your direction.
you carefully take the flowers from him, careful to not squish the delicate petals. once all sorted out in your hand, you step on your tippy toes and begin using your free hand to wedge the flower stems into his hair. subconsciously, the tip of your tongue is poking out of your mouth as you focus.
simeon smiles at the sight, thinking to himself how lovely you look today.
with one flower left to stick in his hair, you go to place it in the center of his head. up on your toes you go once again, but falter for a moment. right as you shake, his gloved hands grab your sides to keep you in place. you want to scream, you want to keep your composure. very contrasting wants; you go with a poor attempt of the second.
his warm hands do not leave your side until you announce you are done, and step off of your toes.
"how do i look, mc?" simeon asks quite playfully, striking a pose. quickly you pull your d.d.d back out, telling him you will take a picture to show him.
he strikes a second pose, holding his arms above his head in a heart shape. there is the widest and most stunning grin spread across his face. he truly looks like he isn't real. like a prince you would see in a picture book.
snapping back to reality you laugh looking at the photos taken. with a giggly 'what?' he comes to lean over you and see as well. the sun is glaring onto the screen from his angle, so he gently uses his hand to cover the screen from above.
once simeon finally sees the image, he is laughing along with you.
"i can't believe you talked me into this so easily. you really are magical for just a human."
for some reason, those words resonate with you. but not in a good way.
he's absolutely right- you are just a human. and here he is, the most incredible angel, a heart bigger than all the realms combined. maybe the others were right, you do not deserve him.
"would you care to take one of us both, love?"
simeons sweet voice brings you back down, your head snapping up to look at him. his face is so close you could count his eyelashes if you wished to. when you forget that he had asked a question, he poses another, as he sits down in the grass.
"where did you go?"
you know fully well what he means, and the look of concern on his face makes you want to cry. delicately forming the sentence in your head, you speak. "you're the sun, simeon."
the tanned angel gives you another one of his bright smiles, hand reaching up to grab yours and sit you down beside him. as he sits facing forwards, you sit facing him from the side.
"i mean it, simeon. you're the sun. everything about you is warm, kind. you give life and purpose to the people you meet."
simeon seems perplexed by this sudden compliment shower, half of his smile showing.
"and what would that make you? my moon? the one who is always guarding the darkness and making sure the people they love have light in dark times?"
you shake your head quickly, slightly embarrassed he would even compare you to something so beautiful.
"no, i'm not the moon. simeon, i-" you hesitate. why do you hesitate?
"yes love?"
curse this angel for always knowing how to get you spilling everything out.
"i'm not even a star. i just, simply am."
simeon hums, sounded disappointed in your words. if only you could see yourself through his eyes, for just one single second. then, perhaps, you would understand why he has fallen so infatuated with you in such a short amount of time.
he pushes off his hands that were propping him up in the grass, and locks his fingers under your knees. for a second you go to protest but fall silent as he lays your legs across his lap, pulling you closer in. you two are sat so closely you could rest your head on his broad shoulder if you wished to.
"i think you are the moon, mc. who has made you to believe you are not? those other angels luke told me of?"
christ on a stick luke and his love for you never fails. even though he may be younger and shorter, he always fights for you. even when you feel you deserve nothing except for him to walk away.
"they aren't worthy of this title, that i know to be true now."
"simeon!"
"my moon, i am just telling the truth. if they are to speak badly of someone i love i should be angry, no?"
now you really did lean into his shoulder, hiding your red face from his eyes. and as the cheeky boy he is, he knew what he was doing. with this new opportunity, your head against his shoulder. he wraps an arm around you. it feels like simeon could pull you right into him if he wanted, you are that close.
"so. huh. you love me?"
and simeon laughs loud. "out of all the words i spoke, those three words are all you heard? all i said was that you are someone i lo-"
this time around you cut simeon off with a squeal, lightly hitting your hand on his chest.
"i'm just playing, my moon. but i meant those words, that is true. what else must i do to prove it?"
lifting your head back up, you see the sparkle in his eye and smile. in turn, he raises his eyebrows and smiles, as if to say 'what?'. you bring your head back down to lay on his shoulder, warmed more now from the sun.
"you are my sun, simeon."
"yes, i picked up on that part dear." another hit to his chest that brings out his melodic laugh.
"and you are my moon, always and forever."
and of course, you two did end up taking photos together with your flower halos.
luke; goodbye, my danish sweetheart
and i don't blame you / if you want to / bury me in your memories, i'm not the girl i out to be
luke, despite being a sweet young angelic being, has experienced quite the amount of otherworldly feelings. for a bit of time now, he has come to know the feeling of anxiety festering in his bones. the fear of failure, of not being as good of an angel as simeon.
lord above, that boy idolizes simeon like no other.
he also has recently been introduced to another idol, another seemingly perfect person he wishes he could be.
that person, being you.
even in simple things like baking- something he enjoys immensely- he just feels a sort of emptiness. he can share his cookies with you, with simeon, even with solomon. but his un-angel-like feelings were baked into them instead of love, and he fears poisoning someone else with this horrible sickness he must have contracted.
luke tells himself he must just be sick, that is what is happening. something malicious must have been given to him, maybe by one of the demon brothers. he does find himself crying a lot easier from their words now, so the paranoia holds reason. to him, at least.
and of course, he doesn't dare tell michael or any of the archangels about this. what if they cast him out? tell him that he is not a true angel because of this sickness?
on one particularly bad day, you show up to rescue him.
luke is sat in the very far last stall of the school's bathroom, knees to his chest as he cries to himself.
he had started to feel the sick feeling overtake him whilst some low level demons threw jabs out at him, and it was too much to handle. too many voices, too many people, too many hateful eyes.
and as fate works, one of his idols came to save him.
you came waltzing into the bathroom, looking at yourself in the mirror. (just a note, if you identify as afab lets say you walked into the mens on accident!) luke heard the footsteps and curled further into himself, his sniffles reaching your ears.
"hello? hey, you okay?"
poor luke nearly screamed when he realized it was you. how could he let you see him like this? he will just infect you-
"luke sweets, i can see your shoes. can i come in?"
drat. you always did point out his 'twinkle toes' as you named them. he doesn't want to get you sick, so he just tells you flat out.
it takes a second before you reply, and luke thinks you might have left him all alone again.
"what hurts? i really don't mind getting sick."
how could he explain this rationally. because his head was hurting, but not the headache kind. his throat felt tight, like someone were squeezing him. and his chest was on fire, making him truly believe someone fed him a poison.
"if you don't answer i'll crawl under, you know i'm kind of crazy." luke had to stifle a laugh through his soft sniffles. slowly, he rose and unlocked the door. though he was looking everywhere else but at you.
"okay big boy, lets sit down," you happily enter the large stall, plopping down and patting the ground next to you. hesitantly, luke sits back down.
"so. what hurts?" luke shrugs his shoulders. you give him a playful push, looking to his eyes for an answer still.
luke tries his best to explain the story of how he thinks someone poisoned him, and that he was afraid he was going to have his wings taken from him. a deep deep frown sets on your face as he speaks.
"sweets, i don't think you are sick." luke goes to speak but you stop him. "no no, listen. i don't think you are poisoned, i think you are experiencing some serious anxiety. you know what that is?" luke nods, telling you that no angel he ever met had 'anxiety'. so he has concluded he must be a fake, and he is so embarassed that you now know his secret. that he doesn't blame you if you want to go to the brothers and make fun of him.
"hey, look at me. you're okay. you are the most kind and lovely angel i've ever met. even kinder than simeon!" luke wants to defend simeon, but realizes you must be just joking around.
"do you want me to tell simeon about this? i think he can help, him and i can be like 'lukes personal protectors'. how does that sound, hm?"
the tears start to well up in the small angels eyes again. "i don't want simeon to think i'm broken. that i'm not the angel i'm supposed to be."
instead of verbally telling him how wrong he is, you pull him closer and hug him tight. his adorable little hat falls off making you both laugh a little- but you are just relieve luke can still find humor in things.
if you or simeon had let this go on any longer, you feared luke would begin self destructing and end up doing actions he would regret.
"so i can talk to simeon right? you can be there too, so he can hear it from you sweets."
luke sighs exaggeratedly, but nods his head.
"do you want to go back to class?"
"no."
"fine by me. lets go play in the town!"
solomon; texas reznikoff
but i've been everywhere and it's not what i want / i want to be still with you
[ let me expose myself first this piece is inspired by a love poem i wrote for a girlfriend once, because she loved ferris wheels </3 ]
loving solomon is to board the carnival ferris wheel.
each cart is painted a beautiful color, differing throughout. sometimes the ferris wheel may be slow, and stop at the top of the sky. sometimes the ferris wheel goes so fast it seems to end before you even saw the sky.
somedays the ferris wheel was out of order, and didn't come back in service for weeks.
the long waits are what began to wear you down the most. you could see him- but only for a few hours a week maximum. you could call him, but only at certain times where his wifi would work well enough to hear you.
'you have reached the voicemail box of solomon the coolest sorcerer ever, please leave a message after the beep'.
it had been a month since you even bothered to leave a message. what would be the reason? for him to listen to three days later when his phone finally gets service?
with a heavy weight sigh, you throw yourself on your bed. checking your d.d.d, you see that asmodeus posted a selfie with solomon an hour previously. and that was how you usually found out where he was, considering he moved so much he stopped telling you.
the d.d.d slips from your hands, as they now move to rub at your cheeks. you didn't have any way to numb the pain, no way to fill the hole in your chest. a perfectly shaped circle i your chest etched permanently by a tall sorcerer.
but then you remembered alcohol exists. and that sounds bloody amazing right now.
you put on your favorite pop songs, went to the kitchen, and grabbed a fancy glass to put wine in. no one is around to judge how tall you may fill the glass, so you fill it well.
dancing around your room now, you stop for a second to change clothes. if you are going to have a night of self love, you want to at least look your best. the fanciest (dress or suit) is pulled from your messy closet, and you beam at it. it's perfect for the occasion, you can consider this a date with yourself. and it was well needed.
now dressed to the nines, you resume your playlist and move around to the beat. the wine tastes almost better when you're drinking it alone, your (dress or suit) fitting perfectly for once.
feeling playful, you grab your phone and quickly take some pictures. one is a classic selfie, wine glass in frame. the next is a full body shot in the mirror to show off your outfit. and the final is a timer set photo where you stood posing against your wall, wine glass raised as if to say 'cheers'.
quickly you went to post them, to show everyone how well you were doing. and to show how amazing you looked, obviously.
the caption took a bit of thinking, but you finally settled on 'cheers to date nights with yourself' with a few heart emojis. confident in your photos and figure, you didn't hesitate to click post.
and then the phone was put back down, music back all the way up as you waltzed with yourself.
for once, you were thankful you had decided to reside in a smaller town where the houses are a bit far from each other. you wouldn't have to worry about noise complaints, yelling neighbors, any distractions.
this was your damn night and nothing could ruin it.
and by nothing, i mean solomon calling no more than five minutes after you put the phone down.
immediately you froze, staring down. you wondered why the music didn't stop playing the call, and only then did you realize you had taken and posted the pictures with your d.d.d. not your iphone. not on instagram. oh lord.
you scrambled to pick up your ringing d.d.d, catching it just as it was about to end. as you said hello over the line to your distant lover, you saw some rain begin to lightly dust your window.
"mc, where are you?"
it was definitely the alcohol that caused you to scoff. who is he to ask that right now?
"home, alone. hows the devildom?"
solomon does not speak for a moment. it seems he is trying to gather his words carefully.
"how much have you had to drink?" he sounds cautious, and it almost pisses you off more. "i don't know, don't really care. i'm having fun!"
solomon sighs. his end of the line goes strange for a second, and you call out another 'hello?'
"i'm still here, sorry. damned d.d.d does that a lot when i-" solomon cuts his sentence off. and unfortunately for him, you weren't drunk enough to ignore that. not even close enough.
"when you what?" solomon is silent.
"solomon...?"
you hear a deep breath from the other line, cutting through the silence. and then, the sound of rain.
"can you please let me in? it's colder than hell out here love."
before you have time to think, your body reacts and you drop the wine glass. it shatters almost beautifully, like a star exploding in the night sky. and then you really truly register the words your lover has spoken.
without care you toss the d.d.d onto the couch as you all but run to the front door. a part of you is afraid you're about to wake up, this is is a wine induced dream. but after a moment, you open the door.
and in all his beautiful glory, there stands your beloved sorcerer. albeit a little wet from the rain, but still the most ethereal creature you've ever seen.
and then you remember you're mad at him.
leaving him at the open door, you walk back into the living room and begin cleaning up all the glass shards. a few had hit your feet pretty hard, but you didn't feel them or take notice at all.
solomon eventually comes into the room as well, immediately racing over and taking the broom and pan.
"please go sit on the couch. your feet," he gestures down with his head. "they're bleeding. give me a moment to pick this up."
and in a wierd, very solomon way, he casts a spell to pick up all of the shards and sends them to the trashcan in the kitchen.
"right, where do we keep medical here love?"
"you would know if you were ever home." you don't even give poor boy a second to breathe.
but he takes your anger in stride, knowing he somewhat deserves it. so he turns to the bedroom, and emerges a few minutes later with a first aid kit. he instructs you to turn so you are sitting against the arm rest, to let him clean your feet easier. neither of you say a word until he is done pulling out shards, and bandaging up cuts.
"i'm sorry, dove. i've been a horrible lover to you."
you want to retort. oh god above, you want to yell at him with every ounce of your soul. but you also want to cry. because its been two months since you last saw him in person. and now, in this mess of a night, he has to see you like this.
solomon is surprised though when you do start crying. he comes to your side, crouching down to hold you by your shoulders.
"mc, please look at me. i'm so sorry. i'm here now and that won't take back all the times i wasn't. but i'm here now."
rather abruptly you wrap yourself around him, arms over his shoulders and a hand in his damp hair.
"i thought you would never come back. that you enjoy traveling more than," a pause to sniffle. "being with me." solomon is quick as ever to hush you and hold you tighter. he wishes there was a spell to fix this, a magic to make you happy again. but that is not what you want, that's what he wants.
"listen dove, i've been everywhere. name a place and i've been there before, but thats not what i want."
you lift your head enough to look him in the eyes as you speak softly. "then what is it that you want?"
solomon doesn't hesistate.
"i want to be still with you."
solomon seems to stop hesitating from then on, by that i mean cancelling all of his plans for the next three months to be still with you.
the ferris wheel is finally back in maintenance, and his eyes are promising that it will never break down ever again.
i guess this is considered a song fic? i just related some of my favorite mitski songs to the brothers the best i could. if you have any songs i missed or side characters you would like me to interpret please ask me!! i really enjoy writing based on music, it comforts me and helps me heal. some parts are longer and i apologize for that <3
warnings: angst but if you squint really hard and lay upside down at 2 am chanting in latin there might be fluff. mentions of chp16 in the twins parts
word count: 6k
'undateables' here!
lucifer: first love / late spring
so please hurry leave me / i can't breathe / please don't say you love me / 胸がはち切れそうで (my heart seems like its going to burst)
lucifer has not always known pride.
humility used to be familiar to his body, like a perfectly fitting glove. he had never been in a state of thinking he were better than everyone else, for his sin had not broken him yet.
and your presence somehow, someway, brought back the man he used to be.
work hours were slipping from his hands as if sand while he focused on you, spent time with you. lucifer had even once skipped a rad council meeting just to make sure your cold wasn't going to kill you.
but he knew this was a dangerous game. lucifer was supposed to be the most reliable, hard working demon serving under his dear lord diavolo. there was never room for anyone in his heart except himself and maybe on occasion, his brothers.
you, his dearest human, have wormed your way into that small confined space inside him. and that terrifies lucifer greatly.
your cheerfulness, your drive to protect the ones you love, your angel like smile.
from the first time he felt himself slipping closer to you, lucifer had started pulling back, though you always seemed to close the distance somehow. he is fully aware that he could potentially be fooling you, playing along and eventually hurting your feelings. the ones he is supposed to protect with his life.
lucifer knew very well what he was getting into could never be, but in a desperate attempt to feel like he once was again, he lets you break him down. he lets you push his walls to the sides, clear up the path, and walk straight into his arms.
but the only issue was, you faced him one normal day with that beautiful smile across your face. and said, "i love you".
lucifer has never heard someone say those three words and actually mean it whole heartedly. but as soon as the words left your lips, he knew you were serious. and lucifer could not bring himself to say it back.
it feels as if all the oxygen in the devildom has been vacuumed out. his chest aches, his eyes can't seem to get enough moisture. all at once the gravity of your relationship has washed him clean, and then drowned him in his own filth.
but with a mask of his usual self, lucifer plays the part and quickly moves to excuse himself.
he does not let himself react until he is alone in the underground chamber where he keeps cerberus.
"oh dear," he whispers as his long fingers twist and scratch at his dog's ears. "i don't think i can say those words."
mammon: i will
and while you sleep / i'll be scared / so by the time you wake / i'll be brave / i'll be brave
mammon has never in his life felt what it truly is to deeply and utterly fall in love. that was, until you stepped foot in his home territory.
getting to know you was a breeze, considering how lively and upbeat the boy usually is. people are always attracted to that kind of personality.
and you were so snugly fit into his heart at this point he was starting to get anxious. what if you didn't like him? what if you were just pretending and its all one big joke planned by his brothers? they've done far worse with 'pranks' before.
often when he is having concerns about your relationship/friendship he will ask you in the dead of the night to come over for a 'sleepover'.
what he really gets from these moments is reassurance. your presence, your polite and always kind replies when he asks you to join him in his room. and when you are drifting off slowly in his bed you will feel the weight of something soft being placed over your body. there is faint murmuring but you do not try to make it out.
mammon watches you as you fall asleep. he is embarrassed and terrified you will catch him- but he needs to see you are alive and sleeping well before he can even breathe.
no one ever stopped to wonder if mammon, or rather the shell of himself he is now, could fully handle being a humans protector in the devildom.
lucifer would nag at him constantly (as would all the other brothers too) that he was being reckless, wasn't taking his job seriously, blah blah. you take any remarks they spew at mammon in one ear and out the other, knowing they deep down don't mean their words. that they do actually care for mammon.
but that doesn't mean mammon isn't fucking terrified over keeping you safe.
so while you sleep, he will be there. scared, frightened as if a child during a thunderstorm. but but the time you wake, mammon will be brave.
mammon will put on his million dollar smile, and ask how you slept. and he will lie when you ask him the same.
leviathan: a burning hill
and i am the fire / and i am the forest / and i am a witness watching it / i stand in a valley watching it / and you're not there at all
a sidenote before this one, i really love these lyrics. a lot of people don't fully know the meaning of them, so do let me explain first!
"and i am the fire" mitski is acknowledging she is the problem, she is the fire burning and destroying everything. "and i am the forest" not only is she the one destroying the forest, she is the forest. she is only hurting herself. "and i am a witness watching it" mitski is a bystander watching her mind destroy itself, and she does nothing about it. she is watching as she turns her entire life upside down. "and you're not there at all" mitski does not have a support system. there is no one there to save her from herself.
leviathan may as well be the prince of anxiety in the devildom. his envy feeds into the anxiety, and fuels the fire inside his heart. the two emotions work together in harsh ways to cause chaos in his life.
sometimes, being with you during an anxiety attack is helpful. sometimes, it only makes things worse.
how is he supposed to be your hero protagonist when you're in need if he can't even take care of himself?
asmodeus had been nagging him too much about hygiene, lucifer had been nagging him too much about grades.
now don't get me wrong, leviathan is an extremely smart demon. he's no satan, but he is the best from home student you will ever see. everything he does is at his own pace, and he can excell more than if he were in a classroom.
though this slump he had found himself in for the last month was taking a huge toll on his mental health. he stopped asking the brothers to join him for movie nights, stopped inviting you over for gaming. maybe if he can push you away before you decide to leave on your own, it will be less painful. because it will be his decision, he would have control.
so when you come knocking and singing the password outside his door, he feels like bursting into tears. he could pretend he isn't in his room, but the game he was only half heartedly playing has the volume up and playing outloud.
he lets you come inside. even though his mind is screaming at him to make you leave.
"i noticed you haven't been staying at meals that long for a while. are you feeling okay?"
you watch as leviathan shrugs his shoulders. something is definitely wrong, but you will not know what until he tells you. sometimes thats just how it is with him, he is too good at hiding everything away.
"would playing together cheer you up? what were you playing..." your voice trails off as you skip over to his computer, leaning over his shoulder. the screen says 'game over', something you have never seen on leviathans computer ever before. now more than before you know something is very off. you take a deep breath before deciding what to say next.
"do you want some of my meds? i can go run and grab them-"
"no."
leviathan cuts you off. a few times before when he hit a slump, you had shared some of your human world mood stabilizers with him. it seemed to greatly help with the anxiety and depression. but leviathan was basically refusing help at this point.
you removed your arms from around his shoulders, spinning him by the armrests to face you. you tried to read his eyes, but it seems they were speaking a foreign language today.
"do you want to be alone? hm?"
its a gentle question, your voice barely above a whisper.
leviathan desperately wants to say no. he wants to hold you so tight you can't breathe. to be able to cry in front of you without being embarrassed. he wants nothing more than for you to save him the way he saves you.
leviathan says yes.
you can't save people who don't want to be saved.
leviathan is lighting a match to himself. he is watching as the fire trails up his body, unmoving. he does not fan out the fire. rather he lets it burn bright, all alone in his room. his brain is on fire and he is letting it consume him.
he will be a casualty to only himself, never to you. because he wants more than anything for you to never know of how weak he truly is.
satan: i don't smoke
so if you need to be mean / be mean to me / i can take it and put it inside of me / if your hands need to break more than trinkets in your room / you can lean on my arm / as you break my heart
after only being in the devildom for two months, you had stopped or intervened in at least ten fights between lucifer and satan. the two just could not get along it seemed, not even for your sake.
satan does not know or have any understanding of being empathetic, something you know like the back of your hand. seeing the two brothers threaten to kill each other takes a great toll on your mental health.
and yet, after every big fight you find yourself walking to satans room. knocking, waiting on a response. you've entered so many times that just from your knock satan can tell it is you and will usually let you in. today was different for some reason.
when you raised your fist to knock, the sound of shattering glass filled your ears. without even bothering to knock you rushed inside, to see if satan was okay.
satan was in fact, not okay.
in his anger and frustration he had been using basic dark magic to cause his many books to rise into the air, and throw themselves across the room. the crash was the sound of a book catapulting through his window. today was going to be hard to work through. but you were good at tough fights.
"satan, please put the books down so i can come in further," your voice was gentle, calm and kept stable. you didn't fear satan, no. but you feared what his sin would sometimes turn him into.
he made no move to let the books down, throwing his hands into his hair and sighing loudly. so you tried again.
"if you can put the books down we could talk, yea? is that okay?"
in the blink of an eye one of the airborne books collided with your chest, the sheer force knocking you back a few steps. it hurt, your chest stung like you had just been slapped, but you showed no sign of pain. if satan had seen you in pain that he somehow caused, he may never let you close again. and you desperately wanted to be around him, needed him to be close.
"you don't scare me. you know that."
"i should. you should be so afraid you run and never come back. i'll only hurt you. you know that."
satans words were a bit harsh, but at the same time- this wasn't just satan. this was wrath. and wrath was not kind to you like satan was. being able to differentiate the two makes everything way easier.
"wrath, put the books down. that is a command."
slowly but surely, the books fell to the floor with dry thuds resonating in the room. satan wrath looked at you as if he wanted to eat you alive.
before he could speak again, you spun on your heels and threw yourself against the door. you knew the brothers were going to come running in, thinking wrath had hurt you from the noises in the room. and just as you had thought, as you clicked the lock down, the brothers began yelling through the door and knocking loudly.
"i'm fine, please let me be alone with him. you're only going to make it worse."
lucifer demanded furiously for you to come out or there would be consequences. mammon was yelling that he can protect you and to just unlock the door. in the back, as you focused on the voices, beelzebub began chanting what you knew to be a locking or unlocking spell. you had seen him use it many times when lucifer would lock up the fridge.
quickly you turned to face wrath again. your back pressed against the door, feeling all the brothers beating against your back.
"wrath, cast something on the door to make it unable to open. like that binding spell we learned last week in spells and potions."
wrath let out another highly annoyed sigh, but you felt the door become more stabalized behind your body.
"thank you. can i please talk to satan?"
no response. the tension in the room was nearly tangible. as if you could reach out into the air and feel his glare cut through your fingers.
slowly you inched closer and closer, tutting and scolding gently each time the books began to rise again. having a pact with him at a time like this definitely is handy. but you don't want to command wrath to just leave, that will solve nothing. that will only cause wrath to come back stronger the next time he shows himself.
"do you still want to destroy something?" your words delicate. walking a fine line.
wrath didn't speak, nodding his head slightly. that was enough of a response for you, as you now stood only a mere foot infront of him.
the brothers were still screaming from the other side of the door, you could hear it all the way across the room. for a second you almost felt bad. but this was something only you could do.
with a deep breath, you from memory began reciting a protection spell. this will keep you safe from any physical or magical harm for at most three hours. it would last longer if you had practiced more and focused more energy into it, but again, not important right now.
"if you need to be mean, be mean to me. i'll be fine. wrath or satan."
unfortunately wrath did not hesitate to push satan down even further into the abyss. his hands raised up, palms to the ceiling as the tattered books rose once more.
"go for it. let it out on me. i'm not leaving."
asmodeus: francis forever
i don't need the world to see / that i've been the best i can be / but i don't think i could stand to be / where you don't see me
you never expected asmodeus, the prince of lust, to be quite self critical and concious.
beautiful, worthy of love, perfect as he is. that is how you would describe the man, not the harsh words he thinks of himself. you would expect this kind of anxiety from leviathan, but not asmodeus.
you quickly come to learn that demons can have bad days too.
today was supposed to be a fun self indulgent shopping day, you taking a huge chunk of your pay from hell's kitchen to buy fancy clothes. fashion here in the devildom was extremely different from the human world, and you found yourself quite enjoying it. the fabrics were so colorful and patterned, the designs so elegant and almost royal.
asmodeus seemed like his normal self for the first part of the shopping spree, pulling you from rack to rack and making you try on what he finds. only when he would shove you into a dressing room and go in his own would he falter.
the mirror is a normal one, plainly sat infront of him on the wall. but to asmodeus, it might as well be a clown mirror with how distorted he is seeing himself. his arms look a litte bigger than normal, his shorts don't hug him the way they should. not only is he upset, he is afraid.
afraid that the world is seeing this distorted version of himself. afraid you are seeing it too.
when you come out of your dressing room with a beatiful summery outfit on and knock on his door, he yelps from inside. he was so lost in self destructive thoughts that he jumped at your knocking. too ashamed to go back out like this, he quickly changed into one of the outfits he had grabbed from the rack. its a light blue blouse with some vintage looking ruffles. the shorts he quickly put on are light grey, with a cute belt going around the waist. there were some white socks with the same grey striping the tops, so he shuffled into those as well and opened the door without seeing the mirrors reflection.
(more so, he didn't want to.)
"oh my lord, asmodeus you look so good in that blue! which aisle was that on?"
asmodeus goes into his fake cheerfulness quickly, hoping you don't notice his grin faltering when he 'gives you a twirl'. you look so absolutely stunning in the outfit you had on, the colors and flow making you more beautiful than ever. its as if this outfit were made for you- and asmodeus selfishly feels jealous.
"i think i want to try on some more, meet me back here when you're ready!"
and with that he all but jumps back behind his dressing room door, thankful for the sliver of privacy. he can't let you see him like this- you will think he is weak. that he is broken and everything about him is fake.
"hey asmodeus- i accidentally grabbed a size too big in this skirt. would you go grab another one? pleeeaaasee?" your giddy and laugh filled voice fills his ears from through the thin walls. he sighs in again, jealousy, and says he will come right back with it.
when he returns eventually, you open the door peeking out to grab it. sure asmodeus has seen you half naked many many times, but you don't want other shoppers to see as well. once he hands you the garment you thank him with a quick kiss to his cheek. and as the door is closing, he hears you say that 'i wish i looked as good as you do right now!'
it should be comforting, it should make him feel slightly relieved that you still think of him highly. i mean, for devils sake- half of the items in this outlet are designs he made himself.
so why does he feel so...ugly?
no, the world cannot see him like this. not after they have seen all of his best looks so far. they will remove all his designs and work from stores if he doesn't pull it together and make himself beautiful once again.
so after you try on all your outfits and purchase the ones you like, you two head home; asmodeus is empty handed.
not even when you hand him the most beautiful necklace and say its a gift does he have a real smile.
fake it till you make it, he decides. he will not let you ever see him again if this keeps up. no one will ever see his face again.
beelzebub: once more to see you
then i wouldn't have to scream your name / atop every roof in the city of my heart / if i could see you / once more to see you
just as our big buff demon boy is constantly hungry for food, he is constantly hungry for you.
your smile, your laugh, your presence next to him.
its reminiscent of when lilith were alive, and he had that one comforting shoulder to always slump against. sure he still has belphegor, and his other five brothers, but his bond with lilith was...different. it was as if she was his protector, his lifeline when he needed consolation.
he had never been able to fill the lilith sized hole in his stomach until the day you walked (more like stumbled) into his life.
he now has not just a friend- a best friend, a comfort person, a workout buddy, a midnight snack bring along.
most of all- he now has a lover.
such a delicate, fragile and human shaped lover. one that has promised to never let him suffer alone. but things have been slipping since the day belphegor was broken out of the attic.
you stopped wanting to work out (actually, just with him in particular), and you stopped saying yes to you twos adventures around town to eat everything possible. it was painfully obvious to everyone involved that since he was so close with your ...killer, you kept a distance out of fear and slight annoyance.
fear that it could happen again and beelzebub would protect his twin; annoyance that beelzebub forgave him so quickly for literally taking your life. to you, this was not a matter of anyone forgiving belphegor but you. it just wasn't fair that everyone immediately forgave him when he said sorry, when they all found out you were a descendant of lilith.
so rightfully, you kept your distance. especially with beelzebub.
deep down you were aware it would eat beelzebub alive to not be able to hold you as he used to. but your state of mind and peace mattered more than any demon ever could.
when finally confronted about this, beelzebub came up to you in the kitchen since you both had dish duty. belphegor wasn't with him, but the paranoia still stood firm.
"am i losing you because of what happened?"
without missing a beat, "everyone has. are the rest just more oblivious than you may be?"
beelzebub stands stunned. the dish in his hand is dripping with soap, the wet sponge in his other hand running a trail down his arm.
"i don't want to lose you. when i think about losing you my heart does that thing your stomach does when you are hungry."
at this, its your turn to stand stunned for a second. you knew you had definite feelings for the demon, but thought he was just using you as a replacement sister in place of lilith. hes never been the best with explaining his feelings, but relating it to his stomach pain makes it all too clear to you.
beelzebub is in love with you, maybe more than you are with him at this point. you have a hungry dog on your lead, and he is patiently sat waiting for a treat.
"can i hug you? just one more time?"
your shoulders shrug, afraid to say yes outloud for it may cause a hurricane to swirl inside your eyes.
and beelzebub pulls you closer, not too close though. holds you tight, but not too tight. he is afraid of where he should put his hands and ends up setting on your back and head.
beelzebub wants to scream. he wants the whole world to know how much he utterly and completely aches for you. just once more. let him hold you before you slip from his grip forever.
belphegor: i want you
i found you / i found the door / but when i stepped through / there was no floor / you're coming back / and its the end of the world
belphegor flinched as the sound of your scream resonated through the entire house of lamentation.
it was one of pain, fear. he had heard it many times before. in nightmares of yours, ones of his own, and that one fated day he heard it because of his own actions.
footsteps cut through his thoughts as he saw beelzebub getting up and leaving, presumably going to you. and dear lord belphegor wishes he could go with. but he fears him appearing in real life directly after a nightmare will cause more damage than control.
so belphegor tried to fall back asleep. he was abruptly interrupted when beelzebub reentered the room- but not alone. no, he had for devil knows why brought you back with him. if belphegor knew what an anxiety attack was, that would be what he was slowly experiencing in this moment. frozen in his bed, he tried to squeeze his eyes shut as hard as possible, begging his body to sleep.
"belphegor?"
looks like he's not getting sleep anytime soon. damn it.
he rolls his body over slowly, to see you and beelzebub sat next to each other on his brothers bed. your expression is hard to make out in the dark, but he can sense the fright in your voice. theres no possible way beelzebub could've convinced you to come here, so it must have been your own decision. belphegor doesn't know what to say. so he just stares.
"i'm sorry," is all he can seem to say.
"don't be."
"why? even after you have so gracefully forgiven me and come to be my friend, i still end up tormenting your safest place. your dreams."
for a second you look shocked, not knowing how he knew the nightmares were about him. the only person you had confided in them about was simeon- who had given you a soothing sleep potion to help fight off the nightmares. so how did belphegor find out?
see, the thing is, every single brother, both angels, your wierd sorcerer friend, hell even the lord diavolo himself knows the content of your nightmares. it wasn't that difficult to piece it all together when they had only begun after your 'death'.
realizing you hadn't answered him, even though it wasn't a question, you spoke again.
"i'm not actually afraid of you."
beelzebub seems to feel relieved next to to you as you speak, but you are not finished.
"i'm only afraid of what you can do, belphegor. just like how i'm not afraid of satan, but i'm terrified of wrath."
you wanted to put it into gentle words he would understand. you wanted to have a connection with him, it was just going to be a long bumpy road of healing and acceptance. for both of you.
at this belphegor sat up, rubbing at his eyes.
"so why did you come here? to tell me that?"
beelzebub sat up straighter, moving his legs a bit.
"belphie, they asked if they could come here, 'cuz they said they want to trust you."
belphegor mulled over his brothers words. what did that mean? you trusted him just because you were able to speak to him?
somehow you picked up on his confusion. "will you...put me to sleep..? i mean- you don't have to but, if i can trust you with that it would help. i think."
belphegor is stunned. you, the dear human his brothers adore, want him to help you with something. you, on your own accord, have come to connect with him. he can't fully promise that he will always be there to protect your dreams, but if you will give him this opportunity he will try his best.
you, laying together with belphegor- the demon who has once killed you. you want to trust and come to have a bond with him. just as you have all the other brothers.
but some nightmares are just too much to handle. and maybe it is best if you stay away for a bit longer to deal with it alone.
bonus! mc: fireworks
and then one warm summer night / i'll hear fireworks outside / and i'll listen to the memories as they cry, cry, cry
not a day goes by that you do not miss your seven beloved demon princes.
at first, for a few months after you left, one of them would randomly jumpscare you in your own home with a 'surprise visit'. that usually ends in a scolding and reminder that the d.d.d exists for a reason.
nonetheless, slowly the boys stopped visiting. sure you met up with solomon quite a bit, or even met up with simeon and luke.
it hurt to feel them slipping away, but you only wanted to remember all the good things. no use in holding a match to an already blazing forest fire.
so you started doing things for yourself.
self care (asmodeus had some influence in the particular brands), working hard in your studies, making sure to eat well and use working out as a stress relief. for a while this happy dance of pretending to be getting better helped, made you feel like yourself again.
one particular outing you had planned was to go see a firework show out in a small town next to your own. it was advertised all over the place, so you were determined to go and enjoy the show.
when the day, a mere tuesday, finally arrived- you were ecstatic. elated at the idea of having somewhat of a date with yourself in the town next door. it wasn't going to start until around nine pm, so you had the entire day to prepare and get ready. you may be going alone, but damn all you will be the best dressed there. asmodeus had taught you once some fashion tips to make your outfit really stand out in a good way, and you mixed those tips into tonight's outfit happily.
the drive there was pretty easy, not much really going on in your own town at the moment and lots of cars leaving to go next door for the show.
the breeze was warm- but not the bad kind. rather a comforting kind, as if the wind was hugging you tightly.
many people from your own town were milling about, and you stopped to say hi a few times before settling down into the grass with a blanket.
"mc? hey, what are you doing here?"
a familiar voice. solomons, to be exact.
you were quite excited to see solomon but at the same time- he just reminded you more that you and the boys aren't together anymore.
"i came for the fireworks, why are you here?"
solomon pondered your question for a second before answering. "i don't really know."
you both laughed in somewhat confusion, before solomon explained that he had heard about the show but didn't know why he actually had chosen to come. but that he was glad to see you, glad he came regardless.
he sat with you as you both waited now. there was a bit of small talk, but not much. you two were pretty caught up in each others lives most of the time.
as you two continued chatting and waiting- a call rang through the air. you reached for your phone to see its from your family member, and quickly pick up to see what they want.
though your heart sinks when you hear them crying over the line.
"hey whats wrong? are you okay?"
they attempt to stifle their cries, saying they are sorry.
"my car broke down, i was on my way to the fireworks when the engine just...stopped."
they sound panicked and scared, you know those feelings well. and it isn't exactly safe to be stranded out this late waiting on a car shop to send someone to help. so, you offer to come pick them up. its not too far away, and its only around eight thirty now. the fireworks won't start for a bit.
your family member thanks you relentlessly before you both say your goodbyes and you explain to solomon. he is bummed you have to go, but tells you to hurry back so he has someone to enjoy the fireworks with.
the drive there is relatively easy, your family member not being too far or in a strange spot. their car had broken down right near a gas station, so a kind stranger had at least helped them push the car into the lot.
"(family member name), i'm here," you speak as you walk around the back of their car. but you don't see them in the passenger seat, and assume they might've gone in the gas station. so you go in as well.
the cashier greets you politely, and you ask if he had seen your family member. unfortunately for you, the cashier explains that they had seen them, but that was ten minutes ago when a patrolling cop had come to pick them up and call for a car repairman.
their phone might have died, but you can't help the frustration you feel. its now around eight fourty seven, and the drive back will take you roughly fifteen minutes. its cutting it extremely close, but you are damn well determined to see these fireworks and enjoy a carefree night with solomon. so, you quickly purchase some water bottles and hurry your way back to the car.
its not like luck has ever really been on your side, but tonight seems particularly bad. there is a sudden traffic rush, assumingly people last minute trying to make it to the show. and you are caught up in their hurry. every single light was red, causing you to constantly be stuck waiting to move.
you grab your d.d.d at one long red light and call solomon. he picks up immediately and tells you to hurry back, to which you explain what happened. he sounds almost as frustrated with your family member as you are, consoling you that you won't miss the fireworks. he sits on the phone with you as you drive, keeping you from getting anxious or having to be alone this late.
it isn't until your car clock strikes nine o one that you finally start to see familiar buildings. you have entered the correct area of the town, and now just have to navigate your way back to the park field. telling solomon you're almost there, you decide to hang up so you can focus on driving only.
unbeknownst to you, when you had hung up, solomon was not actually sitting alone anymore. he now had seven guests sitting with him, waiting not for the show- waiting for you.
and it isn't until you hear the first firework go off that you give up.
you park the car, climb out and up, and sit atop it.
you can barely make out the shapes and colors from so far away, but at least you can see them. the breeze has cooled down a bit, pushing against your shoulders and hair. the fireworks are beautiful, even from this distance.
and in some sick way, the universe had given you this exact moment on purpose. you had intended for it to be a date with yourself, and now it truly was.
poor passerby cars are left to just watch your figure in the dark, atop your car. you are thankful for the dark of night for the first time in your life.
let me be real for a second during a manic episode i listened to la jolla for eight hours on repeat and this piece came out of it. i wish the story had more to do with the actual song, considering i love it so dearly. oh well! manic aether strikes again. i do hope you enjoy.
warnings: angst. like 3% comfort. setting is post exchange program
word count: 1.4k
blinking eyes into starlit skies.
you can't remember the last time the lights were this bright, this full. wracking your tired brain, the answer does not find you. rain is softly heard somewhere unknown, as the light becomes harsher.
"mc…?" your name, barely above a whisper. it would have gone completely unheard if not for your longing to hear that one single voice again. the voice did not utter another sound to you.
lights becoming dimmer, you adjust to the surroundings that start to seem familiar. a bedroom, some small decorations, the cold air of your own room.
in the human world, that is.
realizing now that you were asleep, your dry eyes flitter to the window sill. upon it sits five letters, all sat perfectly against each other. the red wax seals seem to mock you as you sit up. home doesn't feel like home today. not one single bit, after the hazy flashes of your dream come back to you.
his hands. your hair, interlocked with them. soft, sweet laughter between the sheets. that smell of his worn leather jacket- one you realize you are starting to forget now. with a rub of your eyes the dreams fall away into your private folder, tucked deep in your mind. no use thinking about that any longer.
the red wax catches your eye once more.
it has been six months since the depths of hell wished you adieu. two unforgiving months since you got the last letter from…him.
after washing your face and trying to scrub away the emotions, you sit down on the bed once more. it is only now that you realize there is only warm light coming through the shutters, signaling you had slept an entire day away again. to confirm, your phone screen laughs at you as you read '6 PM'. sleeping at night has been a trial of events lately, especially with all of the newfound loneliness settling in your bones. this sadness and anger had been weighing you down for months, the fear of abandonment taking refuge in your mind.
a shaking hand reaches for the letters.
the first was only a week after your departure. telling you pretty little lines of 'i miss you' and 'i want to see you again'. the second letter three weeks after. it held more emotion, as if he were feeling the loneliness faster than you. the third coming one month and a week exactly, felt detached. the fourth, two months, even more so. it seemed as if he were trying to cope with you being gone, and you hadn't caught up to that chapter yet. the fifth falling upon your doorstep on four months...short. sweet, held pretty little lines once again that reignited your flame. but it was no candle in comparison to the forest fire that had overtaken you already.
and no new letter ever arrived to fan out the flames.
multiple times you had considered on drunken nights to just call him- your D.D.D still worked, you knew this because solomon had cast some magic on it to keep you in touch with those peculiar seven. none of them were aware of this, and out of pure fear you had never reached out. maybe a mistake on your part. it seemed they are afraid to reach out too.
cutting through the bitter silence is a cellphone ring. flying out of your seat on the bed your head spins for just a moment, wondering which phone exactly it is that is receiving a call. unfortunately or maybe fortunately for your poor heart, it is the real cellphone and not your D.D.D. the name of your closest friend flashes the screen, one you haven't seen in quite a few weeks.
you watch as it ends. watch as the voicemail comes in. why do you not move?
maybe the fear and excitement that you were finally getting contact from the other world held you frozen in that moment. maybe the utter disappointment yet expectation when it was not from them was what held you there. either way, your body lays back down.
the once beautiful to you pact mark comes into vision. it is an array of golden and white wrapped around your left hand, trailing up the pinky finger. he had always said it was like a promise. a promise to not do what he is doing at this exact moment, it seems. clenching your fist, the skin around the markings begin to turn pinkish from pressure. it looks almost ugly to you now. a constant reminder that you can't have him, as if he were never yours.
carefully, like a child in the night, you speak.
"you never taught me how to use this stupid thing," as soon as your own voice hits your ears, you falter. just for a moment, the eyes your mother used to say were shining glaze over. in a poor attempt to ignore it, you let them close. and so you continue.
"i...miss you. god, i miss you more than the tide misses the shore." this time you laugh. who are you even speaking to? no one can hear you but yourself and yet you feel like just encapsulating it all into words finally. "you promised me. you promised you wouldn't forget me and i…" the silence is jarring. "i feel lied to, okay? i feel embarrassed." with your eyes closed the world seems to spin in the darkness, the comforting idea of just going back to sleep washing you clean.
"i never stopped loving you, you know? i don't think i will ever be able to…" the breath in your chest begins to even out. sleep does actually sound really good, even considering the fact you have just dreamt away an entire day of your life. who cares, nothing matters anymore. "yea," your voice mirrors your thoughts. "nothing matters anymore."
again this time, but in some sense more realistic, hands in your hair. sharp pain in your left wrist, causing you to roll onto your side on your bed. there is the far away feeling of a blanket being placed atop your body, though it feels too much like a dream for you to care. faint voices, murmurs above the heartbeat slowing in your chest.
"i'm sorry,"
dear lord, you mumble to yourself in tired frustration. not this again, your mind says. he always has a way of infiltrating your most peaceful moments, and filling them with anxiety.
"ya know i never stopped either...yea?" a deep humming leaves your lips. he always says the right things when its this dream version of him, running to you and making things alright again. that is, until you wake and the cycle of abandonment resets. still, that damned voice of his fills your ears. "i don't know how to go about this, treasure." "don't call me that," you cut off his dreamlike voice. "m' not your treasure anymore, not after you lost the map." unsettling silence fills your ears after you finish. never in these awful dreams of him had you spoke your true feelings, did you mess it up somehow? does dream him not know how to respond to your emotions?
"yea," he laughs. it would almost be comforting if it were real. "guess i did lose the map. but im lookin real hard for it right now, so i can find ya again." a hand squeezes yours, yet all you see is still the darkness of your own eyelids. he really does always have those witty one liners ready, combating every poetic sentence you speak. someone get this guy a pen you think, get him in the new york times or something. the silence rings in your ears once again, his voice no longer filling the space. "can i get a different dream? this ones too sad, feels too real." nothing. afraid for some subconscious reason, you open your eyes.
nothing. as expected.
of course it was just a fantasy, the only person you wish to see right now wouldn't just appear out of thin air.
begrudgingly, and half annoyed he isn't actually there, you grab the plush of little D he once bought you and iron grip that poor thing to your chest. with a sigh and a little shuffle around, you close your eyes again. hoping, praying even, that this dream may be a little less bittersweet.
"goodnight," you say outloud.
and as your emotional exhaustion finally sends you into a nice dream for once, that damned voice answers your cries. "g'night, treasure."
(aka a lucifer thinkpiece i wrote back in december to vent)
warnings: none really, big words bc i love them, use of she/her pronouns because i wasn't fully detatched from them and im too lazy to rewrite all of them lolz. as always no beta. we die like lilith.
word count: 1.15k
the concept of lucifer existing has always lit a fire behind my eyes.
a little girl untouched by sin finds comfort in a man fallen from grace. the headline you cannot look away from and wish to seek out the article for. let me give you the synopsis, in case you have missed it by chance.
'children know nothing of pain and sadness until it is introduced through familial relationships. if a child is to scrape their knees on concrete, they will not cry unless they hear their parents utter concern. pain is not given, it is taught and etched deeply. across our legs as we learn to ride a bike, across our arms as we learn to control emotion. and from then on, we do not actively seek out such harm. this little girl, as the story goes, did. in fairytales and whispers of folklore she has come to know of an angel- that ultimately fell from his highness. he fell all the way to a place of only fire and sin. and the little girl lit her own matches on the fires he fell to. in a tragic and unfortunate series of happenings, the sweet little girl fell for the man, the man who had also fallen.'
as life goes, there is not always an ending that we seek. there is no publicized follow up to give us an insight on where our dear girl is now. is she nurturing her own little girl, teaching her kin of the fallen angel? is she out there in the thick of the world, lost in tall trees?
allow me to spoil the story just this once. she's in hell.
our little girl, with too many sins to speak seeking refuge in her blood, is bickering with her beloved fallen angel.
we are far beyond the line of catching you up to speed, my dear reader. do proceed with an open mind.
the two often sparred verbally, it was just how the human and demon communicated it seemed. no brother in the house would dare to step in during these fragile moments, not wanting to become a tragedy in the aftermath of the category five hurricanes they spoke to life.
this particular disagreement had begun just as every other, yet was dangerously walking the line of being the final do all end all. our dear girl with dark fascinations is in the middle of finding out why they are called dark fascinations.
-
i must admit i have never seen a soul so blind to its own trauma. how do you sleep at night, the weighted blanket of your past pressing into your chest?
a push towards the cliff. just a slight, warm breeze pushing his chill farther. moving him as if she wants their contrasting temperatures to fraternize. she is well aware of his capability to push back, bracing herself for impact.
there is no scenario in which a human would possibly be able to grasp what i, the avatar of pride, have been through.
left not getting at what she intended, the girl sighs quite loudly. and so she pushes again. for he is squeezing her mind dry as if a ripe grape, and she refuses to become a demons wine. she will be damned before she succumbs.
there is a human, and she has been in your eyes this whole time. can't you see her?
being faced with laughter is not uncommon when you are in the presence of a demon. that does not make it any less unsightly, especially given the context of this latest talk. though many a time lucifer has laughed in the face of confrontation.
you are the human in question, i presume? i should apologize for laughing, it is not often i am so confounded.
words do not find our girl until a moment later. if lucifer wishes to dance, then she best put on her scuffed red heels and bow.
then tell me, from those glistening red eyes have you seen through me this entire year? have you truly no sight, your crimson corneas just exhibiting the flow of your blood?
she has grown in a home with everything placed before her; been given familial beings and sweet creatures to warm the comforter. there are faces in front of green eyes, with warmth and love. yet she spent the saved up love on people the likes of the demon before her. part of her succumbed to the greedy nature of his brother, growing hungrier for just one more taste of love each time it walked out the door. with every nail pressed deep into her distorted coffin, she was there. outstretching her scarred left hand to hold the nail steadier. the man before her would be a blind fool to have not seen the unfastened empathetic nature she holds.
ah, let me rephrase: the man before her is a blind fool.
let me put it this way, for your human concept of understanding to grasp it-
precisely say it. do you believe me to be a sheltered child? you've never been one to back down from a power show. so do not begin now.
why are you still pushing? do you not know of your own limits?
you are just that, a child. and i will not stand in this office and fight a child who has no knowledge of my words.
there is a child inside of me, you are not inexact with your words. but that child is utterly exasperated. you are not the man she spent years learning of, you are a fractured grenade of honor and loss.
as an aggrieved man would, lucifer strides towards her. for only a second of time- before turning his face and retreating to the ever so messy desk. long, pale fingers graze the dark wood before words leave his lips.
i admit that i may have let down many when i fell. but i do not see why i should distress myself that i let down one of billions of humans.
you should be so distressed that it brings you agony. she is knocking on your door, and begging for despondency.
and why so?
he speaks so effortlessly that his eyes do not catch their opposing states fusing together, the language exchanged setting them into motion. the hurricane has blinked open her eyes, unblurring hues of red and brown wood. and these two stand right in her line of vision.
because she loved you. i loved you, lucifer. and we have just concluded the book for good and all.
you may presume when a human and demon come into contiguity, the higher being has higher vigor. there is no chance in favor of the one who holds no true authority or sorcery.
my dear reader, learn to fight for the underdog. for she is the one exiting the room, leaving a vengeful storm in her wake.
