Okay, so I move to a different country in like 5 days now and I am a ball of emotions. But I think the weirdest part of it all is saying goodbye to people. I know it’s not goodbye goodbye - I’ll see my friends again at Christmas and when I move back home in June. These goodbyes and farewells do not mark the end of my interactions with these individuals, but they do mark the end of the current dynamic I have in my friendships. It’s goodbye to things as we know it. I’m off to California, and I’ll have some rad experiences as I intern at a church and experience a new culture. I’m really opening myself up so that I can grow, mature, and learn in this season. Inevitably, things are going to change in my life while I’m there. I might even change, although I hope I still remain distinctly me. It terrifies my how fine the line is between individual growth and personality change.
And that’s when I begin to ponder what it’ll be like to re-enter into these amazing friendships I’ve been forming this past year. Honestly, I’ve only really started to be an actual friend to people rather recently. It sounds crazy, but in the past I only ever allowed for the fun, enjoyable aspects of friendships. I shied away from being vulnerable with people and having the hard, meaningful conversations. Don’t get me wrong, you need friends to share a laugh with, be goofy with, and just enjoy your time spent together. But the Lord also calls us into friendships in which we seek to support and refine one another. It’s something He began to teach me as I entered into university this past fall, and a notion that I really had the chance to live out towards the end of the school year, and during my four weeks at camp in August.
For once in my life I strongly appreciate the community that surrounds me. I never thought I’d be so sad to leave these people and these places behind as I go off on an adventure. I’m going to miss the Saskatoon, Forest Grove, and Camp Kadesh communities so incredibly much. But I also know that I have a new community that I’m entering into, where the Lord is calling me to be intentional and build into others. But I’m scared for what it’s going to be like to re-enter into my current communities in 10 months. Just as I’m going to be growing and learning, my friends are going to be growing and learning, too. Things will have changed (what, and to what degree is uncertain) when I return, and I will have been absent from some of the building that’s occurring in my current communities. I know I’m probably over thinking (as per usual) and that I’ll more than likely pick up right where I left off with my friends but I can’t help but wonder - what all am I exactly saying goodbye to right now?