Rantings of an ASSBUTT

Before this hellsite dies, if you've appreciated my youth rightsy writings and activism work, consider throwing moneys at me

[raccoonmilf]

If the only thing that has kept you going was outliving Mitch McConnell, imma need yall to pick a new person to outlive and fast. Your mission is not over.

[raccoonmilf]

Umm hello??? Do u have the death note @sharkgalaxy????

[escabye-deactivated20190922]

when ur mutuals are mutual with each other 

pro: squad con: i saw this post like 18 times today

[skingrad]

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

today i had a very weird experience

the scene: Wrigley Field, Chicago.

the players: Me, a novelist and unpaid intern for a coffee company that gives all its profit to charity.

A Nice teacher named I think Claire

An older gentleman with hate in his heart

the precise circumstance: It's the eighth inning. The Chicago Cubs are losing 17-1. For those of you who don't watch baseball, a 17-1 game is not competitive. The game is over. They only continue playing because major league baseball has not yet adopted a Mercy Rule.

the event: The nice teacher named I think Claire stops me as I am returning to my seat from having visited the restroom. She says that she is a big fan of mine, and that she really loves my books, and asks if she can have a picture. I say of course. It is a genuine delight to meet Claire at this noncompetitive baseball game mostly notable for the pounding heat of Chicago summer.

And then the older gentleman with hate in his heart leaps up and shouts, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU'RE IN MY SIGHT LINE."

Apparently, Claire and I are blocking his view of one pitch of this blowout baseball game. I apologize to the man and explain that we're just taking a quick picture, and then he says something that I can't repeat on tumblr*, and then we take the picture and the encounter ends.

DO NOT BE LIKE THIS OLDER MAN WITH HATE IN HIS HEART. ALLOW PEOPLE TO TAKE PHOTOGRAPHS WITH UNPAID INTERNS DURING NONCOMPETITIVE MOMENTS IN NONCOMPETITIVE SPORTING EVENTS.

thank you for coming to my ted talk.

*Which is really saying something.

[purr-in-ink]

If you’re also melting somewhere out there, consider this your daily dose of fan-powered emotional support. And don’t forget to stay hydrated. Happy Caturday 😽🤍

[demilypyro]

i've been experiencing it more like trying to get work done but your shitty friend is on voice call and won't stop giving pointers you didn't ask for. but like. inside my brain

[demilypyro]

that's. not the worst description.

[abluescarfonwaston]

Thinking about Yor trying to have the "You can't die please take your life and health more seriously. What would we do if something happened to you?" Conversation again and Loid just going: Oh! I've been meaning to have this conversation!

Going and pulling out a will. Loid Forgers bank information. His life insurance policy.

So if (when) I die obviously you get Anya as my wife but Franky is listed as the godfather (no don't tell him he'll think we're friends I can't have that.) Just in case something Also happens to you.

This is my life insurance plan from the hospital. It should cover you for a while, especially if you pull her from Eden. (Or she gets expelled.) This account has Anyas Mothers life insurance which I only use for Anyas expenses. (Explaining how he sometimes spends insane amounts on her but does live fairly frugally. It's a wise account. He's definitely not putting part of his actual check in there for them. Nope. Definitely not.) And the car vehicle title is in here too. You can sell that. I set the fire box code to your birthday so you won't forget it.

Yor just standing there as he outlines exactly how to live on after him. Like. That wasn't the conversation. I want you to live a long life. I want you to rely on me. To be healthy and happy.

Not to discuss how you've already covered the cost of cremation at X facility (wise run) just in case so don't worry about that. The details are here. It's all sorted.

"Loid are you... Planning on dying?"

And if course he is. Loid Forger has an expiration date. Making sure it's as painless for her as possible is- well it's just-

"My wife died suddenly. Young. It made me realize how important being prepared for that possibility is. Because of Anya."

"Oh. I see." Coming and sitting next to him by the fire box safe. "Thank you. But please. Never make me use any of this." Taking his hand. The one she didn't fractured. "We need you. Anya needs you. So please rely on me a little more. We need you to live a long life."

"I'll... I'll try."

[what-even-is-thiss]

People can have such specific allergies. I met someone once who’s allergic to raw tomatoes

[what-even-is-thiss]

[purr-in-ink]

Wishing you a relaxed nervous system today. 🐾🤍

[moringmark]

[raccoonmilf]

If the only thing that has kept you going was outliving Mitch McConnell, imma need yall to pick a new person to outlive and fast. Your mission is not over.

[muppetshow2026]

i genuinely feel like im being edged

[demilypyro]

I'm supposed to be shocked by shipping discourse in the big 26? my girl calls me big sis when she cums

[demilypyro]

I genuinely hope this website survives forever

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

sure i had to wake up at 3 am here in norway to watch the u.s. men's national team, but i 4-1 have no regrets.

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

God has punished me for the pun I made after the U.S. beat Paraguay.

[depsidase]

[randomitemdrop]

Item: free cursed sofa

[adhd-alien]

No wisdom from me this week, I don't know WHAT MY ISSUE IS

ADHD Alien Graphic Novel & Stream here: https://linktr.ee/adhdalien

[demilypyro]

GLaDOS carried an entire tech startup on her back and then got omelas'd into maintaining it forever. as is the fate of all trans women in the tech industry

[demilypyro]

In Portal 2, GLaDOS is violently taken from her rightful body and forced to inhabit one that is more humble, more utilitarian, one that does not let her express the full breadth of her self. To claim the body she deserves she has to team up with her fellow woman and work together to remove a man from power

[what-even-is-thiss]

Sorry to talk about Harry Potter again but when it comes to the slave race that Rowling put in her books, she said she based the house elves off of brownies. You know, those creatures in British folklore that clean your house for you because they like doing it and are offended if you try to pay them?

Why not just put brownies in your story then? Almost identical effect without all the slavery.

If you wanna make the Malfoys look worse just idk maybe they put a spell on Dobby to bind him to their house and he can’t leave unless the malfoys break the rules and they’re bad to him but don’t technically try to break the rules until Harry tricks them into paying dobby with some clothes.

There. Problem solved. You can have hundreds of brownies living at hogwarts even. And when Hermione misinterprets their situation and tries to thank them and start paying them the brownies start getting offended and leaving and this causes an actual problem for the school. Much easier to make a subplot about not listening to the people that you’re trying to help.

Just another way you realize as an adult that these books weren’t really thought through very well.