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@technolofications
how y'all doin
long-term nuclear waste warning messages + rich people's indoor swimming pools
another perfect ad on this perfect website
The ad: DONâT APPROVE THIS AD! DONâT DO IT! DONâT FUCKING DO IT!!!
The guy in charge of approving ads:
my favourite new arrival today to the Suez Canal party is this incredibly conspicuous Russian warship labelled as an oil tanker thatâs just anchored amongst the stranded cargo ships. chillin.
realized what the map screenshot is reminding me of glgkdkkdkfjdksj
ârussian warship 545 is unhappyâ
âwell life isnât fucking fair is it russian warship 545â
Okay this just got INTERESTING
So I went back to check on my pal Russian Warship 545 (registration name KOLA), and being unable to find the red dot in the area, thought it had moved on. Curious as to when and where to, I ran a search on Vesselfinder for the name âRussian Warship 545â.
No results found.
âOkay, thatâs fair. Maybe you canât search for naval vessels by name. National security and all.â I said to myself. Then I remembered that Iâd screenshotted the ID number (see above), so I ran a search for that instead.
This is when shit got weird.
So I mentioned just now that while the vessel showed up earlier today under the AIS tracking title âRussian Vessel 545â, the legal registration name listed at the bottom of its details page was âKOLAâ. This isnât that weird in and of itself â I was poking around home on the map earlier today, and found Canadian naval vessels with tracking titles like âCanadian Warship 707â and then the actual vessel name (HMCS FancyName or what have ye) listed as the registration name along with the flag country.
I mentioned also that I couldnât find Russian Warship 545âs distinctive red dot (red is the colour for search and rescue, coast guard, and naval vessels in Vessel Finder) in the Red Sea anchorage field outside the canal when I went to check up on it.
So imagine my surprise when I type the ID number for âRussian Warship 545â into the search, and am told IT IS STILL LOCATED IN THE RED SEA ANCHORAGE.
Huh???
But not ONLY that.
It has now been switched to an ORANGE tanker vessel dot, and is showing up with âKOLAâ as its AIS tracking name, looking for all intents and purposes like a regular oil tanker:
Except for the fact that when you open the details page on Vessel Finder, the image attached is VERY MUCH STILL A RUSSIAN WARSHIP:
And the specs and details are all the same as earlier, including being owned by what is still listed (due to the 1967 manufacturing date) as, I shit you not, âSoviet Navyâ:
However!!!
On further investigation via Marine Tracker, Iâve found what seems to be a much less âstripped from Wikipediaâ, and much less impressive, image of our friend Russian Warship 545 (which is still listed as the AIS name on Marine Tracker):
This page on Baltic Shipping also associates similar pictures with the same ID numbers, further corroborating this and giving a bit more extra backstory about the builder etc. âKolaâ is listed as an Altay-class Russian military tanker with a matching 1967 build date on this List of Active Russian Military Vessels, and was actively doing stuff for the Russian Navy in the Mediterranean within the last two years (x) (x).
So.
My best guess at an explanation for all this weirdness?
Creaky old Soviet-built oil tanker KOLA, owned by Russian military, was doing regular oil-getting business in the area.
Said oil tanker is listed on some AIS records in the same manner as most military-owned vessels, â[nationality] warship [hull #]â, and with a red military ID dot.
Somebody working for Vessel Finder is really lazy about attaching a database image to the profile for KOLA. (Interestingly enough, reverse image search turned up no other instances of the warship image used on the listing).
Then, this week, Ever Given does the worldâs worst parallel parking job and blocks up the Suez canal.
KOLA, gone to go get oil and bring it back to the fleet, is now stranded with many other oil tankers in the middle of the Red Sea, unable to pass back up through to the Black Sea or wherever the hell she was going.
At some point, perhaps somebody involved in the control/management of KOLA had the thought, possibly while sitting around at anchor for two days twiddling thumbs and playing cards, âhey, you donât think our AIS designation would make us look like weâre up to some really sketchy shit out here, do you? given that hundreds if not thousands of random people are looking at vessel tracking sites right now?â
âHm. Shit.â
(Alternatively, somebody onboard is killing time on their phone looking at the shipping carnage and notices their bright red tracking dot and alarming name).
Phone calls are made/things are updated and Creaky old Soviet-built military-owned oil tanker KOLA hastily has its AIS display name updated to read as its registration name instead of âRussian Warship 545â, now with an orange oil tanker classification marker.
This change has the unintended result of making them look EXPONENTIALLY sketchier than they did before.
ALTERNATIVELY: Less funny version, it may just be a glitch in Vessel Finderâs software that gets triggered by the two different names and the conflicting classifications. When I went to look at it again just a minute ago, we were back to a red indicator and âRussian Warship 545â:
Bottom line: do I think that anything freaky or untoward is ACTUALLY happening with this vessel? Not really.
Do I find this all EXTREMELY entertaining? You bet your ass I do.
Highly recommend just fucking around on vessel tracking sites for a few hours. Gosh what a fun time to be had.
unfortunately in my fact check I spent so long researching this tough and dependable 54-year-old Soviet naval refuelling vessel that Iâve accidentally become weirdly fond of it. sheâs a sturdy old girl. I wish her well
Gayđ»irl
i think you should be allowed to cite scholars who are bad people but only if you put the word (oof) or (yikes) after their name
like Parker (yikes, 1989) or Obbink (big oof, 2007)
Freud (derogatory, 1923)
Gayđ€irl
For the record I clicked yes and it crashed my game
Art forgery is the best crime tbh. It requires absolutely incredible artistic talent, technical skill, and attention to detail to make convincing fakes. Does anyone get hurt from it? No! The only people who suffer for it are the extremely wealthy who want the prestige of having original paintings in their own homes. Itâs full of international intrigue and mystery. Perfect.
Also⊠art forgers like van Meegeren sometimes become a kind of folk hero. A swindler, sure, but a gentlemanâs swindler.
I liked this guyâs story, Mark Landis, who conned several dozen museums into displaying his forgeries, but when the FBI came after him they couldnât do anything because he had always given them away as donations. They said if they could have found that heâd ever taken anything in exchange they would have prosecuted him, but all he wanted was get to out of the house and meet people.
âThe first painting Landis âdonatedâ was a copy of a work by Maynard Dixon, an artist well-known for his paintings of cowboys and Indians. It started as impulse, Landis says, but then âeverybody was just so nice and treated me with respect and deference and friendship, things I was very unused to â I mean, actually not used to at all. And I got addicted to it.ââ And it looks like all his forgeries are done with cheap materials, like markers and Hobby Lobby frames.
Ok, but Wolfgang Beltracchi is probably one of the best Fraud Artists in the world.
His career brought him millions upon millions of dollars and lasted almost 40 years. He finally admitted to painting fraudulent art after the white paint he used came under scrutiny.Â
â Bob Simon: What do you think this Max Ernst would be worth? Wolfgang Beltracchi: This one? Simon: Yeah. Beltracchi: $5 million, I think. Simon: $5 million.  And you can do it in three days? Beltracchi: Yeah, oh yes, yes, sure, or quickerâ -From a 60 minutes interview with Bob Simon
In The interview with Beltracchi, he said that none of his forgeries are copies, theyâre all original works that the famous artists could have painted.
âBeltracchi estimates he has done 25 Max Ernsts. He is not copying an existing work. Heâs painting something he thinks Ernst might have done if heâd had the time or felt like it.â Â -Â The Con Artist: A multi-million dollar art scam
His wife was also in on the scam, she would dress up in old clothing and take pictures holding the paintings with old cameras to fake proof of the paintingsâ ages.
At the end of the interview with Wolfgang Beltracchi he was asked if he felt he had done anything wrong, his answer was â Yeah, I used the wrong kind of paintâ
Just ⊠the levels of con there, the fake photos and ⊠wow. Thatâs incredible.Â
Heroes
Also fun fact we learned in class today: Michelangelo carved a sculpture of a Roman god, broke off the arm, and then buried it. The sculpture was dug up and was considered to be an authentic Roman artefact, until Michelangelo came along with the missing arm and called shenanigans on himself, just to prove he was as skilled a sculptor as the ancient Romans.
honestly mike? chill.
YEHS U GO ARTISTS
when you think about this its basically reverse-plagiarism
are any of y'all still out there?
anyone still out there?
It's okay to move forward slowly. Don't give up on yourself.
took my cat to the vet the other day and the vet goes âwell I donât see anything wrong hereâŠ. heâs just a VERY handsome boyâ & i almost teared up
my HANDSOME boyâŠ
Diagnosed with handsome boy disease
wow heâs absolutely RIDDLED with handsomeitis
when are we as a society going to stop romanticizing serial killers and start romanticizing art heists? there is no crime sexier than an art crime try to convince me otherwise. you wonât.
fuck waluigi
this is a short bucket list, but a respectable one