tee

[teehorann]

I was always feeling inadequate because you were always looking for something in other women that it seemed you couldn’t find in me.

[teehorann]

no longer caring if people choose me because i choose me now.

[teehorann]

being friends with someone can cause you excruciating pain. you open yourself up to so much heartbreak when you choose to love someone that deeply.

[teehorann]

just realized that i’ll never be perfect, no matter how hard i try

[teehorann]

he’s all i’ve ever known, so he ended up being all i thought i deserved.

[teehorann]

no matter how difficult or convoluted our personal lives become, we must remember to hold grace for our fellow human beings. we must grasp on to compassion and empathy as tightly as we can, for it is the only connection we have to one another. this is our only hope to extinguish the flames of this burning world.

[teehorann]

i will not let anyone shame me for being sensitive, for being soft. it took everything in me to maintain my humanity after all the trauma i’d been through. my softness is my strength. my empathy is what allows me to remain a decent person in this world. i will not lose it because someone else, who’s too afraid of being soft, tries to make me feel bad for it.

i am soft in spite of the roughness of life. i will remain soft, “despite, despite, despite”.

[teehorann]

i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed, yet nothing could cleanse me. his fingertips were like tattoos, embedded deep beneath my skin, flowing freely through my bloodstream. i wanted him out. i needed the memories of him gone.

so i scrubbed until my skin was raw, but he was there. he’s still there. i long for the day i feel clean again.

[teehorann]

today feels like one of those days where i have to fight for every breath i take. however, i’m choosing to still fight because yesterday was the day i realized that it really is just a bad day sometimes, not a bad life.

[teehorann]

“but that’s my personal experience; it’s mine.” has broken me in ways irreversible.

[teehorann]

harry has had his privacy disrespected and stolen from him for over a decade. people have demanded it from him and have gone to extremes to make sure he relinquishes it. now, harry actually can protect himself a bit more and keep the things he cherishes to himself. why force him to share things with us just to appease people who will judge him regardless of what he does or says? why can’t people allow him the privacy that all human beings are owed?

[teehorann]

i sat down and actually read the lyrics from lucky again. i always thought he sang, “if you believe that guy is superman, they’re selling tickets at the cinema” BUT he really sang “if you believe that guy is superman, there selling tickets at the cinema”.

this completely changes the meaning we thought it had bc louis’ not telling us to go watch superman at the cinema, he’s telling us that the person who’s selling the tickets is superman. he’s telling us to make the best of our mundane situations. “whatever gets you through the darkest night, just find the light out” further emphasizes that! whatever we have to do to make life feel worth living, we should do it! even if it’s pretending that you selling tickets at the cinema is a superhero-like task. i wanna kiss louis’ brain so badly. he’s wonderful

[teehorann]

oh, how painful it is to be deprived ownership of your body—the only thing they swore completely belonged to you.

[teehorann]

sitting in my room, mourning and yearning for a person who probably forgot that i exist. oh, how i wish the darkness could encompass this.

[teehorann]

people speak of numbness as if it’s nirvana. i used to speak like that until i experienced it for myself. it stifled me, stripped me of my humanity, wrapped my soul in plastic wrap, and sat on my chest till my ribcage collapsed.

i didn’t know i’d be in tears, begging on my hands and knees to be able to feel something again. the despair of numb tears wracked me harder than tears from a broken heart.

to be numb is to watch yourself drown. slowly, heavily, painstakingly. you’re close enough to save yourself but you’re trapped behind a glass door, unable to break through.

feel those feelings, it’s what makes you human. you can’t force yourself to be anything else.

[teehorann]

life is way too expensive. i feel like i can’t breathe with how much everything costs

[teehorann]

two ghosts is the perfect complement to as it was.

“we’re not who we used to be” 🤝🏽 “you know it’s not the same as it was”

[teehorann]

self-loathing is hard because it comes in waves. it comes when you thought you were doing okay and were finally seeing a little bit of the light that people always talk about.

it chokes you. threatens to suffocate you. brings up memories you tried so hard to forget. shows you your worst moments. convinces you the people you love hate you. tells you that you don’t deserve to feel happy. you don’t deserve the peace you’ve achieved.

the hatred lodges itself firmly in your throat, forbidding you to think about anything else. the tears won’t even fall because that would bring about some type of relief, which you may not deserve right now.

self-loathing strips you of your humanity and makes you believe that you deserve it. lets shame become your blanket and despair your pillow.

i’m trying not to let it win. please don’t let it win.