Edward should have been the one to attack Bella on her birthday but smeyer was too scared to let her golden boy have any real flaws send tweet
Edward always knew he was a monster, but even he didn’t truly understand how dangerous he was until that moment when he lost himself in the heavenly scent of Bella’s blood, roughly pulling her closer to him by the neck as his teeth angled towards her pulse. He barely registered Alice, Rosalie, and Carlisle dragging him off her and forcing him outside (Emmett and Esme likewise taking care of Jasper) - only seeing them as obstacles in his path as he struggled to answer Bella’s song. They fought him tooth and nail into the mountains - he broke free twice, almost making it back to the house before they caught him and threw him back. He was faster, but there were too many of them and his bloodlust made him sloppy, he couldn’t focus on their thoughts when all he heard, felt, tasted was the song of her blood, calling to him across the forest. It wasn’t until Rosalie ripped one of his legs off at the knee that he started to come back to his senses. And the reality of what he’d done hit him like a freight train. He could have killed her. He would have killed her, if his family hadn’t been there to intervene. If this had happened when they were alone… His mind raced, and he finally succumbed to his family as they dragged him back through the mountains, as far away from Bella as possible. Yet still he heard that song.
He had tasted her heavenly blood just months before, just a sip really, but part of him would never be satiated until he tasted it again. Her blood will never stop singing to him, and he was a fool to think he could control himself. It took him the entire night to calm down enough to not go after Bella and finish what he started, Esme and Rosalie staying with him in the mountains the entire time while Carlisle patched her up and took her home. How could he have ever thought that she was safe around him?
In that moment he made a decision, and as he turned North, he didn’t look back.
oOo
Bella curled up on her bed, cradeling her bandaged, burning arm against her chest, staring at the wall but not seeing anything except for the flash of Edward’s teeth, the pure unadulterated bloodlust in his pitch black eyes as he lunged for her. One of his hands had wrapped around her neck before Rosalie tackled him to the ground at Alice’s warning cry, and she shivered despite her many blankets, as if his touch had flooded ice through her veins. It was nothing like when James had taunted and brutalized her to a slow death, no, she had been prepared for that, walked in willingly, ready to die if it meant her mother could live. Nothing could have prepared her for this. One moment he was laughing and shaking his head at her embarrassment over receiving so many gifts - was today really still her birthday? - and then the sharp sting of a papercut, a pain so immediately forgettable that she thought nothing of it, until she looked up to find no recognition in his gaze, only an ancient, insatiable thirst.
In that moment she realized she did not want to die.
This is exactly what you wanted, part of her hissed amidst the nothingness in her mind. You’ve been begging him to turn you since you found out what he was. This is all you ever dream of, to become like them - no matter the consequences.
And there were consequences. Everything she thought she knew about him, his love, his devotion, the safety of his embrace, vanished the moment he saw her blood - her blood, and nothing else. That’s all she was to him when it mattered most, a lamb for the slaughter. He was even more dangerous than the legends had promised. They all were. How could she have ever wanted to be like them? To always be one breath, one drop away from killing the people around her, even someone she loved? She wasn’t ready. Perhaps she never would be.
But, she remembered his words in the hospital in Phoenix, all the promises he had sworn, the cool press of his lips against her forehead, the life they dreamed to build together. They had survived James, despite all odds, despite her blood dripping from his teeth as she flitted on the cusp of life and death. He had found the strength to stop, to save her from his kind, from himself. Their love was strong enough to save them. She had to trust that it would be able to do so again.
They would talk tomorrow, she decided. They could work through this. They had to.
Still, she did not sleep, the walls pressing in on her as she fingered the ghost of his grip on her neck.
She was late for school the next morning, having waited out in the rain for almost an hour before she realized he wasn’t coming to pick her up. None of their cars were in the parking lot when she finally arrived, and she struggled to keep her shaking hands steady enough to steer her truck into the last empty spot. She took her usual spot in the back of the classroom but the empty seat next to her felt like a gaping wound. Maybe they’re all out hunting, trying to recover from last night. The thought comforted her enough to make it through the day, but it was as if she was moving through water, all sound muddled, her actions slow and off balance. She didn’t remember driving home, but as she lay awake in bed that night, waiting for him to join her, she felt a hole start to tear in her heart.
He didn’t show up at school the next day either, or the next, or any day for the rest of the week. Monday morning she found herself pulling up their long driveway, shaking hands moving on their own accord. She stood in the open doorway, staring blankly at the empty house. Empty, as if it had never been lived in at all. Time seemed to stand still around her. Then she turned, her feet stumbling over the porch steps, and walked into the forest.
October.
November.
December.
Forever.
Oh my God this fic is AMAZING
Can I just reiterate some meta that yall have hinted at?
In smeyer’s new Moon, bella spends the book not totally knowing/understanding why Edward left, and therefore assuming its bc she was somehow unworthy. This arc, to some extent, gets resolved when bella saves Edward in volterra, Edward comes back, and bella feels like shes somehow worthy again, I guess. A super shitty short summary might be: “woman becomes depressed without Male validation. She partially recovers when a different Male validates her. Then original Male validation returns and everything is fixed”
BUT. imagine if Edward had been the one to attack her. The emotional narrative completely changes. Edward leaves for much more nuanced reasons, and bella would understand why he left
Suddenly her arc in new Moon goes from: I’m not pretty enough for the love of my life, depression :(
To: I hate him for leaving, but how could he have stayed? I’m terrified of him, but I cant let go of him. Even if I can accept his nature, can I accept that theres never going to be a future for us unless I embrace his nature as my own? I understand now when he says hes a monster. But do monsters have to be monstrous? How much can they control it? How much could I control it, were I to become one? My life is empty without him, but it will quickly be over with him.
I think it would have been fascinating to see bella:
–confront and come to terms with the darker aspects of vampiric nature
–deeply examine why and if she wants to be a vamp
–have nightmares not just bc Edward’s gone, but because shes reliving him attacking her
–pursue risky, adrenaline filled activities in order to try and a) emulate what being a vamp is like b) feel close to death as she debates the benefits of mortality c) try to enjoy human thrills while she can d) punish herself bc she feels like she caused Edward to slip up
–grapple with her terror of Edward but also her love for him, her guilt over being breakable with her anger at him for leaving
–have days where shes glad he left
–feel overwhelmed by the complicated nature of the situation generally without blaming anyone
–sporadically have a week here and there where she resolves to be Very Human because she doesnt want to be a vamp, only to withdraw again when she feels like she can no longer fully connect to the human world
–have a more complicated relationship with Jake bc shes drawn to his supernatural nature but still terrified of it
–attempt to go to therapy to recover from her PTSD but find herself completely unable to explain the situation in a satisfactory way that allows her to work through what she needs to work through
Maybe bella doesnt jump off the cliff because she feels nothing, she jumps because she feels TOO MUCH, all the time, and is overwhelmed by her constant wondering, and considering, and weighing of options. She just wants things to be quiet and simple for one perfect moment, and cliff diving seems the perfect way to achieve that. Shes not really fully sane anymore, with the sleep deprivation and the anxiety and the endless thinking in circles, and it sounds like a good idea.
Edward goes to volterra not just because he has nothing to live for without bella, but also because he blames himself for her death. When bella shows up to stop him, it’s not just “I cant let you die”, it’s a declaration: she forgives him. She chooses him, monstrous nature and all. She chooses that life for herself. Shes considered the risks and everything she has to give up, and shes made her decision about what she wants and who she wants to be. It’s an opportunity for Edward to forgive himself, because this time bella is acutely aware of the danger and making an informed decision, instead of one based on ignorance and infatuation.
Just imagine the complexity new Moon could have had if Edward attacked bella
