inspired by the song "Koishi Heartbroken" by カナタノート
english translation below
disclaimer here. Back in 2018, Eiki / Nazohato did a translation of this song but I decided to do my own for two reasons: 1) I personally feel there are significant errors, including an incorrect line in Japanese, and 2) I don't want to bother her and am too shy to contact her. Hope you guys know I do this out of love and stage 2 moderate autism and don't mean to be disrespectufl. You can read more about the changes I made and my justifications in the notes here.
[1] The official lyrics are, "知らないまでもよかった”. However, I can't make any sense of this and personally hear 知らないままでもよかった instead. I decided to change it. Here's another reason why I think this is a typo: in the youtube video, it's "Heartbrroken" instead of "Heartbroken."
[2] Likewise, the の particle is in the lyrics yet I do not hear it. I decided to just change the romanji to reflect this.
______
いつか見たあの景色が、とめどなくただ流れてる
(itsuka mita ano keshiki ga, tomedonaku tada nagareteru)
(The scene I had seen on that day is just endlessly drifting away)
目を閉じたまま、歩いた 頭の中吹く夜の風
(me wo tojita mama, aruita atama naka fuku yoru no kaze) [2]
(I walked along with my eyes closed.
The breeze of the night flows through my head)
飼い猫の声、凛と鳴って 暮れ行く空に星が
(kaineko no koe, rin to natte kureiku sora ni hoshi ga)
(The cry of my pet cat rings out.
The stars above are fading into the sky)
まぶたの裏に、陽が落ちて あの日閉じた目、心まで
(mabuta no ura ni hi ga ochite ano hi tojita me, kokoro made)
(The sun fell behind my eyelids
on the day I closed my eyes, and even my heart.)
揺れる日差し 揺れる 揺れる 軽い眩暈…感傷？
(yureru hizashi yureru yureru karui memai…kanshou?)
(Flickering sunlight; it flickers over and over…
I feel a little dizzy, and…nostalgic?)
消える視界 消える 消える 思い出してる
(kieru shikai kieru kieru omoidashiteru)
(Fading away, it all fades away--everything I see disappears…
and then I remember)
閉じ込めたはずの心が、あの日の景色を探す
(tojikometa wa zu no kokoro ga, ano hi no keshiki wo sagasu)
(Although my heart should be closed,
it's searching for the scenery I had seen that day)
忘れた記憶は何処へ行くんだ？ 二度とは戻らぬ雲の群れ
(wasureta kioku wa doko he ikunda? nidoto wa modoranu kumo no mure)
(Where do my forgotten memories go?
They float beyond the many clouds, never to return.)
知らないままでもよかった 気づけば辺りは暗く [1]
(shiranai mama demo yokatta kidzukeba atari wa kuraku)
(I hope I never remember them.
All around me would fall into darkness)
夕焼けと夜の間の空 憶えているのは風の匂い
(yuuyake to yoru no aida no sora oboeteiru no wa kaze no nioi)
(Between the sunset and dusk of the twilight sky,
The memory I recall is that of the fragrant wind.)
世界と違う力を身につけ
(sekai to chigau chikara wo mi ni tsuke)
(We acquired an ability that differed from the rest of the world)
私たちは嫌われてきた
(watashitachi wa kirawaretekita)
(And so, they started to despise us.)
それでも不安になるの
(soredemo fuan ni naru no)
(But even so, we were worried…)
心が見えない世界を受け入れること
(kokoro ga mienai sekai wo ukeireru koto)
(…About our hearts that see and hear an invisible world.)
あの子の声を聞いてない
(ano ko no koe wo kiitenai)
(I don’t even hear her anymore)
心の壁を
(kokoro no kabe wo)
(Breaking my way through the walls of her heart,)
私が立てていたから
(watashi ga tateteita kara)
(I finally heard her voice after the longest time…)
久々に声を聞きたくなった
(hisabisa ni koe wo kikitakunatta)
(…And I wish I never had.)
「おねえちゃん」
("oneechan")
("Sis,")
「ひとのこころって、 よくわかんないものなんだね」
("hito no kokoro tte, yoku wakannai mono nanda ne")
("I guess I couldn't really understand how people thought and felt, huh?) [1]
「ひとのこころって、わかんない方がわかるんだね」
("hito no kokoro tte, wakannai hou ga wakarunda ne")
("Maybe it's better if I don't understand them!")
「ひとのこころって、わかんない方がこころ開いてくれるんだね」
("hito no kokoro tte, wakannai hou ga kokoro hiraitekurerunda ne")
("It's better than you prying my heart open, you know.")
「ふしぎだね」
("fushigi da ne")
("It's amazing!")
世界に拒まれたと感じた
(sekai ni kobamareta to kanjita)
(I felt rejected from the world,)
違うの私が拒んだだけ
(chigau no watashi ga kobanda dake)
(But rather it was only I who rejected it)
私もこの赤い目を閉じれば
(watashi mo kono akai me wo tojireba)
(If were to also close these red eyes of mine,)
この子の心に触れられるかしら
(kono ko no kokoro ni furerareru kashira)
(Then would I be able to find her heart again?) [2]
_________
[1] I decided to go with a more non-literal translation. A more literal translation would be more akin to, “I guess I just don’t really understand the heart’s of others, huh?” and so on, referring specifically to Koishi rejecting her ability to read minds (the hearts) of others. Many people think that 心 (kokoro) solely means “heart,” but it’s meaning is more complex than that, as it refers to your private, inner self and everything that composes it (feelings, thoughts, and soul). This is sort of an importance nuance about Koishi/Satori that is missed due to cultural and translative barriers unfortunately, and it's why Satori can see read the "minds" of Vengeful Spirits (who obviously don't technically have brains anymore). It's also why Koishi has many things people claim she lacks (consciousness, thought, emotion, personality, etc) because those are all facets of her internal self (心) that she has sealed away from external view. I think if you can’t understand people’s inner thoughts and feelings, then you probably don’t understand people at all, and so I translated it that way instead to sound more natural.
[2] Also went more nonliteral, literal this just means to feel or notice or perceive her heart again.
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