Bound for the Stars

@terreneprotectorate

A blog dedicated to Starbound. Main blog @alolan-exeggutors.

9 posts

bellygangstaboo

I’m mad I watched this

#awful #speechless

baffling how much of this site is just conservative protestantism with a gay hat

you know what i’m in just enough of a bad mood that i’m ready to nail my grievances to the church door so let’s fucking go

black and white morality wherein anyone who doesn’t believe/think/live exactly as I do is a dirty sinner Problematic and probably a predatory monster

everyone is a sinner Problematic but true believers people who activist the right way according to my worldview are still better than everyone else, and I will act in accordance to this belief in my own superiority to let everyone else know I’m better than them because I found Jesus am the most woke

casual and fucking omnipresent equations of womanhood with softness/goodness/purity/nurturing to remind every woman who isn’t/doesn’t want to be any of those things that they’re doing it wrong

aggressive desexualization (particularly of women’s sexuality, to the point where it may as well not exist at all) accompanied by pastels [not a criticism directed ace ppl having a right to sex-free content and spaces but specifically targeted at a wider problem resulting from the previous point]

YOU’RE VALID AND JESUS LOVES YOU and neither of these platitudes achieves a goddamn thing

historical context is for people who care about nuance and we don’t have time for either (see: black and white morality)

lots of slogans and quotes and nice little soundbites to memorize but does anybody actually study the source material with a critical eye to make their own informed analysis

the answer is no

I’ve been to bible study groups don’t @ me I know what the fuck I’m talking about

Good Christians™ Nice Gays™ don’t fraternize with/let themselves be influenced by non-Christians those terrible queers

all the media one consumes must be ideologically pure or it will surely harm the children

it is Our Sacred Duty to protect the children from Everything, thus ensuring their innocence/purity/etc until such time as they are idk probably 25 years old

literally just “think of the children” moral panic y’all can fuckin miss me with that

people who don’t conform to the dominant thinking WILL be excommunicated/driven from the social group, and any wrong treatment they suffer will be seen as a justified consequence of their wrong thinking

I Saw Goody Proctor With The Devil And She Had A Bad Steven Universe Headcanon

Thank you for breaking it down like that because so many of us have been saying it but to see a play by play breakdown comparison is just…Thank you.

r1dleys-remaking-deactivated201

Your most frequently used emoji is your emoji movie kin

#🅱 🍆#y has God forsaken me

Jasper is making the weirdest fucking noise. He sounds like an angry garbage disposal.

and-ari-deactivated20180319

(Rebecca Sugar herself said all Gems use female pronouns, just a note, a fun fact)

Jasper is my cat

mothman is real and he offered me cocaine in a dimly lit jc penny’s

important message to all of my followers

you are now all trapped in my vast puzzle dungeon. good luck.

Can I get a hint

HINT MOUSE SAYS: *in a little squeaky voice* collect the silver rod from fabio’s grotto and bring it to the bridge of malice. be sure to talk to “knight doogle” on the way. *hint mouse scurries away into a nearby hole*

i go to fabios grotto

*you hear the sound of distant strained moaning, followed by the creaking of something getting up from an old wooden chair. something is approaching you.*

FABIO: welcome to my grotto.

darkisthenewlightnow

I say hello to Fabio, and ask them if they have a Silver rod?

FABIO: silver rod? oh….

*fabio dissappears into his grotto and rummages around in his back room. he is gone for quite some time and hasn’t offered you anything to eat or drink, so you just stand around in his home feeling really awkward. what if he lives with relatives and they come out and say something to you?*

FABIO: sorry that took so long. here’s my silver rod. now that i remember i have it at all, it’s my most treasured posession. you’ll have to offer me something for it

i offer to knit fabio a nice hat, for when the grotto gets drafty in the wintertime.

FABIO: what a wonderful hat. thank you.

I thank Fabio for his help, and leave the Grotto to head for the Bridge of Malice.

*fabio snatches the silver rod back from you and hits you across the room with it like a baseball bat*

FABIO: help??? what help? we never reached a deal. i was simply thanking you for such a lovely hat. i demand more.

i give fabio two shoes made for dancing.

*fabio slips his new dancing shoes on. his socks are a bit wet so it makes a funny fart noise*

FABIO: wonderful boots! *fabio does an embarrassing dance move with all the coordination of a dead windmill but he’s having fun so you’re encouraging towards him* FABIO: but…it’s still not enough for me to part with my beloved rod…

I give Fabio a big pair of glasses for his big beautiful eyes.

FABIO: my magnificent glistening eyes have been magnified by these lovely glasses! i can see my treasured silver rod better than ever now and it’s even more beautiful than i thought. it’ll take something really special for me to part with this..

I go ask Doogle for help

*fabio cackles and waves as you excuse yourself from his grotto, which was easier than expected because fabio seems more interested in the gifts he has recieved than your company at the moment, and head back towards the guard tower you actually passed on your way but didn’t notice until now*

*as you approach the tower, a metal face peeks around the corner*

KNIGHT DOOGLE: huh? what? who goes there? i left my spear in the tower but if you’re up to no good i will really go back and get it. i’m really tough.

I remove Doogle’s helmet.

*you catch doogle off guard the moment he nervously breaks eye contact with you and lift off his helmet*

KNIGHT DOOGLE: ah! my helmet! i needed that to protect my head from attacks! why did you do that?

*doogle paces around a small radius of a few feet looking very worried*

knight doogle you are beautiful

KNIGHT DOOGLE: huh? oh, thank you, that’s very sweet. but you didn’t have to just take off my helmet like that, you could have asked first. i feel so embarrased now. *doogle shuffles back to his tower like a sad sneaking tree, and then returns, armed with a spear*

KNIGHT DOOGLE: sorry, i hope this isn’t threatening to you. i have lost all my confidence so i’m just holding this as a comfort item.

Wanna help us Get Fabio’s Silver Rod?

KNIGHT DOOGLE: fabio’s silver rod? he’ll forget about it in a week or two, he always forms fleeting attachments to things. but if you need it sooner rather than later, there’s one thing he has always desired above anything else…all i can tell you about it is that it’s small, yellow, and quite helpful.

kawaii-never-cease

we call hint mouse for help

*from a nearby hole, you and doogle both watch a creature, that’s small, yellow, and helpful scamper towards you. it’s the ever so helpful HINT MOUSE!!!*

*a round of applause and cheering is heard*

HINT MOUSE: *in a little squeaky voice* ahem ahem… it is me, a mouse am i! i only tell truths and i never lie! reliable, helpful, and handsome to boot! for all of your labour, i am the fruit!

*hint mouse looks around, hoping you’re all impressed by his new rhyming speech thing he’s trying out. rhyming is hard for mice because poetry is frowned upon in mouse culture*

photophorez-blog

I clap politely in appreciation of his speech and ask him if he would like to come visit Fabio with us

HINT MOUSE: thank you, i really appreciate the support. i will happily come and visit fabio with you…oh, sorry, hang on.

*hint mouse clears his throat*

HINT MOUSE: i’m always here for you, that’s my motto. so i shall accompany you to fabio’s grotto! you’ve supported me in all my life choices you’re a lifelong friend to all little…moices!

*he messed up a little at the end, but he did really well, all things considering. you, doogle, and hint mouse arrive again at fabio’s grotto, however the door is closed, though not locked.*

imalwaysaslutforthevoid

i knock politely and ask if Fabio is home

*your knock on the door echos throughout the surrounding area, and you can hear a familiar voice call to you from inside*

FABIO: come on in…so long as you’re not a greedy thief…yee hee hee…

I smile warmly at hint mouse, look knowingly at knight doogle, and gently push open the door

*the door opens, but it required quite a shove, as it feels like something is in the way. as you step into his grotto, hundreds of items are strewn across the floor.

FABIO: oh….welcome back…! since you’ve been gone, people have been laying items at my feet, all to get my beloved silver rod! it must be truly valuable..or truly blessed! as long as i have it, i’ll become the richest man in the caves! gah hah hah!

conglomera-deactivated20190315

I turn to hint mouse and ask him to recite Fabio a poem that’ll blow his socks (and newly acquired shoes) off

*hint mouse looks back at you and nods, then leaps from your hand, hopping lightly from object to object across the room. fabio is so engorged on avarice that he’s already forgotten that you entered the room at all.*

HINT MOUSE: *gets fabios attention by briefly playing on a tiny flute*

the room is silent. hint mouse owns the stage now.

HINT MOUSE: ahem ahem! you’ve gathered yourself quite a collection! but now youve…oh…uhh…ah!! (why did i end a verse with “collection”?? this is awful…what should i do?)

photophorez-blog

I whisper ‘correction…dejection…direction…. affection’ to HINT MOUSE out of the corner of my mouth, with the realization that his hint-giving generosity has taught me how to give hints to others myself

*hint mouse is re-energized with the inspiration he needs to finish his poem*

HINT MOUSE: you’ve assembled yourself quite a collection! but i have arrived to give you affection. your riches are piled right up to the cieling but deep down i know you suffer with a feeling. (feels awkward but…i can keep going! everyone believes in me!) you’re cooped up in here and you’re all alone just yourself, a rod, and an old wooden throne it doesn’t have to be that way, you don’t have to be bleak let me introduce myself, i’m hint mouse, squeak squeak! in exchange for the rod, i’ll be your best friend a little yellow creature who you can always depend! *applause is heard yet again, the crowd is going hog wild.*

*fabio takes a gentle tumble down his tower of riches and cradles hint mouse in his arms*

FABIO: hint mouse…that was beautiful. you’d do all that just to help an old man? you’re truly the best treasure i could ever ask for, i’ll cherish our friendship forever…

FABIO: thank you so much all of you. i have no need for material goods anymore. the silver rod is yours to take!

*you obtained the silver rod at last!*

i bring the silver rod to the bridge of malice

*you and doogle leave fabio’s grotto, silver rod in tow. fabio and hint mouse wave goodbye to and live the rest of their lives in peace.*

*as you walk towards malice bridge, doogle turns to you.*

KNIGHT DOOGLE: sorry i didn’t say or do much back there…what happened was really beautiful though.

*knight doogle stops and thinks for a second, his ears and hair sway in the breeze and it looks so cool*

KNIGHT DOOGLE: i’ve spent my whole adult life just guarding my tower selfishly, but people like hint mouse do so much to help others. once this is over i’m going to change my lifestyle, i’ll give up the knight life.

*you enjoy the rest of your walk with doogle, and eventually arrive at malice bridge, which despite the name, is actually pretty ordinary. at the other end of the bridge, light from the surface trickles down, the way out.*

*suddenly, the air around you grows cold, a shiver travels up your spine, and a giant shimmering monster appears out of nowhere*

SILVER GUARDIAN: YOUR JOURNEY IS ALMOST OVER, TRAVELLERS! I AM THE MASTER OF MALICE BRIDGE! HAVE YOU SEEN MY MISSING FINGER ANYWHERE?

carolimejone-deactivated2019022

present the silver rod (or finger, i guess?) to the silver guardian! ask he how lost it, too, if it proves to be his

*the silver guardian rattles and shakes with glee*

SILVER GUARDIAN: MY FINGER! MY PRECIOUS DIGIT! OH…I LOST IT BECAUSE I WAS POKING AROUND IN MOUSE HOLES LOOKING FOR HINT MOUSE, BUT A LESS HELPFUL MOUSE STOLE IT…

*the silver guardian reattaches its finger, which is gross, so you look away while it does that*

SILVER GUARDIAN: NOW HUMAN….ARE YOU READY TO LEARN THE TRUE PURPOSE OF THE SILVER ROD?

*you tremble as the silver guardian does some really confusing poses with its hand, not entirely sure where it’s going with this.*

SILVER GUARDIAN: HEH HEH HEH….TO CROSS THE BRIDGE YOU GO IN THIS DIRECTION!!!!

*as you cross the bridge to the outside world, the rocky walls of the dungeon give way to fields and forests.at the middle of the bridge, you turn back, and all of your friends are there, and now they are all friends with each other all thanks to you.*

HINT MOUSE: go ahead and be free! meeting you has filled me with glee! FABIO: you have people waiting for you out there, go and be with them! DOOGLE: i’ll never forget our adventure, you can keep my helmet to remember me! SILVER GUARDIAN: I DIDN’T REALLY GET TO KNOW YOU THAT WELL TO BE HONEST BUT YOU SEEM COOL. THANK YOU FOR FINDING MY FINGER! *you turn around for the last time, and step outside* THE END

How Lemonade should have ended

you want ramen noodles and a mattress on the floor MMMM E S S Y A S S

I’ve made some Illustrations for Starbound over the year. Some have started appearing on the Starbound website, so I’m sharing a couple here ^___^

Simple icon made from the image file found here.

#starbound #matter manipulator #master manipulator #image

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