((I give up.
Since I'll be reblogging this on all my RP blogs to save time, I'm sorry for my followers that didn't see this shit coming. I hate to post this, but it needs to be said.
As the title says, I give up. I'm tired of this. RPing used to be such fun for me, no stress, no pressure. The first RP character I ever had was Aisonya, a mermaid who looked oddly like Shampoo from Ranma 1/2. She was most likely a Sue, I seemed to change her personalities without warning, and she was perhaps a bit of a drama queen. But you know what? I never knew that, because no one called me out on it. I never thought of myself as awful, or that a "good" an "awful" even existed. It was just fun. Those were some of the most fun times I had on the Internet.
But now, its not like that. When I don't feel intimidated by a much better RPer than me, I simply can't think of plot ideas, or I'm too scared to present them to someone. Definitely too scared most of the time to ask a new person to RP. I know its because of what's going on in my life, and in my brain. I know it needed help long ago, and it's probably too late to fix it anyway. Quite frankly, that's all right with me. Because I want to give up on everything.
By now, you're probably thinking that I'm just some loser trying to get attention. And well, even if I'm not trying to get attention, I'm just a loser. A loser for giving up. A loser for being so sad. Well, let me tell you something. Do you think I haven't TRIED? Do you think I haven't done everything in my power to try and force this away? I've tried to give RPing a break; some of my muses haven't been touched in AGES. I've tried to give the Internet a break. I've tried to simply stop trying and just let it flow. But nothing works. Sometimes, you just have to stop trying and stop trying to stop trying and let whatever's taken a hold of you make you its bitch, let it beat you over and over and over again. Sometimes, a fight just simply can't be won. And I believe it's finally come to that point. It probably did a long time ago and I just didn't notice it.
Think about it. If you have an OC, you're automatically going to be judged. Ohh it's just a mary-sue self insert, right? Not something that I spent HOURS working on and refining, stressing over, trying to connect with my muse, trying to do the best possible job I could, right? Well, answer me this. What's so WRONG with having a self-insert in the first place? Yes, I know, the vast majority of them are admittedly insufferable. But if someone's trying to escape their world, trying to escape whatever's hurting them, whatevers making them want to remove themself from THIS world, then who the FUCK are you to stop them? I guess we should sue Arakawa and Toriyama, after all, they have OCs too. Yeah, that's right, I said that. And since this is Tumblr, I can probably expect to be bashed for my unpopular opinion anytime now. Yeah, I said that too. And don't even get me started on playing a canon character. So much pressure to get them just right, having to deal with a good amount of followers if you do even a decent job at it, and HEAVEN FORBIDD you should invent a headcanon that some GREAT BIG IMPORTANT PERSON doesn't agree with, or play them just a BIT off canon. Oh, it's war then.
Bottom line is, I just can't do this anymore. Yes, I know, I could deal with it better. Like I said, I have tried. I have tried so hard, for myself and for my friends who RP with me, especially them. But...I just can't. And this decision truly kills me. It really only makes things worse. RPing used to be such a great outlet for me. I loved it so, SO fucking much. I still do. But, I'm just not cut out for it anymore. I have a feeling I never was. It doesn't matter if you have a million ideas; if they're all cluttered in your head, and you can't sort them out, if you can't rise above the turmoil that clumps them together and ends up in them screaming, begging for release that you cannot give and only making things worse, then what's the point?))
