Texts of Isabela the Pirate Captain

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To: Fenris

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textfenris:

textisabela:

textfenris:

textmarian:

textfenris:

ACCORDING TO THIS TRAITOROUS PHONE, I HAVE EXCEEDED MY BANDWIDTH.

IT IS MERELY ANOTHER THING THAT THE TEXTING OF MAGES HAS RUINED.

Sounds like someone needs a hug.

I DISAVOW ALL KNOWLEDGE OF EMBRACES.

BUT PERHAPS.

Can we make this a GROUP hug?

But with less clothing?

Because….you know….clothing….um….chafes.

HM. I AM UNCERTAIN OF HOW THESE “GROUP HUGS” WORK.

Oh, I can teach you allllllllllllllllllll about them.

Bring your wine.

[textfenris-blog-blog]

To: The Hug Bugs

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textfenris:

textmarian:

textfenris:

ACCORDING TO THIS TRAITOROUS PHONE, I HAVE EXCEEDED MY BANDWIDTH.

IT IS MERELY ANOTHER THING THAT THE TEXTING OF MAGES HAS RUINED.

Sounds like someone needs a hug.

I DISAVOW ALL KNOWLEDGE OF EMBRACES.

BUT PERHAPS.

Can we make this a GROUP hug?

But with less clothing?

Because....you know....clothing....um....chafes.

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kahrintexts:

textisabela:

textcarver:

textisabela:

kahrintexts:

textisabela:

textcarver:

textisabela:

textisabela:

Fenris, your capslock button is on.: To: Everyone

textisabela:

Fenris, your capslock button is on.: To: Everyone

textisabela:

textfenris:

textisabela:

Stop sending me notifications about sales on pants. I DON’T DO PANTS. YOU ALL KNOW THIS.

WHO HAS…

You dirty tease.

……….

Just how I like it.

PANTS ARE OVERRATED. KAHR HASN’T LET ME WEAR THEM ALL WEEK. IT’S BEEN GREAT.

You don’t say?

………………

I’ll be right over.

GRRRRRRRL….

I WILL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH IF YOU TOUCH HIM PIRATE!

(sent from my iTaint)

What? You’re invited to join.

WAIT, WUT?

That didn’t sound like a “no” to me…..

I’LL MAKE THIS EASY FOR YOU, PIRATE.

NO.

(sent from my iTaint)

Prude.

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textcarver:

textisabela:

kahrintexts:

textisabela:

textcarver:

textisabela:

textisabela:

Fenris, your capslock button is on.: To: Everyone

textisabela:

Fenris, your capslock button is on.: To: Everyone

textisabela:

textfenris:

textisabela:

Stop sending me notifications about sales on pants. I DON’T DO PANTS. YOU ALL KNOW THIS.

WHO HAS…

You dirty tease.

……….

Just how I like it.

PANTS ARE OVERRATED. KAHR HASN’T LET ME WEAR THEM ALL WEEK. IT’S BEEN GREAT.

You don’t say?

………………

I’ll be right over.

GRRRRRRRL….

I WILL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH IF YOU TOUCH HIM PIRATE!

(sent from my iTaint)

What? You’re invited to join.

WAIT, WUT?

That didn't sound like a "no" to me.....

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kahrintexts:

textisabela:

textcarver:

textisabela:

textisabela:

Fenris, your capslock button is on.: To: Everyone

textisabela:

Fenris, your capslock button is on.: To: Everyone

textisabela:

textfenris:

textisabela:

Stop sending me notifications about sales on pants. I DON’T DO PANTS. YOU ALL KNOW THIS.

WHO HAS…

You dirty tease.

……….

Just how I like it.

PANTS ARE OVERRATED. KAHR HASN’T LET ME WEAR THEM ALL WEEK. IT’S BEEN GREAT.

You don’t say?

………………

I’ll be right over.

GRRRRRRRL….

I WILL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH IF YOU TOUCH HIM PIRATE!

(sent from my iTaint)

What? You're invited to join.

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YOU know what I mean.

It's that time again.

[thedastexts]

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I'd still hit it.

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textcarver:

textisabela:

textisabela:

Fenris, your capslock button is on.: To: Everyone

textisabela:

Fenris, your capslock button is on.: To: Everyone

textisabela:

textfenris:

textisabela:

Stop sending me notifications about sales on pants. I DON’T DO PANTS. YOU ALL KNOW THIS.

WHO HAS…

You dirty tease.

……….

Just how I like it.

PANTS ARE OVERRATED. KAHR HASN’T LET ME WEAR THEM ALL WEEK. IT’S BEEN GREAT.

You don't say?

..................

I'll be right over.

[textisabela-blog]

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textisabela:

Fenris, your capslock button is on.: To: Everyone

textisabela:

Fenris, your capslock button is on.: To: Everyone

textisabela:

textfenris:

textisabela:

Stop sending me notifications about sales on pants. I DON’T DO PANTS. YOU ALL KNOW THIS.

WHO HAS...

You dirty tease.

..........

Just how I like it.

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textisabela:

Fenris, your capslock button is on.: To: Everyone

textisabela:

textfenris:

textisabela:

Stop sending me notifications about sales on pants. I DON’T DO PANTS. YOU ALL KNOW THIS.

WHO HAS SENT YOU THESE NOTIFICATIONS?

I WONDER IF IT WOULD BE THE SAME PERSON...

Well, Fenris, now I'm curious.

You know what happens if I don't satiate my curiosity.

Clothes disappear, people mysteriously get drunk.

I must know.

WHAT HAVE YOU STEPPED IN THAT IS WORSE THAN MABARI SHIT?!

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textisabela:

textfenris:

textisabela:

Stop sending me notifications about sales on pants. I DON’T DO PANTS. YOU ALL KNOW THIS.

WHO HAS SENT YOU THESE NOTIFICATIONS?

I WONDER IF IT WOULD BE THE SAME PERSON THAT INSISTS UPON LEAVING SHOES ON MY DOORSTEP.

I don’t know it looks...

NEVER. NEVER WEARING PANTS.

.......

Wait, wait.....WHAT is worse that Mabari shit?

...........................

WHAT AREN'T YOU TELLING US???

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To: Everyone

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textfenris:

textisabela:

Stop sending me notifications about sales on pants. I DON’T DO PANTS. YOU ALL KNOW THIS.

WHO HAS SENT YOU THESE NOTIFICATIONS?

I WONDER IF IT WOULD BE THE SAME PERSON THAT INSISTS UPON LEAVING SHOES ON MY DOORSTEP.

I don't know it looks like it's a forwarded message.

Like I'd cover up this arse. THAT WOULD BE A CRIME, FENRIS, A CRIME.

Wait wait, who leaves shoes on your doorstep? I mean seriously Fenris, shoes MIGHT be a useful thing.

Have you ever stepped in....Mabari....leavings? Shoes are helpful in those sorts of situations.

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To: Everyone

Stop sending me notifications about sales on pants. I DON'T DO PANTS. YOU ALL KNOW THIS.

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To: The Hawkes

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textcarver:

textmarian:

textisabela:

textmarian:

textcarver:

textmarian:

textcarver:

SISTER! YOU! ME! SHOTS! MY PLACE NOW!

FUCK YEAH! SHOULD I BRING ANYTHING?! 

FUCK YEAH A VERY THIRSTY YOU IS ALL! OGHREN LEFT THE CELLAR UNLOCKED!

SHIT YEAH I’M A THIRSTY MOTHERFUCKER, BRING YOUR BOOTS, I HAVE GROWN FOND OF DRUNKENLY THROWING UP IN THEM.

You assholes are drinking? WITHOUT ME??

DON’T CALL ME A BITCH, HO.

IS SOMEONE CALLING MY SISTER NAMES? I’LL POMMEL SMASH THEM!

HEY! I'M NOT SMELLY.

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To: MARIAN

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textmarian:

textcarver:

textmarian:

textcarver:

SISTER! YOU! ME! SHOTS! MY PLACE NOW!

FUCK YEAH! SHOULD I BRING ANYTHING?! 

FUCK YEAH A VERY THIRSTY YOU IS ALL! OGHREN LEFT THE CELLAR UNLOCKED!

SHIT YEAH I’M A THIRSTY MOTHERFUCKER, BRING YOUR BOOTS, I HAVE GROWN FOND OF DRUNKENLY THROWING UP IN THEM.

You assholes are drinking? WITHOUT ME??

[textvarric-blog]

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textanders:

To: Cullen

textcullen:

textanders:

textcullen:

textanders:

textvarric:

textcullen:

To: The Dwarf Who Said Too Much

textvarric:

“What is this?” Commander Serebeth demanded.

In her grasp was the offending piece of evidence, a cellphone that...

Ooooh, this is going to be a good one.

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textvarric:

“What is this?” Commander Serebeth demanded.

In her grasp was the offending piece of evidence, a cellphone that belonged to the man she questioned.

Captain Sullen swallowed. “I— I can explain, Commander.”

“You will have to do better than explain. You risk disgracing the name of the Order with...

Oh this is good, Varric. This is REALLY good.