You know one of those moments where you get that lightening bolt idea ⦠everything just seems to fall into place. You just want to do it so badly, it becomes an obsession. This, what you have stumbled upon right now, is infact, what I am talking about. As a child, I was pampered you could say. Treated like a princess by play school peers and all teachers. Then school started and harsh reality kicked in. Suddenly that loved but quiet and shy girl was labelled āweirdā and 'stuck upā. Let me tell you, children can be cruel. No, I wasnāt bullied, per say. No one ever said anything to my face, but you would have to be deaf to not hear the horrible whispers. Keep in mind, at the said time, I was only four. Just goes to show how children can be just as bad, if not worse that the late teens. Some could say that I am too young and all this is not important. That I should be focusing on my studies. I do agree, an education is one of the most important things one could have, but it is not in any way the most important. Your self esteem is always first priority. As a teen or young adult, we can be put down with a number of things; a boy/girl not liking us back, too much acne, not looking your best in front of the public, or even a simple bad hair day. You want to constantly work towards improving those things, and it gets to the point of making your problems your identity. It leaves you with an unquenchable thirst for perfection. An unreasonable and unreachable standard. Enough with the flashbacks, lets get to present time. So I was never any good at sports, and I was in a school where sports were priority. Every p.e. session, every snarky remark, I could feel my confidence dropping till it pretty much hit rock bottom. Maybe Iām just sensitive, maybe Iām fed up. I remember an incident which happened a while back, I had gone to school, it was like any other normal day. Itās not that I am not accepted by my peers and that I am viciously plotted against everyday, I would go as far as saying I was quite popular (just not on the field), but that day had a nightmarish ending for me. As an introvert, I naturally donāt discuss my feelings much, but one day I just lost it. I was done. During home room, a couple of my friends were joking around, and they pretty much ganged up on me, saying that no one liked me and that I was a loner. I guess that was my breaking point. Usually, people would have screamed or gotten angry, but I didnāt. I did the worst thing I could at the point; I cried. I think I was just so fed up by the humiliation and embarrassment, I just lost it (but I did start my period the next day, so maybe that was why.) The point is that all of these break downs/mini panic attacks Iāve been having are scaring me. And the only cause I can figure is that I never got to talk about it. That is why this blog has been born. Here I an share anything behind an anonymous identity. This is my sort of safe haven. We can all be safe in this tiny corner of the internet. If you have to talk, or anything want advice on anything, donāt be afraid to reach. I will be your nightingale if you want, just like you will be mine, although indirectly. I will be your safe haven. xx, The Nightingale