Emmy

Short enough to drown in the 5 foot end of the pool, 21 years old, single

[ionlylikeweirdguys]

Seven Minutes in Heaven, (Kind of?) ~ Parker Bradley (Date Everything) x Reader 

Note: This is my first real fanfic ever. So, uh, be prepared for that. And my first piece of fiction I’ve posted publicly, and my first nsfw fic (obviously). So, yes, feedback is appreciated ;-; Sorry if this is out of character I at least tried to make the dialogue Accurate to what he’d say and how he would talk

ALSO I AM TAKING REQUESTS!!! You can ask them in comments or on my blog directly

Summary: For your third game with Parker to decide the odds of your love, you decide to switch things up a bit–with your own sort of game. 

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, (both characters are adults of course), 2nd person pov, Fem reader (use of she/her, p in v), Biting/marking, kissing, riding, missionary, slight dryhumping, brief mention of pregnancy (READER DOES NOT GET PREGNANT LMAO), both you and Parker kind of dom depending on how you look at it, semi aggressive fight for dominance, cbt (knee to the groin), fucking the tension out, they’re both control freaks + reader is a VERY VERY VERY slight sadist maybe, both are very clearly unexperienced, PARKER DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO BE SEXY WITHOUT SAYING WEIRD SHIT LIKE “OH FIDDLESTICKS"

Word Count: ~ 4,300 (I got carried away at the beginning)

Note: This is my first real fanfic ever. So, uh, be prepared for that. And my first piece of fiction I’ve posted publicly, and my first nsfw fic (obviously). So, yes, feedback is appreciated ;-;

Also, this fic takes place during the fourth interaction with Parker in the game, so spoilers for that. 

!! 18+ BELOW THIS POINT !!

It was time for your third–and last–game to determine the odds to win the love (or hate!) of Parker Bradley, the… humanized version of your board games. 

Now, board games might have not necessarily been your thing–after all, they were in the attic, dusty and untouched for so long. But something about this guy drew you in. Maybe, it was the way he snapped his teeth at you at your first meeting, like a feral (or perhaps just giddy?) little dog. 

But, more enticing than that, was the nervous demeanor hiding under his overexcitement. When you found the right buttons to press to that round little brain of his, Parker would be shaking like a rat caught in a cage, face as red as the hat atop his head. Like when you suggested the two of you undress for a beach themed boardgame, or when your hand “accidentally” brushed against his while you two played chess blindfolded. 

Both of those times, you won–but that wasn’t what you were really after. You won, because he clammed up, because he became a nervous mess that revealed something nobody had ever seen before. 

THAT’S what you wanted.

When you meet him again, he immediately goes off about today’s game–not giving you a chance to speak. Not even a twinge of nervousness from this guy, just pure, unadulterated enthusiasm. 

“Today we will be playing a popular–and COMplicated game! This is a game in the ‘euro-game’ tradition–one of resource allocation, worker placement, and cooperation between players!” He continues,  “It’s based on the 20th Century Dairy Wars between England, France, and Belgium, called Cream Capitalist. We will both attempt to outproduce the cream that the other is trying to ma–”

Cream capitalist? Really? While you’re fairly certain you can make a game where the objective is to OUT-CREAM each other into something that turns Parker into a puddle, you have had enough of not being in total control of the situation. 

“Why do you get to pick all the games, Parker?”

He pauses. Then, just when he’s about to speak, he pauses again, in much deeper contemplation, hand on his chin. You take the once in a lifetime chance of Parker finally being quiet to continue.

“You said, at the beginning, that the outcome of three boardgames will decide the odds of our relationship, right?”

Parker removes his hand from his chin, looking at you suspiciously. “Yessssssss? Of course I remember! I don’t just forget rules. Especially not ones that I MAKE!!! Soo, what’s the problem?”

He seems more than eager to just get to playing his freaky cream game, but you stand your ground. “But you never said you’d be the one to decide what games we play. It’s not in, the, err–rules. So, logically, because you picked the first two, I should, at the very least, pick the third.”

Parker freezes, seemingly caught off guard. Not in a flustered way; this time he’s genuinely dumbfounded. “But I… I had planned these all along! I…” He trails off, unable to defend his own logic. “Fine. You’re… right. I should have explained every aspect of my plan in full detail. It is absolutely unacceptable for the rulemaker to leave anything out!” He looks at you with a new… admiration in his gaze. For a man so consumed by rules, he seems proud of you for pointing out a flaw in his own design. If only he knew you weren’t doing this for the love of the craft. “You get to choose the third and final game. What’ll it be?!” 

You respond immediately. “Seven minutes in heaven.”

Parker stares at you blankly.

“That is not.

His face grows red. 

“A fucking.

“BOARD GAME.”

You wrack your brain for what to say next. You didn’t expect him to have been so strict on the whole it-needing-to-be-a-board-game deal, but, you guess that makes sense–he is  a board game. “Did you know, Parker, that twister is considered a board game?”

He stands up straighter, hands now placed on the straps of his backpack. “Yes! It may not be… a traditional board game, but it is played on a large, foldable mat, which can be considered the board, in a sense.”

“Then consider the closet to be a board. That’s what everyone does, where I’m from. We consider it a board game.” Holy shit, it feels really bad to lie to this guy. But it’s not like you cheated in any of the other games! Plus, if he really doesn’t want to, you suppose you can stomach playing cream with Parker. 

“Okay, that’s bullshit.”

You sigh, clearly defeated by his stubbornness. It’s hard to reason with a guy who wants to decide his REAL LIFE relationships based on a dice roll. And, maybe there’s a chance he really just doesn’t like you at all. Maybe every time you brushed his hand, or when you got undressed, he could have been… uncomfortable. Not interested, or even flustered by your actions. A pit grows in your stomach at the thought. “Okaythatsperfectlyfinewedontactuallyhavetoplayitifyoudontwanttoitwasjustasuggestion.” Anxiety claws at your chest at the thought of having made him actually dislike you. 

He returns your gaze with a determined grin. “I know it’s totally bullshit. But I… I still feel bad about the mix-up with the rules. It was… like I said. Unacceptable.” He says that last word with a disgusted shudder. “You have never cheated once, even though you had every opportunity to… while I was flushed by your SILLY TRICKS. I was the only one who made a mistake. So, in return, for me attempting to brush past MY OWN RULES, I will allow you to pick a non-board game game.” He pauses, cheeks growing pink. “Including–BUT I WILL SAY, NOT LIMITED TO–sevenminutesinheaven.”

You’re conflicted. “But, you know what that entails, right? I mean, we can still play the cream game, if that’s what you’re more comfortable with. I don’t want to force you to play this game, with everything involved…”

“HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know EXACTLY what it entails!” His excitement is more unnerving than anything. Even though it seems like you’re getting what you want, it feels like he has more control of your emotions than you do of his at this moment. “And I… accept your challenge. To play this… I must say, rather exciting, non-board-game-game.”

“O…kayyy…” You’re certainly caught off guard, but not like you can complain... Fuck, pull it together. The whole point of this was to get Parker just where you wanted him–and now he’s acting like you’re where he wants you. 

You both move to the closet right by the attic. The stuff on the floor, you carefully pick up and move… out. In the hallway, just for now. No time for any of that. He just watches you as you get everything, almost proudly, as if he’s handed the gamemaster’s baton to you. No, not proudly. Parker is fucking amused. He knows you’re out of your element, and is just watching you fall over yourself like an idiot. You step inside, and he follows. 

You’ve never been this close to Parker before. Despite not being… fully human, you can feel his warmth, and there’s no doubt there is an entire full flesh and blood man just a few centimeters away from you. This closet might have been the worst choice in your entire house–no doubt it's the smallest, but it was the closest, and with the way Parker is looking down at you… you can’t… r,reallyy…

“Soooo, are you gonna be a good player? Are ya gonna start the timer now, or what? And, most importantly, what decides the winner?” He says the last part with an excited giggle, as if you’re playing go-fish together.

You rub your eyes, leaning your head against the wall as discreetly as you can to avoid your nose bumping against his chest. “Um… whoever steps out first loses.”

Parker puts his hand up to his chin once more. “Buuuuuut, what about the seven minute timer? What if we’re both in here when the seven minutes are up?”

Fuck. You genuinely don’t know. The whole point of seven minutes in heaven being a game is the random aspect of who you spend time with in the closet. Doesn’t really work with two people. “Alright… so, uh… if the seven minutes is up, and we’re both still in there… whoever is the highest in the air wins.” 

Parker pauses, befuddled. “Highest… in the air?” His face lights up. “Ohhhh, whoever’s on top! Oooohhhohooohooo,...ho…hah.” the longer he drones on, the redder his face seems to grow, before finally stopping, staring at you with an expression you have no idea what to call. 

It is clear to see, however, that at the very least, both of you are very fucking nervous. 

But this is your chance! This is literally, EXACTLY what you want! But now you aren’t sure. Well, mainly you aren’t sure if he’s sure.

Parker starts again, this time in a much more… contemplative tone. You’ve never seen him so serious.  “You know… you… you’ve done so much shit to throw me off my game. Don’t think that I’ll become a mess the second that timer starts. Because ohhhh, I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING WILL NOT!!! I won’t let you win this time. You may think I only play board games.” 

Apparently he’s waiting for a response, so you just shake your head, mentally clocked out of whatever rant he’s gonna start this time.

“You… may NOT think I only play board games, but I will assure you, once again, that I can put up a fight in anything you give me! So come at me.”

“Parker, are you sure… you’re okay, with the contents of this game? I don’t want you to feel pressured to–”

He cuts you off in a frenzied yelp, balling his fists in the air. “HOLY MOTHER OF GOD I AM READY!!! I AM SOOOO READY!!! I AM READY TO KISS OR WHATEVER ELSEEE!!! ENDS UP MOTHERFUCKING HAPPENING, ALRIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!”

In his excitement, he accidentally shuffles a few inches forward.

“BECAUSE I WILL NOT, I MEAN ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT, LET YOU GET THE BEST OF ME–euh”

He’s cut off by his own choking-sighing sound that seems to have come from somewhere deep inside his throat, and you feel something poke your stomach. 

He looks down, horrified, at his own very obvious proof of arousal, and then back to your face, his jaw dropped. 

Despite your surprise–(and nervousness that could even be called REAL FEAR THAT THIS IS HAPPENING)--you manage a faint, but jittery grin up at him. “...I didn’t know playing games made you this excited.”

He looks like he’s going to move, but he stays still, bulge still pressed against you.

“Why–why am I GETTING A BONER?! Jeez louise, this is embarrassing! Worst o-of all, I HAVEN’T EVEN ROLLED TO SEE HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU YET! How is this even p-possible?!”

You slide the door closed. The only light comes from your phone as you pull out the clock app.

Parker steps closer, fully pressing you into the wall, his bulge shoving itself needily into your stomach, close to your hip bone. One hand slides to the back of your neck, underneath your hair, and he dips his head down to be more level with yours. His nose brushes against yours, his breath cast against your lips so heavy that it’s suffocating. You drop your phone. 

“Do you have annnnyyyy idea how worked up those stupid fuckin’ tricks of yours had me?” 

Both of his hands slid up to your cheeks, squeezing them. “Do you–do you have any fucking IDEA? I could have asked you to play another game, and we would have. But do you know why I let this happen?”

You try to shake your head, but his grip is firm. You manage out a “m’noo…?”

“Because I need to get back at YOU! YOU… SLIMEBALL! Nothing you can do to me right now, is unpredictable! S-Stripping down to your underwear… during a board game… IS UNPREDICTABLE! Playing freaky blindfolded chess!”--he steps back to wave his hands around at this, as much as he can in the cramped space– “IT’S UNPREDICTABLE.” 

His eyes narrow in on you. “But here… you’re all mine.”

You grab his waist, pulling him as sharply as you can into you. His bulge slams right into your stomach. 

“N–ghuh, f-fuck!” Parker’s whimper, or groan, or whatever, was… a much higher pitch than you had expected. Not like he had an intensely deep, brooding voice to begin with, but this time it sounded like he was a lady squealing at the sight of a spider. Jesus fucking christ if it doesn’t make you wet. He’s so twitchy and sensitive–he rests his hand on the wall behind your head, not to get leverage over you like he was trying to before, but to steady his wobbly legs. 

“Y-You…” pant ”o-oh, fiddlesticks”... “y-ya got me there, fair and square, missy.”

You grab onto his hand, as if to help him back up, but your grip is loose, and you let him wobble. Now that he’s more on your level, you bring your face close to Parker’s, and your other hand on his cheek. 

Despite your own perspiration, your hand is a cool balm on his red-hot skin. You intertwine your fingers on the hand that you hold, and the hand on his cheek grips the back of his hair. Parker lets out a comical “YEOWCH!” and his hat falls to the floor. 

You stare at him for a moment. He stares back, wincing and panting. God, too aggressive. It’s too aggressive for the first time, but it feels like neither of you have it in you to hold back. Maybe he does? Maybe, if you just…

You loosen your grip on his hair, pulling him up to his full height. Parker grabs your neck with both of his hands and kisses you. You place your hands on his neck–gently, this time, and melt into it. But it doesn’t last long–nothing does, with him, it feels like (though you hope at least one part of him does), and in an instant he’s on. Your neck. Well, he did warn you. 

Parker sinks his teeth into your neck the moment his lips meet it, and you whimper in shock, grabbing the back of his head, and his arms move to wrap around you. Neither of you are focused on staying upright anymore, and you slam forwards with his back against the wall. His mouth peppers down kisses that often turn into mean bites all the way down to your collarbone. You stumble backwards, and slam onto the floor, with him on top of you, his arm softening the blow. 

You can’t see his face very well, but a bit of the light trickling from underneath the door reflects on pearly white teeth, and the leer Parker gives looks almost animalistic for a moment. “WOW! You are SUCH a good sport! Gee, y-you even gave me the chance to get on top! And here I thought I was gonna be your BITCH for the day!” 

You struggle underneath him during his gloat, but he quickly leans back down to continue his painful (but not unpleasant) ministrations on your neck, his hands sliding under your shirt to grab your waist. You attempt to reach up to shove him off, but his hands make quick work of that, leaving your waist and moving to pin your arms above your head. 

You can feel the upward curve of his lips on your collarbone at your helpless whimpers. To him, it’s like winning. Or maybe he just likes the sound of you.

But his cock is still unattended to. With the desperate, jerky movements–you just know it’s aching. But so is your ego, so you lift your leg up and knee him in the groin. 

He falls on top of you, but that just makes it worse for him. Now his groin is right next to your crotch, and he brings his hands back to your sides, pushing himself forward in some sort of pathetic, shaky attempt to dryhump you. His sweaty face rests against your neck, muttering intelligible pleas through his pain and arousal that makes your stomach flip. That is, until you make out what it is he’s actually saying; “I-I am… Parker… UNSHAKABLE… BRADLEY!!! Y-You… will nott…” Ugh. He’s still trembling like a leaf, and when he bites you again, you suck in your teeth and shove him off you with all your might. 

He lands right next to you with an oof, and you climb on top of him, straddling his hips.  His large hands move to the space on either side of him, and he pulls himself upwards, so that he’s now sat fully upright and nearly eye-level with you. 

His hands, shaky, leave the floor, but instead of pushing you off so he can get on top, (which he very well could, he’s definitely at least a little stronger than you), they move to unbuckle his belt.

Your eyes meet his face. Parker is spent. He’s tired of fighting–he’s tired of playing around. And god, that’s saying something. His eyes are half lidded, and you can faintly make out the crooked smile and redness on his face. His dick aches so bad he’s forgotten you’re even in the middle of a game. One of his hands aggressively palms himself through his pants–(wait. Is he wearing tights? Wow it is really fucking embarassing that you’re going to fuck this guy)--and the other slides the belt off. It’s not long before his cock is out, fully erect and swollen. Parker hisses at the cold air that hits it. His hand wraps around the shaft, thumb circling the tip, which twitches in response. 

All you can do is freeze, your eyes flickering back and forth to his aching, needy cock to his face with eyes that are clearly begging you to do LITERALLY ANYTHING. But there’s a very easy way to cover your embarrassment.

“What do you want me to do to you, Parker?” 

He may be able to feel your legs shaking. Or maybe you’re so wet Parker can feel it pooling on his thigh. But his dick is out. And you swear the way he’s looking at you would make any sane person tear him to shreds if it was directed at them. 

“I… I w-want…”

He tears his gaze away, his free hand covering his mouth. You grab his chin and make him face you. “What do you want? You still want to win? Is that what? You wanna win with your cock out and begging like that?” It may not be wise to challenge him, because he really could flip you over and fuck you if he ignored the aching of his dick for a little bit longer, but it was clear lust had fogged his brain past the point of reason. Plus, it was hard to resist teasing him when he had been so confident a minute ago. Wait. Wait, it’s been way longer tha–

“I w-want you to fuck me. Please?”

Oh

“I d-don’t even care about winning right now,  heh… he.. U-um… ohhh boy… it just aches, really b-bad, and I’m so e-erect. And I can’t stop thinking about y-you fucking me. Right now.” The last part barely came out, his voice descending into pathetic whimpers the longer you stared at him. 

You stood up, sliding your pants off. Then, your panties. You were still for a moment–both genuinely scared of ACTUALLY FUCKING YOUR BOARD GAME COLLECTION, as much as you were in, what was, at this point, a sort of sadistic pleasure of Parker’s helpless whimpers as he wordlessly begged you to just sink down onto his fucking cock already. 

You crouched down, falling onto your knees, hovering just above the tip of his cock.  Parker’s eyes were on you fully now. 

“P-Please–oh, god, please don’t make me wait any longer.” 

His hands go to your face–not to your body, your waist, or your thighs to pull you down. Your face. His hands, not too soft or rough, but a real man’s hands, a touch you haven’t felt in so long, caress your cheeks gently as he begs you to do something not nearly as innocent to him. 

With an aching slowness, you sink down onto his dick, and Parker lets out a deep, breathy groan, but his voice is high and shaky. “O-Ohh… ohh fuck…” His hands move right to your waist, gripping it with a bruising strength that reminds you of how strong he might be–even if he himself doesn’t really know it. “Oh… oh dear. I’m inside you now, that’s just–FUCK”

You slide up quickly to shut him up, but it has both of you sputtering. When you fall back down, with him balls-deep in you once again, you can’t help but moan, your head falling into the crook of his neck, knees giving out completely. 

You can feel him anxiously twitching inside of you, and you squirm around him, which only makes you and Parker gasp for air. You aren’t going fast enough, and it’s killing both of you–but you’re too dizzy and overwhelmed to keep up with the pace you know he needs. 

“A-Aww, geez, if you keep teasing me like this, I’m gonna come without having been fucked properly… or is it just taking you this long to adjust to my cock?”

You grind onto Parker with him fully inside of you, desperate for friction. “Parker, I-I’m not trying to, I’m not trying to tease you–I’m trying t-to fuck you!” Your voice comes out in a pitiful squeal. God, saying you’re trying to fuck someone is probably the worst thing you can say during sex.

His gaze softens, and he looks up at you with a smile, though his eyes are still foggy with lust. “Here.” He places his hands under your thighs. “I’ll help you, alright? It’s not fair if you’re doing all the work.” Parker’s hands guide you with surprising ease up and down his cock. “See? I’ll help you fuck me. This is a two player game, remember?”

You can’t help but let out a squeal at the sudden and surprising loss of control as you’re lifted up by Parker’s hands, and down… and up again… “M-Mhm…” you wordlessly nod into his neck, as if he cares for a response right now. He answers your confirmation with a satisfied groan as your walls stretch around him over and over again. 

You lean your head back, taking his face in the palms of your hands as he continues to lift you up and down his cock. He returns your gaze, and through the limited light you can see his cherry-red face, and blissed-out, almost… stupid expression, with Parker biting part of his lip, giggling to himself in ecstasy. Man, you just have to kiss him. 

But when you do, he lurches his head away in a panicked frenzy. “STOP! STOP! I AM GOING TO EJACULATE!”

…so?

Oh.

He can’t really pull out when you’re, uh, sitting on his dick. And you aren’t wearing protection. Okay, to be fair, you didn’t think in a million years you’d end up fucking Parker today. Wait, would it matter if he came inside you? Can your board games get you pregnant? Oh, fuck, I mean, he is your stash of board games, but he also… definitely feels like a full flesh and blood man. Maybe best not to take that risk. “J-Just set me down and you can u-uh… try and pull out.”

He leans forward, carefully laying you on the ground with a gentleness you never thought possible for the overexcitable Parker Bradley, with him still inside of you. Shakily, he takes a moment to thrust into you a few more times, his hands roughly secured on your hips. “Hghh–fuck—” he pulls out, and shoots his load directly onto the closet door with something between a roar and a laugh. “T-Take… thaat…” 

He collapses right onto you, and then stiffens. “Oh, shoot! You shouldn’t have let me forget!” 

“Parker?” You look up at him, dazed.

“If you make me cum, I have to make YOU cum! The golden rule!”

“That’s not the–”

He shoves his still-hard cock back into you, fucking you with a new, relentless, but now calculated rhythm. “The golden rule of **FUCKING**, that is! What, you thought I’d leave you hanging?! NO! I d-don’t know how much longer I’ll be hard, but if I’m not, and you still have–”

“Parker, sh-shut the fuck up and take your shirt off.”

He immediately does as he’s told, first slipping off his vest and then removing his shirt with it. “L-Like this?” He returns back to hovering over you, thrusting, but his movements are shakier now that he waits for your approval. 

“Y-Yes, Parker, that’s good. T-That’s so.. Mmh..”

He muffles your voice with a kiss, one hand on your cheek and the other beside your head as he fucks you. And, god, you’re so close now. Your walls start fluttering in an impending release, and he must notice too, because Parker grows more aggressive with his thrusts by the second–maybe in an attempt to hold on as long as he can, or maybe because of how badly he needs to please you at this moment. 

“P-Parker, Parker, fuck, cover my mouth.”

“But I want to hear you! I–”

It’s already too late. Your nails dig into his back, and you let an embarrassingly loud moan that devolves into whimpers as your orgasm ebbs away. He collapses on top of you. Again.

You haven't fully ridden out your orgasm, and he’s still inside you, so your walls milk his cock for nothing, as you both lay tangled up, panting and sweaty. Parker, however, can find it in himself to speak.

“Oh, geez. Y-You… uh…” he pants. “You never started the timer.”

[cosmokrill]

Parker Lee Braddigan

[ymmxo]

Nat 20!

[coffeethoughtsandanxiety]

OH HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YES PLEASE HAND HIM TO ME GOD YES I LOVE HIM

[raindropgirly]

I’m normal about him, I swear

[nightbloomingsirius]

one lipstick kiss on chance for each time i think abt him today. i thought of him 8 times today so i gave him 8 kisses

[shadowlord420sgf]

HOLY CRIT INDEED

[peachpuddl3]

[doctor-aceus-art]

he be waiting for you on your desk anytime you wanna play 👀

[teddisura]

get kissed idiot 🫵

[pemizart]

CurtRod <3

[cosmokrill]

Parker Lee Braddigan

[pustak31]

I can't belive no one wrote something for Date everything x reader where the MC is walking around the hause without pants on. MC's entire outfit before gating the deteviators is just some plain t-shirt and underwear, maybe sometimes even without the shirt when theres a heatwave. Sadly, when MC got the deteviators and realized that all the objects in they'r house are sentient, they stoped walking around with they'r ass out, whitch kinda got the detables like this

[h4mmiee]

i am normal and can be trusted around electrical equipment

[hollowtones]

[doodlewritesfics]

I saw your requests are open so, .

Hank 4 triggering readers cuteness aggression either that or just a dic about calling him pretty ^^

Have a great day!

This isn't nearly as good as I wanted it to be, but I hope it's enjoyable anyways!

--

You've been chatting with the Hanks a lot more recently. Ever since they've left Red Bowl, they haven't felt the need to constantly put their lives in danger. It was sweet, seeing them find new hobbies and skills that they love. Hank 4 especailly has been excited to share as many of his new likes with you as possible. From showing you his new, totally awesome collection of cool things he finds, to talking your ear off about new games he's come up with.

You've found yourself sitting between his legs, back to his chest and softly massaging his bare hand as he rambles on about something new. Truth be told, he had lost you a few minutes in, but he was just so excited to share with you, rambling on and on. He pauses for a breath, slightly flushed but smiling, the small gap in his teeth just adding to his charm. He holds you close, nuzzling against the back of your head. "…You're so awesome, you know that?"

Damn it he was just so…. ugh, too fucking cute.

You felt yourself move on instinct, bringing his hand to your lips and biting down on it.

"Ow! What was that for?" Hank recoiled as he snatched his hands back from you when he felt your teeth dig into his skin. You blush, and laugh nervously. "Sorry, sorry! I couldn't help myself, you're just so… Well, adorable really."

Hank finds himself blushing, the shock wearing off. "O-Oh! Oh…: He seemed to pause and think for a moment. Well, a long moment really, the guy was adorable but he wasn't the smartest of the Hanks. "So like… is it normal to bite people you think are, ug, adorable?"

"Well, sometimes." You say, shrugging lightly. "Sorry, I won't do it again, if it bothers you."

There's another beat of silence. Then, Hank takes your hand in his once more. He brings it to his lips, and with a slight nervousness, places the tiniest of nibbles on the tip of your pointer finger. "Like that?"

You flush, and giggle softly. "Yeah. Just like that."

[cocoa-crisis]

Bad hank 3

[headcanon-everything]

hii love your writing ehe! is it okay if I requested just a hank 3 headcannons? with a reader who's shy and flustered when he flirts/teases with her? she loves it, it's just she's super shy 😭. I prefer sfw if that's okay! thank youu, I've been hyperfixated on him for awhile now💗

yes!! there will probably be mentions of the other Hanks, because they travel in herds but it'll be focused on Hank 3!

Hank 3 Headcanons

- s/o is easily flustered and shy -

at first, he keeps getting the other Hanks telling him to tone it down but he just can't help it!! you look too cute when you're embarrassed!!

starts wondering if he's taking it too far and dials it back a bit

partially to show that he's sincere in his compliments and partially because he doesn't want to scare you off because he actually does really like you

once he finds out you don't mind though?

prepare to never know peace

he loves the fact that even though you're shy, you keep coming around to see them and try to be brave enough to do at least their milder stunts with them

you're really brave for trying in his eyes

and if he realizes you stare at him JUUUST a little longer than the others?

oh it's on

he is pulling out EVERY move:

whispering in your ear a little closer than is just friendly

being the first to show that they're strong enough to catch you if you fall and offering to pick you up (usually not waiting for an answer) to prove it

gets really in your face and looks in your eyes, just to say that you have something on your cheek and wipe it off

the other Hanks call him cringe

he can't hear them over his next thought to get his fix of you turning all red and tripping over your words

he's addicted

But!!! Remember!!!

HE CAN DISH BUT NOT TAKE 🗣️🗣️

if you ever flip the script and get hold enough to say anything as forward as him?

he's practically falling over, a red-faced, stuttering , sweating mess

he goes so red you almost can't see his freckles anymore

he's obsessed about you on main and refuses to be silenced

brings you up in EVERY conversation, to the point where the other Hanks start groaning when they recognize the start of it "You need to relax homie! we've already been over it today bro"

the others tease you two on occasion, asking what you see in him and offering to leave him behind if you want some peace

all in good fun though, they're grinning the whole time while 3 is yelling behind them with 4 wrapped around him and holding him back

if you try to cuddle with the other Hanks around, it turns into a cuddle pile faster than you can blink

sometimes it's hard to get alone time but he'll fight for it if you ask him to

overall is just a menace to you and you can't be happier

[yasminawayne]

caught in 4(han)k!

SYNOPSIS: Kevin, Hank 4, is balls deep and still finding time to send pics to the group chat

TAGS: FEM/AFAB! Reader, Crack/Smut, Hank 4-focused, Whiny!Hank 4, Name Kink, Photo/Video During Sex, Slightly Sloppy Writing, Group Chat Shenanigans

AO3: yasminwayne Ko-Fi: buy me a coffee!

daddy-o: can we get some ambient lighting too? soft focus?

twohanky 👻: WHO GAVE YOU DIRECTORIAL VISION???

twohanky 👻: GET OUT

"Say the word," Hank 4, Kevin, breathed, lips dragging messily along your jaw. "And I’ll be on my knees so fast I’ll leave skid marks on the wood, baby."

He bit his lip as he pulled back just enough to meet your eyes, a wild, adoring grin tugging at his mouth. Too much teeth, too much mischief, too much everything. His pupils were blown wide, cheeks flushed, hair clinging to his forehead like he’d already run a marathon just kissing you.

And he had the nerve to still look so happy about it. Like ruining himself for you was his favorite sport.

You didn’t answer, not verbally. Just grabbed the hem of his stupid little crop top and yanked him closer by the collar. That was all he needed.

"Ohhh, you’re mean," Kevin whined, half-laughing, voice going thick like molasses. "Lookin’ at me like that? Giving me those eyes?"

His hips found yours automatically, slotting into the space between your thighs like they’d been molded to fit. He moved instinctively, pressing closer, rolling his hips just enough to make you gasp.

"I’m just a dude, babe," he rambled, hands skating under your shirt, fingers greedy but still gentle. "Like. A guy. With a dumb brain and worse self-control and a major, major situation happening in his pants right now."

You started to laugh, but it turned into a squeak when he lifted you clean off the floor like it was nothing, setting you down on the edge of the kitchen counter with a little bounce that had heat curling through your gut. His palms skimmed over your thighs, fingers pressing in like he wanted to memorize the shape of you, sliding up your sides like he couldn’t decide where to land.

His eyes roamed slow, shameless over the soft lines of your chest, the flush on your cheeks, the way your breath caught under his touch.

"Oh, fuck," Kevin muttered, absolutely stunned. "You’re unreal. Like… I think I just forgot my name."

"It’s Kevin, babe."

"Yeah," he exhaled, grinning wide as he leaned in close again, lips brushing the corner of your mouth. "That sounds right. Sounds so right comin’ outta your mouth."

He crashed forward again, kissing you open-mouthed, licking at your tongue and nipping at your bottom lip like he was trying to eat you alive.

"Mmpgh. Say it again," he groaned against your lips. "My name. Please."

You tilted your head, teasing, eyes half-lidded. "Kevin."

His whole body shivered. Like the word itself knocked the wind out of him.

"Fuck, that’s hot," he muttered, pulling back. "You could say literally anything and it would be hot."

You laughed, breathless, and leaned back just a bit, letting your legs slide further apart as your fingers curled into the hem of his crop top. "Anything?"

"Anything," he repeated, eyes locked on your mouth like it held scripture. 

One of his hands moved to grip your thigh, tight enough to bruise. The other slipped under your shirt at last, broad palm skimming hot over your stomach before sliding up, greedy, trembling just slightly with how badly he wanted you.

When he cupped your chest, squeezing through the fabric of your bra, a low groan rumbled out of him like it had been sitting in his chest all day.

"Love you," he grinned, almost delirious, eyes blown wide. "Love how soft you are—how squishy. You make the best noises, babe."

His thumbs dragged slowly over your nipples, teasing through the fabric, and your breath hitched. His eyes flicked up to yours, a wicked grin spreading across his face as he tore your shirt up and over your head in one swift motion. The shirt fell away, leaving you bare from the waist up, save for the flimsy scrap of lace and cotton that barely covered your breasts.

"Off," he whined, voice low and thick. "Please, can I take this off? I wanna see."

You nodded, and his hands were immediately on you. In one swift move, your bra snapped apart in his hands like paper, tossed somewhere over his shoulder. 

"So fucking gnarly," Hank whispered, dragging his eyes over you like he was trying to memorize every inch. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, and you caught the flicker of something wild behind his grin. "You’re so hot, it’s actually not fair, bro!"

He dipped down without another word, mouth warm and eager as it captured one hardened peak in his mouth, sucking hard as his tongue swirled around the sensitive bud.

His other hand palmed your other breast, squeezing and kneading the soft flesh as he laved attention on its twin.

He bit down, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to make you gasp.

"Homie, you taste so fucking good," he mumbled against your skin, nipping and sucking a trail up to your collarbone before latching onto it and sucking a dark mark into your flesh.

His hips ground down against yours again, the thick line of his cock sliding against your core through the fabric of his boxers.

He was already so hard, so desperate for you.

One hand slid down your stomach, fingers dipping teasingly beneath the waistband of your bottoms before he gripped the fabric and ripped them down your legs, leaving you bare and exposed to his hungry gaze.

"Kev," you gasped, arching into him as his mouth trailed lower, lips dragging hot and open along your stomach, your hips, the sensitive skin of your inner thighs. He sucked a dark bruise into the softest spot, groaning like he was tasting ambrosia.

You shivered, hand threading into his messy curls, just about ready to beg—when suddenly, he froze.

"Oh my god, bro. Wait—wait, wait," he choked out, eyes blown wide as he jolted upright, one hand frantically patting down his pocket like he’d forgotten something crucial.

"Kev—what—"

"Gimme a sec," he laughed, face flushed and wild with affection. "Gotta send the boys a lil gift!"

Your eyes widened. "Kevin—"

Too late. His phone was already out, camera open, tilted at just the right angle to catch your flushed face, your legs bracketing his hips.

"You just look so pretty like this," he said, utterly smitten. "Gotta let ’em know what they’re missin’. Bet they wish they were me right now, brah."

Your cheeks were flushed a pretty red as he pointed the camera at you, lips parted, and chest heaving as you lay bare and wanting beneath him on the kitchen counter. The cool marble sent a shiver down your spine, nipples pebbled and aching for his touch. 

Deciding to play along, you arched your back slightly, pushing your breasts up towards him in offering as you spread your thighs a little wider, baring the glistening of your cunt to his hungry gaze.

"Say cheese!" 

He grinned and pointed the camera down at the both of you. The flash went off, throwing harsh shadows over the mess of limbs, skin, fabric, and flushed grins. Every dip of your waist, every ridge of his muscles, caught in that split second.

🐻 kevinbear: [SENT AN IMAGE]

🦴 hanksz: bro. you can’t just drop that in here raw

twohanky 👻 : HOLY fUCNJSDJDNJD I DROPPED MY LAPTOP. IT HIT MY FOOT. SKADOKSJDKKJ??? WOGSJJ?!?

🧼#3: DAWG I’M IN A LECTURE. WITH A GUEST SURGEON. YOU SENT ME NUDES WHILE A MAN IS HOLDING A HUMAN HEART.

daddy-o: saved. thanks king 🙏

Hank 4 was still laughing at the chaos in the group chat when your hands slipped beneath the hem of his crop top. 

He gasped, eyes wide for a split second before that familiar toothy grin took over. "Okay, wow. Greedy much, baby?" he teased, voice breathless, half-laughing but already leaning in.

The phone slipped from his hand and clattered to the counter, completely forgotten. Then he was on you. All wet kisses and panting breath, laughter stuttering between hungry mouths. 

You tugged at the waistband of his boxers, fingers fumbling with the elastic, and he swore softly, hips bucking forward like his body had already made the decision for him.

"Babe," he gasped, breathing hot and shaky against your mouth as he fought with his own clothes. "Gimme—fuck—just two seconds. I’m trying to get undressed and not literally pass out at the same time."

You laughed into his neck, biting lightly, and he made a noise. It was somewhere between a whimper and a bark of a laugh, as he finally got the boxers halfway down.

He grunted as he kicked off his boxers, sending them flying across the kitchen with a careless flick of his ankle. His cock sprang free, long and hard and already leaking at the tip, the thick shaft flush against his belly.

He nipped at your pulse point, soothing the sting with a swipe of his tongue before his hips against yours, the thick line of his cock sliding against your slick folds.

With his hips propping up your legs, all you had to do was grind back down on him to get some friction. It stole the breath out of his chest, splotchy red hues burning up on his cheeks.

Kevin gripped your hips bruisingly tight, fingers sinking into the supple flesh as he notched the swollen head of his cock against your dripping entrance. With one brutal thrust, he slammed forward, burying himself to the hilt inside your tight, clutching heat. His thick cock pulses and twitches as your velvet walls clench down around him, gripping him like a silken vice. 

"Fuuuck," He groaned, eyes rolled back in ecstasy as he pistoned his hips forward, driving into you. "That's it, take it, baby."

His hips begin to move on their own accord, drawn to the slick, scorching heat of your core. He starts to thrust, his movements at first jerky and off-balance, but quickly gaining rhythm. His large hands roam the curves of your body greedily, squeezing and kneading your soft flesh as if he can't get enough of touching you.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck...!" you moaned, nails raking down his back as you clung to him desperately.

Without even pausing, he grinned and grabbed his phone again. Sweat dripped down his chest, his skin flushed and tingling with the heat of his all-consuming lust. 

He zooms in, filling the screen with your face, immortalizing your ecstatic cries and the way you whine as he rails you against the countertop. The lewd, wet sounds of your fucking echo obscenely from the phone's microphone, mingling with your shameless screams and his laughter.

"Look sooo good... taking my dick... like you were made for it, babe," He grins, sweat dripping down his tensed muscles as he hooks your leg over his shoulder, the new angle allowing him to slam his thick cock deeper into your cunt. His swollen balls slap against your ass with each brutal thrust, drawing even more desperate, keening cries from your lips.

Kevin snapped a few more pics, the camera flashing rapidly as he zoomed in and out, trying to get just the right angle of you splayed out on the kitchen counter.

🐻 kevinbear: [SENT A PHOTO]

🦴 hanksz: YO. YO. YO

🧼 #3: I’M IN SCRUBS. I HAVE AN EXAM IN FORTY. SEVEN. MINUTES. IF I FAIL NEUROANATOMY AGAIN I DIE IRL

daddy-o: lol. hot... send more? slower pan.

daddy-o: zoom in on the hands maybe?

daddy-o: can we get some ambient lighting too? soft focus?

twohanky 👻: WHO GAVE YOU DIRECTORIAL VISION???

twohanky 👻: GET OUT

🧼 #3: I’M PRINTING THIS CHAT AND HANDING IT TO MY PROFESSOR SO HE KNOWS WHY I FAILED.

Kevin’s phone buzzed and lit up with incoming messages. He glanced at it quickly, a wicked grin spreading across his face at the chaos unfolding in the group chat.

"Five wants a video, babe," Hank 4 panted, breath warm against your cheek. He leans over to grab a half-empty protein powder tin, using it as a makeshift stand for his phone. With deft movements, he zooms in close enough to see the way your folds stretch obscenely around his cock.

"There, that's a good angle," he grins, giving a few test thrusts as he checks the frame. "This okay, homie?"

"More than okay," you pant, feeling the tremble of his muscles under your hands, the way his arms flexed slightly to keep you grounded. 

With your permission, he drew back slowly, until just the tip remained inside you, before slamming forward again. You let out a keening cry as he rolled his hips in a slow, deliberate circle, grinding his pelvis against yours to stimulate your clit with each thrust.

"Ahn… You gonna draw this out?" you giggled, dizzy with pleasure.

"Would you rather I just destroyed you and got it over with?" he purred, voice low and rough with lust. "Or would you prefer I take my time and make this last...all...night...long?"

He punctuated each word with a sharp, deep thrust. One hand released your wrists to slide down your side, fingers splaying across your lower belly. You could feel the thick line of his cock throbbing and pulsing inside you as he ground against your g-spot.

"Oh shit—they’re video calling the group chat, babe."

You giggled, settling closer. "Looks like we’ve got a live demo to put on."

"Nah," Kevin said, voice low and warm. His grin turned softer, a little more real. "They already got their video. Kinda wanna focus on you now."

The call connected a whole two hours later.

Kevin’s camera opened first, he was sprawled on the couch, a half-finished bag of chips resting on his chest. You were fast asleep on his shoulder, cheek smushed comfortably against his hoodie, dead to the world.

🧼 #3 joined the call

"Ayoooo," he drawled, munching loudly. "What’s good, brah?"

"NO," Hank 3 shrieked instantly, his camera vibrating from how hard he was shaking his phone. "YOU DID NOT. YOU DID NOT JUST ANSWER ALL SMILEY AFTER WHAT YOU DID."

Kevin blinked, chip halfway to his mouth. "Me? What’d I do?"

"YOU—YOU DIDN’T ANSWER THE CALL."

"Ohhhhhh," Kevin said, smile widening into something bright and smug. "You were tryna tune in?"

"YES, I WAS TRYNA TUNE IN," Hank 3 snapped.

twohanky 👻 and 🦴 hanksz joined the call

"I—" Hank 2’s voice cracked as his face appeared on-screen, pink and flustered.

"I waited, Kev. I had my headphones in. And you just—" he trailed off, voice going wobbly. "You left me on delivered, brah."

Kevin tilted his head, clearly trying not to laugh. "Aww. Sorry, brah."

Hank 1 gave a sad shake of his head, "Not cool, dawg. Not cool."

daddy-o joined the call

Hank 5 popped into frame, sitting in his car. His sunglasses were pushed up into his hair, and he smiled the moment he saw you asleep on Kevin’s shoulder.

"Aw," he murmured, voice low and warm. "She looks so peaceful."

He glanced at Kevin, smile turning boyish. "Did you send the video yet?"

"Gonna," Kevin replied, shifting just enough to rub your back as you stirred slightly.

"She was so loud, too," he added, grinning. "It was gnarly. You guys would’ve loved it."

"I KNOW," Hank 3 wailed somewhere off-screen

a/n: yeah this is kinda bad eheh but i thought i'd share it w u guys! inspired by a j.ai bot i talked to the other day

[cocoa-crisis]

Go ask your dad