You don’t have to answer this, but how did you leave behind the bisexual label for the lesbian label? Did you feel guilty? I’m pretty sure I’m a lesbian but I feel bad saying goodbye to the bisexual title when I’m not 10000% sure, cuz I don’t want to enforce the confused bisexual/bisexual picking a side stereotype. For all the guys I’ve dated... something was just missing. I loved them, but idk something was wrong... any advice? I’m struggling with this and you have relevant experience.
I can’t tell you how to figure out whether or not you’re attracted to men, but I can tell you that it’s not your responsibility to subvert stereotypes other people uphold.
Bigots who think bisexual people eventually “choose a side” are going to keep thinking that no matter what you do. If you identify as bisexual for the rest of your life, none of them are going to look at you are your death bed and say “huh. She really held out. Looks like we were wrong.” There’s ALREADY enough plain and simple evidence that they’re wrong. They don’t care.
And if you realize you’re a lesbian, yeah, they may use that for their “side,” but they were never going to come around anyway. You won’t change their mind purely by existing and identifying one way or the other.
Life is confusing. The world is complicated. But I am certain about a few things, and one of those is this:
Your sexuality is yours. It belongs to you. To no one else. No one else is entitled to or deserves or owns or has any claim on your identity. Not straight people, not bisexual people, not gay or ace or pan people or anyone else.
Your sexuality is not a political statement. It is not an argument to be made or won. It’s a deeply personal part of you. You were born as this person, and this is your only chance to be you. That’s it. You’ve got one shot. This is your one life as who you are right now. This is all you get as this person. There’s already so much other bullshit you have to go through; don’t take on burdens that aren’t yours to shoulder.
If you’re gay, you’re gay. If you’re bi you’re bi. It’s up to you to figure it out, and you don’t owe an explanation to anyone, within or outside the community. That’s it. There’s nothing more to be said.
Your sexuality, whatever it turns out to be, is a Truth. It cannot be disproven, it cannot be bad, it cannot enforce a stereotype, it cannot be anything but a truth that belongs to you. It is yours. Live with that truth, and be happy. You owe that to yourself.
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