The Bedtime Wizard

Wizard of sleep, bedtime, and wether or not your pet will rest in your bed tonight Sandman DNI you know what you did Asks welcome!

[fuckablewizard]

Nobody wants to play crayons in bed naked with me 😠

[the-bedtime-wizard]

Um, beds are for sleeping, not for playing with crayons

[the-bedtime-wizard]

Reminder that if you take a sleep potion of any sort you can’t operate heavy machinery or cast any hazardous spells afterwards. Otherwise @feyosha will get on my ass about it and then no one gets to sleep.

This includes cakes and drinks.

[call-me-thaumiel]

Pros of wearing a cloak all the time:

Looks cool

Nobody can steal your phone from your back pocket

Billows epically when you walk into the subway and there's a train there

Billows epically when there's wind

You look like a wizard

You feel like a wizard

I once had a pair of little kids come up to me and ask if I was a wizard

Doubles as a blanket if you get eepy

Put up the hood to look mysterious

Hood fits over headphones

Hood fits over big hoop earrings (I don't have these but it's still a bonus)

Perfect if your sleeves are too puffy to fit into your coat

Great for people who have sensory issues with sleeves

Great conversation starter

Great weekend project (if you sew it yourself, which is probably cheaper)

Really warm in the winter (if you use wool fabric)

Keeps the sun off in the summer (if you use a lighter fabric)

SO MUCH FREE SPACE FOR EMBROIDERY

There is a good chance it will boost your self-confidence

Pretty sure it'll do the same with your self-esteem

(Nothing in this life is certain, and anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something)

(I think that's how the quote went)

Fuzzy

Cons of wearing a cloak all the time:

none

I have been informed that Edna would be upset

How to be able to wear a cloak all the time:

[the-bedtime-wizard]

As a wizard I approve of this message and would like to emphasize this point:

Doubles as a blanket if you get eepy

Cloak blankets are excellent for impromptu naps

And if you do it right you already have the moon and stars on there

[empire-m0th]

Every wizard I've seen on this amazing hellsite has at one point reposted this and I think that's amazing XD

[the-bedtime-wizard]

We all have a meeting once a month to make sure all the new and old wizards have reblogged it at least once in their time as wizards. It’s a requirement set by the wizard council and enforced by @wizard-council-bureaucrat

[the-bedtime-wizard]

If you’re struggling to sleep… have you considered that you shouldn’t be seeing this post because my magic doesn’t work on people who actively looking at their phones?

[the-bedtime-wizard]

Bedtime wizard, what is your favorite herbal tea to drink before bed?

Excellent question! My absolute favorite is the celestial seasonings sleepytime mint! But I also like the sleepytime lavender quite a bit.

For potions I prefer to use regular celestial seasonings sleepytime tea because I can aquire it in bulk.

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Brave Adventurer I must now send you on your most difficult quest yet, I task thee- Go To Bed.

[the-bedtime-wizard]

To anyone wondering what to set out as an offering to me I accept the following forms of payment:

Cash

Warm milk

Apple Pay

Melatonin gummies

[the-bedtime-wizard]

I also accept sushi or they might be giants CDs that I don’t have already

[call-me-thaumiel]

Pros of wearing a cloak all the time:

Looks cool

Nobody can steal your phone from your back pocket

Billows epically when you walk into the subway and there's a train there

Billows epically when there's wind

You look like a wizard

You feel like a wizard

I once had a pair of little kids come up to me and ask if I was a wizard

Doubles as a blanket if you get eepy

Put up the hood to look mysterious

Hood fits over headphones

Hood fits over big hoop earrings (I don't have these but it's still a bonus)

Perfect if your sleeves are too puffy to fit into your coat

Great for people who have sensory issues with sleeves

Great conversation starter

Great weekend project (if you sew it yourself, which is probably cheaper)

Really warm in the winter (if you use wool fabric)

Keeps the sun off in the summer (if you use a lighter fabric)

SO MUCH FREE SPACE FOR EMBROIDERY

There is a good chance it will boost your self-confidence

Pretty sure it'll do the same with your self-esteem

(Nothing in this life is certain, and anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something)

(I think that's how the quote went)

Fuzzy

Cons of wearing a cloak all the time:

none

I have been informed that Edna would be upset

How to be able to wear a cloak all the time:

[the-bedtime-wizard]

As a wizard I approve of this message and would like to emphasize this point:

Doubles as a blanket if you get eepy

Cloak blankets are excellent for impromptu naps

And if you do it right you already have the moon and stars on there

[the-bedtime-wizard]

To anyone wondering what to set out as an offering to me I accept the following forms of payment:

Cash

Warm milk

Apple Pay

Melatonin gummies

[seren-starlight]

Nobody really knows what makes a person go to bed

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Why it’s The Bedtime Wizard of course! That’s his only job!

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Ok well, he’s been going through some stuff recently so if you could be kind and go to bed yourself that would really help him out. Like just- snuggle yourself in, put your phone away, and remember the feeling of being safe and held until you drift off.

Ok?

[the-bedtime-wizard]

Hey man, my boyfriend broke up with me and then I got two black eyes. I’m trying my best out here, at least I haven’t resorted to causing eternal sleep like cratty recommended.

[the-bedtime-wizard]

Sleep announcement:

I am not liable for your scrolling

There are unfortunately no spells or potions that cut through the power of the following applications:

Tumblr

YouTube

Reddit

Tiktok

Instagram

Snapchat

Threads

Facebook

Twitter

Bluesky

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Are you guys mistreating the Bedtime Wizard? I'm starting to have serious concerns about his wellbeing. If I find out you're mistreating him I'm calling WR (Wizard's Resources).

No no, it's not me. It's all the people who are fighting off sleep! The Bedtime Wizard was just trying to tuck someone in the other night and got two black eyes for it! Poor BedWiz, poor poor BedWiz

[the-bedtime-wizard]

I would like to request that people stop fighting me when I tuck them in. They request my presence and then I get injured for my efforts.