Ashes To Ashes

Quartermaster aboard the Aurora Member of The Mechanisms

[the-best-arsonist]

hey

This is Ashes O'Reilly, quartermaster of the Aurora. If you take my gold, I will set you on fire. Jonny and Tim, that means you. They/Aer, and gender is not important. Misgender me, and you will burn. The End.

[the-best-arsonist]

What’s the best way to get rid of a body?

- @a-raccoon-mech

Chuck it in a wormhole.

[the-best-arsonist]

Which mech is best in bed

They all have their strengths and weaknesses. It's honestly a tie between Brian and Tim.

[the-best-arsonist]

not even fried eggs and those really easy ones??

not even toast??

I'm pretty sure she knows that basics of cooking, but we don't know for sure.

[the-best-arsonist]

has nastya never learned how to cook in the millennia yall have been alive??

Depending on her mood, she'll either say "I don't see the point in learning to cook" or "You can starve for all I care."

[the-best-arsonist]

oop

Indeed.

[the-best-arsonist]

what about nastya

is it the blood is that why

Nastya is the only one who can't cook.

[the-best-arsonist]

what food crimes will the first mate commit :)

None before I burn him alive. Brian and TS are the only ones trusted not to poison your food or burn the kitchen down, so they make all the food.

[the-best-arsonist]

ur very cool. or hot. get it.l cuz. cuz fire. yeah you can just set me on fire for that.

Burn.

[the-best-arsonist]

HADES, HADES

TO YOUR TERMS I WILL AGREE

I’LL FIND THE VAULT

I’LL DO THE JOB HAPPILY

FIND THE MONEY FOR MY LOVE

THEN I SHALL BE FREE

banger, that one is.

Very much so.

[the-best-arsonist]

Do you know what taxes are? I don't think I do

-@doctorbaronmariusvonraum

Something highly unnecessary. It involves paying money to the government as penance for living.

[aromanticnecromancer]

(guy who has never payed taxes ever in their life) ummm yeah all this gold is for. um. tax purposes

[the-best-arsonist]

Exactly. Tax purposes. Except I'm not a guy.

[the-best-arsonist]

Whats your favorite color of flame?

And what/who is your favorite to set on fire?

Purple. And it's probably Nastya, she burns well.

[scienceofthecrows]

Hello! I'm Ashes from another universe (our Raphaella is looking into it) and it's pretty cool that i can talk with other versions of my crew! What kind of experiments have you been doing?

@the-best-arsonist

oh hey there other-ashes! nothing much hss been happening here recently, since we just got brian back from the sun and ive been trying my best to fix him. but i was planning on starting some experiments to do with radioactive decay and the metal used to make the others mechanisms some time soon!

have you or your crew been doing much lately?

[the-best-arsonist]

Well, our Marius and our Raphaella are getting married soon, because Marius was sad they divorced a few years back. It's like the 7th marriage those two have had. But hey, me and our Tim are doing pyrotechnics for it, so that's good.

[the-best-arsonist]

there will be no explanation

"and their instrument is THE BAZOOKA OF 🕈︎✋︎☠︎☝︎👎︎✋︎☠︎☝︎💧︎”

"wait bazookas are instruments"

"YEAH"

"OF PAIN"

"and snakes"

-chaoticquotes anon

Bazookas are fun. So are snakes. Good quote.

[the-best-arsonist]

pspspsppsspps

“Hm”

“Tell her to touch grass and throw away her piss jars”

there will be no context

-chaoticquotes anon

What?

[the-best-arsonist]

Hi there! I heard you were one of those drunk space pirates I keep hearing songs about? And also that you like fire, which works out really well, because I'm made of fire, and I thought maybe we'd get along?

Right! Names! Names are a thing I need to tell people. I'm Brigid.

@theflameeternal

Hello Brigid. I am Ashes, quartermaster of the Aurora. And I'm only drunk half of the time. And yes, I'm quite partial to a good bout of arson myself. It seems we may get along.

[theflameeternal]

Arson? Well, I like all fire, but anything can burn if you try hard enough. Wood, buildings, people...oh, that wasn't a normal thing to say, that sounded really messed up.

Whatever. We're all a little messed up sometimes. Do you wanna go burn some stuff?

[the-best-arsonist]

Ah yes, people do scream quite exquisitely while burning. I would love to burn things with you.

[theflameeternal]

Okay. I found this old building that nobody's used in a really long time, and I think it might make a pleasant noise when we set it on fire. The name sounded good, anyway. Something something manor. I like the word manor, it sounds like a wave.

Sorry, am I babbling? I think I'm babbling.

[the-best-arsonist]

That sounds positively lovely! See you there? I'll bring matches and my lighting fluid! It shall burn quite nicely.

[theflameeternal]

Heck yeah! It might take a little while, cause it's all covered in gook, but it's doable.

I think I could get us there a little faster? But it might involve kinda sorta setting you on fire, and I know you can't die, but that's gonna hurt.

[the-best-arsonist]

Eh, I don't care. I've been set on fire before. Arson is an excellent way to spend one's time!

[theflameeternal]

Okay, if you think it's alright.

A single spark flies from the palm of their burning hand, and quickly ignites into a wildfire that would give any sane man or beast pause. Blessedly, to call any Mechanism sane is an utterly contradictory sentiment, and the fire is relatively painless by the standards of an immortal.

There we go. We're here. I hope I didn't burn anything important.

[the-best-arsonist]

"I'm fine!" Ashes said, looking around. The manor is a large wooden monstrosity with plants growing on it. "That looks pretty flammable!" Ashes smiled, taking out an unmarked spray bottle full of blue liquid. "Raphaella made this for me."

[theflameeternal]

"Raphaella...oh, right, the one with the wings! Maybe I should say hi to her when this is over."

They watch Ashes get the place good and ready for burning. It wouldn't really take much, but it's the process of preparing for arson that's really the fun bit. It's no good to just drop a match and watch it all go up in smoke.

[the-best-arsonist]

Ashes doused the place in their lighting fluid, then looks at Brigid. "You want to do the honors, or should I?" They grin, taking out a box of matches. "Ready when you are."

[theflameeternal]

"No, you burn it, you burn it, I wanna watch."

They flop backwards onto their haunches and prepare to witness a master arsonist at work.

[the-best-arsonist]

Ashes circled the manor, examining it. After about a minute, they flicked their wrist, a lit match flying towards the manor. It catches on fire immediately, the wooden walls burning. The manor collapsed in a flaring of flames, sending sparks flying. Ashes laughed wildly, their eyes bright.