Błūrrÿ Fåçê

"My name is Blurry Face and I care what you think" ; a writer in dreams & a dreamer at heart ; multi-fandom stuff that I like and the occasional quote~

[saltycatfish]

[the-celestial-exception-blog]

Dear Dad

When I was 5 years old, you were my hero and my best friend. You taught me how to have fun and be adventurous, taking me to all sorts of fun places where we met plenty of interesting people.

When I was 7, mum broke up with you. I was confused and scared, but I couldn’t bear to be away from my mum. I didn’t want to leave you either though. You made me feel like I was invincible. I felt safe with you.

When I was 10, mum and I had to move away and you got angry. I was sad. I visited you every school holidays and some weekends, but that never seemed to be enough. You tried to make me interested in your hobbies, but I just wasn’t, and I think you didn’t like that. But I still cared about you. You were still a fun dad.

When I was 16, I started to hate you. You made me feel small and guilty for things that weren’t my fault. But you’d still mask it in humour, like that would make it okay. It was like I was growing up while you were still a child. You criticised my weight, you ruined Christmas for me over a bowl of cereal, and made me feel worthless for being in a public school. I had so many other things getting me down, but I never felt like I had your support. I put up walls around you, locking away any love I had left.

After many, many years of hating you, dad, I’ve realised that you aren’t worthy of me feeling an emotion that powerful for you. You talk to my brothers in the same way you would talk to me, and I honestly think you are disgusting. What kind of father tells his 11 year old son that he’s “a piece of shit” and a “coward”? Our relationship has become purely business—whether it’s because you’re ashamed of me or you stopped caring too, I’m not sure that I need to know because I know where I stand now

At the end of the day, your actions will be your own undoing. You walk around like you’re king of the world, when really, you’re burning priceless bridges along the way, bridges that can’t ever be mended. I feel sorry for you. You’re wrapped up in your own world of gambling and shallow-minded criticisms, that I doubt you even know how to truly love another person. What kind of life is that?

So, dear dad, though you may never read this, I want you to understand that I don’t love you, nor do I hate you. I’m finally reaching a place where your existence is of no consequence to me, because I am too busy living my own life. Thank you for creating me, but I don’t need you anymore.

[the-celestial-exception-blog]

My anxiety has a name and it's you; It's always you. Calling to me, Making sure I never walk away.

Give it a name and bring it to life.

[the-celestial-exception-blog]

Hey! Just dropping by to say how I think you're such an inspiring, strong person. You don't take no shit and I think that's fantastic. Keep doing you, you got this :)

ANON!!!

WHA?! ASFNAIFNKAJBFOAINF

I– I am speechless! I literally have no idea what prompted this wonderful comment, but ahhhhhhhhh!! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re so kind! ♥♥Day = Made~

[the-celestial-exception-blog]

Midnight Thoughts ♥

I’m trying so hard not to let go of my passion for writing. When I write something, I literally pour my soul into it, my entire being. I make it as raw and wholesome as I can, and when people seem to enjoy reading it? Oh man.. That feeling is ecstasy to me. I finally feel like I have a purpose.

But I’m terrified. Some days I feel like my anxiety conquers me, like I’m just a horse and it’s taken the reins. Reality becomes a blur, and sometimes I’m not even present in my own body because I give every ounce of my energy trying to fight the negative thoughts that constantly berate me.

I don’t have creative freedom like this. I can’t when every time I sit in front of my laptop, I hear a voice that tells me my struggles are pointless and I’ll never amount to anything. How can I fight for the thing I want most when I have to battle with my own mind, the very tool I need to succeed, every single day of my life?

If you find yourself reading this, please know I’m not searching for your pity, or even answers. I know that I won’t find either here.

If anything, this is a declaration of war on my own mind. I realise this is a battle that will likely last my whole life, but I will fight for the day when I have control of my own mind. When the pains of my past are no longer a burden.

Anxiety and depression are often swept under the rug, but I acknowledge it.

And I will not surrender.

[the-celestial-exception-blog]

Can I just say that it’s really disheartening to try on one of your favourite dresses only to discover that it no longer fits the way it used to? Like I understand this is a very superficial issue but I have very low body confidence as it is and now that I’ve put on more weight I’m just really disappointed by that.

[the-celestial-exception-blog]

I hate to say it-- God, I fucking do, but you broke me. Into tiny little pieces. We're nearing the two year mark and I still look for you in crowded places, hoping you're looking for me too. It's pathetic, because I'm sure you aren't. I've spiralled into madness, comparing every living human to you, because it seems that no amount of alcohol or pretty words can ever free me of this burden I carry. Day to day, the loneliness eats at me from the inside, A punishment I endure for leaving you behind when all I wanted was your love.

Punishments

[awesomevines]

[the-celestial-exception-blog]

I feel sick to my stomach, breathless. This incessant dread is s u f f o c a t i n g me.

Etch a smile on my face with the threads of fate.

[thelovewhisperer]

And no matter how much I missed you or how much pain I was in. I never would have erased everything we ever had. Even if I was drowning in grief, I’d rather hang on to every moment that I ever held you or every laugh that I ever heard, every shred of happiness that we ever had. I would rather spend every moment in agony than erase the memory of you.

Follow for more quotes about moving on and letting go (via thelovewhisperer)

[the-celestial-exception-blog]

Beat easy, restless heart Loosen your grip around my throat. You are too large for this world, I know. But look to the sky and breathe, Remember you’re doing everything that you can.

The Empath’s Curse

[catsandkitten]

When she suddenly kissed you

[the-celestial-exception-blog]

Creeping, crawling, this thought tears me apart from the inside; Sleepless nights, begging for release from this never-ending blight. I fall victim to the labyrinth of life, left in isolation to choose my path. I don’t want to. I don’t want to. Don’t look behind my mask.

C h o i c e s

[pleatedjeans]

3 years later… [x]

[the-celestial-exception-blog]

My heart is full;~ ❤️

LONG POST ALERT I have a few things I need to get off my chest, so I’m gonna get all sappy while I’m too tired to cry or anything– The past couple of months have been among the best of my life. I’ve had the privilege to travel around Japan, which has been on my bucket list for years. I love the culture and the country so much, and I will definitely return there some day. Then, I flew to America. Not gonna lie, it was really hard at first. I’d never travelled alone in another country before and I was worried I might break at any moment. It was lonely, but I had things to look forward to so I pressed on. My worries quickly subsided when I met @onixiri for the first time. This girl is, hands down, one of the sweetest human beings I’ve ever met. She is so selfless and loving, and I had the joy of visiting Universal Studios in Hollywood with her. Not going to lie, the day I left you I shamelessly cried. I got to be a part of your world for a few days and I won’t be forgetting it anytime soon. I miss you more than I can say, and I’ll definitely feeling the mass of ocean separating us more than ever when I fly home tomorrow. @kyonkishutit, my little shitter snapper! *wags the bern finger at yo* I had so much fun with you. I love that I was so worried about disappointing you when we met, but I clicked with you instantly and I really do feel so grateful to you and your mum for everything you did for me. I may have kicked your butt at Game of Life, but honestly.. You’re a great friend and I am so happy that I met you. We gotta get Roleplaying again! Last, but not least, @the-white-knight-guardian. I’ve already said most of what I needed to say to you in the letter I left you. But let me just say that meeting you was one of the best decisions I’ve made. I’ve loved getting to know you in person and being able to see all your little quirks that I couldn’t see over our online chats. Naturally, you are still my favourite person. In fact, you’ve probably made it harder for anyone else to compete. Leaving you is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and I will miss you every day. It hurts to think the cogs of time spun so quickly, and now I have to head back to real life. It’s really not fair, aha. For anyone that is deciding whether or not to meet your online friends: (as long as you take the right precautions) Do it. Seriously. I have made the most precious memories with these people that I hope will stay with me until the end of my days. Okay enough sap– I love you guys. Thank you again for meeting me, but also for being my friend. ❤️

[the-celestial-exception-blog]

He looked at me with a devilish glint in those big brown eyes, and took my hand in his. His fingertips traced the patterns of my palm, focused, looking for something. “Your hands are so soft,” he whispered, the hint of a smile on his face. I looked away, shy, and he pressed his lips to the back of my hand. “Really,” he insisted. “You’re just.. So perfect.” I slowly pulled my hand away, feeling my heart imploding like a multitude of supernovas. “Every beautiful rose has its thorns,” I told him. “And no matter how perfect it may seem, if you hold on too tight, you’ll only end up feeling pain.”

The illusion of perfection (via the-celestial-exception)

[the-celestial-exception-blog]

He looked at me with a devilish glint in those big brown eyes, and took my hand in his. His fingertips traced the patterns of my palm, focused, looking for something. “Your hands are so soft,” he whispered, the hint of a smile on his face. I looked away, shy, and he pressed his lips to the back of my hand. “Really,” he insisted. “You’re just.. So perfect.” I slowly pulled my hand away, feeling my heart imploding like a multitude of supernovas. “Every beautiful rose has its thorns,” I told him. “And no matter how perfect it may seem, if you hold on too tight, you’ll only end up feeling pain.”

The illusion of perfection