i probably already love you

my name is clu, im 19, i vent here.

[the-confused-performer]

i mourn the death of the person i could have been if i had never met him.

[the-confused-performer]

idk its just poetry just read it

Tear me down to cold doll parts

I’m made of plastic my dear

I'm cold and clear  

I feel no love, i feel no fear  

The drugs wore off, the ache did not 

My head is still a blurry haze

I couldnt feel for fucking days

I was forced to focus 

And that's when i noticed

My heart stopped beating 

My hands are cold 

And I stopped eating

My lungs are glass 

So i stopped breathing

[the-confused-performer]

a conversation with my bestie

“art is for the artist alone”

“unless youre Picasso” 

“yeah fuck Picasso”

“live laugh fuck Picasso “

[the-confused-performer]

A SHORT SONG ABOUT THE KIDS I MET IN PSYCH LOLZ

Underrage

Wards of the state

Spitting out hate

In a shrinks face

Irrational anger and sense of danger

Loving towards few 

Aggressive to strangers 

Seen by most as a problem to fix 

But they're not broken

They're just sick

Kids in psych ward 

Say beautiful things 

With the ugliest words 

You could possibly think 

Their souls are spikey 

And hard to hold 

But they’re most likely 

To save the whole world 

<3

[the-confused-performer]

a song about sinning to cope

Party girls never die 

Party girls dont fall in love 

And party girls never cry 

Those blood-shot eyes sent from above 

Bras and belts and lots of drugs

Theyd drink gas just for a buzz

They dont remember what its like

To be alone just for a night 

They dont stop to think cuz when they do

Theyre scared to remember you 

Party girls are daughters too 

Lost to booze, her legs loose, kneecaps bruised 

Your little girl is lost to karma 

Undiagnosed and intense trauma 

She’ll die young like an actress 

Shooting up just like she practiced 

Till the drugs hit her weak brain 

Without her you wont be the same

[the-confused-performer]

struggling with mental illness? bitch mental illness is struggling with me B)

*proceeds to sleep for 16 hours*

[the-confused-performer]

escapist

Lets run away together

Just you and me 

Show the world

What there is to see

We could run 

Until we can scream

And nobody would hear

A fucking thing 

Lets get so high 

ash in our eyes

Blowing smoke rings

Under the sky  

Until our heartbeats harmonize 

While we make up alibis 

We can live a life of crime

A new city every night 

Booze and weed and wedding rings 

We can own everything  

You'll  die young 

Like rich movie stars

In my arms 

In a crashed car

[the-confused-performer]

i just got home from psych ward. 

[feeshies]

Guys I’m going to make a hot take

[feeshies]

The whole “I wish I could be with a woman, but instead I’m stuck with my stupid, gross husband/boyfriend” sentiment I see repeated in bi circles is just the “progressive” queer version of the boomer “I hate my wife” jokes

[cumaeansibyl]

if he’s stupid and gross you should leave him and if he isn’t you’re just being cruel for internet points and he should leave you

[northisnotup]

Not wanting to be with your partner is a sign that you don’t want to be with your partner.

[the-confused-performer]

this damage didn’t make me tough 

it simply taught me how to bluff 

and fill the void with shiny stuff 

that breaks and gets stuck in my feet 

when i get up and try to eat 

so i sit down and try to see

which poison is killing me 

am i supposed to starve or eat? 

trade stomach acid for a treat? 

or is each calorie defeat? 

what do i even mean?

when i say im recovering???

[cxma-baby]

[stupiddangel]

2021 and i still sound like a broken record.

[killer-beans]

rb if you didn’t realize you had trauma until years after it happened

[killer-beans]

rb if you didn’t realize you had trauma until years after it happened

[the-confused-performer]

me: straight vibin for nine years, collecting trauma from my abusive parents, developing ED’s dealing with undiagosed autism

[the-confused-performer]

me: when you take my phone away it leaves me alone, which is when im the most vulnerable to suicidal thoughts. letting me keep my phone keeps me safe. taking it away anyways is basically just showing you dont really care about my recovery. 

parents: ........

....

.......................

AFTER ALL WE’VE DONE FOR YOU

[the-confused-performer]

 This body just feels old and 

Ugly to look at 

And this room that i sleep in 

Through like a trillion seasons

Has seen me die 

At least 9 times

Has seen me cry 

A billion 

 And when i sleep 

I rest my pretty head 

In the same deathbed 

As the child i was back then

[fagdykemayafey-deactivated20220]

hi happy pride month im leo, a nonbinary bi person and im trying to save up money to escape the controlling environment im trapped in. current goal is $7000 as i will need money for hotels, gas, food, furniture, and a name change.

currently i am at $65/$7000. anything helps :)

p*yp*l: leodins

c*sh*pp: $cainsafy