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In short, it’s all about framing. You need to suggest that someone else is making you ask them about whatever it is you want to bring up. Let me share an example:
Do NOT say: “I think I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.”
Instead, say: “My best friend wanted me to ask you about something. I don’t even think it’s a thing, but she thinks I might have something called EDS. Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, I think? I don’t know. It’s probably rare. But have you heard of it? Do you think I might have it?”
Do NOT say: “I think I have ADHD.”
Instead, say: “So my wife said I had to ask you about something. I don’t know if she’s right, but if I don’t bring it up with you, she’ll be really mad at me. She thinks I might have something called attention deficit disorder. And she said you might be able to help.”
To ER doctors: “My husband made me come here to get this chest pain checked out.”
To primary care physicians: “My roommate said I had to ask you about having my thyroid levels checked.”
To pain specialists: “My brother thinks I have rheumatoid arthritis and he wanted me to ask you about it.”
To psychiatrists: “My aunt said I should ask you about anxiety medications.”
This will not only help in getting them to take your symptoms seriously, it will also work on convincing them to order specific tests, offer specific medications, and consider a specific diagnosis.
This approach shifts the focus onto a third party, which helps doctors lower their defenses. If they think medical suggestions from patients are inane, you’re just feigning agreement with them. It effectively puts you on the same side as the doctor — the two of you against your loved one. Which is fine, because your loved one isn’t relying on them for medical care, so they can take the heat. And when the doctor feels like they’re on your side, they’re more likely to want to help.
This approach also means that the doctor knows you are likely to tell a third party what transpired during the appointment, which means they’ll be held to a higher level of accountability. That alone will often have a big impact on how they treat you.
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