Gay Disaster

Alyssa, she/they, 23 Femme Swamp Witch  About Me My Wife var sc_project=11922698; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="3c0bc591"; var sc_https=1; var sc_remove_link=1;

[brinnanza]

google search: how to take a break from the linear flow of time

[caprisun-wizard]

[afeelgoodblog]

[cheaphalloweencostume]

[the-crystalfemme]

What is elastigirl doing on my ig

[draconym]

Me: trying to silently opening a candy bar

My parrot: watching me intently as he raises his foot to his beak to pantomime the act of eating a candy bar while making distressingly realistic chewing noises and not breaking eye contact

[draconym]

I genuinely think this is an attempt on his part to participate in a social activity with me, but it always comes off exactly as judgmental as it would feel if a human roommate were doing it.

[creamysmooth]

[rubyneo]

[madness-and-brilliancee]

girls dont want boyfriends, girls want fancy ceremonial daggers to wear strapped to their thighs for style and intimidation

[kedamonokult-deactivated2023030]

Hi…he’s chirping.

[slushyseals]

Wonderful!

[the-crystalfemme]

You all have to be nice to me today it’s illegal not to

[pearlsasinger-deactivated202602]

i want 2 say something but it might be too controversial..

[pearlsasinger-deactivated202602]

Lesbian: liqueurs & whiskey

Gay: cocktails and vodka

Bisexual: wines and champagnes

[ginger-ale-official]

you know i really wanted to like this post, but there’s just one little thing that’s being overlooked

[pearlsasinger-deactivated202602]

don’t make me do this ginger-ale-official

[ginger-ale-official]

please… it is your duty

[pearlsasinger-deactivated202602]

I’m sorry it has come to this. I wish we could have been friends

heterosexual: ginger ale

[ginger-ale-official]

oh yeah? oh fucking yeah? I’m going to sell my soul to the devil in exchange for the assurance that he will place a thumb tack on the ground wherever you walk so you can never take off your shoes again.  have fun sleeping in your loafers jackass

[memories]

My body is but a #lesbian visibility day temple.

[bongism]

i… fucking… love…. wamen

[bongism]

i love how i just made this post in a fleeting moment of lesbianism and all the wlws started reblogging it. THATS gay culture baby

[bongism]

me: love wamen

every wlw on this website:

oh FUCK

[koobaxion-deactivated20220403]

Man okay when I got my wisdom teeth out it was a fucking experience. Before the surgery wasn’t too interesting but as soon as I woke up I saw the nurse next to me and was all like “hey… i think… i died… and now I’m in a parallel universe… and i gotta go back to my house and kill the me from this universe” and he was just kinda like “alright, you do that”. And then the other nurse kept going in and out of the room to get things and I thought there was like 5 of her that kept coming out of the room, and then so when she was wheeling me out in a wheelchair I was like “damn… why are there so many of you… there’s like 5 many of you” and she was just kinda like “alright, you do that”.

Anyway I got to the car and my dad was there and he was like “how ya feeling son” in the dadliest way possible and I was like “MAN I AM PUMPED LETS GET SOME JUICE I’M STARVED” so we drove about 3 blocks to a jamba juice, whereupon I say “I’m good I can do this” and run/drunkstumble 30 feet to the door. I burst in the door like a viking returning from some fucking battle and holler “WHATS UP FUCKS” to everyone in the store, which was thankfully just the 2 people behind the counter, who looked probably as scared/confused as a jamba juice employee could look.

So anyway, as my dad explained the situation I looked up at the jamba juice menu and was utterly fucking lost in it. Like I swear I was looking at this menu board for a year, deciphering this Rosetta stone of fruits. I distinctly remember that I was looking at each item in a smoothie, thinking of how it tasted, then moving on to the next thing and thinking of how that tasted, and how they would taste together. Since most smoothies had 3 or 4 items, this took some thinking. So my dad sees me in this extreme brain blast state of mind and says “hey are you going to order or what”. Keep in mind I’m on the first fucking smoothie on the list here. So I just say “shush man I’m trying to do fruit science”, and then when I realized that this process could take literal years, I just said “yeah give me a smooth regular” which for the uninitiated, isn’t actually a real thing on any menu. Oh, also I asked them if the “boosted” smoothies would give me super powers and then pointed my fingers at them and made “lightning noises”.

So my dad just orders me the first thing on the menu and I go to sit down and stare out the window or some shit and my thoroughly amused dad just looks at me and says “how ya feelin?”. Now at this time I was feeling a lot of things, but most noticeable to me was the gauze in my mouth, so I just look at him and say “there’s these fuckin… tiny sheep in my head” which at the time was the best way I had to convey this feeling. Anyway about that time, the jamba juice guy brings us our drinks and he gives me a small thing of mario kart stickers and I swear I almost cried from the tsunami of emotion that gift made me feel (I still have them).

Anyway the rest of the story is we drove home and I explained this programming project I was working on to my dad in perfect detail somehow and then I came home and went on facebook and posted a comment on my friends status (because I couldn’t find the status update bar) that read: “i just took a lort of painkillers and yelled at everyone in a jambo juice”

This may be the funniest thing I have ever read. There are actual tears coming out of my face.

[somecutething]

[diana-1970-deactivated20181220]

[glimmmadora-deactivated20190328]

since the straights are turning pride into music festivals and trendy parties i propose we return to form and riot 

[famicom]

into the spider-verse really is a love letter to the forms of art that get disparaged as not “real art”. it shows off the very best of 3d animation, street art and graffiti, rap, and comic books and you can tell so much love and care went into portraying them at their most beautiful and impactful

[scottishtwitter]

[inner--monologue]