Precious Nonsense

"It's nonsense.... yes... but, oh what precious nonsense!" W.S Gilbert "Patience" 25 she/her

[bettydraperlookingpissed]

[goldkat-g0negrey-deactivated201]

reblog the Don Draper of getting a job he’s unqualified for and you’ll have 10 years of getting jobs you’re unqualified for

[mediocrepresident]

YES

[jupitersmusings]

i want this on my grave

[1-800kanye]

u know whats wild. everyone on here like 20 and when i first joined everyone was like 14 15. u ask anybody n they been here for years. nobody new on here. staff locked the doors n were all Stuck Inside

[scrinch-biscuit]

You’ve heard of SuperWhoLock, now get ready for…

[scrinch-biscuit]

You’ve heard of SuperWhoLock, now get ready for…

[spider-murdock]

tag yourself im macerate

[rootbeergoddess]

They brought back Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and I am so happy. I’m watching the first episode and the guy they’re helping is like, “You can’t fix ugly” and the Fab Five are like, “You’re not ugly.”

That is what I like in a ‘makeover’ show. Like they’re not saying he’s ugly. They see how wonderful he is and they want to help him bring that out. Can more shows be like this?

[extrajordinary]

Get someone who feels the same way about you as Antoni feels about chili.

[aquaristlifeforme]

[yourbrothershotfriend]

REBLOG THE CHRISTMAS OTTER IN 10 SECONDS FOR BOUNTIFUL GIFTS AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS

[mellehbeans]

I would have reblogged this without the hope of bountiful gifts and a merry christmas

[astro-vee]

!!!!!

[fruitsoftheape100]

CONSIDER INTRODUCING MY-PRESENCE TO YOUR HOME AND BODY

[the-lemon-squash-party]

Me: I should probably pack up for the drive home for chicago

Also me: sits up in pajamas listening to “Painted Yellow Lines” and SOBBING

[great-pan-is-dead]

10 Alternative Titles for The Picture of Dorian Gray:

• 101 Times Lord Henry Should Have Shut His Cynical Whore Mouth • I Kissed a Boy, and More Embarrassingly, My Own Portrait, and I Liked It • I’m a Murderer, but Everything is Perspective • Although I’m a Complete Wanker, I Am Infact a Victim of Suggestion Under the Influence of Another Complete Wanker • Narcissism and Consequences • If You’re Not Young and Pretty You May as Well Just Die • Personalities Don’t Seem So Ugly When Surrounded With Beautiful Things • Selling Your Soul for a Picture Probably Isn’t Worth It • Being Philosophical and Being Intelligent are Not Always the Same Things • It’s Okay to be Gay As Long As You Get Rid of the Body

[mandywondering]

One of the things I love about Gilbert and Sullivan operas is that their plot resolutions are essentially just Tumblr shitposts.

“We were going to have you arrested for piracy, but she just said you’re nobility, so marry my daughters.”

“You can’t marry her because you’re just a sailor and she’s the Captain’s daughter. But wait, this woman just said you were switched as a baby… WITH HER FATHER!”

“I was going to have you horribly executed, but you just came up with some solid grade A bullshit.”

[mrpinniped]

Since OP just gave the Big Three, I’d love to add a few more:

“I was going to be killed by ghosts but I just convinced them all they are technically still alive and not ghosts.” “Hey so it turns out we are actually not ghosts either physically or legally, because we misread the rules to a stupid card game”

“I was thinking about marrying the pretentious asshole because true love is supposed to be unselfish but then at the last minute decided that the OTHER pretentious asshole is better because he’s dressed like a normal guy now.” “Poof!  You are all fairies now! Problem solved!” And my personal favorite Gilbertian twist ending:  “Our perfect society sucks, we need to ruin in by introducing political parties.”

[authorperson]

i just keep seeing them all as newspaper headlines the next morning tbh

“Two Kings Aren’t Better Than One: Little Drummer Boy Crowned in Barataria”

“Breach of Contract Case Ends in Novel Verdict: Judge to Marry Plaintiff. Says Defendant: Why Not Bigamy?”

“Improbably Large Group Wedding to Occur in Rederring as Entire Regiment of Dragoons Weds 20 Lovesick Maidens”

“Schrodinger’s Jester: Collapse on Tower Green Sparks Fierce Debate”

“Curse Lifted from Local Baronetcy as 25 Generations of Murgatroyds Return to Life on Legal Technicality”

“Heir Apparent to Throne of Japan Returns to Life on Legal Technicality”

“Entire House of Lords Returns from Thirteen Year Sabbatical Sailing South Coast: Piracy Threat Eliminated”

“Entire House of Lords Gay? Says One Lord: We’re All Fairies!”

[the-lemon-squash-party]

I was an aesthetic maiden this Halloween!

[brentraptor]

(bake me up) bake me up a pie / (one-third cup) of flour for our pie

[bimbogollum]

When the knights get done jousting with the king of banterdom, and Sir Lancelot, a true legend, is like “Hark! Lads, I have a weighty purse. To nandos we must journey” And you’re all like “Hear, hear!” Thus, making sure your calves look shapely for the maidens, you all make haste to nandos for an evening of jolly japes with the archbishop of banterbury

[peachfuzz-jpg]

Star Signs as ‘British Lad Culture’

Aries: Archbishop of Banterbury Taurus: u wot m8?? Gemini: a right laugh but they’ll shank ya Cancer: Banter Claus Leo: actual cheeky nandos of the group Virgo: oi oi i’m gonna chunder Libra: an absolute ledge Scorpio: absolute wanker will fight you 1v1 Sagittarius:  Bantersawrus Rex   Capricorn: posh twat  Aquarius: 9/10 chance they probably tossed your nan off Pisces: they shagged yer mum