It's okay

These days this sentence keeps repeating itself inside of me: "I want real human moments"

[blazepress]

How light can change your appearance.

[ghiragoth]

lapis lazuli in the siren dress from madness returns!!!!!!!!!

[eiruvsq]

Artist:

Tiffany Bozic

“Melting Glass” 

Acrylic on Maple Panel

30” x 35”

2014

[the-red-rainbow]

What I've learned

1. I don't owe anyone anything - I don't have to get a degree, I don't have to dress nice, to wash my hair, to attend parties or talk when I don't feel like it. All I do, I do for myself.

2. No one has a right to disrespect me - not ever. I doesn't matter how wiser/older/more intelligent or experienced you are - it doesn't make you any sort of a better kind of being than me, than an inexperienced and naive child. If you don't respect me, I won't respect you. This also concerns lecturers at the university.

3. If this person isn't my child, I'm not responsible for what they're doing - If someone I love hurts, even kills her/himself this is not my fault at all. It wasn't my duty to stop them!! If didn't encourage them to do it, didn't do anything so bad to them that this would mess up  their mind, and if I showed them my support - then I am not responsible for anything at all. And the truth is that there was nothing more I could do and I have to get over it.

4. How I behave towards my younger siblings is much more important than I thought before.

5. Just sitting there and staring at the wall isn't a waste of time as long as it's something I really want to do - If I'd rather do something else, but I feel numb and lack motivation I have to put all the effort and yell at myself to get up and do what  I want!! But if doing nothing is something I truly want at the moment - it means I need it for some reason and I shouldn't resist or feel guilty for wasting time.

[yama-bato]

[workman]

Alexander Grishkevich, December, 2007. Oil on canvas, 75 x 90 cm.

[asthetiques]

[the-red-rainbow]

Spent far too much time in the abyss. I had to colour myself to seem real.

[the-red-rainbow]

Jednak to głupie, bo razem mniej więcej tyle samo sobie zrobiłyśmy szkody, a przecież ja sobie z tym poradziłam szybko i w miarę dobrze. Więc dlaczego Ty lub ktokolwiek inny też nie miałby tego ogarnąć? Czemu zawsze mam wrażenie, że wyrządzam trwałą szkodę? To jakaś forma narcyzmu? Że niby jestem taka ważna że zostawiam trwały ślad? Chyba już wolę teorię o czystym poczuciu winy niż tą, bo przynajmniej w tej z poczuciem winy się nie nienawidzę. Narcyzm, zrobię wszystko by nic z tego nie mieć, brzydzę się tym, mam nadzieję że to nie to bo będę się brzydzić sobą. Mam nadzieję że to, że czuję się winna nawet jak ktoś mi przebaczy, zapomni, upora się z raną, a ja wciąż czuję się winna za "sprawienie kłopotu" świadczy przeciwko narcyzmowi. Nie wiem, chyba jest zbyt późno na takie rozkminy. Ehhhhh

[the-red-rainbow]

You know what? I'm just really fucked up. It's okay, I might be a good friend, I think it's possible. But don't get in a relationship with me. If I ask if you want to - say no. I will end up stabbing knives into you eventually, I can't escape this (as all the evil I do comes from good intentions, THAT'S why it's so hard to stop this). And I just really much rather be hurt by someone than hurt somebody. Because forgiving other people is very easy for me. But forgiving myself - NO. Unless I pay my debts - I will feel guilty forever. It doesn't fade away with time, I tried but it's impossible. And paying my debts never works. Because as I stay in a relationship to do this, I end up inflicting even more damage. Just say no, at the very beginning.

Maybe I will change, yes, but it definitely won't happen soon.

[the-red-rainbow]

I've just realised I'd come back anytime if you said you want to be with me again. You know why?

No, not because I'm weak. It's just that when I was with you it all didn't seems pointless, time spent with you was REALLY meaningful. I felt that I'm finally actually LIVING my life, instead of just being alive, which is great also but that's not IT. Now it's better, I'm much more sane but... when I'm not busy with anything, I can feel this emptiness, this sad truth that this all that I've achieved means NOTHING. I mean, I would rather be happy with you (in general, I don't mind some occasional crisis) that get a Nobel Prize! This is it. So it's not weakness, it's the longing to experience living fully, which is a completely natural thing. This actually makes me strong, capable of surviving whatever happens on the way to this. I'm sure I'll always love you. So if I won't feel something at least as strong towards someone else, I will never feel that wonderful way again. That's why I'm so scared when I think of my future besides it's aspect that have to do with my studies or work. Ah :/.

Well I know it's highly unlikely that I won't fall in love again but there's always a slight chance... and you know as well as I do how fears work. A little chance is enough to make me scared.

[emogirl1994-deactivated20150228]

girl hate is toxic, I don’t have time or patience for girls making fun of each other’s bodies etc

[dormanta]

Anna Chipovskaya in "The Dreamer" by Nikolay Biryukov for Interview Russia Ferbruary 2014

[eiruvsq]

Artist:

Cécile

"Veines de la Main"

[nothingbutthedreams]

This is stunning and I want to be this good.

[champagnepapucho-deactivated201]

[wafflesandskrimpers]

[deep-dark-fears]

I traded comics with Ruby from rubyetc, who was nice enough to draw one of her fears. Thanks, Ruby! Check out her comics over here and follow her on tumblr. She makes really good stuff!

[deep-dark-fears]

[the-red-rainbow]

YES