A conversation I had with my lord Apollo:
After reading one post from one devotee of lord Dionysus, where the person was talking badly about people with specific mental problem, I meditated to see Apollo to talk to him about it.
He was standing with his back facing me. I came to him with…mocking attitude.
“Can you believe it, my lord?” I scoffed. “That person is working with Dionysus, your brother!”
“And? What is the problem?” He said calmly.
“I mean…How can he work with such person when he’s the god of madness?!”
In that moment Apollo turned around to face me. I gasped and nearly fell on my knees. He looked differently - dark skin with burning “cracks”, long red-yellow-orange hair flying around him, eyes dangerously glowing…If solar flare was a person, it would look like that. I immediately knew that he was upset. Almost pissed.
He grabbed my chin firmly, but still gently, as he spoke: “Only god can judge another god. Mortal can judge another mortal.”
I was speechless. Shocked. But not afraid. I knew I upset him, but also he wouldn’t hurt me. This was a lesson, because I crossed a line. How? I was about to find out…
“You did,” he let go of my chin and returned to his normal appearance he uses when I see him. “I see you don’t know where is the line between the questioning and judging.”
“Wait…judging is bad but questioning is not when we talk about gods? How so?”
“When you questioning something, you are willing to learn. Willing to search for reason, solution. But judging?” He scoffed. “When you judge, you are not opened for learning. You see your “truth” and that’s enough for you. The line is the tone, the attitude you had when you spoke.”
I blinked stunned. “Oh…I…I refused to see more than the one article…”
“But you read more, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” I said ashamed. “The person clearly has their own struggles, problems…And just like me, they had reason why they started working with Dionysus. And Dionysus has his own reason to stand by their side.”
He nodded: “Do you understand why I got upset?”
“Because you tell yourself you are so opened minded. Willing to learn. But this situation proved that it’s a lie you tell yourself.”
I swallowed hard. “But…Why did you corrected me in such way? I never heard about someone who was corrected by you like this.”
“Because of the reason you called me. Because of the help you asked me for.”
He raised his hand to stop me. “You don’t realize that your ‘wish’ has deeper meaning than you think. There is so much more you need to learn about yourself.”
Once more I was speechless for few seconds. “And the only way I’ll learn is…not easy.”
“Is this reason I don’t want to work with lady Hekate? Because working with her is discipline and I am afraid of it?”
“Even though I know I need it, I am avoiding it.”
“And now you regret your decision to not work with her. But don’t be afraid. You have me, Aphrodite and Hermes by your side now. And you will reach the thing you need.”
“So…questioning god is not bad…”
“Correct. It might be annoying to us sometimes. But we can see that you are only trying to learn more, not to disrespect us. And learning is part of the journey.”
“And…where is the end of my journey?”
He smiles. “You don’t know?”
