The Whitburn Adventures: From "A-Ha" to "ZZ Top"

Once upon a time (two years ago) a wondrous, awe -inspiring gift was bestowed upon me by the great Lord Thomas, the Rich of Mound. Said gift was his digital collection of musical runes, an electronic treasure trove obscured by time, with the ominous moniker "The Whitburn Collection".Upon opening the Godly folder, with my mightiest of double-clicks a mortal could possess, mine eyes could not conceive of the message displayed by my iTunes banner. The glowing box proclaimed the impossible: ELEVEN THOUSAND ARTISTS ... FORTY FOUR THOUSAND SONGS. So now as I venture through the ballads of decades past, from 1890 to 2012, I share these hidden gems and laughable lack luster larks to all who will hear my joyous cry: "From A to Z, From A-Ha to ZZ Top".

[the-whitburn-adventures]

Alright Internet, grab your fluorescent spandex pants, slap on some oversized plastic jewelry and rip that sweater until it slides off one shoulder because we are going DANCING!

…Wait a minute...

I was trying really hard to use gaudy fashion stereotypes of the 80's, but the above unknowingly described the fashion of a large chunk of people I saw around town recently.  To my knowledge, we all (children of the 90's) grew up making fun of how ridiculous people looked in the 80's.  Heck one of Adam Sandler's best movies (and one of Topher Grace's worst) has it's comedy tree rooted solely in the soil rich with multiple ways to mock the era.  Why are people suddenly succumbing to mass amnesia and forgetting how ridiculous your relatives looked back then?  Why??

If you are wearing bright spandex on their own (no shorts, no skirt, no long shirt trying it's damndest to convince itself it's a dress), claiming them to be pants, and you are larger than a size 5 … I'm sorry girlfriend, but you are not being stylish.  You are just making a fool of yourself. 

*Two snaps down* Hated it. *cue "It's raining men"*

Anyway, on to the dance floor!  You walk into the club, avoiding the Miami Vice wannabes, and you hear something unique mixing with the smoke in the air.  The bass drum thumps with every quarter note, the electric bass is pure digital grooves, and it just makes you want to dance with every ounce of being you have.

This supple fruit of the dancehall tree is none other than "House" music, a great invention from the dance movement of the 80's (if it killed disco then it's a friend of mine).  Our first house musician, however, is not one that ended up with a very notable legacy:  The Adventures of Stevie V.

Now when looking this up, I was sure the band name was "Stevie V", referring to the headliner (and only consistent member) of the aforementioned group.  Well, internet, you proved me wrong once again.  "The Adventures of Stevie V" isn't just the album title of the debut 1988 release for Stevie V … but the name of the group as well.

Really, Stevie V? Really?

I'm sorry Stevie, if you are the only member of the band to appear in more than one (of your two) albums, why not just go with "Stevie V".  It's catchy.  Not as catchy as the smooth licks you dropped down while penning "Dirty Cash (Money Talks)" but still a very memorable name. The Adventures of Stevie V is just too long.  People can't remember a name that's longer two words, and they don't want toe force into saying the whole thing all the time (hence why Red Hot Chili Peppers are known as R.H.C.P.).

I hate to say it Mr. V, but sticking to your guns on a horrible name choice might be why your second album tanked.  It definitely wasn't because of your calibre of song writing.  Each track I have heard from you sounds like a genuinely proficient House song with wonderful soulful vocals. It almost sounds like a precursor for the 90's dance pop to come, which should make your work more "seminal" and less "forgettable".

Mr. Aventure, S.V. is now teaching music tech at a reputable University.  I, personally, wish he was still writing because his stuff was pretty good.  Another magical musician of monumental skill, mauled in the mechanical maws of "the industry".

So listen to "The Adventures of Stevie V" and enjoy his minimalistic Hip-hop / House tunes.  If you like it though, I am sad to say there isn't much of a library.  His stint of mainstream popularity was shorter than the series "Firefly".

So many victims on the Flander's Field of fickle fans. We all must listen to their songs and rejoice.  Lest we forget.

-B.V.Q.

PS - Watch "In Living Color", unless you are deathly allergic to comedy.  In that one and only case should you avoid that hilarious sketch show like the plague.

Until next time: "I'll tell you once more before I get off the floor.  Don't bring me down." (E.L.O. … because Electric Light Orchestra is another of those band names that is just too long)

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I know, I know.  I have taken forever working on this entry.  I apologize "Internet".  I do, however, have a good reason.  I have been spending a while trying to consider whether or not the musical menagerie contained in this entry should be considered a "one-hit wonder" or a bonafide hit band.

The band in question is the 1984 New Wave band entitled "The Adventures".  They released albums between 1985 and 1993, but have only one true entry in the Whitburn collection: "Broken Land" from their third album "The Sea of Love". This particular ballad style single may have run out of steam at #95 on the charts but it is far better than the "honourable mention" award Billboard had shamefully bestowed uptown The Adventures (of Huckleberry Finn).

It has a wonderfully 80's new wave ballad quality to it with decent piano riffs, blending synth lines with true piano.  The addition of the delightfully celtic tin whistle really showcases their Belfast origin but doesn't seem out of place in the piece.  Instead of marking the song as "local colour" it allows the song to step outside the cement sealed sarcophagus mould of a generic ballad.

However, after scouring through the musty cobwebbed bowels of the techno demon known only as "The Net", I discovered a unique fact of the Adventures' adventures (of Tin Tin).  They may not have been "big in Japan" as many bands boast, but they were sure as shootin' big in Belfast.

The Irish based Adventures (of Shark Boy and Lava Girl) had eight top 100 hits in the U.K. charts over their ten year run.  The aforementioned tin whistle infused power ballad "Broken Land" hit a respectable ranking of #20 on the charts before it started to drown deep into the sea of the ever evolving sound of the 80's.

This just goes to show, that even though our friends over the pond may share the same language, same celebrities, same Royalty (if you live in Canada) and many o the same rock stars, we may not always agree.  Our opinion on which bands deserve to be one-trick ponies always seems to differ widely and I personally will always find this surprising.  I guess not every band can universally be deemed talented.  We apparently reserve those all encompassing opinions for such greats as Led Zepplin, Crosby Stills & Nash, The Police and … Milli Vanilli … ???

How were the lip sync kings a band loved by every countries charts while The Adventures (of Superman) couldn't even penetrate North America's charts for a fleeting moment longer than a goldfish's memory?  These, internet, are the questions I hope to answer someday before I die.  Until then, however, let's just sit back, chug back a boilermaker, and enjoy the smooth tunes of the Adventures (of Link: Zelda II).

“The ____” band name count: 5

-B.V.Q.

PS - I tried my hardest not to make a single Adventures (of Billy and Mandy) joke through this entire entry.  I just couldn't help myself.  Sorry guys, your band name just demands to be mocked.

Until next time: "Pump it up until you can feel it.  Pump it up when you don't really need it."  (Elvis Costello)

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If there is anything the "Twilight" series has taught me (aside from the fact that teen harlequin romances can ruin everything … even vampires) it's that being on a blockbuster film's soundtrack can jump start (or resuscitate if the case my be) an artist's career by defibrillating their single with 1.21 giga-watts of pure billboard top 100 stardom.  Film soundtracks are being sold all the time these days, and are a great source of additional income for the film / artists in question.  Heck AC/DC made a whole album for Iron Man 2, which allowed them to promote their newest album from two years prior: "Black Ice".

That said, movie soundtracks weren't always something that seemed like a viable business plan.  Heck, one of the first famous "talkie" films rife with music was "The Jazz Singer" for crying out loud and it didn't get a soundtrack until well after the fact.  The movie that changed film promotion (and many other film ideas) as we know it, and to sell the first "Official motion picture soundtrack" was none other than the pinnacle of hand animation itself: Snow White & the Seven Dwarves.

That's right, in 1938 Disney put all his eggs into one rickety basket, and hoped he would make profit off the first, feature length animated film.  Not only did the film award him with an honorary (freaking life sized) oscar, but the film grossed over seven million in it's first theatrical run. SEVEN MILLION. In the year 1938-39!  If you ever wonder how Walt had enough money to build Disneyland, you now know the answer.  It was because he was probably the only person to be receiving SEVEN MILLION dollars of profit in the middle of the freaking depression.

"Screw this week's food stamps kids.  We're going to go see Snow White for the tenth time!".  Stupid starving children probably cheered about that anyway.  Then, after the movie, they promptly boiled their shoes for soup because, well you know, the depression.

Long story short, today's artist is the voice of Snow White herself: Adriana Caselotti.

Name doesn't sound familiar does it?  Well there's a reason for that.  When casting for Snow White, they wanted a high quality, professional, soprano voice.  They hired Caselotti, a promising new opera trained singer (recently imported from Italy we might add) and paid her a whopping total of $970.00 (a king's ransom to the average American during the depression).  Then, when she was on cloud nine counting up her Benjamins, they got her to sign a contract essentially forbidding her from playing any other acting gig so that her voice would always be recognizable as nothing but Snow White.

...Harsh...

It must have been such an obscure, depressing and confusing life that Caselotti lived.  She was essentially waiting for a call from Disney so that she could get paid to lend her voice to any promotion, commercial, or Disney ride that needed her trademarked voice.  This sadly meant that the classically trained Caselotti was a one-hit wonder in the truest sense of the word.  She hit the billboard charts in 1938 with the Disney song "Someday my Prince Will Come", and was never legally allowed to try to chart another hit single ever again.  EVER!

Heck, she even re-recorded her vocals for the aforementioned song in the 90's while a ride in Disneyland was being upgraded.  She was still fulfilling her obligation of being Snow White at the age of 75.   Want to know why?  Because she needed the money, that's why!

Only 970 bucks for a lifetime of maximum security Disney imprisonment?  Warden Walt is one ice cold businessman, I'll tell you that.

Sorry Adriana Caselotti.  Thems the breaks kiddo.

One-Hit wonder total running tally: 7

-B.V.Q.

PS - Snow White was re-released in theatres a total of 9 times (roughly once every 8 years), and has grossed over $416 million since 1938.  So now you know how the Disney estate always has money to spare on more amusement park renovations.  Whenever they are low on money, they just re-release Snow White.

Until next time: "Don't look back.  A new day is breakin'." (Boston)

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A couple of posts ago I talked about a lovely lady (Ada Jones) who started her career at such a young age (seven) that it should put today's "child stars" careers to shame (Miley Cyrus).  Hannah Montana has nothing on that lady's lovely Vaudevillian vocal veracity.

That said, today's musician de jour started his career at such a young age that I had to research using multiple sources just to confirm I wasn't being trolled.  So read the following closely and see if you can peg the age of Adrian Rollini.

Rollini started his music career by performing a fifteen minute piano recital in the famous (for more than a salad) Waldorf Astoria Hotel in the year 1907.  He performed advanced musical piece's such as Chopin's "Minute Waltz".  He received critical acclaim and instant fame, hailed as a prodigy since he had only been playing the piano for two years.  This performance cemented him as an immovable fixture, and irrefutably powerful force in the music industry of the new century.  Sound impressive? No?  Well would it change your mind if you learned that Adrian Rollini was only born four years earlier, in 1903?

That's right.  Rollini acquired the hilarious nickname "Professor", and started a famed career of touring and performing at the ripe old age of FOUR.  He started learning to play the piano when he was TWO, on a BABY piano.  I mean he is the only performer I can think of who could have pooped his pants on stage and get away with it.  Everyone would just think he was cute and let him continue with another expert level aria while sporting a butt rife with doody.

Sorry Jerry Lee Lewis, you may be old and cute but you better hold that stuff in until you finish showing that piano who's boss.  Dropping a load into a pair of "depends" in the middle of a solo only works if you still have your baby teeth.

That said, Rollini isn't even a hall of fame-er musician for his adorable piano concertos.  There is more amazing feats for the child to accomplish.

Rollini soon discovered (at the age of 16) that Jazz was the music of the future and started performing with The California Ramblers.  Thing is, he wasn't the king of the 88 keys in said group; Rollini was performing the Bass Saxophone.  It is something of a jazz fable that Rollini just saw a bass sax in a store window and decided he liked it.  His brother Arthur, a sax performer for Benny Goodman, confirmed this in his book "Thirty Years with the Big Bands" by stating that Rollini just same home one day carrying what is arguably the largest, jazz capable reed instrument he could find and practiced on it for two straight weeks.  After that, he started recording hot jazz solos while performing with the Ramblers and is still heralded as one of the best bass sax players to have ever lived.

That's right.  A child prodigy played piano professionally for twelve years and then spends a total of two freaking weeks fiddling with an instrument he'd never touched before … and he became the king in his field.

That's it. This man has officially claimed the crown of "Musical genius".  I don't think any musical artist will ever be able to attain the same level of "insane god-like machine of pure melody".  I mean to be this talented Rollini's blood must have been blood type "B flat minor".  I have no choice but to respect that until I die.  People will talk to me and say "Have you heard the single from the new Grizzly Bear album 'Shields'?  Those guys are geniuses!".  Now I may love the album to death (which I do.  It is a solid piece of modern experimental neo-psychedelia, I am listening to it as I type, and I am having ear-gasms) but I now have no choice but to say "Sure, but it's no Adrian Rollini". 

My friends will think I'm just being a pompous dick, but Rollini deserves all of your available respect for every second you are still alive.  Did Justin Beiber start making youtube videos when he was four? No?  Then stop throwing fits of "Beiber fever" and start showing symptoms of an "Adrian infection".

So, in conclusion: JAZZ!!! *makes jazz hands while slowly backing into the shadows to disappear*

-B.V.Q.

PS - Seriously, go buy Shields by Grizzly Bear.  You will thank me so hard that your teeth will explode into little, cartoonish, smiling clouds of pixie dust (the candy, not the magical catalyst of mythological winged beauties).

Until next time: "Trust is a must.  You must have trust. […] Hope helps you cope.  You can cope with hope." (Ian Dury & The Blockheads)

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This is it.  Twelve years of hard work, remembering information long enough that you can circle answers on a scantron sheet (and then promptly forget every step of myosis).  From finger paints, to arithmetic, to getting you lunch stolen, to Much Video Dances, back to getting your lunch taken, then prom (twelve years of school in a nutshell) and now it is time for that pinnacle of your entire childhood: Graduation.

You dress to the nines.  Nice dress shirt, great slacks, leather shoes … and it gets all covered up by a heavy, thick, polyester robe that turns you into a portable diploma bound sauna.  It's alright, your parents will think most of that sweat on your cheeks is just streams of tears because you are so happy to graduate.  The human millipede of the procession march commences as you walk into the auditorium to level-up into an adult, and then you hear it:  That simple march beckoning you to walk slowly.

Edward Elgar's "Pomp and Circumstance: March 1" is the name of this song, and it has been played at almost every graduation since it was first used at Yale in 1905.  First, I have to say I am have no intention to knock this tune.  It is a solid, well written march, especially given the time period.  I just don't know why every school chooses to play the old, played-out, slow, old-timey rendition of the "Pomp" when they had circumstance to play a much cooler, and modern version.

When I played in the school band for graduations, I always wished we would have had the chance to play Adrian Kimberly's one-hit wonder "(The Graduation Song) Pomp and Circumstance".

Well, it is a one-hit wonder and it isn't at the same time.  It is the only song by "Adrian Kimberly" to chart, but this name was merely a pseudonym for "Don Everly" of the Everly Brothers.  He would use the Kimberly moniker whenever he wrote an instrumental song (that sounded absolutely NOTHING like the Everly Brothers).  So to me it's still a one-hit wonder.

If I ever met Don Everly, I would ask him "Why?  Why Adrian Kimberly?  That is such a weird name."

It takes the classic, lazily largo march and turns it into a bubblegum pop school rock song worthy of the 1950's / 1960's.  It may have become a Billboard hit in 1961, but to me it just sounds like something you'd hear kids dancing to while twisting in poodle skirts as they throw up their mortarboards.

Also, I have to point out that I have used this song to end a 4 year long debate where my friend claimed that Alice Cooper penned the phrase "No more pencils. No more books. No more teachers' dirty looks".  Take that Mark!  Whitburn'ed!! (New verb. Patent pending.)

So to high school principals I say, your graduation can still have music, but why not use an awesome boppy, happy graduation tune from 50 years ago, instead of the most overplayed song by high schools for over 100 years.

Come on, Old Man Harvard, get with the times.

That is all.

One-Hit Wonder total count: 6

-B.V.Q.

Until next time: "Don't stop believin'.  Hold onto that feelin'." - Journey

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Kevin Bacon was once quoted to claim that he had either worked with everyone in the movie business or had worked with someone who had worked with everyone else.  This hat-shattering feat of head swelling egotism inadvertently spawned the best party game for film nerds to play at partys: Six degrees of Kevin Bacon.

The game is so well renowned that you can make google solve the game for you.  Just type in an actor's name followed with "bacon number" and it will give you a prompt of how many degrees away an actor is from the sizzling Bacon himself.  I played on google for about an hour and couldn't find an actor farther away than 2 degrees (I know. I need better hobbies).

Wow. Google you never cease to amaze me.

Well, think of that for a moment while I tell you that I think I have found the "Kevin Bacon" of the musical universe.  His name is Adrian Belew and he has worked with most of the cream of modern music's crop.  Let me just throw some names of the many people Adrian Belew has worked with: David Bowie, Frank Zappa, Talking Heads, Nine Inch Nails … The list goes on.

He is an amazing, experimental prog-rock guitarist who found his humble beginnings with The bulletproof moustache that is Frank Zappa.  From there he performed live with more people than you can imagine, being traded back and forth like a rare and valuable, chord shredding, string bending baseball card.

He is best known for being the frontman for one of the great old Prog rock / New Wave bands of the past: King Crimson.  Not many people today even know of the monumental musical power of that crowned crowd pleaser named King Crimson, but this elaboration will be saved for the K's (in about 5 years when i get there).

After becoming famous for working with almost every notable experimental group that people had ever heard of, he set out to do his own solo work as well.  It was unique.  He could never stray too far away from his odd industrial method of pseudo-melodic string plucking', but he always tried to have a subtly pop rock sound with his work to appeal to the masses. It's not like the average rock customer knew his name, aside from "The guy who cleans up on Bowie's 'Heroes'".

He did hit the billboard charts all his own with his album "Mr. Music Head".  The song I have served up to you on a platinum album platter is "Oh Daddy".  I give it to you not because I believe it to be his best work (that would be "1967" off the same album) but it is one of his most interesting compositions.  At first glance it just sounds like your average pop rock song, but the deeper you venture into the bowels of his chording catacombs, the more you hear a prog rock bend-tastic guitar line. The S.T.D. level of catchiness creeps under your skin, reproduces in your brain and festers until you reach an experimental epiphany that causes you to vomit up perfect replicas of Emerson, Lake & Palmer album covers.

Also, it is unbelievably cute that Adrian had his actual daughter sing the lyrics of the questions asked to "daddy".  Adrian knew how to write a loveable billboard hit.  Now tell me why this isn't still played on "classic top 40" radio stations?

Radio you are doing the world a grave disservice!  Play more Adrian Belew (and not just him as the guitarist for every other band on your show)!

That is all.

-B.V.Q.

PS - I have to say it.  That little girl is kind of spoiled / demanding.  "Oh daddy, are you gonna make a million bucks?"  What high standards.  $500, 000 not good enough for you girl? Well then that's just rude.

Until next time: "What goes up, must come down. Spinning wheel got to go round. Talking about your troubles, it's a crying sin. Ride a painted pony, let the spinning wheel spin." (Blood, Sweat & Tears)

[the-whitburn-adventures]

Now, I know I ranted about the importance of genres in the previous entry. I can never say it enough, but to reiterate I find genre a cornerstone of correctly organizing an otherwise ungodly compendium of our collective musical history.  Now, with that said, there are some "genres" that I find highly absurd in their classification.  I will never classify anything as "arena rock" as that would entail most high profile bands (aka bands that perform in arenas).  I abhor the use of "Vocal" as a genre; just because someone is singing over jazz / easy listening / classical music doesn't mean it needs its own genre.  Today's artist allows me to make a vocal stand against the worst "genre" of all time: World music.

I find "world music" to be a very egocentric classification of the western world.  In our current classification system if it isn't from North America, or 15% of Europe it is considered "World music".  I doubt they call tango music "world music" in Peru.  To them I believe it is just tango … why are we establishing a musical barrier just based upon the geographical origin of the songs / style / album.  I have even seen an album produced in North America, where the vocals were sung in english and it was still stacked in the "world music" section just because of it's style.  Heck, sometimes reggae is "world music" depending on the record store.  So does that mean that Bedouin Soundclash is more worldly than Sloan?  I don't think so.

That said, the wonderfully artistic, award winning artist of today's rant was from the 'world music' section when I picked up his CD, but his pakistani inspired jazz rhythms can be classified as jazz. "International jazz" if you would like to clarify the difference on your digital library.  Some of his more upbeat tunes would be considered "indipop".

Wow … I have gone three paragraphs without even saying his name… Wow … so he's Adnan Sami and he is an incredibly talented artist.  He may be a non-Whitburnian, but that is only because billboard doesn't have a chart for "world music".

His surprisingly modern spins on classical east Indian music is increasingly impressive with each following listen, and he blends eastern and western musical styling together with the grace and flare of a pakistani George Harrison.  This is no one-hit wonder slouch of a man.  This is the man who has won so many awards that he ran out of musical achievements.  Then he went out and won a United Nations peace medal for a song he wrote for Africa.  Even the United Nations recognizes that he is a musical genius. Adnan is a legitimate force to be reckoned with.

I would also like to point out that he won an award in 2001 on MTV for his mad skills as a pianist.  An east Indian receiving accolades from an American western-centric TV station; That is an amazing accomplishment.

I don't know much more about Adnan (because most the websites about him are not written in english) but you should listen to his wonderful music none the less and take it in for yourself.

So spread the word.  Help me end the wrongful slander of the title "World music".  Tear down the topographic walls of isolation, and bring us to a wonderful Pangaea of welcoming harmony no matter where your orchestral origins may be.

Stop World Music hate.  That is all. *frolics off dancing like he was in a Bollywood dance number while listening to Adnan at his finest.*

-B.V.Q.

Non Whitburnians total count: 3

Until next time "I'm sick of hearing 'bout the 'haves' and the have nots'.  Have some personal accountability." (Nine Inch Nails)

[the-whitburn-adventures]

Are you in a band?  Really?  Awesome! You should send me a link to your tunes, because I love new music.  Anyway,  if I asked you what genre of music you played would you be able to give me an answer?  Well, I sure hope so.  I have said before, and I will say many times over again "knowing your genre, and sticking to your guns will help establish you a fanbase / as a musician".  That said, if you decide to constantly alter your style of music willy-nilly the opposite may occur, and you can lose fans of your previous method of musicality.

Now, I understand that a band's sound has to evolve in order to survive:  The Beatles played in about 7 different genres in 10 years, but it was still a slow evolution, album by album, which made perfect sense.  What I am talking about is when an artist changes their musical style with the speed and tenacity of an cocaine addled victim of M.A.D.D. (Musical Attention Deficit Disorder), washing down sugar cubes (laced with acid) with a big slurp of Red Bull.

The next artist is an example of the genre hopping crazed musical mongoose: The Addrisi Brothers. Have you heard of them?  What's that?  No? See, genre hopping is not a supercharged fuel for your fame engine.

No, these italian brothers have no intention of making you a pizza or saving your princess from another castle.  They grew up as part of an acrobatic family in the circus, "The Flying Addrisis", and left the family trade to try to become Rock and Roll heartthrobs.  I wonder if they left because a mobster killed their parents in Gotham City?  I mean one of the brothers is even named Dick … Dick Addrisi:  The boy wonder.

TANGENT ALERT!  I apologize for that.  Just had to get that joke out there.  Well, the brothers had only one hit in the 1950's as a Rock and Roll duo: "Cherrystone".  It garnered them some fame but not enough to combat the Rock monster that was Elvis, so they disappeared into the bowels of California's music mausoleum.

They returned in 1972 with a pretty good folk rock album entitled "We Got to Get It on Again" (sounds like a Barry White #1 hit).  Now you may say: "But Byron, that's 13 years between singles, it makes sense to adjust their style to the times. They aren't genre sluts".  To that I say: not yet they weren't!  They went from Folk rock directly to soft rock on their next album in 1977 (Self Titled), then made a disco album in 1979 (Ghost Dancer).  So they had three albums, each it's own distinct genre, with not a single ounce of gradual evolution between them.  Each song sounds like it is a completely different band.  Wow, a band that never sounds like it's previous work; that sounds like a perfect business model to keep fans and acquire new ones … In the immortal words of Garth Algar "Not!".

Any folk fans would have hated the crap out of the soft rock Addrisi brothers, and the the pop/soft rock fans would have no reason to buy an album from those folk brothers.  It was an obvious career killer, so it makes sense that they never released an album after 1979.

That said, each song on its' own is actually quite well performed, and has some cool riffs hidden underneath it all.  "Cherrystone" is a great example of Rock and Roll, so it is the song I leave at this entry's video slot.  Yet if you want to see how they never sound the same, check out the links below:

1) Folk Rock: We've Got to Get it on Again - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=744i1GOsrlI

2) Disco: Ghost Dancer - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1cF0VwkMU0

So I hope you learned something from this cautionary tale:  Know your genre!  If you don't know your genre, then no one knows how to market you, and your fickle fans will stop buying because they think you've sold out.  I hate to sound like music is a corporate machine equivalent of a meat packing plant, but if the records don't sell, then you have no career.  So don't end up like the Addrisi Brothers, perform the hell out of a genre you love, and don't be a victim of M.A.D.D.

-B.V.Q.

PS - My apologies to "Mother's against drunk driving".  I know I stole your acronym. Don't worry, I'll give it back to you as soon as I'm done.

PPS - I wish I was an from an acrobatic family.  My suburban upbringing provided no chances of ever teaming up with Batman.  Darn suburbs!

Until next time: "Don't go chasing waterfalls.  Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to." (TLC)

[the-whitburn-adventures]

Have you ever sat down after a long day and put a great album on only to realize you were too tired to keep up with it's complicated musical changes? Are the complex time signatures of Dave Brubeck giving you a headache?  Dream Theatre causing such a cranial overload that you to bleed from your eyes?  Tool so convoluted you become irrationally petrified of your iPod?  Do you not "get" Björk?

Well no one REALLY "gets" Björk … so there's no need to worry about that one.

All the other statements sound like music is just too hard for your ears to deal with after a hard day at work.  That's oaky, sometimes we don't want complex listening.  Sometimes we just want it to be easier.  No need to fret dear internet populous (aka the world), for I have the solution to your melodic woes: Easy Listening.  The horn section is tame, the time signature is as simple as it possibly can be and the crooner's smooth vocals are as relaxing as singers can get.

So now that you're sitting in your comfiest armchair while swaddled in your thickest housecoat, and swirling a nice tumbler of scotch (aka prepared to relax as much as you possibly can) let's give you the first lyrical lounge lizard in this genre filled with listening of ease: Adam Wade.

Adam Wade started his career as a singer who made the ladies melt with his smooth voice paired up with his devilishly good looks.  Seriously, look up photos of the guy (here: http://musiccourt.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/wadeadam1.jpg).  He has a face / charm combo that could talk his way out of a high speed chase.  He had a fair handful of hits between 1960 - 1965 before he decided to change his focus to acting.

Fun fact:  He was also the first African American to host a TV gameshow (Musical Chairs).  So Steve Harvey can thank Mr. Wade for opening those cultural gates.

One of his three songs of his to chart in 1961 is "As If I Didn't Know".  I have sleeted this to be his representative song because it feels like it fills all required stereotypes of easy listening.

On your fifth scotch yet?  What, still on your first?  Well catch up little skipper, you're in crooner city now.  You can't listen this easily if you're stark sober.

SCOTCH!

-B.V.Q.

Until next time: "It's tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time. It's Tricky" (Run DMC)

[the-whitburn-adventures]

"Hello.  I'm crazy protractor beard. I have a protractor for a beard, isn't that crazy?  Give me some CANDY"

You can say what you will about Adam Sandler's current cinematic adventures into the obscure (He is officially the only man to win the Golden Raspberry award for "Worst Female in a movie") but in his heyday of the 90's Mr. Sandler was one of my favourite musical comedians.

Be it a wonderful ode to the lunchlady, singing operatic renditions of news headlines, or a ballad to one's favourite sweatshirt, Adam Sandler was the composer of many of the best songs you could hear on NBC's Saturday Night Live.

Something that isn't often known of ole Happy Gilmore is that he was once a chart climber of the Billboard top 100.  Yup, Bobby Boucher once used his comical warbling falsetto to reach #18 of our nation's most popular musical hits.  It was a wonderful single off his second comedy album "What the hell happened to me?".

So what song was it that launched little Nicky into our collective album collections and earned him the best selling comedy album of all time?  It sure wasn't "Ode to My Car" (I thoroughly enjoy that song but most people don't).  The musical pinnacle of Billy Madison's career was none other than his holiday inspired catalog of hollywood's hebrew herd.  Yes it was none other than "The Chanukah Song" that aided in transforming and rolling out Adam Sandler from SNL comedy correspondent to household name.

So sit back, put on your kippah, light your menorah, spin your dreidel and enjoy this comically upbeat and inspired musical listing of famous members of the jewish persuasion.

Thank you Longfellow Deeds for your years of comedy and musical levity.  You belong on this Whitburn listing.  Now please promise me that "Hotel Transylvania" will actually by a good flick.  I have high Sandler hopes for the first time in a long time.

- B.V.Q.

PS - Red Hooded Sweatshirt is still my favourite thing Sandler has done, so I cannot of sound mind and body post anything about Mr. Sandler without adding this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LW2O-BM860o

Until next time: "Take your canvas bags when you go to the supermarket. Why use plastic bags when you know, you know the world can't take it?" (Tim Minchin)

[the-whitburn-adventures]

Red Alert! Red Alert!  Danger! Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!  Intruder in the Whitburn collection:  I repeat we have an unauthorized musician infiltrating the holiest of musical compendiums!  Lock down all genres!  Seal off all countdowns!  Shut down every surprise concert!

EXCLAMATION MARK BARRAGE!!!!!!!!!!

… *cough* A-hem.  Well now that the above madness is out of the way it is time to shed light (a jailhouse spot-light) on the next artist to grace my computers infinite playlist.  Okay … so it's only 103.2 days of straight music … still longer than Nick & Nora's piddly excuse for infinite … stupid Nora.

Anyway, today I bring you Adam Mitchell.  Adam Mitchell is famous for being a songwriter and has written hits for Olivia Newton-John, Nicolette Larson and … KISS (one of these things is not like the other).  He has only released one solo album where he chose to sing his own lyrics: "Redhead in Trouble".  This album contains his original versions of "French Waltz" (made famous by Nicolette Larson) and "Dancin' Round and Round" (Olivia N-J's borrowed smash hit).  I had never heard of Adam Mitchell, let alone heard any of his solo music so I hit the internet to find out which song of his had charted.

I searched for an hour and found … nothing … nada … bupkis (my favourite word for "zero").  He has written songs that became singles, but according to billboard.com, and every other site I have checked … he has NEVER had a SINGLE top 100 hit in any country.  He didn't even chart in Japan and they'll listen to ANYTHING.

My only logical conclusion is that Adam Mitchell himself infiltrated the Whitburn collection archive and stealthily slipped his own single "Fool for Love" into the shelves, whistling nonchalantly through the Wisconsin based Whitburn institute as he left.  That sneaky little bugger.

So should I omit this sore thumb of an m4a? I did make a promise to myself to not skip a single artist in my silicon safari through the digital disc-log that is my musical library.  That is true … so here he is … the never famous …  Adam Mitchell.  Hopefully the only no-hit wonder to grace these sacred adventures.

- B.V.Q.

PS - Seriously, how did he get his song into an archive that literally has it's own institute?  Did he stop songwriting so he could train as a ninja?  Is he the invisible man?  This really confuses me.

PPS - Check out the cover art for "Redhead in Trouble".  Mr. Mitchell is "in trouble" because a model committed suicide?  This cover is so morbid for a light-hearted Country-Pop album that it's almost comical.  Then I noticed how Adam is still noticeably turned on … Nope … just a seriously messed up album cover.

Until next time:  "They say absence makes the heart grow fungus." (Barenaked Ladies)

[the-whitburn-adventures]

While reading my first 20 odd entries of my adventures of auditory antiquing through the legendary library of Mr. Whitburn's LP's you may have noticed I always tag the genre.  I personally have always found the genre of a musician / album / song to be the easiest way to organize a plethora of music into easy-to-digest category capsules.

Some days I may think: "Today, Byron, you are going to listen to Rush.  Listen to 2112 and revel in it's glory. Hurry up! DO IT!".  Maybe.  The artist centric musical addiction pretty much only occurs if I'm listening to vinyls.  If I am on my compu-bot, swimming through the bottomless chasm of my itunes omnibus, I usually think to myself: "Today, Byron, you are going to listen to some Prog Rock, followed by a heaping helping of Swing.  Then maybe some Garage Rock if there's time."  Yup, my frontal lobe sure is one swell disc jockey.

To me, genre is the easiest defining factor that one can use to clump similar artists together.  So, while sorting this Whitburnian madness, I try my hardest to be precise in genre classification and avoid basic "Rock" and "Pop" labels at all costs (iTunes, why do you label "Singer/Songwriter" as a genre … technically 90% of all albums fit that bill.  Come on, suck it up, pick a genre, and start throwing out helpful labels).

So, it gives me great pride to two-step away from acid jazz, shuffle beyond neo-psychedelia, and twirl through a hazy glow of sunshine pop in order to showcase a wonderfully oblique genre: Anti-folk.

Adam Green (both while solo, and working with the famed "Moldy Peaches") is an amazingly powerful anti-folk artist.  He sings with the somber, smokey qualities you could liken to a young Gordon Lightfoot or Arlo Guthrie.  To contrast that however, his lyrics to me embody what we'd get if Weird Al Yankovic and Lil' Kim had a bastard child birthed through their surrogate mother: Lily Allen.  If that dangerously entertaining progeny slip 'n' slid out humming Ben folds melodies, it would (to me) be the closest we could come to cloning Adam Green.

He takes the spirit of folk (social unrest) and turns it on it's head by purposely having hilariously trivial lyrics which do backflips on the metaphorical tightrope between the meaningful and the banal.

He may not be a true Whitburnian (no USA top 100 hits) but his song "Emily" did chart in the UK in 2005.  I have, however, selected another gemstone for you to enjoy.  It is my favourite of his folk ballads seething with irony: "Jessica".  So grab some English Breakfast tea, each a (hopefully ripe and healthy) Mackinaw peach and enjoy a man mourning the musical descent of Jessica Simpson.

Thank you Adam Green.  Thank you so much for this painfully large smile I get every time I play this song.  I am happy you exist.

Running Counts:

Non-Whitburnians: 2

-B.V.Q.

Until next time: "Hot funk, cool punk.  Even if it's old junk, it's still rock and roll to me" (Billy Joel)

[the-whitburn-adventures]

I feel slightly conflicted about today's musician de jour.

Oh, for those out there whose cranial hard drive isn't programmed to decode french, the previous two words meant "of the day".  There.  Now you know what "soup de jour" means.  Now you can't say you didn't learn something useful on the internet.

Wow, that was a huge tangent.  Anyway, on to some facts which are less useful but far more interesting.  Let us look at the rock and roll stylings of Adam Faith.

Born Terence Nelhams-Wright, Adam Faith started his career in 1957 by first realizing that he needed a better name for showbiz. I mean who in their right mind would be able to remember Terence Nelhams-Wright?  Hyphenated last names, in my opinion, are one of the few times I approve of changing one's name to sound more memorable.  Then after choosing a short, catchy nom de plume (name of the feather … learning is REAL!) he then set out to teeter the precarious tight rope between "teen idol heartthrob" and "genuinely talented rock and roller".

Before I was bequeathed these wonderful musical catacombs that are the Whitburn collection, I always thought of Adam Faith as a genuine staple of the best of the golden rock era of the early 60's.  I had heard the american singles "Talk About Love" and "It's Alright".  Mr. Digital Whitburn (not the real great Mr. Whitburn himself) surprisingly kidney punched me silly by showcasing some of his U.K. hits.

Adam has released pure pop fluff such as "When Johnny Comes Marching Home" and "Lonely Pup (In a Christmas Shop).  So now I don't know if I should place Adam Faith in the "rough voiced original rocker" section, or the lowly, vile, bland, lesser awesome "factory produced teen idol" category.

Why Whitburn collection? Why have you sullied an artist I would turn to whenever I was in a sugary, pop music induced diabetic coma?  Well, you know what they say: Not all knowledge is happiness.  Oh rock and roll ignorance, I will miss your innocent bliss.

You may listen to his whole catalogue for yourself to make your own decision but I will forever cling steadfast to the genuine rock sound of Adam Faith I know and love.  So with that I present you with my favourite of his "American" hits: "Talk About Love".

Running Counts:

Artists who changed their name for fame: 2

- B.V.Q.

Until next time: "Bumps in the road remind us [of] the worst of the best behind us.  Only good things will find us, me and you." (Jonathan Coulton)

[the-whitburn-adventures]

Firstly, I apologize for the delay in this week's posts.  Labour day (aka "help all your friends move" Day) weekend really threw me off my musical groove.  No worries though, there will still be four entries this week.  I will just have to cram them all in.

Well, since that is out of the way it is time to focus on the next musician in our list.  This well respected U.K. new wave / new romanticism rocker is none other than Stuart Leslie Goddard.

Doesn't sound familiar?  Don't worry, not many people know that name.  This musician is one of the first artists on the list famous for changing his name to be famous.  I mean did anyone ever believe that his REAL name was Adam Ant?

Adam Ant?  Really?  Man, that kid would have gotten his butt kicked all the way from the jungle gym all the way to teather-ball courts.

Well, Adam started with a port-punk sound in "Bazooka Joe" where he hired the band "Sex Pistols" (heard of them?) to be his opening act.  He then joined a band called "B-Sides".  Before they played a gig, however, he became horribly sickly / lethargic / anorexic / allergic to food and spent a whole season laying in bed (just like Brian Wilson did … Thanks to BNL I can't say the former without compulsively stating the latter).

Adam finally achieved mainstream success with "Adam and the Ants" by relishing in post punk licks which were a prime factor in the evolution of the new wave era.  His unrelenting stage presence and almost endless stream of energy made for some of the best concerts of his time.

The Adam Ant I am here to comment upon however is his solo career.  after his whole band was stolen from him (see BOW WOW WOW), he had a phenomenal stint at a solo artist throughout the 80's and found fame across the lake in the U. S. of A.

He had a handful of songs chart from his first three solo albums but the one I place in your musically capable mandibles (you are an ant right?) is "Goody Two-Shoes".  It was his biggest hit in the UK (#1. Booyah!) and USA (#12 … less of a booyah … more of a subtle hurrah said under your breath).  The punk inspired drums mix with an unexpected horn section and Adam's vocals to create a new wave era sound which is capable of transcending the new wave movement.  To me, this is a timeless piece of amazing music which does not have the fault of being "Blatantly an 80's baby.  I think if someone recorded this song today it would still have been a hit.

Also, someone should do a cover of this piece.  I have yet to find a good cover of it anywhere (Brasstronaut I am looking at you).

Running Count:

Artists who changed their name for fame: 1

"_____ and the _____s" band name : 1  (Adam and the Ants)

See you tomorrow,

-B.V.Q.

Until next time:  "We are stardust. We are golden and we've got to get ourselves back to the garden."  (Joni Mitchell)

[the-whitburn-adventures]

Here's a fun question:  What do you consider old music?

By this I don't mean "what songs are overdone to the point of lunacy and feel old and dated?", nor do I mean "What music do your grandparents listen to?".  I personally know a grandmother who is really into Joel Plaskett.  Does that make him an artist of "old music"?  Nope.  A thousand times no.  What I am asking is this:  Consider, if you will, that Adele were considered a musical infant. A new-born who, comparative seconds ago, just escaped the warm womb of the studio covered in the gooey skin-shield of rhythmic placenta, crying sweet melodies until the conductor to the orchestra of life slapped her butt with the metronomic beat of fame.

So if, little baby Adele were considered "young" music, how far back in time would you go until you considered the tunes to be "just plain old"?  Is everything pre-grunge "Classics" to you?  Do you consider Led Zepplin to be a "Golden Oldie".?  When someone listens to Elvis do you ask them if they also like Viagra and Tapioca pudding?  Well if that is the case then I am about to shatter your thought-machine into a million tiny antique pieces.  I present to you a woman who is (debatably) titled "the FIRST woman to record as a female solo vocalist".  Ladies and gents, be prepared to be transported back to the year 1893.  Wax your moustache sir. Rouge those gams my dear. Ready?  Great!  Say hello to the original queen of the microphone, the vaudevillian victrola vixen:  Ada Jones.

Ada started performing on the stage and pulling crowds at the age of SEVEN (take that Miles Cyrus) in 1880, and by 1893 had achieved so much popularity that they allowed her the privilege of getting her voice on some wax cylinder recordings.  

Yes there were recording devices before Vinyl.  Surprise hipsters:  you are not retro ENOUGH unless you own wax cylinders.  Why don't you go in a corner and cry ironically for me.  Done?  Okay, let's get back to business.

Between 1893 and 1922, Ada had over a hundred songs in the billboard charts.  If you average that out, it would still be at least 3 hits charting a year, for 29 straight years.  That's just plain impressive.

Her biggest hit was "The Yama, Yama Man"  where she altered some verses of the standard piece in order to give it a more risqué (for the time) burlesque feel.

Some of her songs have hilariously risqué titles too:

1)  If that's your idea of a wonderful time (take me home tonight)

2)  Waiting at the church (my wife won't let me) ... {A song about trying to get a second wife}

3) When I get you alone tonight

4) The game of peek-a-boo (I'd like to see more of you)

And that's just a handful of random selections.

Ada was raunchy, baudy, spirited and everybody loved her for it.  Her songs make me long for the Vaudeville age of singing, stage based comedy.  It is both parts hilarious and lovely.  Also if you listen closely enough to her repertoire you can hear the inkling of a Tin-Pan Alley influence sneaking in here and there.

So you thought those crackily Ella Fitzgerald & Andrews Sisters vinyls were the "oldest" females vocalists you could get on record?  Well now I hope you have learned a thing or two.  Thing one:  Ada Jones is a fantastic vocalist who paved the way for female lead singers.  Thing two:  "Old" music is relative, so stop calling music from the 80's "oldies".  You now know how wrong you were.

-B.V.Q.

PS - I heard someone call Nirvana and Pixies classic rock this month, and it made me really sad.  Please don't do that anymore society. Okay?  That is all I ask of you.

Until next time:  "Whatcha gonna do when the dimes get tough and the world's treating you unkind?  You gotta hang on to your optimistic outlook, and keep possession of your positive state-of-mind"  (Dr. Teeth & The Electric Mayhem)

[the-whitburn-adventures]

By the great, layered beard of Darwin!!

I can't believe I forgot to do something important!  So stupid Byron! Stupid!  *whacks myself in the face with the dust laden 8-track player I own for no good reason*

*wakes up 3 hours later*

Where was I?  Oh yes, I forgot to include an ongoing tally of my favourite inescapable cliché of the music industry:  Bands whose names start the word "The".  I have always found it hilarious how many bands will just throw a "The" at the beginning of an otherwise good band name, sometimes for no discernible reason.  It's like they think: "Hey The Beatles and the Rolling Stones were popular right? In fact, so were The White Stripes and The Shins.  What do they all have in common?  Oh … my … god!  It's the "The".  It must be!  That three letter english staple must be imbued with some fabled power-syrup that bequeathes unspeakable fame to the user!  Screw "Swift Vengeance", let's call ourselves "The Dear Johns".

…

You think I am joking?  Well let us look at the count I missed.  I have only talked about 18 bands so far and we already have:

1) The Abbey Town Singers

2) The Accents

3) The Acro-brats

Yes.  17%.  But it is about to hit 19% because our 19th artist on the docket is: The Ad-Libs.

Before I go any further subtly poking fun at this group I have to say that I really enjoy their hit "Boy from New York City".  It is one of my favourite doo-wop songs.  I wish that they had released more material, but alas their "The" was void of any musical ambrosia.

Okay so before being "The Ad-Libs", the doo-wop group (sans sweet soul female lead) was known as "The Creators".  They did not receive any popularity by being just another "The" band in the cogs of the big machine … so they decided to re-invent themselves … with another generic band name with a "The" at the front.  Yes it is true; Those who fail history class are doomed to repeat it.

Their first "Ad-Lib" hit was the aforementioned "Boy from New York City" and exploded into the top ten of the billboard charts.  Sadly their second single only hit #100 and then they disappeared from the hot mainstream charts altogether.  Hey you may have only been musically relevant from 1964 to 1965, but at least you had two hits.  The Ad-Libs are no one-hit wonder!  So there's a plus.

If you find out you really like the groove of this song, they have an amazing collection of bluesy tracks on iTunes labeled "The Complete Blue Cat Years".  It is well worth the money.  So what are you still doing here listening to me?  Go enjoy the doo-wop stylings of The Ad-Libs.

DO IT!

"The ____" band name count: 4

- B.V.Q.

PS - Another fun variation of this band name staple is "____ and the  ____s" (aka Jerry and the Pacemakers).  Don't worry I'll have a running tally of those too.

Until next time: "Title of the song.  Naïve expression of love.  Reluctance to accept that you are gone.  Request to turn back time and rectify my wrongs.  Repetition of the title of the song" (Da Vinci's Notebook)

[the-whitburn-adventures]

Since I have started this little musical adventure through the jungle of reviews, I have been working my way through every artist on my iTunes library in alphabetical order.  Until now all of these artists have appeared on the billboard charts at least once, cementing their justification of being plastered all over my "Whitburn adventures".  Yet, my main purpose of this blog-like review set-up isn't to just show off old hits, but to try to expose people to good music they may not have heard before.  So with that in mind, I present you with the first "Non-Whitburnian":  A tourist in the metropolitan hub of hits and rock stars.  This group is none other than the Bostonian Pop-Punk ensemble: "The Acrobrats".

Now, I can try to be "King of the hipsters" and claim I knew of these pumped up high-energy rockers before they were main stream but this is not so.  I, much like the majority of our entire planet of earth, originally heard of these blokes through the cultural phenomenon known as "Guitar Hero".  Yes, I hold a plastic guitar and tap little buttons while pretending to be a rock star.  I am not ashamed.  Those games are awesome (and they are very effective at doing what I love: exposing people to good music they may have otherwise avoided for no good reason).

Well, this pop punk group of quick catchy power-bar infused rhythms have been featured on a harmonix (Guitar hero, then rock band) game four times.  I have to say I have enjoyed each one completely.  It just may be the the nostalgic chubby little kid in me (complete with ridiculous cabana shirt and bowl cut), but I always like  finding new music that reminds me the time in my youth when rock radio was nothing but quick strummed power chords and uniquely quirky punk vocals.  The Acrobrats seem to remind me of when Blink 182, Green Day and Sum 41 were in their hay-day and that is something I enjoy.

So enjoy their first song to be featured in "Guitar Hero 1":  The single "Callout".  Get ready to jump around and bang your head so your hair does all the complicated "dancing" for you.  The song is energetic and infectious, much like their other featured tracks.  It's a pop-punk case of leprosy: let your inhibitions fall away like so many needless body parts, and just enjoy the pure nature of the music.  Also, much like leprosy, a lot of people will actively avoid you for being "tainted" with the pop punk virus.

To those nay-sayers I make the following declaration:  "There are no bad music genres, just bad artists".  You hear me Earth?  Try out any artist you hear about, regardless of genre.  You'll never know who you'll end up liking.

-B.V.Q.

PS - I may not have been an egotistical "king of the hipsters", but when "Shaimus" rolls along I can, and WILL, say I knew them before Guitar Hero catapulted them to our national consciousness.  I will be such a lame hipster for that entry, so I apologize ahead of time.

PPS - You know Green Day should really sponsor a protein-infused candy bar.  They can have he slogan: "I never go a day without using my power-bars and neither should you" *takes a huge bite of the bar, cleans a smudge in his mascara, and then starts playing the new … and horrible … "21 guns"*

Until next time: "I'm singing this note because it fits in well with the chords I'm playing. I can't pretend there's any meaning hidden in the things I'm saying, but I'm in tune." (The Who)