The Wizard Vee

I am a wizard. Simple as that. #ALLPALADINSAREBASTARDS

[the-wizard-vee]

My wife: "I just... I just need some time away from you. I need to think"

Me doing my best Jar Jar impression: "Disen berry berry bad..."

Jar Jar who's been secretly sleeping with my wife: "Eric, we talked about this,"

[the-wizard-vee]

Mirror Mirror on the wall...

Who's the MotherFucker who's eating all of my Mini wizard-Donuts™️

*The mirror reveals a vision of me at 3:00AM, bare assed, almost greened out shoving them by the fist load into my mouth like a Bugbear fisting a Goblin*

"Mhh, donmnut"

[the-wizard-vee]

MY BUTCH WIFE LEFT ME AFTER I SAT ON MY WAND WEIRD AND FIREBALLED MY ENTIRE GOCK AND PRINCESS PEBBLES OFF AT TRANS WIZARD CRACKER BARREL

[the-wizard-vee]

I got turned into a Cockroach (see attached photo) but it's okay, my Humonculi, Grungo, got me three Doritos locos tacos (once again see attached photo) For this, he gets one good pupil sticker. Once he reaches ten stickers, he, along with three friends of his choosing, get to have a pizza party and stay up an hour past bedtime.

[the-wizard-vee]

Wench took everything.

My tower, my homunculi, my scrolls...all gone.

I...

I need a moment to ponder my orb...

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Do at least still have your bones? Did she at least leave you your Skeleton Bones?

[the-wizard-vee]

Alas! I fear I am a mere puddle of wizard flesh with no lowly bones to hold me tenderly

[wizard-of-kindness]

I HAVE BONES THAT I NO LONGER REQUIRE IF YU WOULD LIKE THEM.

3x FEMURS

2x RIB CAGES (TWO RIBS SLIGHTLY CRACKED)

1 (used) SKULL

1 (ultra rare) KNEECAP

26 (common) KNEECAPS

[the-wizard-vee]

I'll take your entire stock. I can fashion legs with the 2nd rib cage and be all kneecaps and the ultra rare kneecap as a cod piece to intimidate her into not seeking wizard alimony.

[the-wizard-vee]

Serious inquiry:

If I date a girl who's into pup-play, does she count as a familiar??

Asking for a wizard friend...

[the-wizard-vee]

Took a 25mg gummy and I just have to say:

We really need to bring "Wizard" back to describe something cool. That was really wizard when we did that.

[keystew]

the village children are doing ding dong ditch on my wizards tower and descending my spiral staircase so often is wreaking havoc on my knees help

[the-wizard-vee]

Fireball.

Or any alcohol you have to rub on the knees! Old Wizard's trick.

Also the other Fireball!

[the-wizard-vee]

This wicked orc brew candy crush zaza got me non-verbal, entering in a 5th dimension twerk off against the narsty Willa the Witch. I mustn't lose.

[the-wizard-vee]

Wench took everything.

My tower, my homunculi, my scrolls...all gone.

I...

I need a moment to ponder my orb...

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Do at least still have your bones? Did she at least leave you your Skeleton Bones?

[the-wizard-vee]

Alas! I fear I am a mere puddle of wizard flesh with no lowly bones to hold me tenderly

[the-wizard-vee]

Wench took everything.

My tower, my homunculi, my scrolls...all gone.

I...

I need a moment to ponder my orb...

[the-wizard-vee]

Wizard's guide to getting the hunnies:

Eye of Newt, tongue of Frog,

A busty Orc maiden on mine Hog!

Sprinkle some Keef to make it queef

Shake it thrice but don't be nice!

And if ye be needing something more to make your cyclops cry

You might as well give Grindr a try.

[the-wizard-vee]

Just blew up a Paladin.

Didn't even know he was there I just like casting fireballs while cranking my hog.