Hope Is Within You

Paid with grave consequences.Much like you, I'm lost in this world,I'm here to help.

[theartisticcrime]

In Another Life

You said you wanted answers, but think about this. When you came back, did you feel anger? The hesitation of letting pain sink back in? Do you miss me or what we used to be? We're drowning in an ocean, and with our legs broken, We're leaving words go unspoken, Are we just a memory? Are we just the same old story? You're scared of a suicide note, but the only part of me I'm killing, is the negativity, all the toxicity, cause I'm tired of feeling nothing. You said that maybe, this time could be different, but it seems that lately, I been stuck in my own world, And I'm feeling guilty, that I left the ones I love behind, that I'm giving up on me. Whatever helps you sleep at night, I'm telling you that it's alright, One day, I'll be somewhere, in a place we won't believe. One day, I'll be somewhere, hopefully that's best for me.

[theartisticcrime]

War.

Nothing for you has changed, By your side I'll remain, even risking my own happiness, but this time is different. Your words were under heavy consideration, but I can't hide behind my hesitation. When it came to my feelings, I've always been reckless, And this time is no different. This is how I feel and I don't know what to say, only that life works in mysterious ways, Mistakes turn into lessons, and you may have told me so, but as time stands still, there's really no way to know. It's hard to lose someone else, when you lost yourself.

[theartisticcrime]

Done Damage.

You'll never drown my voice out, You'll never figure me out, but when everybody around you wanted to die, You were there, but you forgot about me. You never seen these tears fall from these eyes, I won't be the one to bite their tongue, I'm not man you knew before, I'm not man you loved before, Hate me, for being nothing you need, Hate me, cause I do the same, and what a shame, I'll always hate myself more than you'll ever hate me. I always believe that I'm better off dead, Everyday I'm stuck in an endless dream, While the devil and his demons dance in my head, It's always the same. Do you believe I'm strong? I'm breakable, on the verge of falling, Do you believe I'm alive? I'm hollowed, I hear angels calling, Hopefully reaper strikes before morning. Are you happy where you are? Cause I know I'm not. Are you who you want to be? Cause I know I'm not. Looking in the mirror, a stranger staring back, Revealing a heart turned black. What have I become?

[theartisticcrime]

My Mistake

Look inside and question everything, because lately, it's been too hard to see, Through tears and unspoken lies, I know if I let go, someday, I'm going to miss you, and maybe you'll miss me too. I know, that I'm the only one good at faking it, but you're the only one to see past my bullshit. We used to be so close, inseparable, but what have we become? I know I'm not very reassuring, but know, your soul is incomparable, You care for everything more than yourself, but isn't that both of our problems? My mistake, this isn't a cry for help. Maybe, I'm just angry, Everybody just leaves, and come back, when they fail most to replace me. We're on the verge of violence, but we're exchanging silence, You know, I still feel empty, and there's nothing you can do for me, This void will plague me until I rid it myself, Every second I wear this smile, drains me faster, Every moment I bear these woes, I grow weaker. I don't wear my depression, I court it, My motivation and aspirations, had enough of them, I'm digging my own grave, with no lesson, Sometimes you have to leave them for dead, and as memories play on within my head, I wonder if they wonder what's it like to take your last breath. The silence bears an ugly truth, We're hardly on common ground, We just want to keep each other around.

[theartisticcrime]

Broken

When we first met, two damaged souls, but then we had some sense of control, Through bloodshot eyes and smoky rooms, We feel in love, and I won't forget, We find peace in each other's company, And best believe, There won't go a day you didn't cross my mind, And best believe, You have no fucking idea what you've done to me. Changed me forever. You helped me get back on my feet, Taught me I'm can endure all my demons, Told me there's no shame in defeat, as long as I come back stronger, You always saw potential in me, and now I'm shining brighter than I could imagine, There's no reward in an easy life. But I can't pretend, I don't see the pain in your eyes, The damage caused by my lies, But I can't pretend, that I don't fear goodbyes, because I never been good at them, in my mind, our memory always replay, As I stuttered for the words to say, All I know is that I don't know. Broken people are the fucking dangerous, Going on with fake smiles, Wanting nothing to do with the world, But we're the most generous, We have nothing left to live for, but we believe everybody else is worth more. How can I ever possibly act like you never existed, when our memories leaves me fucking addicted?

[theartisticcrime]

I Don't Want To Do This Anymore

You tell me that you're struggling, but in my eyes, you have everything, A family, even if you're the black sheep, I'm a bastard son, someone nobody wants to keep, You have someone in your corner, You have someone to keep you together, Even though, you can't see past the tears, I promise you that shit will get better. You tell me that you're struggling, But to me, you hardly know anything, The silence I own, you loathe, But to be quite honest, I don't think you'll understand, Do you know what it's like to want die everyday? Do you honestly love me or the idea of what we could be? Would you love me knowing I tried ending today? Truth be told, in my silence, you don't hear anything I say, Everyday, I'm holding onto a disease without a remedy. I'm sick and tired of hollow hearts, and my eyes remaining fucking empty, I want to be more than just fucking angry, I want a life where my happiness doesn't have to be justify, Where in the end, I'm finally fucking satisfied, The heart that was once yours, is now buried six-feet under. I was nowhere to be found, And you're not the only one who needed me, I need me, more than you'll ever know, Just to keep myself, from killing myself.

[theartisticcrime]

Back To Where We Started

She hated everything I had to say, even if it was nothing, I hate the fact I push everyone away, even though I am nothing. I could've been everything she wanted but instead, I left both of us broken hearted, Right back where I started. The tears shed, a knife I left in her back, strikes me in the heart. Would it be easier for us to turn away, and regret every word we didn't say? Well, everything is hurting my head, I think it's time I should say should be said, First of all, It's apparent I truly don't give a fuck, but not about her, but myself, I'm always my own worse enemy, and pushing away everybody else, and I'm running out of time and luck, and I don't care what the hell happens to me, A prisoner of my own apathy, Losing connection, direction and motivation, Gaining anxiety, anger and depression, Do you know who I am, because I've lost any idea of whom I am. Worse of all, I wasn't there for myself but even worse, I wasn't there for my friend, and I can't pretend, that I wanted this to end, but it's happening again, but truth be told, I can't get mad this time. The words were in my mouth but never made it out, Speaking in tongues, I'm sorry that I let you down. I harmed the one person I swore I'd protect, I'm becoming one of her biggest regret, and our memories are too strong to forget. So many mistakes but this was my hardest one, A deadly heartbreak, I killed my own sun, so now, I'll make home in the darkness. Last of all, I'd like to believe that you will everything you want, but I don't need to, cause I know you will, I'll always cherish the times we spent together, but it seems the best I'll be is a bitter memory. They say I haven't been myself, and that the pain doesn't last forever, but it's all I ever fucking felt. They say in time, I will get better, but all I do is burn bridges, suffocate on the smoke, After the remnant of flames fade, Nothing will ever be the same. And all I can do is say that I'm fucking sorry? May the gods show me absolutely no mercy.

[theartisticcrime]

Fucked Up

From black to white, I'm the first to fight, The first to retreat, Won't admit defeat, Quite honestly, the best I can say is I'm fucked up. From the windows, plastered on the walls, I'm creeping into the crevices of your heart, and making a home within your mind, and it's a little sad to say that I'm fucked up, but truth be told I don't know who isn't.

[theartisticcrime]

Not Living But Not Quite Dead

Everywhere I walk I leave destruction, if only I could see the damage I've caused, not to them, but myself. I'm far from everybody's expectations, even my own, quite frankly I'm just lost, Who's to blame? Just myself. I'm walking a thin line, Between what's wrong and right, Between the darkness and light, Walking straight into the twilight. I keep fighting the same old war, one day, there'll be no need to fight, and the stars will finally be realigned. Until then, I'll stay walking this thin line, Between living and merely existing. This world is becoming all too heavy, Why is everything becoming so scary?, This anxiety and depression is all I carry, why does everyone seem to hate me? Every morning, I find the dark spot in the sun, and every night, regretting everything I've done, And every moment between, a smile I'm faking, Stuck between holding onto hope, and saying, "Fuck it all." Cause everything I do is for nothing. This heart is becoming all too heavy, Why am I always feel so damn sorry? Why do I always feel like I'm being attacked personally? Why does everyone seem to hate me? Staring at the man in mirror, I've lost control again, Once more, I pray to a nameless God, I can't pretend I want to go on anymore, This is be the last time, If you catch me lying upon the floor, I won't go, unashamed. Everything is becoming all too heavy, and I feel myself becoming my own worse enemy, but there's more than what's on the surface, More than what's plastered on my face, So let whatever happen I'm a slave to apathy, and with every moment, I'm only getting colder, Until this bitter world is no longer a bother.

[theartisticcrime]

I'm a Murderer But I'm Innocent(Ironic)

As the memories play out, I find myself changing, For better or worse, I don't know who I am anymore, All my friends notice my silence, but don't say anything If that's not ironic, I don't know what is, I'm always watching yesterday, Waiting on tomorrow, and hating present day, I'm killing myself by wasting time, I'm killing myself losing my mind, and I don't know what to do. Ghosting myself from society, I feel myself being consumed by apathy, Stuck in an endless query, "Who am I?" "Who am I meant to be?" Questions with no concrete solution. You ask why I walk this road alone, I ask you, why would anyone want to stay? Empty nests, chipped paint, and a dense haze, I don't know anyone who wants to feel like a rat stuck in a maze.

[theartisticcrime]

Blacks And Blues

Let's just keep to the point of conversation, America's becoming a hopeless nation. Parents crying cause the youth is dying, Sirens are becoming mainstream music, In a place where unity is supposedly preached, Then why are we all acting like enemies? How many more bodies need to dispose of? How long will this silence go on ignored? I don't ​believe we should go on anymore. Tossing and turning, the dread is returning, A mother's thought, "How can she go on this way?" A father's remorse over the words he didn't say, Over a simple misunderstanding. There's no gray between this scale, The good ones always seem to be gone first, and it's only going to get worse. Everyday, it always seems, Someone is falling to someone's bullet, While the dead haunt our dreams, Have we become so mindless, that our only solution is violence?

[theartisticcrime]

Untitled

I miss you, more than ever. I miss you, why did I leave? I'm finding it hard to keep it together, when I'm wondering where's my family. I miss you, more than ever, I miss you. Unanswered calls, and texts left on read, but at best, I'm nothing but a hypocrite, A deadbeat son, nothing to be proud about, and the day I come crawling back, Just know I'd understand if you left me for dead. In a sick way, I long to be alone, Only because I know how this all ends. And tonight, maybe, it'll be different, Will you tell me you haven't given up on me? Cause I lost all faith within myself. I won't deny, this silence won't go ignored, and I won't be the one who pretends. I won't deny, I won't take this silence anymore, and I want to wants to make amends. I miss you, more than ever, And tonight, is no different.

[theartisticcrime]

I'll Say What The Walls Won't

You only see what I show, There's another side to me you shouldn't know, but I'll say what the walls won't, Angry against the entire world, Even more so against myself. Always believed I was destined for greatness, That I could actually leave the world breathless, but somehow I was filled with negativity. How can say I'm not broken when all I see is brokenness? Perhaps I'm trying to find positivity within the darkness. With a face of apathy, but a heart full of sympathy Brash with a hit of temperance, Running free but burdened by regret, The devil's in the detail. As far as I'm concerned, heaven is a fairytale, As far as I'm concerned, I'm already going to hell. What you see is an illusion, a product of my lies, When it comes to me, you can't trust your own eyes But what you don't see, I'm constantly fighting for my life. Beneath the ashes of my mistakes and animosity, lies a better me. Life isn't full of backward glances, At this point, I'm far from complacent, and feel like I'm burying all my chances. Always one foot in present day, and the other in the grave.

[theartisticcrime]

Too Gone Too Soon

Constantly asking the question, "Why?" "Why did it have to be you?" "Why didn't I answer you?" "Why wasn't I there for you?" My heart is heavy with regret, This life is far from my philosophy, And all I can do is say I'm sorry. Winter days still rage even amidst the spring weather, And I haven't felt so far from God. But I brought my words to a better place, And I know one day that I'll see your face. And I won't forget your advice, but truth be told, I'm still struggling, I'm still in disbelief but the angels are singing, You know my dreams, my anxiety, And I can't seem to open my eyes to these tears, cause you were a friend to me. My heart will keep on sinking, Everybody I know is dead or dying, I don't see a way from this negativity, I seem to stuck in my own despondency. When you extended your hand, I turned and left you for dead, And I'm can't beg for forgiveness, I understand, But it all plays over in my head, How can someone so close, yet so far away just disappear? All I can say is I'm sorry it seems I didn't care. One day I'll shake away this disease, but my silence wasn't worth this. One day I'll finally be at peace, but just like my silence, it may be too late.

[theartisticcrime]

Is It Worth It?

Is it worth it? Having a life full of ambition? But you don't have any motivation. Is it worth it? Having a damn you damn near hate? But you want to quit before it's too late. Is it worth it? Keeping everyone away from your heart? Even though inside, it tears you apart. Is it worth it? That smile you're constantly faking, Even though they all you're pretending. Is it worth it? Having a luxury just to breathe, and knowing it could end in a breeze. In the end, when I end up in a coffin, If things keep going the way they're going, I can assure you, I won't be able say it was worth it.

[theartisticcrime]

I'm Keen On Making A Fool of Myself

It's always the same everyday, I always start out fine, but I always lose my mind. Count your blessings, I have so many friends, But does that matter if I'm not there for myself? No form of miscommunication, I accept all forms of responsibility, and there's no point saying sorry, cause I'm always I'm fucking angry. It's always the same everyday, I always end up to no good, Nobody else fucks up like I do, and just like a bad habit, I can't quit. I always end up misunderstood, and it's apparent, nobody gives a shit. I accept all forms of responsibility, So say what you want, I'm listening, but please don't put all the blame on me, I'm breaking from your shadow, But if we find ourselves here tomorrow, I break away from my insecurities, and hopefully we find ourselves at last, and put this behind us, in the past. It's always the same everyday, I'm watching the clock slowly tick, like I'll find my purpose at a certain time, but I'm just a time bomb ticking away. Just breathing, barely alive, Damn near playing dead, I'm screaming every word from my head, I finally had enough, I'm tired of fucking up, I accept all forms of responsibility, I guess it's okay to be a little bit fucked up, and it's time for me to say I'm sorry. And I know that it won't mean anything, I'm on my own finding my own peace.

[theartisticcrime]

Standstill

I build these walls, but for whom? My safety or for others? Stuck between four endless walls, Searching for my shadow in a windowless room, Nothing but darkness, have I lost it all? As the world around me goes on, unknowing, And I'm stuck, I am nothing.