just a gremlin taking out the trash

27 ~ she/her ~ australian ~ get ready to enjoy whatever my current fixation is

[pharmersonly]

i need whatever dose of lexapro laila’s gf is on

[pharmersonly]

she has achieved levels of equanimity only previously seen in high-ranking monks

[hudconvent]

ilya opening their mail one day and then yelling SHANESHANESHANE who rushes in to where ilya is holding up a piece of mail gleefully

its a speeding ticket (not uncommon) with a traffic enforcement photo attached and its undeniable that it’s ilya’s (very few orange lamborghinis in the area) so shane is like “wow way to go. another few of those and your license is finally going to get revoked” and ilya is like “no. look closer.”

and shane leans in to look at the photo and tiny, just barely perceptible on the grainy photo, is ilya’s hand with a handful of dark hair in his lap

shane is beyond mortified but ilya keeps trying to hang the photo on the fridge

[gaygoatshane]

me when i'm a gay pervert

[rival2lover]

i'm a perfect all-canadian bitch

[cuppydogshane]

Ilya and Anya both do this thing where they come over to Shane while he's sitting on the couch and put their head on his lap and Sigh So Ponderously. and Shane thinks it is SO funny

[cuppydogshane]

Ilya: No. We will go back to our seats, watch the rest of this boring show, and then go to boring party after. And then, when you have been waiting aaaalll night, you'll come back to my hotel room, and I will maybe, Maybe, do more than just suck your dick.

Shane:

[sinmonger]

Hollanov + tweets (part 2)

[rnismatch]

(backseating you at the mortar and pestle) man you aint even squarshing it

[snail-mail-33]

remember when Ilya grabbed his own ass to hate-wank in the shower? he was so real for that

[knownqueerbaiter]

ilya displaying anya’s obedience school certificate in the trophy room and when someone asks shane about it he goes “well someone in this family had to get their degree”

[walkingthec0w]

tumblr is only for people who r weird and a bit lonely and had a strange interest when they were 12 that led them here. if none of those apply to you like genuinely what is there for you here

[ticklefighthockey]

i love that shane's whole emotional experience of heated rivalry is just him being like why is he mean to me then nice to me then mean to me then nice to me then really nice to me then really mean to me then nice to me in a way that bewilders & disconcerts me so much it briefly turns me heterosexual. and then he's mean to me again. oh it's because he's scared. yay! i can work with scared. i intend to marry him

[aslongasitsblack]

how ilya and shane get papped to. me.

[aslongasitsblack]

shane is ilya’s bitch wife and ilya is shane’s crazy gf

and ive always said that

[wyrmicelli]

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

[snowown]

[anti-parent]

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

[anti-parent]

fantastic. i love it. i posted this after my wife said it yesterday and as i was doing it i was like "this can't be an original thought. as soon as i hit post someone's going to say 'you stole this from a tweet from 2014' and i'll say 'no, i stole it from my beautiful wife.'"

[clytemnestraaa]

i think if shane and ilya ever get a divorce that would be ilya’s final straw for buying an illegal tiger. He’s letting the tiger loose in the house and going “shane would never let me do this! I’m doing so much better without him!” and notably he does get mauled by the tiger.

he’d look great with an angsty facial scar