it's too much. keep it all inside you or they'll take one look and say, "you're too much." disgust in their voices, fear in their eyes.
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@thebrokenparts
it's too much. keep it all inside you or they'll take one look and say, "you're too much." disgust in their voices, fear in their eyes.
my fatal flaw is that if i don't want to do something i just won't do it like mama raised a quitter for sure.. i'll be doing something and suddenly be like damn what if i just didn't š¤. very freeing but also i suffer so many consequences
can anyone relate?
Monday, April 4, 12:27am 2022
The grieving process for a spouse is, at minimum, three years. Three long years of insufferable grief. What life looks like beyond those three years is unknowable. Maybe thereās hope⦠but maybe there isnāt. And I⦠I could never be that selfish.Ā
My precious, darling husband. How could I find it within myself to condemn him for the rest of his existence to the realities of my current existence? Is my own relief so alluring that I could forget - no, consciously put away - the sorrows of others? My nature chides my self-centered fantasies of slipping away. Nonetheless, their appeal is increasingly undeniable.Ā
Were this scene more light-hearted, thereād be a record scratch and the frame would freeze. āThis is me,ā the narratorās voice would say, before launching into an explanation of how such chaos came about. This is me, that much is true. But I donāt know how I got here. And if I did, how to explain to the audience something even the man I lay with canāt understand? A theater full of patrons after the turn of the millennium is not the most forgiving place. The early 2000ās were a hard time for us all.Ā
Thatās the state of the world, though, like it or not. One can find as much grace and mercy here as within the casket-like enclosure of a catholic confessional. I suppose thatās how I got here. Thatās what bent my ear towards the temptation of relief. Thatās what prompted me to put a grieving spouseās three years against my wretched eternity on the scale.Ā
For now, the weight of my husbandās fate sinks lower than my continued aforementioned misery. But we shall see. Yes, we shall see.
donāt even look at me unless you would die for me
me: *lines up my mental illnesses* vibe check
Enough things have happened. No more things for a while. Thank you.
no casual interests we hyperfixate like men
adhd is the disorder where the ādonāt want to get in the shower and donāt want to get out of the showerā feeling applies to every single thing you do at all times
trying to find a new piece of media to consume like, it has to be new, it has to be familiar, if it stresses me out even a little i will die, i want there to be a specific kind of conflict but i donāt know what kind, i want to be utterly engrossed, i want to watch it in the background, i canāt concentrate, i am hyperfixated, i want to be challenged, i want to be comforted, i want to be disturbed but in a comforting way, maybe iāll just watch the first three seasons of great british bakeoff again
i have a little switch in my head. its two settings areĀ ādo everything immediatelyā andĀ ādo nothing at allā. i do not control what the switch is set to, and there is no third setting
the devil works hard but damn my mental illness works harder