The Chain

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Dogs of Tinder - Part 14

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People you need to avoid on Tinder

People with a photo of themselves getting a tattoo. 

They’ll try and bring it up at the first opportunity, and it’s a given their tattoos will be terrible. 

People whose bio is just a quote from a film or telly. 

You're the sixteenth person I've seen with ‘I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells like rich mahogany’, you aren't clever. 

People who say they love to travel. 

You’ve gone on one holiday without your parents and you’re suddenly world wise and enlightened, seeing an abused tiger and drinking a bucket of alcohol really changes you. 

People who only have photos of themselves in clubs. 

Going out is obviously still a massive novelty, that or they’re not good at taking a selfy. 

People who like Kasabian, Arctic Monkeys or Catfish and the Bottlemen. 

They have no taste in music, don’t trust them. 

People who state 'having a laugh with mates’ as a hobby. 

Who doesn't enjoy that? 

People you vaguely know from school or work. 

Don’t match with them, even out of morbid curiosity. You’ll feel awkward when you see them if you match, or you’ll hold a grudge forever if they didn't (yeah, lad from school I never spoke to, think you’re too good for me do ya?)

[thechainzine]

today i got told i’m officially being made redundant from my job of five years. i’m not nearly as sad as i thought i’d be, but i’m still happily indulging in my grief and moping by - 

drinking wine in the bath

using more bath bombs than needed

eating cake at every available opportunity

buying 20 new lipsticks

crying at the thought of unemployment

getting unnecessary piercings 

planning how i’ll spend my redundancy payout (new tattoo i reckon)

watching the simpsons until the early hours

putting off applying for other jobs by improving my Sims life instead

[thechainzine]

Do you remember the first time?

Iconic Sheffield club and live venue, the Leadmill, just turned 35 (though they don’t look a day over 21) and they were celebrating this milestone all of last week.

We at The Chain were lucky enough to be on guestlist for their final celebrations, a gig celebrating the music scene of this city, and a DJ set by the legendary Jarvis Cocker and Steve Mackey. Seeing Jarvis dancing to the absolute banger that is Re-Rewind (Artful Dodger ft Craig David obvs) genuinely made my life a little bit better.

Like any good party, there was a MASSIVE cake, we managed to nab 4 slices between us, as well as a ridiculous amount of party bags (I’ve got enough Maoam sweets now to last a lifetime)

Thanks for all the great times Leadmill, here’s to 35 more years.

[thechainzine]

Review - Lush Ceridwen’s Cauldron bath melt

i have the scaliest skin in patches on my arms, when i’m rich i’m getting a live in dermatologist to sort me out because i’m half lizard. i’ve tried everything you can imagine to tame my dry skin, so i wasn’t holding out much hope for this bath melt, i was pleasantly surprised.

it doesn’t look like much, a cloth bag full of oats and twigs, but it soothed my skin quite a bit. the melt bubbles up in the water more than you’d expect, and turns the water a really pale milky colour. pop it in your bath when it’s about half full to give it time to melt, then enjoy.

you can use the little muslin pouch as a gentle exfoliator on your dry patches, any leftover cocoa butter and oats should help soothe your skin.

while this didn’t alleviate my scaly skin patches, it did make them soooo much more manageable and soft, i’d definitely recommend giving this a go if you’re at your wits end with dry skin.

[thechainzine]

Dogs of Tinder - Part 13

[thechainzine]

Small ways to treat yourself

it’s finally the weekend, which means we all get to relax, if you’re stuck for treats because you’re skint, why not try...

getting some new pyjamas

i know the point is to try to not spend money, but a few quid on some new pjs (primark has some nice ones in at the minute) is a few quid well spent, dont you feel like your life has improved tenfold in new jim jams?

doing a face mask

whip up some egg white and stick it on your face for 15 minutes, you’ll be lovely and smooth. use up the yolk as a hair mask (make sure you use cold water to rinse it off though, don’t want it to scramble)

painting your nails

test out your nail art skills, try something new, i always feel like i’ve accomplished something with a fresh manicure

making a comically large hot drink

try out one of your fancy hoarded teas or make a hot chocolate in your biggest, favourite mug

having a bath

you can get some fancy bubble baths for under a quid in wilkos, you don’t need to spend a fortune in lush for a luxury bath

[thechainzine]

Inappropriate things to eat on the bus

i get 4 buses a day, sometimes the only way to keep myself entertained is people watching, these are all things i’ve seen people eating on buses, from 8-9am (please eat your weird breakfasts in your own home)

a plain tortilla

corn on the cob

a whole chicken

a cheese and onion pasty

a salad sandwich

chili doritos

an egg

plain white bread

pasta

a full packet of turkey ham

a sausage roll

shreddies

a baguette

tinned tuna

[thechainzine]

If you want to see a film with an awesome soundtrack, ethereal cinematography and strong female characters, go see Lost River.

Ryan Gosling’s directorial debut has been panned by some critics, and it’s obvious that he really wants to be Terrence Malick, but that’s not a bad thing. We promise, this film is beautiful.

[thechainzine]

Vine of the Day: this pug is enjoying the nice weather as much as we are, tbh.

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Band Obsession of the Week: we heard about Girl Friend through Hooting and Howling and it turns out that they’re playing in Sheffield this weekend.

They sound like a sexy, more 80s Wild Beasts and we’re super excited to check them out.

[thechainzine]

Random Animals of Tinder #2

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Game Of Thrones is back tonight, and even though he’s not the usual frail baby bird type that we like, we’re very excited to see more of Kit Harington. Look at him walking that big ol’ puppy! What a babe. We can’t wait to spend another series watching him look moody and cold.

[thechainzine]

To Our British Followers:

There’s now less than a month until the election!!!

If you’re over 18 and not registered to vote, we really really think you should. Don’t listen to Russell Brand, your vote does and always will matter. If you don’t vote and then you don’t like who gets elected, you will spend the next five years feeling like an absolute dickhead, we promise you.

Register here!!! You have until April 20th.

[thechainzine]

Vine of the Day: finding out where you stand with your guinea pig boyfriend..

[thechainzine]

Bad Love by Summer Camp

The new single from husband and wife duo Summer Camp is definitely a banger. Bad Love is grimey and sexy and makes us wish it was summer already.

[thechainzine]

How To Get Over Writer’s Block

Open up a word processor. Stare at the screen until tears form in your eyes.

Go for a walk and observe all the people in your neighbourhood living stress free lives because they chose proper jobs.

Listen to music so loudly that it makes your ears hurt a little bit.

Do hand exercises and pretend to yourself that you’ll write your novel with a pen and paper.

Research the age your favourite author was when they first got published. If they were older than you are now, feel the relief. If they were younger, throw your laptop at the wall in frustration.

Read stuff you’ve written before until you hate yourself.

Watch your favourite film repeatedly until you know all the words. Write them down. Pretend that that counts as writing.

Look up writing prompts and sincerely attempt them even though you feel dead on the inside.

Cry yourself to sleep and dream your ideas away.