“And now,” the narrator (a very familiar voice) spoke, “a very special fanfiction for the long-awaited and mildly anticipated Canon Divergence of Clone High.” The clone of Abraham Lincoln concluded his short and sweet introduction in the parking lot of Clone High High School after his 20-year absence.
An oddly familiar, yet completely unknown, clone walked past him and scoffed at his silly and unnecessary little introduction. “Who the hell are you talking to?” She asked.
“Uh—.”
Scudworth: My New Years resolutions
- Nag my child more
- More staring blankly at my phone
- Eat more frosting
- Complain more
- Watch more low-quality television.
Mr. B: My New Years resolution is to have a clean home and get my shit together.
Mr. B, leans forward: In other news, Scudworth and CJ are up for adoption.
CJ: Realistic New Years resolutions!
- Get slightly older each day
- Eat more cheese
- Discard old socks
- Drink the same amount of tea
- Never run out of biscuits
- Say 'getting there' a lot
- Muddle through!
Scudworth: I told my daughter that my New Years resolution was to give her more hugs, she looked me dead in the eyes and said 'But not in public, right?' So, now my mission is to give her 'public hugs'.
She is neurodivergent like Scudworth (which is only assumed by some of the fandom and referenced in canon). At some point he alludes to trying to completely change her completely so that she wouldn't be anything like him, it did not work in his favor, obviously (this does include an attempt to eliminate the ND which, for an unethical basket case, is something I could see him attempting, if anyone needs me to explain why this is a thing, send an ask or something. I will elaborate. I have an essay prepared I just don't want the reference post being too long for whoever reads it lol).
Scudworth can blow himself up and generally be fine, CJ cannot. She takes longer to recover from injuries.
She can, however, partake in the school sports and win. If she even knew what a school sport was. Scudworth couldn't even coach his students, he also doesn't even know what a school sport is, obviously. Rest in peace, Brian.
CJ is in fact a geek. It is referenced that she used to love MODOK but the recent iterations of his character suck. She hates Doctor Strange because someone told her that now that Scudworth has the "salt and pepper hair" he looks like Doctor Strange. She can't unsee it. She is banned from attempting to replicate lightsabers from Star Wars in the house. She named her genetically modified dinosaur after Bones from Star Trek (not Bones the TV show). She had more dinosaurs planned because she saw Jurassic Park as a challenge, and she had a list of Star Trek names for the dinosaurs, Data and Lore were next. She was banned from watching Back to The Future when she was 6 because she tried to make a time machine out of Scudworth's car (It wasn't even a Delorean, SMH).
CJ will forever confuse Scudworth and Mr. B. She once wanted to play princesses with Mr. B, except Mr. B was the princess, and she was the dragon. Mr. B got attacked by CJ. She hoards Halloween decorations (i.e., fake knives with the liquid blood, etc.) and will often chase poor Scudworth around the house because she thinks she's Michael Myers or something. She is not. She's like 5 when she does this. If she catches him and he talks, she reminds him that dead people are dead and don't make sounds.
When CJ actually panics, and isn't just uncomfortable, and tries to leave the situation, she forgets to open the door before running through it. She will literally hit herself with the door. Every time. Without fail.
CJ doesn't typically use the doors to her friends' houses. She will break into their homes through their windows. She has also been seen escaping through windows Gandhi-style. This doesn't occur when she is "getting to know" her peers, only after she decides they're friends.
CJ has an affinity for the occult and supernatural. For a scientist (albeit a Scudworth), she believes in all things supernatural except for the bible or any religious book (the people, obviously, and some of the deities and entities are real but the book itself is a work of fiction at best in her mind). She has ghost hunting and other supernatural hunting gear in her car because she's a freak. Topher once thought CJ was a supernatural being and wondered why she was so paranoid about the supernatural because of that. It's unknown if CJ is paranoid to the point where she sages the house, but she would probably throw sage at Scudworth for "no reason". It's on brand.
When CJ is about to do something extremely dumb, her eyes kind of do the Pennywise thing and go in opposite directions.
Mr. B sometimes pretends that CJ and Scudworth aren't around when they are very obviously around.
CJ doesn't have all the same "talents" that Scudworth has. She does applaud Scudworth for his theatrics and musical abilities, even when she's mad at him, and admits to not having those same abilities. But she found some of her own. Oddly enough, she's a "car guy" and it's fun for her. There are other things too, but she's just so proud of fixing up a '67 mustang inside and out (it's PINK now).
She tries too hard to differentiate herself from Scudworth sometimes that she does a 360. How no one figured it out is beyond me.
Waitress, about Scudworth and CJ: Excuse me, sir, are these two bothering you?
Mr. B: Yes, they are. But that's my best friend and his clone, so I pretty much signed up for this. The clone thinks I'm married to my best friend so-.
CJ: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying "Haven't decided yet" is typically a good response.
Joan: Typically.
CJ: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.
Scudworth: This knife is actually a magic wand-meet me in the Denny's parking lot for a wizard duel!
CJ, deadpanning, cocks gun: Magic missile.
Mr. B: What the fuck is wrong with you two?
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