if ancient authors were on tumblr
plato: constantly monitors the philosophy tag and starts shit with everyone by asking questions until they contradict themselves. people get really pissed at him until he posts a selfie and he’s absolutely shredded
aristotle: writes long explanatory posts about a variety of subjects. he and plato also get into big discussions over reblogs, which they never cut down, pissing all of their followers off
sappho: reblogs lots of pictures of flowers and pastel aesthetic posts, with the occasional wlw post thrown in (though not often, because she always gets weird messages afterwards). her poetry posts are always incredibly popular even when she only posts a few phrases from something she’s working on
homer: popular freestyle rapper who adapts old folk stories and records himself composing. people constantly send him messages asking if achilles and patroclus are together, but he always keeps his answers vague, which leads to a ton of arguing from his fans
herodotus: runs one of those “did you know” fact blogs, but it’s hit-or-miss as to whether he’s actually posting something true
lucian: quality shitposter when he’s not posting neat sci-fi and weird satire. reblogs every single “the moon is gay” post he sees
aristophanes: runs a pun blog. people are torn between finding him hilarious and finding him immature. either way, he responds to all of his asks with fart jokes
cicero: constantly goes on ridiculously long rants about politics. he’s that guy who adds unnecessary comments on every single post he reblogs. he occasionally posts poetry but it only ever gets reblogged by atticus and catullus, who does so to make fun of him
catullus: reblogs literally everything that sappho posts. everything else is mostly dramatic personal posts, complaining, and the occasional poem. his blog confuses everyone because it is a strange mix of nonsensical all-caps screaming and eloquent, heart-wrenching verse
vergil: reblogs a lot of nature posts, especially ‘save the bees’ stuff. every once in a while, he posts poetry, but he always deletes it a few minutes later. he and horace are constantly tagging each other in things.
horace: posts a lot of pictures of food and wine. occasionally goes on weird tangents about bizarre topics but is generally likable. sometimes reblogs posts of trees from vergil and tags them with ‘:(((’
martial: gossip extraordinaire. vagues about everyone he knows but is so witty and good at it that nobody can tell who exactly it is and nobody really cares. occasionally posts a bunch of stuff sucking up to his boss and writes particularly salty posts about people who complain about it
pliny the younger: mostly posts #relatable content and occasionally goes on long tangents about his ships. adds smilies to the end of all of his posts and is completely sincere about every one of them
suetonius: constantly starting shit between other bloggers and spreading rumors. particularly fond of kinkshaming. nobody is sure where he gets his information from, but some people still take him seriously for some reason
andulkaphoto
baratheonpilled
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