itâs always gonna be like this, isnât it

if i look back, i am lost
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@thecolorpomegranate
itâs always gonna be like this, isnât it
learned to hate myself early i think.
never unlearned.
how the fuck did kids grow up loving themselves. all i learned was how to be jealous and hateful and fucking horrible. who was supposed to teach me that it was okay to be 12 and ugly
they are just silly and nothing bad will ever happen
This whole scene man. And for Hobie nope out spider society afterwards with chaos going on lol
This comment sums it up best
thereâs really something painful about knowing that youâll never be what they want. whoever it is.
because you know that no matter what universe youâre in, youâll always end up the same way. and whatever universe theyâre in with you, theyâll feel the same.
no matter how much i can accept what i am, at the end of the day i will always have that fucking fleeting thought: what if i could? what if i could do it? they would love me if i did, love me in the whole way theyâve always wanted to love me.
itâs a dream. a daydream. of a perfect little doll me. a me iâve never been but have always wanted. iâll never be that.
but it still hurts that i canât.
thinking about middle aged gay love is like. we have a future and we have time
my mother divorced my father when i was 7. it wasnât because she was gay, though she did discover this later (another reminder that itâs okay to find out who you are at 40, at 50, etc, and also for who you are to change) but because she had thought he was the great love of her life and he turned out to be a shitty person.
my mother married my ma when i was 11. i think they do have a great love. i think they love each other the way you can when youâre middle aged â having seen the world, being able to see each otherâs flaws, knowing themselves. they see each other in full, and they love each other and the world for it.Â
they dance on the street to buskers (very embarrassing when youâre twelve; very cute when you look back on it as an adult). i shit you not â they pass me their purses and dance on the sidewalk, laughing. i thought was something that only happened in movies.
my ma makes my mother eggs every morning because my mother canât cook for shit. my mother presses my maâs work blazers for her because my ma still canât figure out how to work the new iron.Â
when it was warm, high-school me would wake up on the weekends and wander downstairs to find them sitting in the backyard in the sun, drinking coffee together and splitting the newspaper in a surgical, exact process since theyâd worked out who wanted which sections years ago.Â
my mother is happier than sheâs ever been. my ma, too. there is a future out there for every gay person whoâs always known theyâre gay, like my ma, and for everyone who figures it out later, like my mother. thereâs time.Â
theyâre growing old together. i cannot express to you how much they are leading happy lives, loving each other, with a huge family surrounding them. i cannot express to you how much they have this beautiful future that they are living and will live.Â
i want you to know, if you donât have any older gays in your life: theyâre out there. and theyâre living these full, happy lives.
sometimes i look to my moms and i think, i want a life like yours. and looking at them makes me believe i will get it.Â
GriffinsÂ
A hero needs to rest. Link poses at Zeet Studio life drawing! The poses where, UFF , you can check more of the drawings at my insta: @debbiebalboa
PSA: Just a friendly reminder that whenever you start a creative project, you will invariably hit a phase where the Thingâąïž appears horrendous and you start asking existential questions. But if you keep working, it invariably passes and starts to resemble something less like the devilâs vomit. Doesnât matter if itâs art, writing, or whatâthis happens repeatedly. Carry on.
This is a bit of advice I always pass on to people asking me about art. EVERY. SINGLE. PEICE. Every single one that I love I have at one point or another wanted to throw in the trash. Wanted to burn in a fire. Wanted to give up and leave it. The trick is to go âokay what is the worst part and how do I fix itâ and just focus on that ONE thing. Then you do that again for the second worst. Then you do it again. And again. Until finally nothing needs fixing. And then itâs done and itâs beautiful.
If you dont love it, itâs not done yet. Thatâs all there is to it.
I wish your heart knew what my heart stores for you
today I watched everything everywhere all at once and now Iâm inconsolable
EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE (2022)
how is anyone supposed to watch dr strange wave his hands for 2.5 hours to "fix" the multiverse after seeing how an asian mother's acceptance of her daughter's queerness was the key to defeating evil across every conceivable reality. how.
the premiere pro timeline for Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) dir. Daniels, edited by Paul Rogers.
Charlie and Nick + The Five Love Languages (insp)