conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 57 (masterpost here)
Tim: -i think it's your fault, personally.
Damian: *scoff* are you joking?! it was you and your stupid party incident. who gets so bored during a stakeout that they go and join the people they're watching?!
Tim: it was like five minutes! i only stole some beer, grow up.
Damian: yes, and now because of you, none of us are allowed to do stakeouts with each other.
Damian: -i don't see how we all have to be punished just because a select few of us are idiots and can't control their intrusive thoughts.
Jason: if this is because of the melon, i already apologised to Nightwing like ten times.
Damian: no- *pause* what?
Damian: we're talking about Father banning multi-person stakeouts because of Red Robin?
Jason: oh. well to be fair that wasn't because of Red.
Jason: yeah that wasn't any of us, that's just B not wanting us to speak to each other.
Damian: what are you talking about?
Jason: yeah he figured out that every time we get bored on stakeouts together we start talking about him, and he's afraid we'll unionise against him so he's just limiting shared contact. But he can't say that's the reason why, so he's lying about it being a danger or whatever.
Tim: that's such bullshit.
Jason: *considering noise* i mean, it is and it isn't.
Tim, indignant: whose side are you on-?
Jason no- *wheeze* no look, i'm not saying i agree with him, but like... you have to admit most of the time if any of us are left unsupervised, he does end up somehow suffering.
Damian: we're not that bad-
Jason, supremely incredulous: we're not that- coming from you, that's insane; you're literally the worst one.
Jason: you two- you two were literally left unsupervised for like five minutes and you came up with a game that ended in B's parents ashes being brought out on patrol, i don't wanna hear arguing on this one, this is completely on you.
Tim: -WELL OK THAT WAS MORE HIM THAN ME-
Damian: i have no regrets, i won fair and square.
Jason: yeah- Rob you realise me and Goldie were like, hardcore theorising about why Robin and Batman weren't working together as much as they used to before that? like we fully thought something must have happened in secret and there was some big conspiracy as to why B was letting you out on your own so much. and then you fucking did that and we were just like 'ok actually never mind, we'd want a break from you too.'
Tim: *bursts out laughing* no ok- hold on he's right, you- *wheeze*
Jason: RIGHT?! you see what i fucking mean? B is terrified of Robin. the last thing he wants is to create more environments for him to bounce off of us and be worse.
Damian: he is not- you're being ridiculous.
Jason: *laughing* Rob, you gotta understand that B has been afraid of himself since he was like, ten years old. that's why there's so many contingency plans for like, alternate universal shit and body-stealing and shit. his worst case scenario is himself.
Tim: *wheeze* and then fucking- *cough* oh, now i feel bad for him; imagine being that scared of yourself and then finding out you literally reproduced what is essentially a 99% accurate mini-clone of yourself.
Damian: actually you know what? when you dropped me on the manor's doorstep and i told Father who i was, the first thing he did was whimper slightly and ask 'if i was sure'.
Tim: *abrupt loud cackles*
Damian: -which like, at the time i didn't know the man so i just ignored it out of politeness,
Jason: -you are literally so much like him its scary, R. not only that but you're him plus assassin DNA. plus a non-empathetic upbringing, plus- and this is the worst thing about it i promise you, plus, you're a him that's growing up within the battlefield of having like. six siblings.
Tim: *laughing uncontrollably*
Damian: ...holy fuck i am my father's worst nightmare.
Damian: shut the- *slight wheeze* shut the fuck up, Red.
Tim: no i'm- *sounding wet* it's not funny, i'm not laughing, i just- *collapses into giggles again*
Damian, audibly amused: this is so unfair! you literally raised me to be like this, Hood. you were my biggest influence growing up!
Jason: yeah i know, i- *wheeze* that's why i did it.
Jason, solemn: -dude i was really mad at Batman at the time.
Tim: i can't- i can't breathe-
Damian, whining: IT'S NOT FUNNY.
Dick: gentlemen, fine weather we're having here,
Damian: NIGHTWING. what's my father's biggest fear?
Dick, instantly: you being corrupted by us, next question.
Tim: *starts laughing again*
Damian: ok well fuck all of you. actually, Nightwing, while you're here, another question for you.
Damian: what happened between you, Hood, and a melon?
*two disconnecting pings*
Tim, through tears: i'm totally dressing up as you next Halloween, by the way.
Damian: if i can become Batman's worst fear then i can become yours too, Red. don't test me.
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