On bringing my loved, secure, and calm self to class
I went through yoga teacher training in 2012 because I wanted to learn more about yoga. I was also motivated to start teaching because it seemed like a great way to gain a better understanding as a practitioner. I didn't quite realize at the time, that the act of teaching itself had so much to offer.
Over the two and a half years since I first started teaching, the discipline has made me a better person. The pyramid drawing, illustrates my point.
In a yoga class, the quality of an teacher's presence matters as much as any piece of knowledge that is shared. When I show up to class feeling nourished - loved, secure, and calm in my own being, my teaching naturally flows in a way to encourage those feelings in others.
As a newer teacher, there have been times when I showed up with an anxious, obsessive attitude, wanting to squeeze in as many poses into the class as possible, worrying about every visible misalignment in people as though I should be the one controlling all of it. This kind of obsession would suffocate the delicate, subtler layers of a good class, which is experienced by breathing steadily, doing one thing at a time in order to observe more, and feeling the expansiveness and calm that yoga practice can offer.
These subtle layers are so easy to accidentally suppress, because they are experienced slowly, they do not sound very exciting when preparing a sequence by writing it down on paper, and it is so much easier to find information and community support for posture, or asana practice.
It is hard, but crucial to encourage the subtle experience of yoga. This might be described by one of the eight limbs of ashtanga yoga. Pratyahara is about controlling our reactions to external influences. In tadasana, if we are having trouble gazing forward with a restful gaze, because thoughts are darting around the head, we need pratyahara. If I am showing up to class giddy and anxious, I need to cultivate pratyahara.
For a while, I was amazed by, and intimidated by the reserve amount of stability and love one has to carry in oneself, in order to bring a wholesome self to a class. The level of integrity one needs to bring to the classroom, cannot be compared to the monetary stipend that teachers typically get through teaching. But it does bring a feeling of true connection and trust with the students.
I realized that, in order to teach others, my whole life has to be healthy enough to do so. While this way of thinking has been intimidating at times, it is this requirement that has encouraged me to make healthy life choices and actively seek ways to be comfortable and confident with my place in my life, work, and relationships. Of course not everything is - or will be - perfectly in balance all of the time, but I will continue to appreciate all that teaching yoga demands of me.
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