The Ramblings of a MC @thedealer1228 - Tumblr Blog

It's getting closer all the time (I'm slipping farther all the time) I'm getting stronger all the time (I'm feeling so weak inside) I'm feeling better all the time (I'm slipping farther all the time) It's getting harder all the time (Feels like I'm losing my mind)

Mudvayne - “Closer”

#Mudvayne

Not So Fun Thoughts After the Break

I want to kill myself right now. All I want is the cold, sweet relief of death. I’m tired of dealing with this. I’m tired of waking up every day. I’m tired of the stress. I’m tired of the anxiety. I’m tired of feeling abandoned. I’m tired of spending every free moment trying to figure how I’m suppose to do an assignment. I’m tired of spending every waking moment thinking about someone who is trapped in her own cycle of depression and refuses to talk to me. I’m tired of feeling unloved. I’m tired of work. I’m tired of my coworkers. I’m tired of my manager. I’m tired of not knowing where I’m supposed to be going or what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m tired of feeling exhausted. I’m tired of being tense all of the time. I’m tired of, well, being tired. Ever since high school, all I’ve wanted is for someone to run me over with their car, or for the house to collapse with me still inside it. None of it ever happens, and though I thought I was over feeling this way, it’s back again, in full force, and I just want to die. This isn’t me being dramatic, this isn’t me overreacting, this isn’t me being anything but honest. I. Just. Want. To. Die. Not tomorrow, not 10, 20, or 40 years from now. Today. Right now. I can’t go on for another second because for the past month I have felt like I’m on the verge of snapping into a full-blown panic attack and I’m just so tired of all of it. Fucking kill me, please. Because I know I’m too much of a fuck up to do it myself.

#Me #I'm in a very bad place right now and I had to get this out

Whoa...

When was the last time I logged on here? I think it was back in July, maybe?

Anyway, I need to rant about something, and it’s too long for Twitter and too personal for Facebook or Wordpress, so I’ll toss it to my Tumblr fam.

So I signed up for a dating website because I’m a lonely fuck (this was shortly after I stopped using Tumblr). Nothing really happened, so I signed up for another. This one was even worse, so I signed up for another. What I’m realizing is either a) women do not initiate contact or b) I’m just unattractive, unappealing, or both. Also, there were two women who I thought were both interesting on a personal level and relatively attractive, but the moment I message them they decide to just stop using the app. *pulls hair* Why is this so fucking difficult? I just want to love someone! I’m tired of being alone all of the time.

#Me #Rant #OkCupid #Match #Plenty of Fish