absolutely looosssinggg it. i'm so obsessed with movies which portray the woman MC in a highly specific job because the writers clearly think it's like "off-beat" and "quirky" but have no idea how the field works whatsoever.
i decided to try a romcom i somehow missed i the 2000s 'head over heels' and i got 3 and a half minutes in and we're introduced to the lonely MC with bad taste in men as evidenced by her extremely short list of ex boyfriends, including her first boyfriend when she was 11 or something because i guess that's still relevant in her adult life.
so she's resigned herself to never finding love and prefers to ignore men to focus all her energy into her career.
this job is immediately presented as though it's for spinsters with no hope of ever finding a man.
the mc's lesbian bestie (whose first line involves her being scolded for being too sexual in the workplace, but moving on) points out their colleagues as evidence that they're doomed to a romance-less, sexless life if they don't switch up their shared career path. the colleagues are three old women, so-dubbed "the menopause triplets":
these women are presented as if they have no idea what's going on at any given moment. this is 2001, and presumably this is an entry level job requiring low effort and no experience.
then their boss bursts into the room, unceremoniously bumping a large painting into the door jam and walls, announcing that it's a new project for our MC.
our MC is thrilled to see the painting. apparently it's a light in the daily slog at her dreary job for loser women with nothing going on in their lives.
And that job is? Conservator of paintings (specializing in Renaissance) at the New York City Metropolitan Museum of Art.
The painting being handled like an old couch on its way to the curb?
The Bacchanal of the Andrians by Titian.
Her lesbian colleague who is presumably also a a highly trained & skilled curator finds it depressing that the MC is so excited about the painting.
it's a quirk unique to this MC that she cares so much about paintings, in her department at the metropolitan museum of art, where her colleagues find all that art business rather dreary. because we all know that's what conservators in extremely competitive museum positions are like.
I'm not saying there can't be lifelong love in here somewhere but I also just feel like the monogamous heterosexual marriage you're fantasizing about isn't necessarily best represented by the bacchanal. and that's okay. but i do stand by that.
the rise of conservatism and gen z puritanism while still simultaneously trying to be hip and woke is so annoying because you have these people saying "match my freak" and then they get mad at ageplay and petplay and cnc and somno and anything raunchier than a pair of fuzzy handcuffs. you're not a "freak" if you think having a fetish is synonymous with being evil
the legally blonde mentality isnt just for law students. u can bring that attitude with you into every field of work. be the whimsical force of positive change. wear that neon outfit. snaps for us all.
this post was inspired by my boss telling me she couldnt "take me seriously" in a pair of dinosaur print overalls. sorry i have two degrees and a dope wardrobe. you dont need to take me seriously but You Will Take Me.
Cannot stand the trend of censoring any and all words that describe concepts that might make you go :( especially when the censoring is done in that quarter-assed way that's just 'did a lil scribble over a vowel so you know that I know this word describes a no-no."
I'm not even going to be vague about what sparked this. Do not fucking censor the word 'stole.' I'm at my fucking limit.
Who does this benefit. Who is made safer by this. Whose life is made better by this. Who is out there going "Wow I sure am glad I didn't have to see that word without it scribbled on a little. That really reduced the emotional impact of reading that word." Can I kill them?
“Robin, can you get—” The captain’s voice stopped me as I passed the cockpit. Before I could do more than peek my head around the corner, she was already adding, “Never mind, it will be faster if I get it. Would you mind keeping our client company for a moment while I do?”
“Sure,” I said as Captain Sunlight hopped down from her chair with a gesture toward the big screen where an unfamiliar face waited. Long snout, baboon/crocodile features; a Farsight. I hadn’t seen one of those in a while.
“Thank you. I’ll be back in a moment. Wio is otherwise occupied.” The captain waved a scaly yellow hand at the tentacles and cleaning supplies visible under the dashboard. Apparently somebody had been eating snacks in the cockpit again.
“Gotcha,” I said as Wio grumbled and Captain Sunlight left. I turned my attention to the big screen. “Hello! I’m Robin; nice to meet you.”
“Hello Robin, I am Triangle,” he said, as if that was a perfectly normal name. Which it probably was on his planet. “Tell me, is your name based on a form of glamorous banditry?”
“Huh? Oh! No, but I can see why you might think so.” I didn’t know if he’d heard a thirdhand reference to Robin Hood, or to the English word “robbing” (there wasn’t much similarity in everybody’s favorite trade language), but either way it was a reasonable assumption. I told him, “It’s a type of animal from my planet. A small avian.”
To my surprise, he laughed. “What are the odds? My name is a bird too.”
“Really? A triangle?” All the mental images I was coming up with belonged in a children’s educational show.
The Farsight nodded. “The Triangle-Tailed Glider. They like to perch up high with a good view, and their vision is exceptionally sharp.”
“Oh, nice! Robins are pretty little songbirds that migrate, and people like to say that seeing one is the first sign of springtime.”
Triangle made appreciative noises, then annoyed ones when something offscreen knocked his camera sideways. Apparently he was in a private office, not the cockpit of another ship.
“My apologies,” he said as he fixed the camera. “Not much desk space today.” With the new angle, I caught a glimpse of brightly colored little things in piles. They looked familiar.
“Are those dice?”
“Yes! You’re familiar? We make a variety of them, and I suspect the wrong type was packed in the shipment.”
“Ah.” That explained what Captain Sunlight had gone to check. I hoped we weren’t about to make a U-turn. “Well, they all look very nice.”
“Thank you! We’re very proud of them. I particularly like the newest line.” He picked up a bright rainbow-colored nugget and dropped it on the desk to demonstrate. To my surprise, it bounced in an unpredictable direction.
“Is that made of rubber?” I asked.
“Of course! Only the most unpredictable of dice for proper games of chaos.”
I leaned against the back of the empty chair. “That does sound appropriate. I’ve only used the more predictable kind.”
“These are endless fun; I recommend them. And not just because I sell them, of course.”
“Of course!” I smiled. “I’ve got some friends back home who’d probably be all over that.”
Triangle rolled another one, which was abruptly swatted out of sight by a blur of green fur that scattered everything. Triangle shooed the creature away with the frustrated air of cat owners everywhere.
I tried not to laugh. “I have one of those too! Is that your pet?”
Triangle sighed deeply. “Yes. He’s the brightest spark in my life, which occasionally burns things.” He ducked out of view and returned with what looked like a wiggly green ferret with an eagle’s beak. “Say hello, Trouble.”
“Aw, hi Trouble.” I waggled fingers at the screen while Trouble made himself at home on Triangle’s shoulders, curling up and snuggling close as if he hadn’t just made an utter mess. “Do you think he’d like to say hi to my pet through the screen?”
Triangle began sorting the dice back into piles, wearing his own pet like a scarf. “Why not? Worst case, he tackles the screen if your pet looks like prey. And I upgraded to the unbreakable model after last time. So sure!”
Captain Sunlight strode back in with a box; perfect timing. “Found it. Did you two have a nice talk?”
Wio crawled out from under the dashboard and answered for me. “Of course they did. To no one’s surprise, the human and the Farsight have everything in common. I’ll bet their pets would eat both their namesakes, given a chance.”
I was silent for a moment while I thought about it. Triangle did the same. We both said, “Yes, probably,” at the same time.
Captain Sunlight sounded amused when she said, “To no one’s surprise indeed. Well if I can interrupt the chat, I found the box you were worried about. I think it’s the correct one after all. Shall I open it to confirm?”
Triangle was visibly relieved, and eager to make sure. While the two of them were occupied with that, I stepped out and hurried to my quarters where a certain small furry predator was taking a nap among the ceiling pipes.
I’d set up a proper cat bed up there, after making sure it wasn’t radioactive or likely to make the pipes overheat. And I’d installed two more shelves to give her a safer route up. She’d only fallen on me the one time.
“Hello, small predator who would absolutely eat a robin if she could,” I said as I scooped up the sleepy cat. “Come say hi to your alien cousin.”
Telly protested a little, but didn’t really object as I carried her back down the hallway. I told her she was brave and resilient for making do with cat toys and my ankles instead of proper prey. Maybe I’d get some rubber dice, as much for her benefit as for any actual games with the rest of the crew.
~~~
Previous appearances of the Farsights:
Arboreal Species
The Good Perch
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Good news! Volume One of the collected series is now available in paperback and ebook form! (Check your local store, or this handy link hub.)
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These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.
Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.
The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).
i know you can just say "none of your business" but phrasing it as a question with a jarringly formal tone is the ideal way to shoot an overfamiliar unwelcome overture dead in its tracks and force the person making it to confront the boundaries they're taking for granted + it would really piss people off which is funny
