thedepressedkiddo

[thedepressedkiddo]

I wonder if this is ever going to end.

Sometimes I just sit back and wonder—will this ever end, or am I supposed to live the rest of my life like this?

By like this, I mean isolated, drowning in my thoughts, bound by the pain I hold deep inside me, falling back into despair and slumber as I try to reach the light and escape.

Is this the way it’s going to be forever? Forever haunted by demons and nightmares of my failures, grief, and loneliness?

Am I ever going to overcome the darkness I am surrounded by right now? Will I ever get to touch and swim through the light that I only catch glimpses of while constantly drowning in the depths of darkness?

Am I ever going to be sane with all these loud, screeching voices inside my head? Will it ever get quiet?

Am I going to be fine? Will I ever be normal? Or is this just it?

Or am I dreaming—and all I need to do is realize that this was a dream all along and open my eyes—

to see sunlight, embrace its warmth, and soak myself in love I don’t think I deserve… to be acknowledged by others, to realize that my identity actually exists in the real world and is not just an illusion… to break free from the chains I am bound with, to breathe, to exist, to live…

Will I ever?

[thedepressedkiddo]

I wonder if this is ever going to end.

Sometimes I just sit back and wonder—will this ever end, or am I supposed to live the rest of my life like this?

By like this, I mean isolated, drowning in my thoughts, bound by the pain I hold deep inside me, falling back into despair and slumber as I try to reach the light and escape.

Is this the way it’s going to be forever? Forever haunted by demons and nightmares of my failures, grief, and loneliness?

Am I ever going to overcome the darkness I am surrounded by right now? Will I ever get to touch and swim through the light that I only catch glimpses of while constantly drowning in the depths of darkness?

Am I ever going to be sane with all these loud, screeching voices inside my head? Will it ever get quiet?

Am I going to be fine? Will I ever be normal? Or is this just it?

Or am I dreaming—and all I need to do is realize that this was a dream all along and open my eyes—

to see sunlight, embrace its warmth, and soak myself in love I don’t think I deserve… to be acknowledged by others, to realize that my identity actually exists in the real world and is not just an illusion… to break free from the chains I am bound with, to breathe, to exist, to live…

Will I ever?

[thedepressedkiddo]

I wonder if this is ever going to end.

Sometimes I just sit back and wonder—will this ever end, or am I supposed to live the rest of my life like this? By like this, I mean isolated, drowning in my thoughts, bound by the pain I hold deep inside me, falling back into despair and slumber as I try to reach the light and escape. Is this the way it’s going to be forever? Forever haunted by demons and nightmares of my failures, grief, and loneliness. Am I ever going to overcome the darkness I am surrounded by right now? Will I ever get to touch and swim through the light that I only catch glimpses of while constantly drowning in the depths of darkness? Am I ever going to be sane with all these loud, screeching voices inside my head? Will it ever get quiet? Am I going to be fine? Will I ever be normal? Or is this just it? Or am I dreaming—and all I need to do is realize that this was a dream all along and open my eyes—to see sunlight, embrace its warmth, and soak myself in love I don’t think I deserve, to be acknowledged by others, to realize that my identity actually exists in the real world and is not just an illusion, to break free from the chains I am bound with, to breathe, to exist, to live…

Will I ever?

[thedepressedkiddo]

I wonder if this is ever going to end.

Sometimes I just sit back and wonder—will this ever end, or am I supposed to live the rest of my life like this?

By like this, I mean isolated, drowning in my thoughts, bound by the pain I hold deep inside me, falling back into despair and slumber as I try to reach the light and escape.

Is this the way it’s going to be forever? Forever haunted by demons and nightmares of my failures, grief, and loneliness?

Am I ever going to overcome the darkness I am surrounded by right now? Will I ever get to touch and swim through the light that I only catch glimpses of while constantly drowning in the depths of darkness?

Am I ever going to be sane with all these loud, screeching voices inside my head? Will it ever get quiet?

Am I going to be fine? Will I ever be normal? Or is this just it?

Or am I dreaming—and all I need to do is realize that this was a dream all along and open my eyes—

to see sunlight, embrace its warmth, and soak myself in love I don’t think I deserve… to be acknowledged by others, to realize that my identity actually exists in the real world and is not just an illusion… to break free from the chains I am bound with, to breathe, to exist, to live…

Will I ever?

[bpderanged]

Sorry for inconveniencing you with my issues. I should have suffered in silence like I'm supposed to.

[thedepressedkiddo]

may my eyes never recognize you if I ever see you again

[thedepressedkiddo]

after you, i won't seek love again because i know if i do, i'll be searching for pieces of you in everyone i meet.

[thedepressedkiddo]

[thedepressedkiddo]

"The most terrible loneliness is not the kind that comes from being alone, but the kind that comes from being misunderstood. It is the loneliness of standing in a crowded room, surrounded by people who do not see you, who do not hear you, who do not know the true essence of who you are. And in that loneliness, you feel as though you are fading, disappearing into the background, until you are nothing more than a ghost, a shadow of your former self."

- George Orwell, 1984

[thedepressedkiddo]

"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It's the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness.Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could."

- Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

[thedepressedkiddo]

after you, i won't seek love again because i know if i do, i'll be searching for pieces of you in everyone i meet.

[thedepressedkiddo]

when the coffee starts to taste like " if the universe gave us another chance to be together again, are you willing to take it? "

[thedepressedkiddo]

"I fear to love you too much and lose you and suffer, and I also fear to not love you and miss a love chance and regret it. I live with you an unbalance state since I knew you, my life going perfectly, except my heart which is a mess. I always fear the endings, for I am used to lose anything I love, so please tell me: How can I love you without pain? And how can I not love you with regret?

أخاف أن أحبك جدا فأفقدك ثم أتألم، و أخاف أيضا أن لا أحبك فتضيع فرصة الحب فأندم، أعيش معك حالة لا توازن منذ أن عرفتك، حياتي تسير بإنتظام، ما عدا قلبي فإنه تسوده الفوضى. لكني أخشى النهايات دوما، فأنا قد اعتدت دائما أن أفقد أي شيء أحبه. أرجوك أخبرني : كيف "أحبك بلا ألم؟ وكيف لا أحبك بلا ندم؟

[thedepressedkiddo]

"I fear to love you too much and lose you and suffer, and I also fear to not love you and miss a love chance and regret it. I live with you an unbalance state since I knew you, my life going perfectly, except my heart which is a mess. I always fear the endings, for I am used to lose anything I love, so please tell me: How can I love you without pain? And how can I not love you with regret?

أخاف أن أحبك جدا فأفقدك ثم أتألم، و أخاف أيضا أن لا أحبك فتضيع فرصة الحب فأندم، أعيش معك حالة لا توازن منذ أن عرفتك، حياتي تسير بإنتظام، ما عدا قلبي فإنه تسوده الفوضى. لكني أخشى النهايات دوما، فأنا قد اعتدت دائما أن أفقد أي شيء أحبه. أرجوك أخبرني : كيف "أحبك بلا ألم؟ وكيف لا أحبك بلا ندم؟

[thedepressedkiddo]

"I exist.' In thousands of agonies - I exist. I'm tormented on the rack - but I exist! Though I sit alone in a pillar - I exist! I see the sun, and if I don't see the sun, I know it's there. And there's a whole life in that, in knowing that the sun is there."

- Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

[thedepressedkiddo]

کبھی خود پہ کبھی حالات پہ رونا آیا

بات نکلی تو ہر اک بات پہ رونا آیا

ہم تو سمجھے تھے کہ ہم بھول گئے ہیں ان کو

کیا ہوا آج یہ کس بات پہ رونا آیا

At times, I wept for myself, at times for fate,

Once the words came out, I wept for every state.

I thought I had forgotten them for sure,

But what happened today that I wept once more?

[seekingstars]

Søren Kierkegaard