The Drunken Humanist

This guy is a drunk, stoned, and horny atheist.

[thedrunkenhumanist]

Why have you stopped writing?

I’m truly sorry everyone who loved this blog but I don’t see the writings returning any time soon. The man I was running this for took down his facebook page and is taking a step back for an undetermined amount of time. In his own words “He’s just not feeling it anymore.” I’m sorry there isn’t more information to give on the subject and I promise to update the second he’s back if he decides to return to us as The Drunken Humanist.I’d like to wish peace, love, a good beer, and some of the highest quality weed to all of you

[thedrunkenhumanist]

Conservative friend: Bunch of lazy moochers! I can't explain to you how pissed I get when somebody uses an EBT card in front of me at the grocery store!

Me: Oh, now I see you're mentally deficient and incapable of understanding systemic trends on either interpersonal levels or societal levels. You view things very black and white(which explains your recent advocacy of the confederate battle flag.) You clearly haven't the foggiest idea of the biological, psychological, and sociological implications of poverty as not merely a state of being, but rather a continuing institution which has been scapegoated and victimized for damn near every social ill imaginable since the dawn of forever.

Please, though, continue calling me a "bleeding heart liberal" whenever I bring up a term you can't grasp. ~Alex

[thedrunkenhumanist]

Quick question:

Do any of the gay folks here actually have friends who pull the whole mental gymnastics thing where they say they love you but don't condone your lifestyle?

I just got to thinking that I've heard a shit ton of homophobes say they have all these gay friends but I've never heard a homosexual say something to the affect of:

"Oh, yeah! Mike's a great friend! He's one of those caring conservatives who loves me but doesn't think I deserve happiness and security." ~Alex

[thedrunkenhumanist]

Dear millennials,

How. Fucking. Dare. You live in a world of material abundance hamstringed by archaic economic normalities where a privileged oligarchy reaps the benefits of our technological know-how while most of the world starves and you waste away your days as debt-slaves perpetuating anachronistic memes such as "you must work to live?"

How fucking dare you feel entitled to a modicum of comfort manifested out of our species' aggregate knowledge base and not simply reserve yourselves to 50 hour work weeks making dick for pay and smile graciously because 'massa says you should?!

You, millennial, on your high horse, denouncing capitalism as if turning 18, accruing insurmountable debt, and dying of heart disease isn't the fucking american dream... How. Fucking. Dare. You?

Love, Your affectionate progenitors, The Baby Boomers

[thedrunkenhumanist]

Dear republicans,

The individual leading your party's presidential candidacy bid is Donald Trump.

Donald Trump: The overt racist. The multiple times bankrupt swindler. The real-life version of the cartoon billionaire. The dude who paid $50 per head for a crowd at his candidacy announcement.

You. Sincerely. Need. To. Reconsider. What your political affiliation is.

Do you want to vote for a dude like Bernie Sanders who vowed to fight for free public college education, and to tax the millionaires/billionaires a reasonable amount proportionate to their earnings which they accrue by the sweat of common folk(Common folk much like me, and... wait for it... YOU AS WELL?)

Or!? Or!? OR!?!? Do you want to vote for the dude who bragged about selling a condo for $5,000,000 to a Chinaman(which, btw dude, that is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please?) ~Alex

[thedrunkenhumanist]

Another reason why I don't want to be thanked for my military service (aside from the fact I am ashamed of perpetuating american economic imperialism):

The general public (who are mostly, if not totally, inept when it comes to economics) pay the most credulous of lip service to anybody damaged by military service.

They (NAY! YOU!) all shout to the sky about supporting veterans. Many of you have even paid $1.99 plus tax to slap a magnet on the back of your cars. However, most of you will vehemently defend the sancrosanct ideologies of free market capitalism as laid down by our slave owning, aristocratic progenitors.

You want to give a fuck about veterans? Further, you want to give a fuck about people?!?! Pick up a fucking economics textbook because I'll bet you my bottom, minimum-wage dollar that our deplorable state of veteran's affairs can be directly linked to every american's one true religion: unhinged capitalism.

Further, I'll give you a hint as to what created our damaged veterans in the first place so you could so genuinely "support" them: ahem, it's fucking globalized capitalism. Our economic theory put our kids in conflict areas to kill or be killed.

You think this is some skirmish over concepts of freedom, democracy, and the like? I feel like a parent breaking the news to their child that santa isn't real.

So, in summation, random merikkkan driving down the freeway in an F350 with the "support our troops" ribbon AND the random bumper sticker supporting some facet of the selfsame economic theory which produces veterans en masse on the back -

Go. Literally. Fuck. Yourself. ~Alex

[thedrunkenhumanist]

Dead serious post:

Folks, everybody,

Stop thanking me for my service in the marines. Please.

I may bring it up from time to time for a laughable story - or to demonstrate a point. I'm in no way looking for a pat-on-the-back or a handshake.

My service was part and parcel to a time-tested and methodical system of exploitation and violence which has clandestinely been pillaging the third world for over a century. I was not aware of this fact for most of my time in the corps. Further - I am still making peace with my contributions to the violence-farm that is the american military.

What our military has done, is doing, and will likely continue to do - is serve as an enforcement department for monied interests in order that they may secure natural resources or economically advantageous locales. In order that they may secure natural resources or economically advantageous locales paid for with the lives of innocents on both sides of whatever imagined conflict is being sold to the public.

I went to afghanistan. Twice.

You think we were liberators? You think we were the beacon of democracy?

Please. Daily I saw american contractors and Halliburton subsidiaries decimating the region I was in while the locals who worked on base dragged themselves in emaciated - day after fucking day.

To be a person who has not only educated themselves on america's historical modus operandi when it comes to foreign policy, but also one who regretfully sustained it for five years - to hear you gush over me like I'm some type of hero - it's enough to make me nauseated.

The fact of the matter is this: Likely - you may, at best, be shallowly aware of what our nation's role in the world is thanks to your white washed, public school education and sequestered existence behind the impenetrable walls of "merikan freedom." You haven't the foggiest of what it feels like to look at brown-skinned men, women, children who have known nothing but war for generations because they had the rotten luck of being born with coveted resources beneath their feet.

Thank me for my service? Shit. You'd perform a greater service to this world if you'd pick up a history book.

End. Rant. ~Alex

[thedrunkenhumanist]

I'm against the confederate battle flag.

Although, I'm more against the american flag.

There is more slavery in the world today than at any point in human history - and it has, and is, being propagated beneath the guises of freedom and democracy.

It has, and is, being exported indiscriminately from our shores to every locality inhabited by brown skinned folks with resources beneath their feet.

Here's a life-pro-tip: whenever, and I mean WHEN-THE-FUCK-EVER, you hear about another proxy-conflict, or a legitimate war kicking off on america's behalf: look up whatever the vassal country victim might be on Wikipedia and scroll down to their resources/economy sections. Guaran-fucking-teed they have oil or minerals.

I'm all for stopping human rights abuses. HOW-FUCKING-EVER! Don't pretend our military is being dispatched to anywhere due to human rights concerns. Human rights are secondary - if they come into play AT ALL - when it comes to foreign policy.

Our military is an economic animal. Period. ~Alex

[thedrunkenhumanist]

"PC Culture" is a phantom which haunts those incapable of participating in academic conversations regarding actual social issues.

You rarely hear an educated person complaining of "PC Culture."

It's almost always the racist, the homophobe, the transphobe, the misogynist who can't comprehend the distinction between discussing topical social normalities and their unapolagetic bigotry. ~Alex

[thedrunkenhumanist]

Person 1: Why is it that blacks make up a disproportionate percentage of the american prison population as compared to their demographic representation in the general population?

Person 2: It may be because of a long historical trend of institutional racism dating back to before our nation's inception and carried on by things like gentrification, Jim Crow laws, and white supremacists infiltrating governmental and law enforcement agencies. Among other things I'd say these are the main causes of this phenomenon.

Totally-not-racist Person 3: I think it's because they're a bunch of dirty fucking thugs. THOSE PEOPLE act like that naturally!

Person 1 and 2: Dude, what the fuck?

Totally-not-racist Person 3: This PC Culture is bullshit! It's censoring me from speaking the truth!

^And that is every PC Culture argument in a nutshell. ~Alex

[thedrunkenhumanist]

So, in regards to the Ashley Madison hack:

It is my sincerest hope that the personal information of that website's users does not get released. The fallout would be enormous as we watched the divorce rate soar and stood by helpless as millions of children's lives were utterly destroyed as they watched what they thought was their picturesque lives be decimated beneath the crushing weight of the reality of human behaviorism. Much, much more than that - I fear that the murder/suicide rates would skyrocket. It would amount to an out-and-out culling of a significant portion of the populace - were worst come to worst.

To be honest - I'd never heard of Ashley Madison prior to today. When I discovered what it was and that it had 37 million members I was not surprised.

The era of puritanical, monogamous, marital bliss is, as far as I can tell, seeing its end. This specious notion of committing the entirety of a human being's enormity of love to one person is one of the most limiting concepts upon the human condition ever devised in my opinion. To claim that our capability to show affection has, and should have, a glass ceiling is obtuse at best, and cynical at worst.

There is, at best, minimal referents in the natural world, outside of our own preconceived notions regarding "love," that confirm our narcissism when it comes to our disturbing desire to own another human being - both physically and emotionally.

Our egomania in this regard knows no boundary it seems when you take into consideration all the deplorable acts of mental and physical violence done in order to protect the sanctity of monogamy. Our willful dismissal of our own obvious proclivities knows no boundaries as well it would seem - when you take into consideration the already tremendous rate of divorce among "monogamous" couples.

It would seem to me that, at the very least, a sizable portion of the human population is not monogamous. I am not here trying to disparage anybody from pursuing a monogamous lifestyle nor am I saying monogamy is wrong. I'm simply stating that statistics don't lie and it seems to me that many members of our species are fighting an uphill battle against their predispositions due to our social constructs we've inherited from our ancestors.

We don't need to cleave to tradition for tradition's sake. We can alter our view of the human condition based on emergent information. If a social normality is caustic to our happiness, and ultimately our lives, it should be reexamined, reoriented, and possibly done away with if it is discovered that it does not coalesce with our natural born proclivities. ~Alex

[thedrunkenhumanist]

Where has the christian-right outrage been about Ashley Madison? This site has been fucking with the "sanctity of marriage" since 2001 and I've never heard a fucking peep about it from the "party of family values."

This is, quite literally, a website that explicitly states it helps people fuck other people outside of the "sanctimonious bonds of matrimony" - however - it has not even been a fucking blip on the right's radar.

Gay people want to get married and be happy, though?

"How will our precious, anachronistic, and volatile institution survive the onslaught of the terrible homosexuals? I'd love to answer that but I just got a new message from another married person in my area who wants to get down with the proverbial get down." ~Alex

[thedrunkenhumanist]

Sandra Bland... I have nothing to fucking say which I haven't already said and which hasn't been said more poignantly countless other times by many others. I can't even begin to fathom how I'd feel were I black. Honestly, I don't want to. Our white-favoring institutions have been at war with the black community since the days of slavery and now the proverbial chickens have come home to roost. Our society, with newly free flowing information, will not survive the mechanisms of institutional racism being dragged into the light of day.

This nation will burn. And it rightfully should for its posturings as a sanctuary of liberty while simultaneously rotting from within due to social malignancies your average white person refuses to acknowledge as plain and simple fact.

I'm fucking sick of this. We all should be fucking sick of this

Fuck a hashtag. Dear white america,

BLACK LIVES FUCKING MATTER YOU DESTABILIZED EMPIRE IN ITS DEATH THROES.

[thedrunkenhumanist]

Every blue blooded american patriot from sea to shining sea on my friends list is either bitching about how the victims in Chatanooga aren't being honored enough, or sharing pics/stories of how some random corporate/governmental entity honored them correctly.

I've yet to see one of them offer a viable solution to how we mitigate the cultural differences between islam and the west, how to rectify our militaristic/economic failings which have directly contributed to this tragedy, or anything of substance whatsoever.

All I've seen is vapid, flag worshipping bullshit that does nothing except salve their nationalism, stoke an already out of control conflict of ideals (primarily economic, but also religious/nationalistic as well), and dismiss the reality that our global issues can be solved if america stops being a dick for like 12 fucking seconds.

You want to honor active military, retired veterans(both living and dead)?

Fucking. Think. And stop pretending we have to be so reactionary to tragedies such as this. Also, if we MUST be reactionary because our population refuses to learn things like history - how about we maybe up our game a bit and not pretend that arguing about the mast-height of a flag is something that will dissolve our most immediate concerns - namely: surviving as a species.

Thanks for your support, assclowns.

-A veteran.

[thedrunkenhumanist]

Dear atheists who are using last night’s shooting inside a church as a talking point against god’s existence,

Fucking. Stop. That shit is sick. Don’t say some shit like, “oh, where was god?”

Just fucking stop. You sound like a bunch of sociopaths.

[music-my-muse]

I could say the same to you. How about you stop using god as an excuse to oppress homosexuality

[thedrunkenhumanist]

Did you even... Have you seen my blog? I’m an atheist. I just think it’s a bit distasteful to shit on someones religion.. er, well, their anything for that matter.. so soon after they’ve gone through such a horrific tragedy. Be a bigger person than all that, give them space to mourn.

[thedrunkenhumanist]

Right wing position on gun violence: let's just turn this entire country into the wild fucking west. ~Alex

[thedrunkenhumanist]

Bernie Sanders asks his donors to give their campaign contributions to SC church.

If you're fucking confused on the difference between him and ANY other candidate... well. ~Alex