Thee Aaron Ohio Zine

"ANDY WARHOL LOOKS SO SWEET, HANGING ON MY WAAALLLLLLLL"

[thee-aaronohio]

I Am The Only Ethical Person On Earth

I am non-Problematic

You all are garbage, you live your lives so unethical and problematic it disgust me to the point where that I hope you die and go to hell. All of you! How dare you eat meat, and watch tv shows that I don’t like?

How dare you laugh at JOKES that I don’t find funny or that aligns with my SERIOUS political beliefs?

How dare you support business that have shady practices and are problematic?

I am a perfect man, I have never done or said anything wrong or problematic in my entire life. My first words as a baby were “legalize gay marriage”.

I make my own shoes because every company uses slave labor now. And I once gave a 1 star review on Amazon to No Country For Old Men because the Mexicans didn’t have speaking parts in the film. 

I know all of you are progressive but not progressive enough, it’s time to step it up!

sent from iPhone

[thee-aaronohio]

R.I.P. French Exit

I am deeply saddened to hear my bros in French Exit have decided to break up. But as the saying goes when god closes one door he opens another or thereabouts. 

So I am taking this opportunity to announce that I am starting a new band called Thee French Exit. Please DM if you want to be apart of this, No uggos.

[thee-aaronohio]

Aaron Ohio is so wonderful! THANK YOU Aaron Ohio. A Fan Film

A fan made a slideshow tribute for all the fun we had the past two years. This just solidifies my legacy that even though the zine blog is gone. I will live forever.

[thee-aaronohio]

Aaron Ohio's Best Things of 2014 List!

I don't know who this is.

2014 has been a horrific year socially for minorities, and women, and Pakistan, and everywhere pretty much. FUCK All that! here are the great things that happened this year!

Top 5 Burger Records related bands that use reverb on vocals

5. King Tuff

4. Ty Segall

3. Nobunny

2. Shannon and The Clams

1. King Khan & BBQ Show

We here at THEE Aaron Ohio zine fully expect the reverb knob to be broken by day two of Burgerama!

Top 5 Things my bro David rolls his eyes at when we talk.

5. My choice in women

4. The podcast Serial - No love for hipster forensic files.

Top 5 Bands I still don't know and at this point never will.

5. St. Vincent - There being a woman in the band is the extent of my knowledge of them.

4. FKA Twigs - Every girl I have talked to on Tinder is a HUGE Twigs fan.

3. Protomartyr - I don't know who this is.

2. Hillary Chillton

Top 5 Comedy Specials

5. Louis CK

4. 'Louie' on FX

3. Louie Louie by The Kingsmen 

2. Louis CK quitting twitter

1. Louie CK on comedians and cars getting coffee

This was a great year for comedy, Eddie Pepitone, Doug Stanhope, Neal Brennan, Hannibal Buress, Chris Gethard, Hari Kondabolu etc. all released amazing specials this year but we agree with the rest of the internet Louie CK is the only human that matters. 

Top 5 signs I showed when I really stopped caring about this zine.

5. I peaked with the Joyce Manor Stagedive-Gate controversy.

4. I quit music and life became meaningless.

3. I have enjoyed most things this year. It's hard to write "I really liked Edge of Tomorrow" on a zineblog that is usually just me teasing Burger Records fans, and Jaded Punk Hulk.

Top 5 Things People Do that annoy me but I don't know why I let it get to me. 

5. Grown men with good taste but who also like Taylor Swifts music. NOT AT ALL because she is attractive. 

4. twitter parody accounts that make the owner thousands of dollars per tweet.

Top 5 Think Pieces of 2014

This year you guys have had opinions and by god we heard them all. Holy shit.

Yea that's it. Here's another uninspired/barely funny post. I don't care about this thing anymore. I'm thinking of making a special paper zine. In so much I have googled "How to make paper zine". Also I want to do more stand up.The validation I get from strangers is great. Just getting "likes" on social media is no longer a valid high for me at this point. 

[thee-aaronohio]

Fuck Your Dreams!!!!

Aaron Tells Fan Not To Pursue Their Dreams

Don't try stand up, don't make music, and don't make zines. I have done all these things and you will only be in my shadow.

Also by making a zine you automatically become my competition. You are taking food off of my table. This internet zine has made me millions of bitcoins. Let this be a warning to everyone reading this.

Lisa: If you go through with this. I will fucking destroy you. 

Aaron Ohio aka BIG ICEE, aka Afro Dini aka Emperor Pilaf aka The Black Fonzarelli aka Mr. Mads Mykalsen OUT!

[thee-aaronohio]

i love you

i love you more

[thee-aaronohio]

IS JOYCE MANOR TRYING TO RUIN PUNK PT. 2?

Dirty crust punk diving on Chase of Joyce Manor

After another incident at a show this past week or whatever Joyce Manor said stage dive = bad. So it got me thinking is this the end of punk as we know it???

Then I remembered a status update from my friend Cyrus Ghahremani of Hot Karate from August 27th that read:

so, a 9-year-old accidentally shot someone in the head this week? i am not impressed! it's only the 99th accidental shooting in the news since our last school massacre in Oregon, 78 days ago.

So after a lot of reflection of all the things going on in the world and my own crumbling life I decided that YES. By banning stage dives at their own personal shows - they are trying to destroy punk rock as we all know it. I will now delete the Joyce Manor cover I did on youtube 400 years ago.

[thee-aaronohio]

yo, i don't know who you are, but you're great - person in the world

And I don't know who you are because you are anonymous. THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT!

[thee-aaronohio]

STAGEDIVE-GATE: Is Joyce Manor RIGHT or WRONG?

All 158 pounds of my pure muscles crushing someone's neck.

Joyce Manor apparently made some rant about people stage diving at their shows because people were getting hurt or something. I actually didn't watch the video because I'm 25 and trying to muster up the will to give a shit about stage diving is really hard. We got cops killing black people!

But I will weigh in with a strong opinion because that's what America is about and also because page views.

I side with Joyce Manor because it's their show. Not everything is for you and tailored for you. I always side with the artist because we are better than you. We hang out together at parties and BBQ's and we don't invite you. Being an artist is an Illuminati-esque exclusive club.

But since I am a man of the people at the same time I have come up with a solution for the fans or Normo's as Brett Gelman calls them. 

You are only allowed to stage dive if you weigh 140 lbs. or less. Straight up, If you weigh more then that you run the risk of snapping necks and wrists. We can call it Schley Diving (coined by David S.) because Joyce Manor fans tend to be skinny teenagers for the most part. So please donate to my Kickstarter to get a scale outside of every venue in America!

[carnageasada-deactivated2016111]

black is beautiful edition with thee-aaronohio

[thee-aaronohio]

19 year old Aaron Ohio

[thee-aaronohio]

REVIEW: The Public - Shibuya Crossing

"Haha we're having a good time behind this building" - The Public. Photo by Andrew Wells.

The Public is a punk rock band from the motherland Cleveland, OH. Shibuya Crossing is their debut release and you can listen to it here! 

More importantly here is a picture of Guitarist/Vocalist Josh Voland wearing my iconic Platform Skate Shop hat that is no longer available (RIP Platform)

This combined with the tall white man in the Benny The Jet Rodriguez shirt in the previous picture shows me that this band is very stylish.

Fashion wise The Public gets 5/5 Aaron Ohio O's and 5/5 Aaron Ohio Oats! Make those bowls of Oatmeal fellas!

Music wise The Public chases after God. The instrument of her noble pursuit is an extravagant, elegiac solo: her axe weeps and wails like a professional mourner, eventually tearing the surrounding space asunder to allow everything—the dark and the light, the leaden and the featherweight—to rush in.

Just kidding I copy and pasted that from the Pitchfork review of the latest Boris album. But it totally applies here. If you like Iron Chic, GBV or RVIVR or just good ol punk rock you will like this check it out! 

[thee-aaronohio]

Thee Aaron Ohio picture of the day. In this moment Aaron ascended to heaven.

[thee-aaronohio]

11 Reasons Why I Quit Horror Squad

Me in the spotlight. Photo by Paul Silver

There are a myriad of reasons as to why I quit Horror Squad. Here are 11 because blogs tend to use uneven numbers. 

11. I hated going to band practice. 

At band practice there was a lot of standing and my bad back would start hurting. 

10. My co-songwriter Paul Aguilera is deaf in one ear.

Me: Hey, Paul you should turn your volume down

Paul: What?

9. Horror Squad fans are all dudes

Some kid named Trevor who is a typical Horror Squad fan: a dude. 

It's great that people love Horror Squad but it sucks they are all dudes. He also took like 9 pictures in a row. I am a busy man, I don't have time for multiple pictures with guys. Because of this I stopped doing pictures and autographs altogether. 

8. The band is named Horror Squad.

When I tell ladies that my band is named Horror Squad they either think it's Whore Squad or that we play Psychobilly. Either way they stop talking to me immediately. 

7. This fake picture was made of me when I joined the band.

Made by Donna Ramone if I remember correctly.

I would never take my pants off and lay on the ground drunk for laughs. This is borderline slander.

This concludes my saga of anti- Horror Squad posts as my zine and podcast agent let me know I am just giving the band more exposure.

[thee-aaronohio]

SHOW REVIEW: Horror Squad's first show without ME!

Horror Squad comes to their senses.

This will be an unbiased review of Horror Squad's first show without Thee Aaron Ohio. First things first the picture above is a statement they released just hours before the show.

"He taught us how to be a band.. And how to make love to a woman!"

But that statement would be the only highlight for the band that night as they were obviously not the same. They lacked the intangibles that I brought to the show.

Me showcasing my intangibles at a previous show. Probably eyeing a lady that I probably banged that night. Photo by Paul Silver

The show went south quickly as there were walkouts and people putting on their ipods to listen to the versions of the song that feature me on them!

It got so bad the band on stage asked me to re-join them right there. I of course went on stage and kicked them all off and played the rest of the set solo. People rejoiced, women and children were crying, it was a historical night. 

The picture above is also a metaphor for me looking toward the future. What lies ahead for THEE Aaron Ohio brand? Stay tuned!

[thee-aaronohio]

Visit Original Link

We at THEE Aaron Ohio Zine have an exclusive NEW track by Aaron Ohio's new band Aaron Ohio and THEE Horror Squadron! It's called Liquer Storys and it's our new favorite song! It has no relation at all to Aaron's old band; Horror Squad's Liquor Stories. All similarities are completely coincidental.

Lyrics:

WOOOOAAAAHHHHH

Take her straight to the emerrrrgency rooooom!

WOOOOOOAAAAAAAHHHH

[thee-aaronohio]

The Truth Behind Aaron Ohio Leaving Horror Squad

EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS ONCE HAPPY BAND!

There are many reasons why I, Aaron Ohio left the band Horror Squad. And while I can't get too specific with their being an impending court case I can tell you this. Horror Squad are bad businessmen. ALL I WANTED was 3 points of album sales, 47 percent of merch sales plus sole writing/producing/album art credit going on into the future. Apparently they don't think I'm worth that and in turn all of you have to suffer.

The main reason also is jealousy. They couldn't take that audiences took a liking to me more than them. They couldn't take that in interviews all the questions were directed towards me, They couldn't take that fans only wanted me to sign their breasts and not them. They couldn't take that my Aaron Ohio brand far exceeded the band as a whole.

So with all that. My lawyers are taking action over the use of the name and songs. Be sure to catch Aaron Ohio and THEE Horror Squadron at all the summer festivals. 

[thee-aaronohio]

BAND REVIEW: The World Is A Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid To Die

The World Is A Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid To Die is an emo band that got a 7.8 on Pitchfork. Initially their goal was to have more members than The Polyphonic Spree. A lot of people like this band. I am going to review their whole discography unbiased:

Demo - 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats and 0/5 Aaron Ohio O's

Formlessness 7" - 0/5 Aaron Ohio O's and 0.5 Aaron Ohio Oats

Josh Is Dead 7" - 0/5 Aaron Ohio O's and 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats

Sssensephiroth 7" - 0/5 Aaron Ohio O's and 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats

4'33" CS - 0/5 Aaron Ohio O's and 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats

Are Here to Help You - 0/5 Aaron Ohio O's and 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats

Tigers Jaw/The World Is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die/Code Orange Kids/Self Defense Family 4-Way Split 7" - 0/5 Aaron Ohio O's and 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats

Whenever, If Ever LP - 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats and 0/5 Aaron Ohio O's

Mixed Signals Comp - 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats and 0/5 Aaron Ohio O's

They are able to make zero bowls of Apple Cinnamon oatmeal. And I assure you it has nothing to do with this!

Even though I am THEE Aaron Ohio I am not being biased at all. I moved away from Cleveland so I can't be biased! I'm just saying if they ever talk bad about my hometown ever again I will Superkick that slide whistle sounding keyboard from California all the way to Lake Erie. 

Seriously I will fight all 15 of them. They play emo music! I can take all of them. They were probably mad the 8th guitarist and wind chime player couldn't fit onstage at Now That's Class.