The Enderbot_

A silly enderbot drawing the funny pictures || she/they

[daily-mc-block]

Purple Candle

[theenderbot]

last internet update for me

tw mental health talk

it's been over two years of rock bottom mental health, and since nothing has gotten better for me I've decided this is it.

I have dealt with very very extreme social anxiety along with other anxieties and the worst depression imaginable, and a financial situation that makes it really hard to break myself out of the horrible cycle.

like for some people they have bad days but at least they have their friends to talk to? I have like no friends and talking to people makes things worse so there's nothing I can do to feel better. Every day is hell and my life isn't even that bad objectively (i have a roof over my head and a parent willing to help), I'm just that pathetic. Nothing I do makes it better. I don't believe anyone who says 'it does get better'. Yeah fucking right. Two years of the absolute worst mental health, and ten being in a bad place. Still no hope a decade later. I don't want to turn 30 and have accomplished nothing. Having social anxiety is like being allergic to air. I can't do anything in real life without it giving me pain or stress.

I've had this cycle of either deleting my following (one by one softblocking) once it reaches a certain point, or just deleting my accounts and ghosting everyone as a complete meltdown/breakdown. I've come out of these situations so completely embarrassed that I don't even want to come back.

I've stopped drawing for months. Stopped crocheting, playing minecraft. I have nothing to even post so I'm leaving again. It took a lot of energy to divert this meltdown into an actual text post instead of deleting everything again.

I've failed at running my minecraft server bc I'm not at all cut out for it, or the kind of person to be a admin of that kind of project. I tried really hard but it didn't work out because I couldn't handle it and couldn't keep the server interesting to play.

So in case anyone wonders where I am. This is why I haven't seemed normal and I hope this explains a bit. Social media has been nothing but stress for me. I hate it. I don't want to come back

I hope if you're reading this you're in a better place than me

[theenderbot]

GOING INACTIVE AGAIN fuck social media in all forms fuck it all

[theenderbot]

anything helps atm

[theenderbot]

sometimes you just gotta eat an entire box of dunkaroos and cry

[gtwscar]

[4] Harvest season!

[whereismycaplock]

the dungeon couple

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

ppl are so annoying “you can’t paint ur bedroom pink you’re an adult” i did not spend my entire life waiting to grow up and control my life to paint my bedroom beige

[hojolove]

I had a sales woman in furniture store try and tell me not to buy a hot bubblegum pink loveseat because she wanted me to “think about the future”

Bitch, I am thinking about the future. I already got a hot bubblegum pink couch at home and now I need a loveseat to go with it.

[madgastronomer]

when I first bought my house, I announced my decision to paint my bedroom purple. I had wanted a purple bedroom for thirty damn years, you fucking bet I was gonna have one now. My friends decided, for some reason, that I meant what one of them referred to as “14 year old girl purple” (through what’s wrong with the colors a 14 year old girl chooses, I don’t know, even if they’re not what I want as an adult). They didn’t believe me until they saw the color on the actual wall, even thought they helped me pick out paints. My mother, meanwhile, decided to get worried that if I painted my bedroom a “dark purple”, it would be “depressing”. As if, with an entire house to live in, I would spend all my time in the bedroom, which I wanted to be dark because I would be sleeping in there. In the damn dark.

I had like one, maybe two friends who were all like FUCK YEAH YOU PAINT IT WHATEVER COLOR YOU WANT, PURPLE BEDROOMS ARE AWESOME.

But when they actualy saw the finished bedroom, every single one of them was like, “Oh yeah, that’s really pretty.” (Well, the ones who supported me from the beginning were more like WOOHOO.)

And the moral of the story is: Fuck ‘em, please yourself. Either they’ll come around, or you can safely ignore every question of taste they opine about for the rest of time.

[themintycupcake]

This applies to other adulting activities, too. When I was a kid, I decided that I wanted to have a wedding cake made of doughnuts. When I got older, I figured that I would be “mature” about it and get a traditional cake, which the older adults approved of. Now that I’m 25 and facing the possibility of actual marriage in the near future, I’m just like “marriage is a social construct but it comes with tax & insurance benefits, so just give me that goddamn doughnut cake.” If they don’t like it then they don’t have to come to my wedding.

[aridotdash]

https://xkcd.com/150/

[undanewneon]

I would like you all to view my office. I’m thirty and my rainbow room is awesome, people can fight me

[spuffybot]

I’m thirty and my first big furniture purchase was a custom coffin shaped coffee table that opens up and is lined with purple crushed velvet. I would have loved it at 13 and I love it now. Growing up doesn’t mean you have to abandon what makes you happy.

[idareu2bme]

GROWING UP DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO ABANDON WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

[marzipanandminutiae]

the infantilization of color and decoration in the home is so bizarre to me- and such a new phenomenon

the world over, our ancestors painted their homes bright or deep or rich colors for centuries. they brought beautiful textiles into their living spaces, and made their utilitarian objects ornamented, or colorful, or shaped like whimsical things. in all cultures, at all class levels and ages, to the best of their ability. and we’re just supposed to throw away centuries of the basic human desire for beauty and visual interest because some asshole decided like 40 years ago that anything beyond a Pop of Color and an IKEA fake plant was “childish?”

fuck that

[hybridsheart]

hi i just want everyone to know that i will never ever EVER be angry with anyone for not replying to my texts even though you’re visibly online and reblogging/posting. i understand that holding a conversation takes a lot more energy and effort than scrolling and posting and that’s 100% okay. take care of yourself first. the whole idea that you HAVE to reply to someone when you’re online is toxic and makes mentally ill people feel as though they are bad friends just because they can’t always reply within minutes. 

[ispyspookymansion]

i dont need therapy i need to be 8 years old at halloween again

[tytonidyke]

I need to be sitting on the carpet with my siblings taking all the candy out of our baskets and sorting it into piles by type and trading the ones we don’t like

[kazehita]

tango

[pinkinink]

Prison

[noxlotl]

Decked Out 2 has verticality

YT link

[mysticusfreeze-art]

Been so obsessed with Decked Out 2 I had to make a ps1 style render of the game entrance.

[spiderziege]

BOOMERS 💥

[cocoabats]

rrrrrriptide!

[cactusringed]

Something about how much decked out is a labour of love, the most impressive game - not mini game, just full on game - made in survival, somewhat vanilla Minecraft, not for a wide release to all players but instead for the hermits to play. For Tango's friends to play.

And watching them so excited to play, creating a whole waiting room because they're all impatiently waiting for their turns. And Tango watches too, and laughs along with them, and makes little comments, and gives them pointers if they're lost. And him ironing kinks out as the hermits find them, and him doing maintenance because they mess up sometimes. Him adding a pick of shame to the first door for the hermits who forget to sleep in the bed. His amusement everytime a hermit forgets to take off their armor.

I don't know. There's just so, so much love in there. You can feel it oozing from everyone's videos - their love and admiration for Tango and his creation, but in turn, Tango's love for them. Even without watching his streams you can hear his smile everytime he chimes in. I can imagine him laugh everytime a hermit messes up or makes funny comments.

It's just... Nice. Watching friends have fun. Friends love each other. It makes me so happy.