theficklefiction

home of incorrect Hogwarts houses quotes

[theficklefiction]

Slytherin: Are you suicidal?

Ravenclaw: Only in the morning.

[theficklefiction]

Gryffindor: In my defense, I was the only one who said stop hitting them.

Gryffindor, a few minutes ago: STOP HITTING THEM, KICKING WILL HURT MORE!

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Ravenclaw: You'll get killed!

Gryffindor: Only if I die.

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Gryffindor: You know who would make a good scientist?

Slytherin: Who?

Gryffindor: Meryl Streep.

Slytherin: She's not even a scientist.

Gryffindor: Then why does she have chemistry with everybody?

[theficklefiction]

Gryffindor: I don't like you.

Slytherin: Well I don't like you either.

Ravenclaw: You can't dislike one another!

Hufflepuff: WE HAVE 4PM RESERVATIONS AT APPLEBEES.

[theficklefiction]

Slytherin: I started smoking when my parents got divorced.

Ravenclaw: Weren't you nine?

Slytherin: Yeah so?

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Slytherin: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room.

Hufflepuff: FOR THE LAST TIME THATS ARSON AND THOSE PEOPLE WERE WITNESSES.

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Gryff after failing their OWLS

Gryffindor: I can't believe this!

Ravenclaw: You didn't even study for it.

Gryffindor: Well how was I supposed to know there'd be consequences to my actions?!

[theficklefiction]

Sly and Raven setting up a treadmill

Gryffindor: I don't need a treadmill!

Ravenclaw: The doctor said you need exercise.

Gryffindor: I get plenty of exercise!

Slytherin: CRUSHING MY WILL TO LIVE ISN'T EXERCISE!

[theficklefiction]

Hufflepuff: You know what they say... Go big or go home.

Slytherin: Huff, for once, just go home.

Hufflepuff: I'm gonna go big.

[theficklefiction]

Elsa and Hans headcanon

Three years after Anna and Kristoff's wedding, Hans Westergaard returns to Arendelle with a warning. He says his twelve older brothers are plotting to take over the kingdom. But with distrust, the king and queen pay him no heed.

Having no one else to turn to, Hans seeks out Elsa in the Enchanted Forest. Surprisingly, Elsa helps him as the spirits have whispered similar warnings. The unlikely pair travel then to the Southern Isles to confront the Westergaard brothers.

And, you know, maybe fall in love in the process.

[theficklefiction]

Gryffindor: That helmet looks kinda lame.

Ravenclaw: You know what's not lame?

Ravenclaw: Safety.

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Slytherin: Huff and I are such good friends, we finish each other's—

Hufflepuff: —sentences!

Slytherin: Don't interrupt me.

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Slytherin: WHY IS HUFF HANGING OUT WITH GRYFF?

Ravenclaw: You know Huff can have other friends, right?

Slytherin: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

[theficklefiction]

Hufflepuff: I can't talk right now I'm doing hot girl shit.

The hot girl shit in question: Baking cookies

[theficklefiction]

Slytherin: I've never actually been in a snowball fight.

Hufflepuff: Really?????

Slytherin: Yeah, I don't even know the rules. Is there a point system or is it to the death?

[theficklefiction]

Gryffindor: All these lies just to win a trophy?

Slytherin: Yes.

Gryffindor: I respect that.