The Founding Fathers As...

Reimagining our brilliant founders in absolutely any way we feel like it.

[thefoundingfathersas]

holy fuck welcome back

i submit: founding fathers on a relaxing beach resort vacation

washington: unbothered, ignoring everyone, can be found sporting his dad shorts and flipflops sipping pina coladas on the beach all day every day. it's his vacation and by god he's going to make the most of it.

adams: annoying, whiny, tries to control the itinerary like a tyrant. wears seven layers of spf500 and still burns like a lobster. constantly arguing with benjamin franklin about keeping the window closed in the hotel room.

jefferson: avoids the sun like the plague. rarely leaves the hotel. desperately homesick the entire time.

madison: catches some rare disease and spends the entire vacation incapacitated

hamilton: a menace on the resort campus. constantly hollering and buying drinks for everyone, desperately needing to be the center of attention. spends every night sleeping in a different strangers hotel room.

franklin: straight chillin. good vibes only. except when he's arguing with adams about the window

[thefoundingfathersas]

Founding Fathers if they were getting arrested?

washington and madison are quiet and compliant and probably just exchanging disgruntled glances the entire time

benjamin franklin is compliant but makes insensitive jokes, def doesn't shy away from acab rhetoric in so doing. also he's a pain in the ass about how tight the handcuffs are and how far down the window is in the backseat of the patrol car, etc.

adams is ✨outraged ✨ and keeps escalating the situation by arguing, demanding to know the charges, asking for badge numbers, requesting a supervisor, etc. he knows the law to a T and makes sure the cops know it if for no other reason than to stall the process

hamilton is cleverly insulting everyone. probably the only guy who properly resists arrest and catches an extra charge. throws elbows and shit, pulls away while they're securing the cuffs, etc. gets taken to the ground at least once.

jefferson: def cries, probably fakes a fainting spell. repeats over and over that he has a clean record, this has never happened to him before, can he just be let off with a warning, he has kids, etc. etc. etc.

[thefoundingfathersas]

Founding fathers as desserts?

Washington: 

Adams: 

Jefferson:

Madison:

Benjamin Franklin:

Hamilton:

[thefoundingfathersas]

I've been missing you! where have you been?

tbh strangers on the internet are better at remembering that this blog exists than I am

[thefoundingfathersas]

Your thoughts about James Monroe

hilarious in the most annoying fucking way

[thefoundingfathersas]

What would they do if they seen a kid crying?

washington: attempt to console the child, make it worse

adams: berate the child for acting like a child

jefferson: also cry

madison: ignore

hamilton: challenge child do a duel as a means of distraction

franklin: invite the child to fly a kite under questionable meteorological circumstances

[thefoundingfathersas]

How would they react to people staring at them? Love your posts!

washington: does the gentlemanly thing and looks away but continues to feel profoundly uncomfortable

jefferson: looks away but keeps trying to discreetly look back to check on if the person is still staring at him and then actually physically removes himself after a couple seconds because the anxiety is too much and his face is beet red

madison: stares back deadpan, does not give a fuck

hamilton: smirks and licks his lips just to outdo the other person

burr: walks right up and starts bombarding them with small talk, making them wish they never exchanged eye contact

adams: belligerently demands what it is that they find so transfixing as to forget their common human decency

franklin: *winks*

[thefoundingfathersas]

The founding fathers in a bar fight... That's it

washington: last one standing, bunch of unconscious bodies around him in the end, but instead of being like "hell yeah" he's like "oh shit" like he didn't mean do that

adams: his ass is so dropped lmao. oh my god. rip.

jefferson: gets hit once, starts crying, runs away with his face in his hands and then stays in bed for a week

madison: nobody swings at him because that would just make the assailant look bad but when everyone else is fighting he just weaves in and out of everyones legs and exits

burr: punches out a guy but then stares at his own fist like he can't believe what he just did, and then in his moment of distraction gets punched out himself by another guy

hamilton: last one standing like washington but instead of going "oh shit" he's going "hell yeah" because he meant to do that

[thefoundingfathersas]

the Madison ones always crack me up lol "small nervious dog [...] has to take a lot of medication" "where's Jimmy?" lmao I'm SO glad I've found your blog, please keep posting!!

thnx will do

[thefoundingfathersas]

9, 20, 21, 24, 25

9.  Probably “A More Perfect Union: America Becomes a Nation” which honest to god is one of the most underrated founding era films ever made.  Obviously also 1776 and John Adams if either of those “count” because one is a musical adaption and the other is a mini-series but they are both gr8.

20. idk what any of them look like fr because portraits are Unreliable™ but if I had to go on personality alone, probably benjamin franklin or richard henry lee 

21.  history!heads up 

24.  james madison tbh

25.  alexander hamilton tbh 

[thefoundingfathersas]

Your blog is amazing. Keep up the good work.

:o

[thefoundingfathersas]

1, 4

1. Who is your favorite historical person?

J-Mads, B-Frank, and Adams tied for first with a random Vincent Van Gogh glancing around the corner.

Also Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, what a babe.

4. Favorite historical era?

American revolutionary/founding era.

[thefoundingfathersas]

I've seen plenty of "Tumblr Ask Challenges", but none involving history. What a shame...

1. Who is your favourite historical person?

2. What is your country most famous for in history?

3. What is your country most infamous for in history?

4. Favourite historical era?

5. Favourite weapon?

6. Military unit?

7. Historical dressing, uniform, or costume?

8. What is the last thing you have read, listened to, or spoken of with historical reference?

9. Favourite historical film?

10. What pieces of art (i.e. paintings, sculpures, lithographies, etc.) related to history do you like the most?

11. Have you ever participated in reenactment? What it was like?

12. Would you take part in reenactment? In what era and as whom?

13. [share some random historical trivia!]

14. Why are you are interested in history?

15. Were the history classes taught in an interesting way in your school, college, or university? What would you do to improve them if you were the teacher/lecturer?

16. Do you own some historical item (e.g. coin, clothing, weapons, books, etc.) If yes, which one is your favourite?

17. What historical item would you like to own?

18. Look at the clock and assume the numbers are forming a historical year (e.g. 17;58 would be 1758) What is the world like in that year? Are any significant events going to occur?

19. What's your favourite historical book?

20. Who, if anyone, is your historical crush?

21. What is your favourite history-based game?

22. [random historical fact about the place you're living in right now]

23. What's your favourite historical song or song containing historical references?

24. Who do you consider to be one of the most underrated historical figures?

25. Who is the most overrated historical figure, in your opinion?

26. Who do you think is a forgotten hero we should know about and admire?

27. What's your favourite historical "What if..." scenario?

28. Do you have a favourite "dream team" of historical figures living at the same time in a specific era of history?

29. Are there any great historical mysteries that you are interested in?

30. [ask me a question of your own devising]

[thefoundingfathersas]

Founding Fathers as Dogs

Washington: The big scary-looking alpha male who you expect would chase you two miles down the street if you look at him funny, but who is actually very calm, social, and nice. He prefers not to be cuddled, but is difficult to disturb. Main thing is that if you do /anything/ to any one of his puppy friends, his papa dog side comes out. And that means you dead.

Adams: The pudgy hoity-toity dog that trots along like it's all important and sticks its nose up at other dogs. He's yappy. Barks at every woodland creature. But he's a good, loyal dog at the end of the day and is much more loving and caring than his big-dog (for a not so big dog) personality lets on.

Jefferson: A large scruffy dog that's the kind who behaves perfectly in front of his masters and then rips everything apart and totally misbehaves as soon as they turn their backs. Other dogs promptly get blamed for it and he doesn't give a crap. Likes to be outside. Is quiet and passive-aggressive with other dogs. He doesn't bark or anything. Just shows his teeth and kicks his back legs when he gets in a mood.

Madison: Small nervous dog. Runs away and hides from other dogs and visitors. Is only congenial with one or two other well-acquainted dogs. It's hard to win his affection. However, he's got instinct. He can be intense. But it's really hard to set him off. Has a lot of medication that he needs to take. Somehow paradoxically leads everybody else on a leash instead of the other way around.

Hamilton: Elegant-looking pretty dog that everybody stares at and who absolutely refused to mingle amidst the common breeds. He's nippy and barky, but doesn't usually physically attack another dog. That's not to say he /won't/, if another dog really manages to piss him off enough. But otherwise he contents himself with quixotically showing off, one way or another, how much better he actually is than every other dog. Faster than every other dog. Smarter than every other dog. Louder than every other dog. Never shuts up. That kind of dog.

Franklin: Main hobbies include: sleeping, eating, farting, and smelling female dogs' butts. BUT BUT, he's a /smart/ dog. Don't let the sloth fool you. You'd be hard pressed to find a dog as wizened and well-trained as B-Franks. His main problem is his compulsive humping habit.

[thefoundingfathersas]

(ask box and submissions are now open)

[thefoundingfathersas]

Should You Snuggle This Founding Father?

George Washington: Polite, but is likely to crush you by accident. This guy is an ox and super firm. Snugglebility: 20%

John Adams:Nice and soft, and can be cute when he wants to. But he almost never wants to. So if you wanna cuddle, do everything in your power to get on his good side. Snugglebility: 35%

Alexander Hamilton:Awesome cuddle partner. Will smooth talk you until you're drunk on eloquence and then cap off the cuddle session with his seductive good looks and toned body. Just don't bring up politics. Snuggleability: 85%

Thomas Jefferson:You'll either be laughing too hard, or will be too full of secondhand embarrassment to be able to enjoy cuddling with this guy. He will literally rehearse everything he's going to say or do beforehand and then completely hit a wall and become an awkward stuttering mess. And then he'll complain for the next few days about a migraine. Also tall and gangly, so generally not that pleasant. Snugglebility:14%

James Madison: If you can get passed the scrawniness and fragility, he would be fun to snuggle because he's so tiny. Hey, he's portable! Stick him in your pocket and cuddle any time you want! Snuggleablity: 50%

Aaron Burr: You have to be insensitive and ready for a wild ride because you will not be the first nor anywhere near his last cuddlebug. Snuggleability: 10-70%, depending on what kind of person you are.

Benjamin Franklin: 8/10 would recommend. Sure, he's old, but that just means he's got experience. Not only is he super soft but also funny. So you get a cuddle and a laugh all in one. Just don't be thrown off if he asks to marry you, let him down easy and he'll be fine. Snuggleability: 65%

[thefoundingfathersas]

The Founders as Horror Movie Characters

George Washington: The hero. Gives good advice like, "going into an abandoned house on private property in the middle of nowhere during the dead of night where there's no cell phone reception is a bad idea" but doesn't get listened to and just ends up having to be the brave one.

John Adams: The cranky obligatory skeptic who still jumps at every little sound.

Alexander Hamilton: The hot shot character who runs toward strange and loud noises instead of away from them.

Abigail Adams: You automatically assume that she'll be the damsel in distress but she ends up saving everybody because she's actually the smartest and most badass person there.

James Madison: The quiet loner who'll mysteriously disappear and nobody notices at first. And then after a little while somebody's finally like "wait where's Jemmy"

Thomas Jefferson: The spiritual weirdo who's convinced he can communicate with the ghosts and ends up getting himself either murdered or possessed

Dolley Madison: The one who'll run back into the house after they all escape because they forgot something important.

Benjamin Franklin: The old dude. Usually this character is serious and wizened and but not Ben Franks. He randomly makes loud noises and tickles the backs of people's necks with sticks.