thefuckitexperiment

Diary of a Cynical Nihilist’s efforts to adopt a Sunny Disposition

[alienscorpion]

[Norway]

Coworker regaling me with her 11-year-old’s antics: So he said, “Since Queen Elizabeth is dead, we get to have tomorrow off.” I told him he was very funny.

Me: She did WHAT?

[thefuckitexperiment]

Good morning.

The sun is out again. For that, I’m immensely thankful.

Despite waking up numerous times, I slept relatively well and I feel rested.

I woke up to messages from friends and, notably, in a decent mood.

I’m going to meet my friends in the late afternoon, and we are going to have a wonderful time.

I will spend the day however I want to.

[thefuckitexperiment]

It’s sunny

I’m in this big comfy house

I’m with my parents

I have access to good food

I have a whole week off

I get to drink tea, dance, run, write, study, read, chat, shout and kick and do whatever I want

[thefuckitexperiment]

It’s sunny

I have energy

I’m at a decent job

I had a good breakfast

I’m hours away from a week long vacation

[thefuckitexperiment]

Today is going to be a good day. I’ll make it so.

[thefuckitexperiment]

Every time I look at her, my perpetually stoic face breaks into a smile and my pulse quickens, and there ain’t nothin’ I can do about it.

[thefuckitexperiment]

It’s warm and sunny

I have a job.

I have a decent job.

I have decent co-workers.

I have good friends.

My family loves me.

I live in a country that offers many opportunities.

I have talents.

I have brains.

[thefuckitexperiment]

‘tis going to be a good day. (:

[thefuckitexperiment]

I will be fine. The sad days will always come. Sometimes it’s counterproductive to fight it and better to sit down in it. Not drown in it, not let it take over, not settle down for a long visit, but breathe in and allow it to pass through you. I will be okay. I just have little energy and I’m feeling emotional and a little sad and the small and big things that on better days wouldn’t weigh me down are too heavy to push away, and so I sit down in my chair and rest until I’m strong enough to overcome them.

[thefuckitexperiment]

Ah. The sun is blinding again today. I slept okay, and I got out of early instead of lounging in it for hours, and I start work soon.

‘tis going to be a good day. ☀️☀️☀️🌻

[thefuckitexperiment]

(Oh, the sweet taste of self-deprecation, how I have missed thee)

[thefuckitexperiment]

I won’t ignore The Darkness, but I won’t let it prevent me from seeing the bright spots either. I won’t drown in it, as tempting as it is to give in to the intoxicating familiarity of it and let it pull me into its bottomless embrace.

[thefuckitexperiment]

Today is going to be a good day. I’ll make it so.

[thefuckitexperiment]

I’m lucky to be sitting here, safe and breathing in envigorating fresh air. I’m lucky to be going to work. A decent job that pays well enough and keeps me active, with good co-workers.

I’m lucky to have spent the previous night with good friends who love me and that I love back. I’m lucky to be living in a country that offers so many oppportunites, and that, at the end of the day, is much better for someone like me.

I’m lucky to be making progress.

I’m lucky to have a family that loves me and who I love back dearly.

I’m luckier than so many others.

[thefuckitexperiment]

The Darkness is threatening to take over. But I’m facing it head-on, and I’ll get through it.

[thefuckitexperiment]

You got out of bed early. You made a todo list. You completed nearly everything on your list, and more.

You did your duo. You took a walk. You cleaned. You took time to prepare for your visitors ahead of time; you found cake batter, you baked a cake. You ordered pizza. You served them well and we had a wonderful time.

[thefuckitexperiment]

‘tis been a good day.