Emma tilted her head ever so slightly, coldly eying, observing Nightcrawler. Of course, his reasoning made sense, and she would expect nothing else from him than indignation at her words. And maybe it felt good, to strike a nerve, to get to the Incredible Nightcrawler, past his defenses and the usual Care Bear appearance that most of the students had grown to love. More than a personal victory on her list, it also felt like connection, a bonding-time of more quality than whatever discussions on values and beliefs they had had before. And maybe this was the right time to ask him again how it was possible for him to believe in Xavier’s dream after all he had been through, but the blonde already knew the answer she would get – Hope, faith, the undying belief that there was something more out there and that they deserved it. For a split second, Emma’s hand rose, seemingly reaching for Kurt in an almost reassuring, understanding gesture – but not out of compassion. Never out of compassion. Whilst Kurt might seek it in others, Emma was unable to give this to him -. Her hand, however, froze in midair and the telepath brought it back on her own knees before she could ever touch the other mutant. Hopefully, he would not take this for disgust – Because it really was more Emma’s incapacity to deal with these kind of situation in the appropriate manner than anything else. Insulting words came to her mouth, about how Kurt was clearly a fool to keep on hoping, and how no walls would hide the ruthlessness, rage and cruelty of most of humanity. She would have told him all men were jerks, but that maybe women were not better, and that it was rare to find an honest, faithful man to stand in front of them, as these man usually ended up broken to pieces. She would have liked to tell him it was all a matter of one really bad day, or of an accumulation of bad day, and that one-day he would understand. Instead, the telepath bit the inside of her cheeks to prevent the words from coming out. She was one to know that sometimes, once the pieces were broken, it was impossible to put them back together in anything coherent. She knew how walls could seem like the strongest armor before they were smashed down. She knew the world was cruel, and Kurt was trying his hardest not to be like this. And so instead, she said:
“You will always find acceptance here, darling, although this is clearly not a ground-breaking news to you. Utility is merely an aspect of things. It is the core, the essence, that we need to look for.”
“I am quite simply questioning whatever utopia you seem to believe we might be headed to, a home filled with pretends and sordid pasts. As hopeful and full of faith as you might be, Kurt dear, the assumption that people can change would appear to be widely flawed to most people.”
And she was the one who should understand it more than anyone, she knew. She knew because of Garmr, of how hard he tried. As for herself, Emma had little expectations – She knew herself too well to ever believe she would fit in this way.
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